@yazlan - give your two cents please!

It's an interesting question. You can only make yourself better once you admit there is an issue. 

I'd been very rude and selfish in the first 2 years of my relationship with my ex (Leo). She had been very forgiving and generous, and when I realized what I was doing to her despite deep love for her, I changed. I took care of her like anything; never fought with her again (for 5 years), did not criticize her and was kind / generous / forgiving. I has to be done consciously. That is beside love, pampering her with praise, gifts. 

After her, my anger and criticism problems are back and I'm trying to improve on that one. Trying to not appear harsh or rude, but I think it takes time to work on yourself. 

But you can't tell a Virgo directly that they have issues; we don't take criticism lightly and react abruptly. There are indirect ways to make us realize; we don't miss much.

@yazlan - ok pretty much my story. Can you please shed more light on the positive and negative sides of the relationship. Like your ex i have been v kind and generous too and he does appreciate my kindness and efforts but then he fails to keep all the promises he made through out these two yrs. Hes v self absorbed and the right one in his eyes. I want to know what made ur ex leave? What was your expectations from her and how do you think this leo virgo relationship can work. Please give real solid advise..

Posted by leona

@yazlan - ok pretty much my story. Can you please shed more light on the positive and negative sides of the relationship. Like your ex i have been v kind and generous too and he does appreciate my kindness and efforts but then he fails to keep all the promises he made through out these two yrs. Hes v self absorbed and the right one in his eyes. I want to know what made ur ex leave? What was your expectations from her and how do you think this leo virgo relationship can work. Please give real solid advise..

I think one mistake that most Virgos make is they try to turn every relationship into 'for me'. That's a very narcissist tendency and every Virgo has it to some extent. In you case, I think he's started changing and it will take him time to process that insight and then bring it back to life. If you start demanding something, Virgo most probably won't do it. We do things for 'our' reasons only. (Secondly, a man only changes if he loves you not otherwise.) Maybe you can discuss with him sometimes that it feels about 'him' all the time (my ex said this to me on multiple occasions and I realized my mistakes immediately) and he needs to keep his promises. Fortunately, I was good with promises or maybe I didn't promise if I was not sure that I'd really do it then put all my effort into it. She did say in the second half of our relationship that before I was the 'good one' and now you are the 'better one' (sometimes jokingly saying 'but only slightly' 🙂 ).

She was a few years younger than me and I guided her through her university and how to handle work life. After that period (probably 3 years) when I thought she was ready, I did not give her much advice and I told her that she has to learn things on her own now. I supported her in every decision she made and told her if she feels it right then it is. She did very well in her career but said sometimes that she misses my advice.

In my case, I did not appreciate her much in the beginning. It was struggling period in my life and I was struggling with my work, social status and finances. She put up with me, I don't know why. The only reason I think was love because I am ordinary looking and she's absolutely stunningly gorgeous. As I started getting better overall in my life, I started paying more attention to her. She was on the receiving end then; by then I had realized that she needs constant love, appreciation and attention. I broke up with her 3 times in the first year but then I fell in love with her and never did disappearing act again. After the 2 years, I was constantly in touch with her everyday even when I was traveling around the world. It was expensive but even if it's 1 min call, I would call her tell her that I love her and miss her. I would always buy something for her on my trips, small things to expensive gifts.

My ex didn't leave. We are from different cultures and she was forced to marry another person from her culture. We grew fond of each other more by every passing year. I think Leo-Virgo combination works great. You just have to work on personal details. Keep doing what you are doing but you guys need to regularly discuss the issues that arise. Keep and open heart and you guys should not ego get in the way - that's I think can be the biggest issue in Leo-Virgo relationship.

I did not see the notification for this post. Let me know if you have any specific questions.

