Damnata
@Damnata
15 Years25,000+ PostsVirgo
Comments: 252 · Posts: 36418 · Topics: 473
To: The one I loved
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I'm very confused.. when did Virgos start showing emotion ?
(...)
is this you new year resolution ?
(...)
is this you new year resolution ?
Posted by KemetisinmeI'm a Pisces.
I'm very confused.. when did Virgos start showing emotion ?
(...)
is this you new year resolution ?
̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶v̶e̶n̶u̶s̶i̶a̶n̶ ̶s̶u̶n̶/̶m̶o̶o̶n̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶,̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶g̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶o̶c̶t̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶v̶e̶n̶u̶s̶,̶ ̶i̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶p̶o̶e̶m̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶d̶x̶p̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶a
s̶u̶b̶p̶a̶r̶ ̶c̶o̶r̶n̶y̶ ̶l̶e̶v̶e̶l̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶ o̶b̶v̶i̶o̶u̶s̶l̶y̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶.̶
I̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶s̶o̶ ̶3̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶b̶o̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶s̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶
Posted by SensitiveBluesI haven't written in a long long time, either poetry or anything else.
I write too but I haven't for a very long time. No inspiration
I luff it!
Posted by Damnataum um ..Posted by KemetisinmeI'm a Pisces.
I'm very confused.. when did Virgos start showing emotion ?
(...)
is this you new year resolution ?
̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶v̶e̶n̶u̶s̶i̶a̶n̶ ̶s̶u̶n̶/̶m̶o̶o̶n̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶,̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶g̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶o̶c̶t̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶v̶e̶n̶u̶s̶,̶ ̶i̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶p̶o̶e̶m̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶d̶x̶p̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶a
s̶u̶b̶p̶a̶r̶ ̶c̶o̶r̶n̶y̶ ̶l̶e̶v̶e̶l̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶ o̶b̶v̶i̶o̶u̶s̶l̶y̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶.̶
I̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶s̶o̶ ̶3̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶b̶o̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶s̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶click to expand
which love poems ? written by whom ?
you're a SAG rising / ARIES moon so I expect straightforwardness from you
Posted by Damnataaww Damnataz .. I have no idea tbh .. I think the gesture would be more genuine coming from Vanish/pussycat troll
This is a sequel to the ayyy lmao thread. Deep down, I'm slightly jealous. If I were to delete, would you be upset and ask me to return?
=)
Posted by Damnataooooh... you're so sweet!
when i worked on my laptop, you'd sit on my face
and somehow managed to do it with grace
Posted by starloverIt's for my cat, she deserves it more than any other man 😄
Sweet and sad all mingled together
This is for the unforgotten Aries...yes?
x
She's a Cancer.
Posted by Kemetisinme😢Posted by Damnataaww Damnataz .. I have no idea tbh .. I think the gesture would be more genuine coming from Vanish/pussycat troll
This is a sequel to the ayyy lmao thread. Deep down, I'm slightly jealous. If I were to delete, would you be upset and ask me to return?
=)click to expand
*big thumbs up*
My Virgo roomate and I went over our exes last summer, and I also found out that she has an insane amount of beautiful poetry to this guy she had a chaotic relationship with.
She also writes stories and does FRPGs. I used to do both in my mother language when I had the time.
My Virgo roomate and I went over our exes last summer, and I also found out that she has an insane amount of beautiful poetry to this guy she had a chaotic relationship with.
She also writes stories and does FRPGs. I used to do both in my mother language when I had the time.
Posted by KemetisinmeNo need to care about grammar, I'm a Pisces now. Therefore, elusive.Posted by Damnataum um ..Posted by KemetisinmeI'm a Pisces.
I'm very confused.. when did Virgos start showing emotion ?
(...)
is this you new year resolution ?
̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶v̶e̶n̶u̶s̶i̶a̶n̶ ̶s̶u̶n̶/̶m̶o̶o̶n̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶,̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶g̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶o̶c̶t̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶v̶e̶n̶u̶s̶,̶ ̶i̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶p̶o̶e̶m̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶d̶x̶p̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶a
s̶u̶b̶p̶a̶r̶ ̶c̶o̶r̶n̶y̶ ̶l̶e̶v̶e̶l̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶ o̶b̶v̶i̶o̶u̶s̶l̶y̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶.̶
I̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶s̶o̶ ̶3̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶b̶o̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶s̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶
which love poems ? written by whom ?
you're a SAG rising / ARIES moon so I expect straightforwardness from youclick to expand
For example this topic: https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/relationships-astrology/can-someone-please-interpret-this-poem-properly-esp-scorpio-placements-thank-you-5951894/
I'll outserenade everyone!
