What should I do NOW?

Hi,

First a little background: I'm a Capricorn woman, age 42, never married and sans children. The object of my desire is a 50-year- old Virgo male, brilliant yet an underachiever, witty, polite, conservative, etc. He works in a service industry, and as one of his customers I have gotten to know him over the past few months. Initially he had a long-standing girlfriend, but then he started complaining about her and I assume he has dumped her but don't have any info on that.

We really hit it off, clicking intellectually, with shared values and LOTS of laughter! Recently he FINALLY began showing interest: surprising me with pastries from the bakery, calling me several times per day -- even without making an excuse ("reason") to do so -- and even calling me from home at night after he got off work. Memorial Day (Monday) he gave me a gratis ride home from work and surprised me with doughnuts! For some reason I felt very nervous that day, and during the ride home I think I made him feel uncomfortable by my nervousness -- he was picking at his fingernails, something I have never seen him do before. Anyway, I haven't heard from him 😢 since then!!! Thursday afternoon I had to call him to relay some info about Friday morning, and instead of being his usual friendly self he was very perfunctory toward me, as though I were just another customer.

Sigh! What should I do? I *really* like this man. Everything tells me to leave him alone and give him space, and that's the plan at this point. But last night a male friend advised me to pick up the phone and tell him that I miss hearing from him. I am *not* inclined to do this!!

What say ye fine folks?

Thanks!!

This is what you think lady....(do you know how many relationships goes to hell just because of assumptions)..??

Perhaps he thinks that your (nervousness on that particular day) had something to do with him, and by his coldness he wanted to get rid of his personal feelings about you!

You?ve said that you like the man, but this (like) is not powerful enough to make you call him?.. Are you really (like) him? Or just (attracted) to him..?

Why not give him a call and ask him directly about this (perfunctory behaviour)..?? At worst.. You both get angry and get rid of each other anyway..!

Hi Qbone,

Thanks for your reply. The final point you raised is a valid one, but some of it merits further discussion....

"Perhaps he thinks that your (nervousness on that particular day) had something to do with him, and by his coldness he wanted to get rid of his personal feelings about you!"

Possibly, but I really believe that I said something stupid/that turned him off out of sheer nervousness.

So HE can assume, but I can't? Do you not see the double standard there? Why didn't HE ask ME if he had a question?

"You?ve said that you like the man, but this (like) is not powerful enough to make you call him?.. Are you really (like) him? Or just (attracted) to him..?"

My not calling him has NOTHING to do with the degree of attraction or how much I like him. According to the "experts" (including several men) women are better off not calling men or even showing interest toward men, *especially* Virgo men. He is the shy, reserved, old-fashioned type and no doubt believes this himself.

"Why not give him a call and ask him directly about this (perfunctory behaviour)..?? At worst.. You both get angry and get rid of each other anyway..!"

Good point, there isn't much to lose.

For the record I don't think the man doubts my level of interest. Unfortunately it is written all over my face!

There's one more vote for the "calling him" column.

Thanks again for your input.

Wondering,

I'll give you some of my own experiences and maybe it will help you to understand your Virgo friend. I am married to a Virgo and have been for many, many years - but reeling him in was the hard part. Quite difficult indeed. Now that all this time has gone by, I can see now why I struggled to get him. But, I didn't know then, what I know now.

On the outside, these men seem so critical and logical, but on the inside, they are very insecure and unsure of themselves. The brashness is a facade so you won't see how inferior they feel about themselves. Emotions is not something they understand very well and they rely on their mates (partners) to take charge in this area.

Here's what probably happened on the car ride home: They are perceptive - these creatures - and when he noticed your nervousness, he didn't see it as your blunder in any way. He didn't stop to think that you might just be a little intimidated - he most likely processed this as being his imperfections. Being precise and perfect on everything he does is his driving force. Being human makes him have flaws and he cannot obtain this perfection he strives for - he therefore sees himself as sub-standard, inferior and therefore, a failure. He has become indifferent towards you now and that's because he fears that you saw that he was not perfect. He will now sit back and be critical of himself, for in his eyes you deem him as not sufficient enough for you. This is all BS, of course, but's that's how Virgo males are.

What it will take on your part is very little effort, but it will mean the world to him because he will then know that you accept him, even with his flaws. Just something small, a token of some kind - given with a warm smile of appreciation. That's it - that's all it takes. Buy him some donuts, sit down at his desk and help him eat the sweets. You don't have to be clever or seductive - you just have to let him know that you like him just the way he is.

If I had known this when I met my man, I would have had more time to wrap my security blanket around him and that's moments missed that he most definitely deserved. If you get him Wondering and he knows that you mean every sentiment you tell him - your life will have a quality like nothing else on this earth. The male Virgo is without a doubt the most treasured creature on the planet. At least, mine is.

Hope this helps.