@yazlan - first of all i m really sorry for that , i wish you both had made it together. I m sure it had been really tough for both of you and now i m a little sad 😢 but but but thaaaaank you sooo much for givin a detailed reply that i wanned, its a complete insight into leo /virgo thing. And those promises i mentioned about are not the ones that we make everyday, its mostly about the change in his attitude towards me, he does things differently i know, from buyin gifts or showin care, but when it comes to our everyday life then he becomes v distant, he doesnt communicate much, he likes his space, hes been over critical about me views, for eg he doesnt want me to be v opinionated and he doesnt like when i m being vocal about certain issues so it creats trouble. Secondly after every argument when he feels my views are entirely different from his , he goes to silent mode and unless i have tried hard to bring him back to his normal self he wont initiate. This kind of bothers me as theres so many times i m not happy, i m jugglin with a lot of things, i work so often times i m either stressed, or not in the right state of mind and this is when i want him to come out of his shell and tell me that hes there to listen, even when i start tellin him on my own he goes like, " you know ure stressin too much..its not a big deal now i m goin back to my work " this sort of replies leave me ignored, unwanted and unloved ... Then i tell myself come on its ok, maybe next time but the next time never comes. And like you mentuoned that you didnt treat her well initially, my fiance was the opposite i mean he treated me like a trophy in the begining and slowly changed his ways, and then it felt sooo bad to be thrown out of the pedestal u know, i put up all the time for the same reason that i live him dearly and doin all the efforts for him. Now here i get one thing from ur story that u probably didnt give him much time cause you wernt stable. Yes perhaps this could be the reson of his constant fluctuatin moods cause hes jobless for the past one yr, hes a hard worker but hardly satisfied with small job offers so maybe its cause of that, i think if he slowed down on his over critical nature, things can turn smooth. And yes he is a narcisist too but often tells me that he doesnt know why hes like that...

Posted by BlackMamba

What was it about her that made you fall for her? also do Virgo men prefer younger women. I'm older then the Virgo

She was so soft-spoken and her manners. She had a regal aura about her that I liked. (But I have always liked Sag's joyful nature and Cancer's kindness too.)

I don't think there is any such as preferring young women. If Leo was not in my life, I would have already married a Sag who is 3 years older than me.

And yes i agree, hes v much supportive when it comes to personal/family/career matters and gives the right advice. But the problem is i have swallowed all my ego long back if there was any lol but he is not ready for that and it hurts big time. So how can i ask him to keep his ego aside and bring change in his attitude. Well when i tell him that hes wrong and he should change his attitude he takes it as correction, and he doesnt respond well to criticism at all. so i wanna ask how should i tell him that he needs to slow down on his temper/ agression etc.. and since i m not a v clingy leo he knows that so i often give him a lot of space but its like i have to keep the balance u know, so how should i adress this, i dont wanna outright demand attention cause it ll seem all wrong to him...

@blackmamba - virgos dont have issues with age, as my frends twin virgo brothers both married older women, and both are mixed cultural marraiges.

@blackmamba - initially i was doin the same, but then i stopped lol u know i think its not only virgo men but generally all men react the same to attention seekers ..i think i wanna hear from yazlan on this, he can tell better!

One thing my virgo told me that he wont look outside the relationship until its over, or ended on a bitter note. So i think they are not like that, they are loyal, keepers and secondly how do you respond to his arrogance ? Do you outright complain or go silent ? And yes i have been facin the same mentality too but it only started recently so i suppose its not intentional or on purpose, theres somethin behind this attitude. either hes worryin about somethin and takin it all out on you or somethin else. U really gotta find that out

