paperhearts33
@paperhearts33
9 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 23 · Topics: 1
Virgo man and I'm a confused cancer woman
He messaged me apologizing for if he seemed distant or disconnected over the last few days and apologized if he was hard to get in touch with and if I didn't hear from him for a little while that it was nothing I did, he told me I was very sweet, he was incredibly stressed out. I asked if he was okay. He said no. I told him I would be around if he needed me or needed to talk. He Told me thank you so much, that I was very sweet and caring. That there was just too much bs he was dealing with. The message kind of cut off in the middle of a sentence. I told him I was worried about him. That was it. Haven't heard from him since. Which I understand. I do the same thing when dealing with stress, I retreat and need my alone time. It's just the message almost sounded like a goodbye. He didn't seem like himself at all. I want to give him space, but I'm also worried. I'm not certain that he cares about me the way I think he does. I don't want to bug him, but I do want to know if he's okay. I don't know exactly what is going on, but I have a kind of bad feeling. Should I just leave him alone until (if) he decides to contact me again?
I'm not sure of her sign. But he does seem like a glutton for punishment when it came to their relationship
That's a somewhat accurate statement lol. And not knowing 100 percent what his feelings are is why I kind of held mine back a little bit.
No, I'm not his mother, but I do care about him and want to know if he's okay because he did not seem like his usual self. I don't think I should contact him right now though.
Posted by CrosstownTrafficMaybe so.
maybe he knows that female is like a witch on a broomstick and does want you involved in it.
I've never been with a Virgo man, it's completely uncharted territory for me. I was with Pisces men, Sagittarius and Scorpio men. But the Virgo is unlike any other man I've known.
Posted by paperhearts33Yes. Give him the time he needs to get shit straightened out.
Should I just leave him alone until (if) he decides to contact me again?
If you want, in a few days call and leave him a message letting him know that's he's in your thoughts and your available for him if he needs someone to talk too.
Posted by LadyNeptuneThat's what I thought might be the best course of action. I don't want to come off cold and uncaring for not checking up on him after he was so upset. But I also don't want to bother him while he's working through his shot because I tend to retreat and do the same thing, so I know how that is. Thank you.Posted by paperhearts33Yes. Give him the time he needs to get shit straightened out.
Should I just leave him alone until (if) he decides to contact me again?
If you want, in a few days call and leave him a message letting him know that's he's in your thoughts and your available for him if he needs someone to talk too.
click to expand
Posted by PV&JellayFrom what I know she definitely gives him hell...but only on his pay days and during his days with the kids. Other than that she's pretty mute.Posted by paperhearts33Probably a Capricorn, they give Virgos hell.
I'm not sure of her sign. But he does seem like a glutton for punishment when it came to their relationshipclick to expand
i hate to be the person to bring this up but paragraphs really help, especially when the reading spectacles are missing.
Posted by virgowithasoulYeah, sorry about that. I'm new to this site and was unsure of the formatting. Some sites I use don't recognize paragraphs automatically without inputting an html code thingy. I also just ran away with my thoughts. But you're absolutely right, paragraphs are important.
i hate to be the person to bring this up but paragraphs really help, especially when the reading spectacles are missing.
I tried to break it up a little bit. I'm in a bit of a rush, so I'm sure I missed something
Posted by paperhearts33First of all..what happens between his ex-wife and their kids is none of your business. Stay out of it.
He's had some trouble with his ex wife and custody lately. She harasses him non stop when it's his time with the kids and constantly threatens to keep him from them. It's a lot of drama for him and it gets overwhelming for him. She's in a relationship with a man she cheated on Virgo with and lives with that guy. (From personal experience with my own ex and children, being the semi crazy one (momentarily lol) and on the receiving end, it's mine opinion that she's not over him completely so she wants to control and make him miserable. When my divorce was fresh and I was less mature I briefly engaged in behavior like that before realizing how ridiculous I was being) He left her after discovering numerous affairs and giving her a second chance, affairs continued and he left.
Apparently this week (his week with the kids) she's been causing him a lot of stress. Something happened yesterday that he didn't go into detail about with me, but apparently it was really bad and caused him a lot if stress. Continued..
Second of all you say he is divorced. If he is divorced there are legal stipulations made for the divorce for custody, visitation, child support and whatever else THEY agreed on. If she is violating the divorce/custody/visitation agreement, it's very simple and costs nothing in family court to take her back to court and force her to follow the agreement/order.
