Virgo Man Virgo Woman when crisis strikes

I'm sure this has been discussed before and if so, someone provide me the link.

In the interim, the short and sweet is that I am the Virgo female, he is the Virgo male and we are having major communication issues. I finally got him to sit down and talk and we discovered that he had taken things I'd said in a completely different tone.

For instance: I said, "I really like you and want to spend time with you but my mother is dying so please understand." What that meant was, "Care for me and my situation, but wait."

He took it as, "Give me space to deal with this and then I'll be in touch", so he gave me distance. He only answered when I made contact.

That's it, but I guess I have to spell it out in letters across the f'ing sky to make him realize that I'm still human and could've used a friend who would have been there after she died and all of that, but then I know I send out all these, "I can handle things fine on my own" signals.

Oh, this is not going to work, is it? We're terrific otherwise. Quick. Get each other immediately, but when crisis arises? Evidently not.

I'm confused but willing to adjust. What riddle? I don't see it?

You don't see the riddle? You said one thing and meant something else, go back and read what you wrote when you said "I really like you and want to spend time with you but my mother is dying so please understand." What that meant was, "Care for me and my situation, but wait."

You didn't say my mothers dying care for me and show me support through my situation and you didn't clarify what you meant when you said "but wait" so because you didn't clarify what you were attempting to communicate he did what any normal human being would do which is put some distance between the both of you because in his male mind you need space during this unfortunate time in your life. You don't tell a man to wait and then expect him to pursue you, the way he took it would be the exact same way I would have took it.

What's so hard to say I need a friend who will be here for me. Will you be here for me? And yet you send out all these, "I can handle things fine on my own" signals, that's very confusing, he can't be the blame for that kind of behavior.

+1 tiki33 very concise and to the heart of the matter. Good post.

Stop sending mixed singals. Tell him your sorry for the confusion and the two of move on to a better place in your relationship. Good luck.

Very wise advice, thank you! And I see it now. In my mind, I wouldn't hesitate to rush in and say immediately, "Let me know what I can do to help." I expected that and whether he's a Virgo or not a Virgo, he's a man and I also didn't mention that he's a physicist, so he thinks in absolutes. I need to be much more clear in how I communicate, that's true. And it's so true that I come across as being able to handle everything because I usually do, but this time my knees bent a little and it felt lonely. And then resentment pops up and there you are.

Got it. Be straight up about needs. It's something that needs attention and work. It's hard, though. Really hard when you've been a caregiver as long as I have - almost 9 years including my husband's death four years ago. Not easy to turn that off.

At any rate, many, many thanks for the right on evaluation!!!1

wow somebody got it. OK this one should go in the DXPNET Hall of Fame.