Posted by leona
@yazlan - first of all i m really sorry for that , i wish you both had made it together. I m sure it had been really tough for both of you and now i m a little sad 😢 but but but thaaaaank you sooo much for givin a detailed reply that i wanned, its a complete insight into leo /virgo thing. And those promises i mentioned about are not the ones that we make everyday, its mostly about the change in his attitude towards me, he does things differently i know, from buyin gifts or showin care, but when it comes to our everyday life then he becomes v distant, he doesnt communicate much, he likes his space, hes been over critical about me views, for eg he doesnt want me to be v opinionated and he doesnt like when i m being vocal about certain issues so it creats trouble. Secondly after every argument when he feels my views are entirely different from his , he goes to silent mode and unless i have tried hard to bring him back to his normal self he wont initiate. This kind of bothers me as theres so many times i m not happy, i m jugglin with a lot of things, i work so often times i m either stressed, or not in the right state of mind and this is when i want him to come out of his shell and tell me that hes there to listen, even when i start tellin him on my own he goes like, " you know ure stressin too much..its not a big deal now i m goin back to my work " this sort of replies leave me ignored, unwanted and unloved ... Then i tell myself come on its ok, maybe next time but the next time never comes. And like you mentuoned that you didnt treat her well initially, my fiance was the opposite i mean he treated me like a trophy in the begining and slowly changed his ways, and then it felt sooo bad to be thrown out of the pedestal u know, i put up all the time for the same reason that i live him dearly and doin all the efforts for him. Now here i get one thing from ur story that u probably didnt give him much time cause you wernt stable. Yes perhaps this could be the reson of his constant fluctuatin moods cause hes jobless for the past one yr, hes a hard worker but hardly satisfied with small job offers so maybe its cause of that, i think if he slowed down on his over critical nature, things can turn smooth. And yes he is a narcisist too but often tells me that he doesnt know why hes like that...

It's his work, Leona. Virgos structure their lives around their work, that gives them meaning and purpose. If it's not going well for him, he's not well at all. This is his time of need and he needs constant assurances that things will be fine. If his work life is a mess, his mind is a mess and he first needs to sort that out. He's worried about life and future at the moment.

Discussing politics or religion or any other such topic with your Virgo may not be a recommended recipe. He's very opinionated and wants to win the argument (at this time in life) to ma

Omg you just said it all, recently whenever we spoke about politics and religion he refused to continue, he sounded more critical and rigid than ever before, and he didnt agree with anythin i had to say, and even i told him what happened before u used to like the same views and my intellectual convincin ways and now you find them ridiculous and he had nothin to say, he would put an end to the conversation by sayin i gotta sleep. Now i get it all...

Okay, here are quick guide to 'handle' a Virgo man:

- Converse; have an issue? Talk to him. Not 'we need to talk' thing. Should be in a relaxed manner without arguments or emotions. But be open with your feelings and thoughts; there's not much that a mature Virgo can't handle.
- Don't be demanding. We don't stay with high-maintenance or demanding girls/women. With a Virgo, you don't tell him 'I need that ring' but you say, 'I love that ring so much'. He'll do anything for you if he's in love with you. Bring you the stars even. 😛
- Don't criticize a Virgo. The issue is, we are already so critical of ourselves that we don't need you to tell us what is wrong with us. We know every single tiny issue so please refrain from doing that. It hurts us so much.
- Space; a Virgo needs time off to take in all the information and process it. It's like re-energizing ourselves and gathering energy. We can't function at full all the time, we need our solitude regularly. A library or study in a house helps a lot.
- Early on in a relationship, a Virgo may adopt a push / pull approach. He will all over you one day and nowhere the next. A Virgo needs to know you 'really' want him before going full throttle.
- Virgo may not cheat or look outside of relationship easily. We are very stable in a relationship.
- Insecurity doesn't appeal to us. We hate giving assurances all the time. If you don't feel secure with us, well, it's your thing.

@leona This was cut off:

Discussing politics or religion or any other such topic with your Virgo may not be a recommended recipe. He's very opinionated and wants to win the argument (at this time in life) to make himself feel better. If you don't let him, he shuts down on that front. My Leo thought I'm too intense and serious on even casual topics and did not discuss such things with me. For casual talk you have girlfriends, right? 😛

So the only problem I see here, he's not satisfied with his work and life as a whole and is messed up. He needs to work that out before making any changes in himself. At the moment, he can't fight on two fronts simultaneously - the inner front takes a bigger effort.

Hahahah couldnt agree more on the solitude, hes a book worm and i often tease him by sayin u . know youre not engaged to me your married to your books/work ... And yeh i m not very demandin, i wont say i never was, yes i demanded attention on a regular basis when i disnt know much about him but now i dont offend him much. But yes the converse part i think i really need to change the way i talk, i always start with, hey we need to talk hahaha and it really puts him off i wonder why, cause i believe this is how u sound like when ure totallyyyy drained... But anyway thanks again for replyin to my qs and not callin me a loser .. i should ask u more qs soon but right now i m headin to home.