How long has he been divorced and from what state?
Posted by paperhearts33Regarding that^^^ you say in your first post you both became sexual between partners and then went back to your partners. Did he fool around with you before he was divorced and use you as a payback for her cheating? Or did you two fool around years ago before you were both married?
I tried to break it up a little bit. I'm in a bit of a rush, so I'm sure I missed something
Posted by paperhearts33Second hand information ^^^^ from someone who is biased and gave you ONE side of the situation ... so, it's not credible.
She harasses him non stop when it's his time
and constantly threatens to keep him from them.
Posted by paperhearts33All make believe on your part ^^^
she's not over him completely so she wants to control and make him miserable.
Posted by paperhearts33If you actually understood, then your actions would represent that.
Which I understand.
click to expand
Your actions represent that you don't understand, and so are making shit up to coincide with your doubts and insecurities.
Posted by LetltBI have and do stay out of. Just giving background on the situation. It's not my business and I don't make it my business. I don't even discuss her with him. If he brings her up or the drama up, which isn't often, I just express I'm sorry that he's having a hard time.Posted by paperhearts33First of all..what happens between his ex-wife and their kids is none of your business. Stay out of it.
He's had some trouble with his ex wife and custody lately. She harasses him non stop when it's his time with the kids and constantly threatens to keep him from them. It's a lot of drama for him and it gets overwhelming for him. She's in a relationship with a man she cheated on Virgo with and lives with that guy. (From personal experience with my own ex and children, being the semi crazy one (momentarily lol) and on the receiving end, it's mine opinion that she's not over him completely so she wants to control and make him miserable. When my divorce was fresh and I was less mature I briefly engaged in behavior like that before realizing how ridiculous I was being) He left her after discovering numerous affairs and giving her a second chance, affairs continued and he left.
Apparently this week (his week with the kids) she's been causing him a lot of stress. Something happened yesterday that he didn't go into detail about with me, but apparently it was really bad and caused him a lot if stress. Continued..
Second of all you say he is divorced. If he is divorced there are legal stipulations made for the divorce for custody, visitation, child support and whatever else THEY agreed on. If she is violating the divorce/custody/visitation agreement, it's very simple and costs nothing in family court to take her back to court and force her to follow the agreement/order.
How long has he been divorced and from what state?
click to expand
Almost a year.
Posted by LetltBNo. This was years and years ago. Before we were even married and we were quite young.Posted by paperhearts33Regarding that^^^ you say in your first post you both became sexual between partners and then went back to your partners. Did he fool around with you before he was divorced and use you as a payback for her cheating? Or did you two fool around years ago before you were both married?
I tried to break it up a little bit. I'm in a bit of a rush, so I'm sure I missed somethingclick to expand
Posted by P-AngelYou're absolutely correct. I only know information as it's related to me. Which is one sided. There's 2 sides to that story and I only have one. I used to know the ex-wife, although we were never friends. I do not want to be involved in their problems, I don't interject myself into that. It is for them to work out.Posted by paperhearts33Second hand information ^^^^ from someone who is biased and gave you ONE side of the situation ... so, it's not credible.
She harasses him non stop when it's his time
and constantly threatens to keep him from them.
Posted by paperhearts33All make believe on your part ^^^
she's not over him completely so she wants to control and make him miserable.
Posted by paperhearts33If you actually understood, then your actions would represent that.
Which I understand.
Your actions represent that you don't understand, and so are making shit up to coincide with your doubts and insecurities.click to expand
Obviously you did not actually read what I wrote. I like how you cherry picked a fragment of that sentence to rebuff. I in no way said definitively that she wasn't over him, wanted to control and make him miserable. I said based on my own personal experience in a similar situation being in her shoes and being on the other side of it that that was the case with me. I was only speculating that it could be the case there.
Again, wrong. I do understand because I am very similar in that regard. This just seemed different. I'm genuinely worried about his well-being. It was really dark and it seemed like a goodbye. Not a goodbye to me, but to the world. I was worried he may harm himself. I have never known him to be that down and defeated. And if it were me I'd want my space, but I'd also want him to send a text after a while just to to check on me. I think that would be the decent thing for me to do after a while just to make sure he's okay. I don't know the withdrawing during times of high stress is a Virgo specific thing and if me checking in on him would be appropriate which is why I asked.
