Virgos and grieving

My virgo lost someone very close to him today, a gandparent. She was his close friend. He called me when I was out with friends tonight to make me aware of this. I felt bad b/c I was out celebrating a promotion he helped/supported me to earn and he called with this news. We have not committed "verbally" to one another yet (long story) and we are not dating at this point either so I am not in the position to "be" with him at this time. I exspressed my apologies to him several times b/c I could hear the sorrow in his voice. When he went to hang up he said "I'll talk to you later so I asked if he was going to call me tonight, he replied with no I am going to just lay here in bed for awhile. My question to you all is, I sense we are close to being a couple and I really want to do the right thing for him as he would me. So what can I do? Tell me a little about how virgos grieve. Thx

i think virgos hold on to emotional trauma like that. He'll probably need a hand to help him put the tragic incident behind him.

"My virgo lost someone very close to him today, a gandparent. She was his close friend."

Condolences to him ..


You're very confusing to me with one aspect here .. these two quotes below are mixed, from my perspective of "care" and "concern" for someone to whom you regard as special.

"We have not committed "verbally" to one another yet (long story) and we are not dating at this point either so I am not in the position to "be" with him at this time."

"I sense we are close to being a couple and I really want to do the right thing for him as he would me."


So, in other words, does this mean .... if a person has not committed himself to you, then you would withhold the nurturing of sympathy in whatever needs he has?

If you're not in a position to be with him during his darkest hours, then you're not deserving to be with him during his lightest.

Care for another human beings heart isn't about commitment .. it's about love.

If you feel something for him-whether it is a special friendship or something more...I would be there for him. Make yourself available to him-he may not ask you to be there-but the fact that you are-will mean something to him.

Thank you for your feedback. One thing I have learned about him is he sensitive although from the outside he does not come across that way, I know he is hurting right now.

i think virgos hold on to emotional trauma like that. He'll probably need a hand to help him put the tragic incident behind him.-

Yes,you are right, emotional trauma tends to hang around awhile for him.


If it was me, in times like this, I do like my space to come to terms with things however, I like to know that I have support out there especially from my loved ones even though I would never dream of calling them up on it. Don't know if this helps?-

Thank you, yes it helps. He is very private and tends to deal with his issues "inside" himself". I was glad he called to tell me. We talk nightly...I just appreciated him calling me and making me aware.

thank you

"i think virgos hold on to emotional trauma like that. He'll probably need a hand to help him put the tragic incident behind him."


That statement is only half true .. Virgo's do tend to hold onto emotional trauma .. however, it's not in the same fashion as other people. It won't be held onto as an obstacle, rather, in regard.

They are quite capable of dealing with the incident without aid, though, having compassion from another is always welcomed.

Trust me .. Virgo's are pillars when it comes to dealing with death, for logically, everyone dies .. and this is exactly how he'll process it. There will be no struggle in grievance, rather, acceptance because death is a part of life.

Every virgo I have ever known, myself included, holds on very tightly to the emotional trauma of death and/or loss. I lost my father 5 years ago and my grandfather last year... in both cases, the pain of that is still very raw. The only thing that's changed is my capacity to live with it. It still hurts every day and I still feel that pain acutely, but I think I've grown used to it. It's there, but I can live around it.

The most profound aspect of grief for me has been letting myself go with the complete sincerity of the emotion. I think there are a lot of feelings that we manufacture or experience out of habit rather than because we genuinely feel a certain way - I'm so pissed off at that store clerk, I can't believe he didn't call, how dare you talk to me like that, etc... Grief for me is all-encompassing and uncontrollable. It consumes me and no change in perspective and no change in logic will in any way impact that. At the same time, that's the same way I sense love. It's consuming and, because it's so overwhelming and impervious to any attempt to control, it can also be quite painful.

I know that my tendency to isolate is at its strongest when I'm in the most pain. I may very well be a hair's breadth away from absolute insanity, but I'll insist on being left alone. There might be some hyperbole involved in me saying this, but often I think I would rather die than ask for help and make myself vulnerable in that way.

That having been said, I've never been more profoundly touched than in those cases where someone has been able to see through those defenses and recognize that I'm in pain. Help has to be forced upon me, but when it is, I'm grateful forever.