Posted by BlackMamba

lol i demand demand demand until he hides and runs away ....so weak.


what happened to REAL MEN

Don't do that if you don't want to lose him. If he's still around, it means he's in for a long haul. From your posts, I feel you need to work on yourself too. Throwing 'real men' kind of tease on Virgo will not work at all.

Cancer demand a certain behavior and we don't do that. Cancer want a person to do certain things to make them feel secure; well, a Virgo will see through that and will be very stubborn in response. If you are wise, you won't try that.

@yazlan - sameee i complain the same to him for being either toooo serious all the time or not replyin to my everyday stories, i think i should gossip only with my gfs 😄 p.s - how should i stop him for being soo serious all the time, sometimes when i see his serious face and i laugh like a baby, he giggles for a sec and say am i that funny. so yes i think if u virgos just learn to be a little more expressive things can be different...

@blackmamba - i know youre misunderstood in your relationship. Cancer girls are lovely and v sensitive, thats what i have noticed. Maybe you shouldnt lose hope and start all over again with ur virguy, maybe a lill bit change in your attitude can help sustain this rship. Work on it! 🙂

@blackmamba He's not going to leave you until you make him. Stop worrying. He'll most probably marry you if you guys are still together, no matter if he's filthy rich by that time. No bytch can take your place if you are in his life.

About that Sag, she was a colleague (at a project, not my work place) and friend. That was almost 2 years before my relationship with Leo ended. We liked each other but then she said L word. By that time she didn't know about my relationship status but I told her everything. She thought she can make me leave the Leo and argued that there was no hope. I told her that I'm in love and I don't care what happens in the end. Finally she abandoned hope and married her colleague who had proposed her. She said she didn't want to be an option for me. We are still good friends and she was quite happy at the sad ending of my love life. But I don't hold it against her. She has reasons to behave that way. 🙂

Sag people are lovely. I dont know any bad ones haha, probably the only coolest people to know...

I have cancer venus, and lots of leo virgo placements...

Posted by BlackMamba

i have 4 leo placements and 1 Sag placement. I'm all fire. Not a typical Crab.

Haha.. and then you ask why the Virgo runs for cover! The thing is, you feel insecure and then thrash the Virgo for not doing enough. Not a positive thing in my opinion. Let go of your insecurity and tone down you temper and you'll be fine.

Posted by BlackMamba

so you strung her along until she fell for you just to tell her you had a girlfriend. That's wicked.

is she happy in her new relationship?

I don't think I strung her along. I think that was our 2nd or 3rd meeting and I have not shown any romantic tendencies to her. I think that was quick.

She's very happy in her married life and I'm actually happy for her.

My virgo guy has lots of leo in his chart, its mostly virgo and leo and kind of the same placement in my chart. Is that a good thing ? Or the same charts clash ?

@blackmamba - this qs f urs reminded me of one thing my guy said, that usually men replace women when they are not emotionally happy or satisfied, he wouldnt cheat if hes physically unhappy but if hes not gettin enough comfort and peace of mind then he might change his mind, later on when i asked the same ws again if he ll ever change his mind he said he only said it to make sure i change, so @yazlan - can you explain this ? Is that a threat from a virgo perspective or what ?

Dont tell me, mine is a leo moon too lol

Posted by BlackMamba

lets go back to you stringing along that Sag. why did you? Is this a Virgo trait? If a miracle happens and we do get married am i going to always be worried about a side chick?

Let go of your insecurity. I've not known a Virgo man cheating in his relationship, of course, there may be but all Virgo men I know are gentlemen. I'm not saying this because I'm a Virgo. I am very successful in my life and had been proposed a few times during my relationship with Leo, most of whom thought they were better than Leo. Didn't make a dent. It's a not Virgo thing to get involved physically that easily. My ex never had a cause to get jealous of anyone, instead the whole town envied her!

@yazlan - whats your date of birth... And what was hers?