Posted by LadyNeptuneRead everything, pretty much focus on this. Virgo man is probably embarrassed as fuck to have you getting a ring side seat to his cray cray ex. He wants to show you his best self, Virgos tend to be marketers of their ideal self. Issues with them arise when they can't quite keep it up, and most Virgos set the bar for themselves so high, they set themselves up for failure.Posted by paperhearts33Yes. Give him the time he needs to get shit straightened out.
Should I just leave him alone until (if) he decides to contact me again?
If you want, in a few days call and leave him a message letting him know that's he's in your thoughts and your available for him if he needs someone to talk too.
click to expand
To love a Virgo, you have to understand that they hold themselves to most often impossible standards, and need a partner capable of loving them for who they are on the inside, yet still cheerleader them to reach that standard. That standard is usually cultural and class based.
It was something I could not do, not because I didn't love the Virgo, but because I DID love the Virgo just as he was, and I felt that standard was artificial and as an Airy Aqua, just didn't care. It sounds like you just might be that type of cheer leader cancer lady.
Posted by GennieThanks for replying.Posted by LadyNeptuneRead everything, pretty much focus on this. Virgo man is probably embarrassed as fuck to have you getting a ring side seat to his cray cray ex. He wants to show you his best self, Virgos tend to be marketers of their ideal self. Issues with them arise when they can't quite keep it up, and most Virgos set the bar for themselves so high, they set themselves up for failure.Posted by paperhearts33Yes. Give him the time he needs to get shit straightened out.
Should I just leave him alone until (if) he decides to contact me again?
If you want, in a few days call and leave him a message letting him know that's he's in your thoughts and your available for him if he needs someone to talk too.
To love a Virgo, you have to understand that they hold themselves to most often impossible standards, and need a partner capable of loving them for who they are on the inside, yet still cheerleader them to reach that standard. That standard is usually cultural and class based.
It was something I could not do, not because I didn't love the Virgo, but because I DID love the Virgo just as he was, and I felt that standard was artificial and as an Airy Aqua, just didn't care. It sounds like you just might be that type of cheer leader cancer lady.click to expand
I've never dealt with a Virgo on a personal level like this. My mother is a Virgo, but right on the cusp of Libra. She is completely dissimilar from this man. So it's an entirely different ballgame. She's definitely more libra with a tiny bit of Virgo sprinkled throughout. He has a lot of stereotypical virgo traits, he's smack in the middle.
Thank you for the insight. I kind of am the cheerleader for those close in my life. While I don't cheer on or support in a false way (like inauthentic optimism) I do encourage those close to me to achieve what they want, not give up and help hold themselves accountable (gently) in life and personal growth. I do that with myself too, although I'm pretty hard on myself and gentler on those I care about.
From what I know from my Virgo ex, he loves little messages that make him feel appreciated and thought of.
Posted by GennieThanks, that's what my gut/instincts are telling me to do. Like, just a quick text saying I'm thinking about him and I'm here if he needs me. He over analyzes everything. And he knows my penchant for shutting people out. so I was a little worried he might think I'm doing that if I'm just completely radio silent.
From what I know from my Virgo ex, he loves little messages that make him feel appreciated and thought of.
Posted by CrosstownTrafficLate Thursday night/Friday night. I wanted to give him a few days to get his head right without any pressure from me, or bothering him.Posted by paperhearts33when was the last time you talked to him?Posted by GennieThanks, that's what my gut/instincts are telling me to do. Like, just a quick text saying I'm thinking about him and I'm here if he needs me. He over analyzes everything. And he knows my penchant for shutting people out. so I was a little worried he might think I'm doing that if I'm just completely radio silent.
From what I know from my Virgo ex, he loves little messages that make him feel appreciated and thought of.click to expand
Sometimes when I retreat I go into hibernation/recluse mode. I don't want to communicate with anyone, by phone, text, in person. And when someone does call or text I feel obligated to respond when all I really want is to not be bothered and just decompress with just myself.
