Will Virgo and I ever get along?

O.k...my best friend started dating a Virgo about 6 months back and now they are very serious...so basically I have to live with it!
Well, it's not been smooth sailing for us. He has no filter...and I mean NO FILTER. I too can be quite blunt and say what I think (I'm Aries), but this man can be rude, condescending, and down right disrespectful. He's had to get help in the past for being such a jack-ass, so I know this is not just me.

I need opinions on how to make this relationship work. It has to work if I am going to be in my BFF's life. I can really respect his assertive behavior and how he truly does care for my Libra, but I cannot respect being spoken down too and the agressiveness. The man doesn't know when to quit or drop it. I also feel he's pretty possessive with her which I'm definitely not keen on.
I really want to make this work, but worry we will forever butt heads.

Any advice on how to better handle him? I'm obviously new to the Virgo world.

Thanks all!

1. Don't piss him off

The end

Posted by Cajunspirit
1. Don't piss him off

The end

K...and how do I avoid this? My girl says he loves to debate/argue with others. I have no problem with debating, but he takes it way too far.

Hik, love the new avi 😛 look at the little guys 😛

Posted by ramfishtwins

Posted by Cajunspirit
1. Don't piss him off

The end

K...and how do I avoid this? My girl says he loves to debate/argue with others. I have no problem with debating, but he takes it way too far.

click to expand

Aries women in general, have a tendency to be harsh and mean without giving people a chance.
My Aries friends often use simple derogatory language in a playful manner, and it is only because I know better that I can tolerate it.

"Hey loser", " Whatever fool" et cetera.

Debating is usually a bad idea too. Aries women and their fiery passion means emotions, aggression and loudness becomes part of the debate. In stark contrast to the Virgo who is objective, cool and light spoken.

Take the time to listen to him, don't scorn his advice and remain amicable when talking to him and who knows, he might fall for you over your friend.

When you are around him (if you just have to be around them) my suggestion is to be completely agreeable, agree agree agree, he can't fight and argue when he's already won, it doesn't matter if you truly agree or not, what matters is your not fighting and arguing with him which takes the focus off of your friend and onto him, this guy is a huge red flag...What in the hell is your friend thinking dating this guy?

Also a bit of distance is going to surface between you and your friend there is no way around it but when you get little moments with her alone cherish them because as long as he's around she's going to look like a whole notha person and not the friend you truly know, sorry that may not be what you want but when women choose to date evil assclowns jack ass douche bags there is 95% probability she will live in denial, dismiss and over look and accept the poor behavior which eventually will alienate her from her real friends, if you stay out of it she will soon enough see him for who he is but one word of negativity on your part and you can kiss her good bye, she's going to side with him, also at some point you will hear her complaints they may not be forthcoming right now but they will surface, my suggestion is to listen with no suggestions, stay out of it. Don't force her to choose becuase he will win and usually men like him win, they are highly convincing and manipulative, suddenly your hitting on him which is a lie of course, suddenly he's accusing everyone of being jealous of them etc etc IMO opinion he's most likely abusive in some way, emotionally most likely and he's going to be an expert at creating confusion and turmoil amongst her friends, he will begin to isolate her away from friends as to control her better....


I could be way off about my interpretation, I hope so, it can get pretty bad if you get too involved...let's hope he's just a loud mouth that is all bark and no bite.

I think I went extreme with my statement but I think you know what I mean LOL!

I dunno....

I kind of have fun taunting Aries women. In a good way. They take it so well.

just dont worry about this person ur friends with her and dats all dat matters don't let some messed dat up.

Posted by hikoro
If your friend is happy with him, then you have to be 'happy' for them.
Now, this does not mean you should allow him to disrespect you, this is not right.
Do you think you can find a balance/a way he will respect you without putting your friend in an uncomfortable position? As in, her not having to side between you or him?

Also, you can disappear a tad bit more, that is, spend less time with them and if your friend asks you....then tell her the truth in a diplomatic manner. It has been 6 months, what happened that made you speak about it now?