Posted by leona
My virgo guy has lots of leo in his chart, its mostly virgo and leo and kind of the same placement in my chart. Is that a good thing ? Or the same charts clash ?

I have Venus and Mars in Leo and so was my Leo's. I think it's a good thing that your Virgo has some Leo placements. But then again, it also means he needs attention too. Do you fight for attention? 😄

Posted by leona
@blackmamba - this qs f urs reminded me of one thing my guy said, that usually men replace women when they are not emotionally happy or satisfied, he wouldnt cheat if hes physically unhappy but if hes not gettin enough comfort and peace of mind then he might change his mind, later on when i asked the same ws again if he ll ever change his mind he said he only said it to make sure i change, so @yazlan - can you explain this ? Is that a threat from a virgo perspective or what ?

Come on! Now you girls want me to reveal Virgo secrets! That's not on! 😄

He's using that piece of information as a ploy to make you adopt a certain behavior he wants. Manipulative, yes. All Virgos do that. Should I look for cover now?

@yazlan - hahah i fight alone for it, and i think its pretty human if u want attention, specially from the one you love. But hes v cold... He does ask me if i miss him often but doesnt outright ask for it... Maybe he has his own ways of demandin and yet i need to figure out ... Did u ever demanded attention from ur leo ?

Posted by BlackMamba

Posted by yazlan

Posted by BlackMamba

lets go back to you stringing along that Sag. why did you? Is this a Virgo trait? If a miracle happens and we do get married am i going to always be worried about a side chick?

Let go of your insecurity. I've not known a Virgo man cheating in his relationship, of course, there may be but all Virgo men I know are gentlemen. I'm not saying this because I'm a Virgo. I am very successful in my life and had been proposed a few times during my relationship with Leo, most of whom thought they were better than Leo. Didn't make a dent. It's a not Virgo thing to get involved physically that easily. My ex never had a cause to get jealous of anyone, instead the whole town envied her!

lucky her, you sound like a winner.

click to expand

Do you know why I never replaced Leo with someone else? (besides love) Because she stood me in my worst time, at my worst behavior. I told her you deserve my best too.

Lol you have no idea what ur secrets can do in the long run... You should be a proud virgo now ;D

I wish my virguy sees the best in me tooo :/

Posted by yazlan

Posted by leona
@blackmamba - this qs f urs reminded me of one thing my guy said, that usually men replace women when they are not emotionally happy or satisfied, he wouldnt cheat if hes physically unhappy but if hes not gettin enough comfort and peace of mind then he might change his mind, later on when i asked the same ws again if he ll ever change his mind he said he only said it to make sure i change, so @yazlan - can you explain this ? Is that a threat from a virgo perspective or what ?

Come on! Now you girls want me to reveal Virgo secrets! That's not on! 😄

He's using that piece of information as a ploy to make you adopt a certain behavior he wants. Manipulative, yes. All Virgos do that. Should I look for cover now?

click to expand

Ah, and I read that research too. It says most men cheat when they are emotionally dissatisfied in a relationship (the number was somewhere between 60% to 80% I think). That's the main reason. And mostly with women who are less attractive than their partner because they feel a connection. There you have it!

We have a saying that a man rules only for first 3 years in marriage (or a long term relationship). And then it's woman all the way. 🙂

I can testify to that. Men don't have the perseverance of a woman and I think by that time you two understand each other enough that he's comfortable letting go of control.

Oh so i probably need another yr for that to happen in my case, and then he might get tired eventually hah but honestly he loves to control...

@leona Haha.. should I tell you a trick? 😄 A Virgo's manipulative trick? *evil grin*

Tell him to focus on his work and figuring it out and let the running of the house (if you live together) and decision-making in the relationship to you. Tell him that he seems too burdened and he should trust you and give you advice where you go wrong.

You can come back and thank me later. 😉

@yazlan - lol no we dont live together and since he is too busy with his fathers new house construction he hasnt seen me in the past month... but we do talk on the ph ..i guss i should just stop tellin that i have issues with his detachement and keep motivatim him ..