Posted by PalerioIf I sit in my chair, she wraps herself around my neck like a scarf.Posted by Damnataooooh... you're so sweet!
when i worked on my laptop, you'd sit on my face
and somehow managed to do it with grace
click to expand
If I sit in bed...yeah.
Posted by Damnatayeah, I just noticed that Vanish has deleted ..Posted by Kemetisinme😢Posted by Damnataaww Damnataz .. I have no idea tbh .. I think the gesture would be more genuine coming from Vanish/pussycat troll
This is a sequel to the ayyy lmao thread. Deep down, I'm slightly jealous. If I were to delete, would you be upset and ask me to return?
=)click to expand
I'm guessing that realizing DJ was banned really got to her
poor Vanish 😢
Posted by DamnataI thought it was your boyfriend.Posted by PalerioIf I sit in my chair, she wraps herself around my neck like a scarf.Posted by Damnataooooh... you're so sweet!
when i worked on my laptop, you'd sit on my face
and somehow managed to do it with grace
If I sit in bed...yeah.click to expand
Posted by PalerioIt's the cat!!!!!Posted by DamnataI thought it was your boyfriend.Posted by PalerioIf I sit in my chair, she wraps herself around my neck like a scarf.Posted by Damnataooooh... you're so sweet!
when i worked on my laptop, you'd sit on my face
and somehow managed to do it with grace
If I sit in bed...yeah.
click to expand
God I would sum up better poems for someone my heart was settled on.
Posted by DamnataI was really hoping it wasn't.Posted by PalerioIt's the cat!!!!!Posted by DamnataI thought it was your boyfriend.Posted by PalerioIf I sit in my chair, she wraps herself around my neck like a scarf.Posted by Damnataooooh... you're so sweet!
when i worked on my laptop, you'd sit on my face
and somehow managed to do it with grace
If I sit in bed...yeah.
God I would sum up better poems for someone my heart was settled on.
click to expand
Posted by PalerioJust trying to live up to the cat lady stereotype on dxp.Posted by DamnataI was really hoping it wasn't.Posted by PalerioIt's the cat!!!!!Posted by DamnataI thought it was your boyfriend.Posted by PalerioIf I sit in my chair, she wraps herself around my neck like a scarf.Posted by Damnataooooh... you're so sweet!
when i worked on my laptop, you'd sit on my face
and somehow managed to do it with grace
If I sit in bed...yeah.
God I would sum up better poems for someone my heart was settled on.
click to expand
I wrote this (corny) poem for an outdoor cat in my neighborhood
the feline has kinda grown on me .. with them cat eyes, the feline swag, her charm and shit
but I have to be mentally prepared, just in case she were to disappear on me
-----
no sooner than today, it dawned on me
you wanted to own me without being owned
how sneaky and devious of you, kitty
who's gonna rub against my leg now
my libra moon is like, just let kitty go
my scorp venus is like, cling a lil mo'
of course, my merc has my venus' back (1)
you got me acting like a first class loser
a 'where is your pride' little brownnoser
you sure found a way around my walls
with your strategic, mind control purrings
I resent you for living up there, rent free
you didn't have the luxury to know more of me
the guy behind the food source and goofiness
you were probably misled by my aloofness (2)
and now that you're gone
I might as well be under a tombstone
(1) mercury-venus conjunction of approx. 3°
(2) kitty got annoyed by my aloofness (she could be a closet dog .. real cats are drawn to aloof people)
I'm sure I sound dramatic .. oh well, gotta stay true to my cusp of drama reputation
the feline has kinda grown on me .. with them cat eyes, the feline swag, her charm and shit
but I have to be mentally prepared, just in case she were to disappear on me
-----
no sooner than today, it dawned on me
you wanted to own me without being owned
how sneaky and devious of you, kitty
who's gonna rub against my leg now
my libra moon is like, just let kitty go
my scorp venus is like, cling a lil mo'
of course, my merc has my venus' back (1)
you got me acting like a first class loser
a 'where is your pride' little brownnoser
you sure found a way around my walls
with your strategic, mind control purrings
I resent you for living up there, rent free
you didn't have the luxury to know more of me
the guy behind the food source and goofiness
you were probably misled by my aloofness (2)
and now that you're gone
I might as well be under a tombstone
(1) mercury-venus conjunction of approx. 3°
(2) kitty got annoyed by my aloofness (she could be a closet dog .. real cats are drawn to aloof people)
I'm sure I sound dramatic .. oh well, gotta stay true to my cusp of drama reputation
LIFE PATH 3 IN THE HOUSE
WE IN HERE
SAY WHAT ??