We had a big incident the other night that he saw as "fun" and I saw as combative and argumentative.
I've been absent for the last 6 months. She's in her thirties, but still acts like a child when it comes to new relationships. She forgets everything that means anything to her (she admits this fully). So, I've kept my distance hoping that would help. I've only been around this man 3 times since they started dating. She's fully aware of how I feel about the situation and explains his behavior bothers her too, but she will not ask him to reign it in. If my husband spoke to her the same way, I would be mortified and he would get an ear full. I think her being a Libra doesn't help with the "making waves/rocking the boat" thing.

Posted by Cajunspirit

Posted by ramfishtwins

Posted by Cajunspirit
1. Don't piss him off

The end

K...and how do I avoid this? My girl says he loves to debate/argue with others. I have no problem with debating, but he takes it way too far.

Aries women in general, have a tendency to be harsh and mean without giving people a chance.
My Aries friends often use simple derogatory language in a playful manner, and it is only because I know better that I can tolerate it.

"Hey loser", " Whatever fool" et cetera.

Debating is usually a bad idea too. Aries women and their fiery passion means emotions, aggression and loudness becomes part of the debate. In stark contrast to the Virgo who is objective, cool and light spoken.

Take the time to listen to him, don't scorn his advice and remain amicable when talking to him and who knows, he might fall for you over your friend.

click to expand

Objective, cool and light spoken huh? LOL! This Virgo much have a shit-load of Aries in his chart because he's the exact opposite. My friend says he loves to argue even when you agree with his position...hmmm..interesting. I agree some Aries can be the way you describe, but I'm definitely a softer version. I've tried to give this man a chance and erase past out of line comments, but it's getting tiring and excessive.
I will take your point on debating and try and avoid that. I think that may be the only solution.

Posted by tiki33
When you are around him (if you just have to be around them) my suggestion is to be completely agreeable, agree agree agree, he can't fight and argue when he's already won, it doesn't matter if you truly agree or not, what matters is your not fighting and arguing with him which takes the focus off of your friend and onto him, this guy is a huge red flag...What in the hell is your friend thinking dating this guy?

Also a bit of distance is going to surface between you and your friend there is no way around it but when you get little moments with her alone cherish them because as long as he's around she's going to look like a whole notha person and not the friend you truly know, sorry that may not be what you want but when women choose to date evil assclowns jack ass douche bags there is 95% probability she will live in denial, dismiss and over look and accept the poor behavior which eventually will alienate her from her real friends, if you stay out of it she will soon enough see him for who he is but one word of negativity on your part and you can kiss her good bye, she's going to side with him, also at some point you will hear her complaints they may not be forthcoming right now but they will surface, my suggestion is to listen with no suggestions, stay out of it. Don't force her to choose becuase he will win and usually men like him win, they are highly convincing and manipulative, suddenly your hitting on him which is a lie of course, suddenly he's accusing everyone of being jealous of them etc etc IMO opinion he's most likely abusive in some way, emotionally most likely and he's going to be an expert at creating confusion and turmoil amongst her friends, he will begin to isolate her away from friends as to control her better....


I could be way off about my interpretation, I hope so, it can get pretty bad if you get too involved...let's hope he's just a loud mouth that is all bark and no bite.

He's very emotionally needy and that turns into girl's night becoming girls +1. I think that's another reason we don't see her anymore. She likens it to caring, but I think it can become a slipery slope. I hope you are way off as I really am just getting to know this person. She's had a horrible past with men and I do worry she may be continuing the tradition. God, I'm just not the agree, agree, agree person! That will be tough for me, but I understand

Thanks for you advice Rumi...good to know I'm not alone with this. My husband keeps telling me to just give up on the friendship, but something in me cannot let this person go. I just love her too much. When I mentioned that I worry he's becoming possessive, I got nothing back! I even called her out on the no response and still nothing. She knows it and won't admit it.

VH-I think that's what this man loves to do...he likes that I will debate with him. And I do love a good debate, but when it turns low and nasty is when I turn complete bitch!

Thanks to everyone! This really does help me get a new perspective.