By the way you dont sound a v complicated one ... lol i m sure you wont give your new girl a hard time... the way u understand... mine is v hard on himself and cant communicate his problems.. i have to keeep assumin and figurin it out all myself :/

@yazlan - did u ever ask your leo to be submissive or changed her in any way ? Did you ever manipulate her and if yes... how did she react to all that ?

Posted by BlackMamba
"decision-making in the relationship to you. "

what does that mean or entail?

Small to big things. House, family, friends, hang outs, movies, what to do as a couple or not to do (your interaction with the outside world), where to eat, what to eat etc. A hundred things; I hope you get the drift.

Posted by leona
By the way you dont sound a v complicated one ... lol i m sure you wont give your new girl a hard time... the way u understand... mine is v hard on himself and cant communicate his problems.. i have to keeep assumin and figurin it out all myself :/

I learnt to open up and be objective with time and experience. Once he reaches that threshold, he'll get it too.

I did not expect her to be submissive. I was controlling in the beginning, yes, but she was not very experienced. She was a lioness after all, once she matured I didn't have to tell her much and encouraged her to take control in her life and sometimes in our relationship too. It made her purr. 🙂

We were not really controlling in our relationship, there was no tug of war. After the first year, I never applied any tricks on her and told her she doesn't have to apply either. It worked smoothly since we talked about things openly.

@BlackMamba You come off too strong all the time. That planning thing you mentioned doesn't sound like an issue at all if he's asking you to suggest things. I think you both have ego problems.

@BlackMama I courted this Crab recently and we fought all the time. I shared her chart here in the forums (you know which one), she also has fire all over her chart. As a friend, she was Mother Teresa to me and when we started courtship, she suddenly turned into a dragon. She was insecure because of her sun sign and then used her fire on me all the time. And when I tried to respond to her or use logic, she's just say she knows better, sulk and disappear. She was infuriating because she won't listen.

I sent her flowers on her birthday and she bashed me because she thought it was too expensive and what would my ex think. And she didn't call or text me on my birthday, and later on said she was waiting for me. I don't understand what kind of logic was all that. I liked her too much but she blew it.

Posted by BlackMamba

Posted by yazlan
@BlackMamba You come off too strong all the time. That planning thing you mentioned doesn't sound like an issue at all if he's asking you to suggest things. I think you both have ego problems.

four leo placements. I think he has a leo moon.

which would make sense....i don't know his moon.

click to expand

You know the issue, work on it. Don't make it an excuse to ruin things for you.

Ok guys i know we are here trying to figure out our virgos all the time and not looking at our mistakes.. i know it sounds weird but we all must have done everythin to make sure we are not goin wrong before comin in here.. i know blackmamba needs to change her attitude because now shes gettin too hard on hrself and expectin too much without tryin to realize that you cant always clap with one hand.. and if i really wanna bring change in his behavior u first have to calm down urself and think from his perspective.. because here we are tryin to figure out what our significant ones want from us.. if we know in our head that we are right and they are wrong then it shouldnt even matter. We can easily give up and move on to the right one. But the problem is that in the whole process she seems to have lost faith in her virgo. And if theres no faith no hope then theres no point in even tryin...shes probably lost or too tired... i have been there so i can tell that its not easy .. u dont want to be manipulated all the time.. sometimes u just want to be heard and told that everythin will be fine ..

@blackmamba - you need to change ur ways to see the positive side in him and yazlan is right kill ur ego i know u cant lol and its not even easy but theres no harm in tryin... atleast urs later if u made it wih him u might thank urself for tryin .. and if u didnt u still wont regret cause u tried..

@yazlan - I agree with blackmamba on the controllin part cause even if i try to plan hang outs and other things for him he either doesnt approve of them or say hes too busy to catch up .. he only does things on his own terms for eg he would only take me out if hes too tired of stayin home.. so we cant really control things in their lives.. but maybe when mine is mature enough he ll see things differently haha till then i can only hope

And leo girls arent v controllin... atleast i m not....

Wow.. i didnt know the dark side of cancerians.. my sister is one and shes v humble v sensitive and a caring soul. She doesnt express her emotions much but i can tell when shes hurt.. i know cancers to be strong yet stubborn...