So call your virgo. Go to his apartment, bring a book, and sit there and read while he does whatever he has to do to grieve. Cook for him. If he protests, do what you can to take care of him anyway (that's kind of delicate because he may truly not want you there, but also may just not want to be a burden).

Kindness is about helping people who need help even if they don't want to be helped. Show him that compassion and he'll never forget. It might not mean a relationship and it might not be that forever sort of love, but if you give to him selflessly and with absolutely no regard for your personal well-being, you will have a friend in him for the rest of your life.

At least I think so. Hate to generalize across all virgos and then have you stumble on an asshole.

"Grief for me is all-encompassing and uncontrollable. It consumes me and no change in perspective and no change in logic will in any way impact that. At the same time, that's the same way I sense love. It's consuming and, because it's so overwhelming and impervious to any attempt to control, it can also be quite painful."


😢😢

This is said almost as if it's a defeat, and there's no ability to overcome. Agony is a choice .. a choice whether a person will suffer with it, or put it into perspective.

Another person doesn't cause us grief .. we allow our own emotions to cause it for us.

Thanks to far too much time spent in 12-step programs, PA, I agree with you *almost* completely. I think in 99.9% of the cases, our perspective determines how we feel about a given event and/or person. That's what I was trying to get at when I said that a lot of the things we feel we also manufacture ourselves.

But I also think there are instances where emotions can flood us. I'm talking major events like birth and death - things that we might experience a handful of times over the course of our lives.

Even in those situations, I agree that we're not powerless. We can have feelings and then choose what to do with them. I can feel absolutely devastated, but still get up and go through the motions. I can choose to look for joy in the world around me, etc.

So in most cases, I agree. We choose our emotions. In very rare cases, our emotions are chosen for us. Even then, however, we still have the choice of what to do with them.

And I'm not trying to be defeatist. I'm just trying to recognize the honesty and sincerity behind real, honest to God hurt.

Perhaps, it just a difference between male and female then because my Virgo man has it into perspective before the event even takes place.

When his mother died, to whom he was very close and cherished .. he knew since he was like 7 years old that one day, she would die. Immediately after her death .. his memories were (still are) how much he regarded her and how wonderful of a person she was, rather than feeling at a loss, or forsaken in any way, to torment him.

So, maybe it's just easier for a guy.

i lost a very dear friend a year ago, and I also lost my dad 10 years ago. I know me as a virgo, cried and hurt really bad, then i tried to hide it and keep moving on, but then instances like yesterday i just broke out crying out loud in my room alone like a big baby. Like all of that was built up for a long while. I try to move on and deal with it, but it hurts so bad, and still effects me in odd ways.

ZERO emotional growth .. and this gets confirmed daily with Virgo posts in this forum.

So long as I have what I need from you in the emotional/spiritual sense, then I can keep you in my spirit; oddly enough, It was through death that I grew closer to the people in my family, including the departed; I learned that I have all I need to know from that person, and that I can let them go becuase they've served their purpose (even if it's unbeknownst to them). Alot of people have died in my family, and it DID hurt, but I know that I have them with me. So I don't grieve, I don't regret, and I just let go.

Virgolovechild,

After something like that, do you honestly expect to be over it so easily? *chuckles* why would you want to be?

people think that it's so easy to just 'move on' especially when you we're so close to the person, 'moving on' means the gradual accpetance of a greater scheme at work....to love someone so deeply and intensely is a real love that is actually better for the soul than just 'letting go' and forgeting about the person. Alot of people do just that; they forget about the person and try to move on or so THEY think; but it's not so simple; we don't just 'move on' or 'get over it' we deal with it everyday we decide to wake up and go on with our lives; So what if you struggle and still agonize over it! you loved these people with so much force it hurts and it should go without saying. It shows you're not the 'emotionally fragile/shallow' type because you agonize so deeply means you feel, and you're alive.....imagine a life where you didn't feel; where you weren't effected...everything would be a dream, a dull, reoccuring dream.....I favor emotions and whenever I get a chance I let them out in my own way. You have an impressive amount of emotional depth; It makes me think that there's people out there who aren't as narcissistically self involved....for what it's worth, I hope you get to a spot where you don't have to feel so hurt by it; But hey, at least you're still able to love and think about someone other than protecting yourself. That's big of anyone to come out and say. Thanx for that.