"On the other hand, I am assuming that you have some pisces in you. Don't try to 'save her' either. That is, friends are important but one can't live this world by being eveybody's caretaker.
Sometimes, it is better for one's mental and emotional health to let those people go. "

LOL! I do have pisces rising and I tend to play the caretaker role...especially with her as the girl needs mucho help! I really wish I could let her go and in some sense I have. It's just like letting go of anything...it's a grief process and I will get there.
Thank you for the support! The whole thing astonishes me, but she finally found a man that cares about her well being and I know that goes a long way. He's definitely OCD on the caring side as he's always thinking, thinking, thinking. That shit would drive me crazy, but that's me.
I'm going to keep my distance as I have for the last 6 months. I have told her I'm here if she needs me, but she knows how I feel and I feel the ball is now in her court.

Posted by hikoro

but she finally found a man that cares about her well being and I know that goes a long way. He's definitely OCD on the caring side as he's always thinking, thinking, thinking. That butter would drive me crazy, but that's me.

Then there is no problem. If he is good to her, then good for her.
Remember, it is her relationship with him, not you and him.

She has her man and you have your husband. 🙂

click to expand

The issue is not whether he's good to her...it's how I can deal with him being such an ass.
I'm concerned with the health of the relationship, but I cannot control that part.

Posted by hikoro
Ram

I understand but if you read many of your posts, you do internalize the relationship she has with her man.
"If it were me, I wouldn't...."etc. I mean, you did voice criticisms about her relationship even though she has found someone who cares for her.

And this does not make things any better, if anything, it exacerbates the negative feelings you have toward him. Humans are very unique in that we sense when someone does not like us. He probably unconsciously knows this, therefore, he indirectly provokes or causes friction which your negative vibes are very sensitive about.

Again, we have already told you to distance yourself. In terms of her relationship, just let it be.

I will and I do understand what you are saying. When I write "if it were me...", it's my frustration with her lack of caring about how he treats me. It's almost shocking at times how little she cares that this man has disrespected me. She says that because she was not personally offended, I shouldn't be either. WTF?
So, that's where that is coming from. It's just a very painful situation for me.

Posted by Rumi

Posted by ramfishtwins
Thanks for you advice Rumi...good to know I'm not alone with this. My husband keeps telling me to just give up on the friendship, but something in me cannot let this person go. I just love her too much. When I mentioned that I worry he's becoming possessive, I got nothing back! I even called her out on the no response and still nothing. She knows it and won't admit it.

I am pretty certain when you told her he is posessive,,, your libra friend told this to virgo.. somehow i am very sure of it.. virgo are very interested in opinion of others and the impression they make, libras love to be transparent to their loved one.

so voila..

a good way is to use this as a ''transmitter'' ... tell her how much you find his (virgo) vision fascinating, you dont buy it but you find he has a unique strength blah blah.. she will invariably tell this to her virgo.. and he will change towards you.

but all that underhand tactics do not come naturally to fire, generally.

even i felt so bad when my friend would just listen to her hubby being mean to me, without saying a word,, for i would never allow it if the case was reversed.. thts wht hurt most at tht time.

your hubby and I see the same thing.. (i read somewhere he is taurus)... LOL .. its first time I found something common with a taurus. good. (j k/d)

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I actually have told her the positives aspects I like about him.
That's the part that hurts the most...her allowing it.

LOL! I know he's right too, it's just doing it. We take one step forward and two steps back. So, basically we are going no where. And now with this issue in the picture, I'm not sure it can be repaired any time soon.

Posted by ramfishtwins
O.k...my best friend started dating a Virgo about 6 months back and now they are very serious...so basically I have to live with it!
Well, it's not been smooth sailing for us. He has no filter...and I mean NO FILTER. I too can be quite blunt and say what I think (I'm Aries), but this man can be rude, condescending, and down right disrespectful. He's had to get help in the past for being such a jack-ass, so I know this is not just me.

I need opinions on how to make this relationship work. It has to work if I am going to be in my BFF's life. I can really respect his assertive behavior and how he truly does care for my Libra, but I cannot respect being spoken down too and the agressiveness. The man doesn't know when to quit or drop it. I also feel he's pretty possessive with her which I'm definitely not keen on.
I really want to make this work, but worry we will forever butt heads.