Posted by paperhearts33It hasn't been that long!!Posted by CrosstownTrafficLate Thursday night/Friday night. I wanted to give him a few days to get his head right without any pressure from me, or bothering him.Posted by paperhearts33when was the last time you talked to him?Posted by GennieThanks, that's what my gut/instincts are telling me to do. Like, just a quick text saying I'm thinking about him and I'm here if he needs me. He over analyzes everything. And he knows my penchant for shutting people out. so I was a little worried he might think I'm doing that if I'm just completely radio silent.
From what I know from my Virgo ex, he loves little messages that make him feel appreciated and thought of.
Sometimes when I retreat I go into hibernation/recluse mode. I don't want to communicate with anyone, by phone, text, in person. And when someone does call or text I feel obligated to respond when all I really want is to not be bothered and just decompress with just myself.click to expand
Send him a sweet text that doesn't necessarily require a response from him.
"You were in my thoughts today. I hope all is well!"
Even if he doesn't respond he will read it and knowing he has your support will brighten his day.
Posted by CrosstownTrafficThat's sort of why I have been worried about what's going on. It seems really different. It was dark and ominous, which is why I'm very worried about his well-being. He was completely not himself. And we do speak every single day, he always initiates it.
@paperhearts33
when a virgo loves you they talk to you everyday. usually no matter what is going on in his life.
the virgo will want you to go everywhere with him and you him...thats not some forced issue as it just happens naturally. kinda like doing things together...
He forewarned me he might not be around a couple of days while he tried to work things out in his head and situation. He made sure to let me know if he didn't contact me for a little bit that it was nothing to do with me or anything I did. But of course I'm an over thinker and worrier so there's always that doubt. And I know he's under extreme pressure right now, so I'm also really worried about him being okay.
Posted by LadyNeptuneThank you! That's perfect.Posted by paperhearts33It hasn't been that long!!Posted by CrosstownTrafficLate Thursday night/Friday night. I wanted to give him a few days to get his head right without any pressure from me, or bothering him.Posted by paperhearts33when was the last time you talked to him?Posted by GennieThanks, that's what my gut/instincts are telling me to do. Like, just a quick text saying I'm thinking about him and I'm here if he needs me. He over analyzes everything. And he knows my penchant for shutting people out. so I was a little worried he might think I'm doing that if I'm just completely radio silent.
From what I know from my Virgo ex, he loves little messages that make him feel appreciated and thought of.
Sometimes when I retreat I go into hibernation/recluse mode. I don't want to communicate with anyone, by phone, text, in person. And when someone does call or text I feel obligated to respond when all I really want is to not be bothered and just decompress with just myself.
Send him a sweet text that doesn't necessarily require a response from him.
"You were in my thoughts today. I hope all is well!"
Even if he doesn't respond he will read it and knowing he has your support will brighten his day.click to expand
Posted by paperhearts33I. false. That's all you. You cannot speak for him because you aren't giving him his due credit for being his own person ** see below
I.
We were both
easy it was for us to talk with each other
we were completely comfortable with each other
We have a crazy close intense mental connection.
II.
She's in a relationship with a man she cheated on Virgo with and lives with that guy.
III.
she's not over him completely so she wants to control and make him miserable.
IV.
I'm a pretty guarded person
When my
I was
I briefly
I was
II. that's irrelevant, and the fact that you even bring this up is indicative of your jealousy, and probably the only reason this thread exists. Who she is with and who she is with currently is none of your business and does not pertain the this (false) point your trying to make here. Because you said that, it looks like the real issue is your jealousy of her.
III. that's all make believe in your head. Probably because the real issue here is that you're jealous of her, so you have to make shit up to try and convince people that she has control over him.
You're so full of yourself that you cannot even begin to believe that maybe he's just not that into you ... so you are going to tell people that he has no control over himself, and that he falls prey to her controls over him.
You're not going to fool me. I see right through you. There's no other reason for you mention (her) in such a jealous manner.
IV. How you feel, how you behave, what you say, what you think ... has nothing to do with how he feels, or how he behaves, says or thinks. You have taken yourself as a role model in how he is suppose to perform for you, according to YOU. You are measuring him up and down, according to how YOU behave.
which means, you're not talking him for him.
Posted by paperhearts33Again, this has nothing to do with him. How you react, what you do in certain situations has no bearing on him. But, you say things like this throughout this thread, so that means you aren't genuine, you are self centered.