I SAID WE IN HERE
WE IN HERE
SAY WHAT ??
I SAID WE IN HERE
awww @ mind control purrings
but yeah, kek is not like a normal cat at all.
she is a dog trapped in a cat's body. even walk her out on a leash...she runs constantly.
other people's cats just sit down and sleep all day long man...mine..smh.
she is a dog trapped in a cat's body. even walk her out on a leash...she runs constantly.
other people's cats just sit down and sleep all day long man...mine..smh.
Posted by tizianiI have a Kek and not afraid to use it!Posted by DamnataDamnata:"it's been an 1 hour. This guy is still outside my window staring at me"
but yeah, kek is not like a normal cat at all.
she is a dog trapped in a cat's body. even walk her out on a leash...she runs constantly.
other people's cats just sit down and sleep all day long man...mine..smh.
Tiz:"Shouldn't you be arming yourself with a weapon by now?"
Damnata:"I have Kek."
still laughing in my head at thatclick to expand
Seriously I was kinda hoping a showdown would happen.
Still don't know who the hell that was besides being THE CAROLER.
Posted by Damnatawow damna! you write!
indifference was always the name of the game
the way you move has me thinking i'm going insane
your gracious body ondulating like waves in a storm
i still recall our first memories inside my dorm
you pranced on me, your eyes sparkled bright
the world was lost in a blur, such a delight
"i'm a wild one, i walk on roofs in the night"
could not believe my ears, i was high as a kite
the mornings would drape us in curtains of silk
i'd eat the cereals, you'd drink the milk
your gaze was dismissive, your stance independent
is it just you or it's some aqua placement?
when i worked on my laptop, you'd sit on my face
and somehow managed to do it with grace
your bedroom antics would fill up the room with sparks
no wonder i'd wake up in the morning with marks
as our love progressed, you could see it in our eyes
i would give you the moon, you, the birds in the skies
and lazily you'd arch your body over the sink
you knew that would get you a smile or wink
but when i opened the door to my heart, you were scared
to go in or outside, you weren't prepared
and so it all ended, i'm now alone in my flat
and pondering whether to get a new cat.
it's very ....robotic. 😆 just kidding. I like it!!
you really should write more.
Posted by Rambunctious76We can't be sure about her other planets...Posted by tizianiThis reminds of her story about how Kek killed a pigeon that tried to enter their home through the kitchen window.Posted by DamnataDamnata:"it's been an 1 hour. This guy is still outside my window staring at me"
but yeah, kek is not like a normal cat at all.
she is a dog trapped in a cat's body. even walk her out on a leash...she runs constantly.
other people's cats just sit down and sleep all day long man...mine..smh.
Tiz:"Shouldn't you be arming yourself with a weapon by now?"
Damnata:"I have Kek."
still laughing in my head at that
That cat definitely has Cancer Mars.click to expand
....but we know for sure she's a Cancer Sun.
@Damnata
You wanted nitpicking, so nitpicking you'll get. All imo.
indifference was always the name of the game - Interesting beginning. I must admit that the word “indifference” put my mind into the direction of cats, but not so much as to ruin it.
the way you move has me thinking i'm going insane - Why? How? What? …knowing, in hindsight, that it’s a cat…
your gracious body ondulating like waves in a storm - Doesn't the word ondulating already imply that the motion is wave like? "gracious body" made me think of cats again and I became pretty sure you were speaking of a cat, which is unfortunate bc I think one of the quirks of the poem was supposed to be the revelation that you were speaking of a cat. One of the major things that gave it away was that I have read posts from you for quite some time and I strongly believe that there is no way in hell you would have written these sentences about a man - you would have written such lines quite differently. So you would probably have gotten away with it if you had posed as a different user. Sorry.
i still recall our first memories inside my dorm - Really pushing it to make it rhyme, aren't you? Me not likey. Also, I would have appreciated a lot more imagery here.
To be continued.