Any advice on how to better handle him? I'm obviously new to the Virgo world.

Thanks all!

OMG! I know two people who are like this ^_^.

Basically, when they are rude to you, just tell him off. Please let your libra know that its nothing against her before you do it. However, when it comes the time to just let them know whats on your mind, then just do it. Its the only way to deal with people who are tactless.

Posted by ramfishtwins
Thanks for you advice Rumi...good to know I'm not alone with this. My husband keeps telling me to just give up on the friendship, but something in me cannot let this person go. I just love her too much. When I mentioned that I worry he's becoming possessive, I got nothing back! I even called her out on the no response and still nothing. She knows it and won't admit it.

VH-I think that's what this man loves to do...he likes that I will debate with him. And I do love a good debate, but when it turns low and nasty is when I turn complete bitch!

Thanks to everyone! This really does help me get a new perspective.

Oh no! Don't debate him. For heaven sakes, he seems like a person who thrives on stuff like that. Don't do him any favors. Just tell him what you have to say and ignore him if he tries to come to you with any other bs. He's a virgo, this will piss him off, virgos hate being ignored. Just say what you have to say and don't engage anymore.

Mind you, my mouth and some of my actions tend to get me into trouble with a few people 😉 However, if you can whether all that stuff and things that maybe said to provoke you, then you'll be all set.

Posted by hikoro
Ram

I understand now.

So, is she one of those "friends" that is available when single but then, when she has a man...she says, 'See ya!'.

Because if this is the "friend" that you are talking about, then I would not be sweating too much over the situation.

I understand that there must be something you strongly like about her, she must have good qualities but....a true friend demands a partner to respect her/his friends and vice versa. Of course, you are talking to a scorpio here.

Just try to apply the tips we have given you and take the energy that you are applying on this friend and situation and invest it into healthier friendships, that is, those friends who would stand by you in this type of situation.

I am not intending to insult her or the friendship you have with her but....it just seems to me as if they are happy with the situation, you are not happy...she does not truly mind, after all, both of them are happy.

They are in their circle and you are not part of that circle at this moment.

Get what I mean? Not worth your time and energy.

You hit it on the head!! She is one of those people and fully admits to being that way when she gets in a relationship (sad, I know). I can understand that a new relationship can be all consuming, but being in your 30's you think it would be different this time around. I told her to be careful that she may lose all her friends because of this.
I get what you mean and I'll get there...it just hurts, ya know? The situation would be easier to deal with if I could get along with this ass. 🙂

Posted by cappysweetie

Posted by ramfishtwins
O.k...my best friend started dating a Virgo about 6 months back and now they are very serious...so basically I have to live with it!
Well, it's not been smooth sailing for us. He has no filter...and I mean NO FILTER. I too can be quite blunt and say what I think (I'm Aries), but this man can be rude, condescending, and down right disrespectful. He's had to get help in the past for being such a jack-ass, so I know this is not just me.

I need opinions on how to make this relationship work. It has to work if I am going to be in my BFF's life. I can really respect his assertive behavior and how he truly does care for my Libra, but I cannot respect being spoken down too and the agressiveness. The man doesn't know when to quit or drop it. I also feel he's pretty possessive with her which I'm definitely not keen on.
I really want to make this work, but worry we will forever butt heads.

Any advice on how to better handle him? I'm obviously new to the Virgo world.

Thanks all!

OMG! I know two people who are like this ^_^.

Basically, when they are rude to you, just tell him off. Please let your libra know that its nothing against her before you do it. However, when it comes the time to just let them know whats on your mind, then just do it. Its the only way to deal with people who are tactless.

click to expand

Thanks Cappy! That's the thing...I wasn't sure how to deal with this type as I'm not used to this kind of person. As an Aries, I have no issue with telling people how I feel, but I've been holding back to try and keep the peace.

"There may be other factors that play into this such as an ambiguous/complicated relationship she had with her father/main male role model while growing up."

Oh yes!! Oh yes...that's a huge part of it.