Sometimes when I retreat I go into hibernation/recluse mode. I don't want to communicate with anyone, by phone, text, in person. And when someone does call or text I feel obligated to respond when all I really want is to not be bothered and just decompress with just myself.
click to expand
He isn't you ... but, you cannot even see him, or acknowledge him. You only acknowledge yourself, and what you think he should do/say according to what you would do/say.
That's selfish .. and my hope is that he realizes you aren't genuine with him, and he bounces on you to go find a woman of value who will let him be him,
Your reading comprehension skills are seriously lacking. I don't even think it's worth my time explaining things to you when you'll only see what you want to. You seem to be a very negative and argumentative person who makes a lot of assumptions believing their opinion to be fact. I kind of feel you post the things you post on threads for attention. Maybe work on yourself instead of trying to tear others down. You must be really young.
I don't speak for him, he told me that
I don't speak for him, he told me that
No jealousy here, just relaying info as it was relayed to me in case it was pertinent to the situation for background.
Speak of my own experience because we are different people and obviously how I handle things will be different than he does even if we are similar in some ways.
I really don't understand how you come to the conclusions you do or how you comprehend things.
I won't waste my time arguing with an angry internet stranger. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Thanks for taking the time to read.
Speak of my own experience because we are different people and obviously how I handle things will be different than he does even if we are similar in some ways.
I really don't understand how you come to the conclusions you do or how you comprehend things.
I won't waste my time arguing with an angry internet stranger. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Thanks for taking the time to read.
@paperhearts,
You mentioned that he always initiated contact with you instead.
May I ask, why is that so?
Why didn't you ever initiate contact?
You mentioned that he always initiated contact with you instead.
May I ask, why is that so?
Why didn't you ever initiate contact?
Posted by TaurusBull1977I've initiated contact twice, maybe 3 times.
@paperhearts,
You mentioned that he always initiated contact with you instead.
May I ask, why is that so?
Why didn't you ever initiate contact?
I'm not huge on reaching out first in the beginning, so I guess that's why I never initiated at first.
He's always just contacted me first before I had the chance to. He works Monday through Friday with a varied schedule depending on the day. I'm always hesitant to contact him in case he's busy. Even though he's at work he still texts me throughout the day. Sometimes early, but usually the first time is no later than 11-11:30.
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He's a Virgo, I'm a cancer. We've known each other for years. We've always had a connection, but have always been with other people. Several years ago we got somewhat close when we were both single at the time, we ended up sleeping together a few times, but we eventually both went back to our significant others and eventually lost contact. We've both been married, had kids and divorced since then.
A few months ago we got back in touch. And we've talked every day since then, phone and text. Talked about everything, we have a lot in common from opinions, beliefs, hopes, dreams, interests, hobbies, goals, life experiences. Some things are just so eerily similar and uncanny. We became really quite close. I'm a pretty guarded person, he is as well. We were both surprised at how easy it was for us to talk with each other, we were completely comfortable with each other right out of the gate. Where our personalities and traits do differ, they're very complimentary. We have a crazy close intense mental connection.
Things began to take an obviously romantic turn a couple of weeks ago. I began developing feelings for him, which I kept hidden, never outwardly admitting so at first. I don't make the first move, I have to be sure of the other's feelings before.
I said something (about a philosopher) and that's when he began to sort of tell me how he felt. He thinks I'm amazing. He "doesn't understand how one person can be so perfect" and encompasses every trait he wants/likes. He's mentioned things like that several times over the last couple of weeks.
We began trying to figure out a way to get together to see each other. We both have crazy work schedules and kids, custody arrangements etc. We were going to try and hammer out something more concrete in the coming weeks.
He's had some trouble with his ex wife and custody lately. She harasses him non stop when it's his time with the kids and constantly threatens to keep him from them. It's a lot of drama for him and it gets overwhelming for him. She's in a relationship with a man she cheated on Virgo with and lives with that guy. (From personal experience with my own ex and children, being the semi crazy one (momentarily lol) and on the receiving end, it's mine opinion that she's not over him completely so she wants to control and make him miserable. When my divorce was fresh and I was less mature I briefly engaged in behavior like that before realizing how ridiculous I was being) He left her after discovering numerous affairs and giving her a second chance, affairs continued and he left.
Apparently this week (his week with the kids) she's been causing him a lot of stress. Something happened yesterday that he didn't go into detail about with me, but apparently it was really bad and caused him a lot if stress. Continued..