You wanted nitpicking, so nitpicking you'll get. All imo.
indifference was always the name of the game - Interesting beginning. I must admit that the word “indifference” put my mind into the direction of cats, but not so much as to ruin it.
the way you move has me thinking i'm going insane - Why? How? What? …knowing, in hindsight, that it’s a cat…
your gracious body ondulating like waves in a storm - Doesn't the word ondulating already imply that the motion is wave like? "gracious body" made me think of cats again and I became pretty sure you were speaking of a cat, which is unfortunate bc I think one of the quirks of the poem was supposed to be the revelation that you were speaking of a cat. One of the major things that gave it away was that I have read posts from you for quite some time and I strongly believe that there is no way in hell you would have written these sentences about a man - you would have written such lines quite differently. So you would probably have gotten away with it if you had posed as a different user. Sorry.
i still recall our first memories inside my dorm - Really pushing it to make it rhyme, aren't you? Me not likey. Also, I would have appreciated a lot more imagery here.
To be continued.
you pranced on me, your eyes sparkled bright - Again, considering your usual writing style and person(as far as I understand it...which admittedly is not a lot) and the previous hints, I'm pretty darn sure it's about a cat now. That's a pity.
the world was lost in a blur, such a delight - The second part of that sentence made me lose what I think you were after in that sentence. Why do you feel the need to rhyme?
"i'm a wild one, i walk on roofs in the night" - Love it!
could not believe my ears, i was high as a kite - Seriously, you don't have to rhyme! Fill-out sentence.
To be continued.
the world was lost in a blur, such a delight - The second part of that sentence made me lose what I think you were after in that sentence. Why do you feel the need to rhyme?
"i'm a wild one, i walk on roofs in the night" - Love it!
could not believe my ears, i was high as a kite - Seriously, you don't have to rhyme! Fill-out sentence.
To be continued.
Yayy 😄
I wondered if you'd come back here to do nitpicking. I shall wait til you post all. I thought you forgot this board.
I wondered if you'd come back here to do nitpicking. I shall wait til you post all. I thought you forgot this board.
the mornings would drape us in curtains of silk - Don't ask me why, but I like it, somehow. It works.
i'd eat the cereals, you'd drink the milk - Love it! And I actually think this rhyme works. It's not there just because - it actually adds something.
your gaze was dismissive, your stance independent - Yup, it's a cat. Wondering if the second part of that sentence would have been more effective if you gave us an image instead.
is it just you or it's some aqua placement? - No. Just no. It feels like it's supposed to be funny, but all it really does is that it's throwing me out of the poem.
To be continued.
i'd eat the cereals, you'd drink the milk - Love it! And I actually think this rhyme works. It's not there just because - it actually adds something.
your gaze was dismissive, your stance independent - Yup, it's a cat. Wondering if the second part of that sentence would have been more effective if you gave us an image instead.
is it just you or it's some aqua placement? - No. Just no. It feels like it's supposed to be funny, but all it really does is that it's throwing me out of the poem.
To be continued.
when i worked on my laptop, you'd sit on my face - So it wasn't a cat after all, but a close friend...? Pretty rude of you to just keep working on your laptop with that going on. *smh* 😉 Or a cat? And in that case...how? Sure it's an interesting sentence, but it's probably too curious, since I stop reading the poem, trying to figure it out.
and somehow managed to do it with grace - If the first sentence is there, then this sentence is great.
your bedroom antics would fill up the room with sparks - Knowing(or at least strongly suspecting) you're talking about a cat makes this sentence... *trying to find a suitable word*
no wonder i'd wake up in the morning with marks - Fill-out sentence, desperate to squeeze forth a rhyme in the end. Come on, you can do better than that.
To be continued.
and somehow managed to do it with grace - If the first sentence is there, then this sentence is great.
your bedroom antics would fill up the room with sparks - Knowing(or at least strongly suspecting) you're talking about a cat makes this sentence... *trying to find a suitable word*
no wonder i'd wake up in the morning with marks - Fill-out sentence, desperate to squeeze forth a rhyme in the end. Come on, you can do better than that.
To be continued.
as our love progressed, you could see it in our eyes - Judging by what I have seen you write before, you can do sooo much better than that.
i would give you the moon, you, the birds in the skies - Rhyming again, are we? Seriously, consider your rhyming. I think you intend to tell us about the cat's bird hunting escapades here in a funny way (you would give her the moon - she would give you dead birds) and I do like that. If you weren't so dependent on all the rhyming, you could easily make that sentence a really good one, imo.
and lazily you'd arch your body over the sink - Describes character, which is good, but in the end of the second to last stanza, such characterization should have been worked out by now, imo.
you knew that would get you a smile or wink - Brings a hint of a meaning to the last line, but is it enough?
To be continued.
i would give you the moon, you, the birds in the skies - Rhyming again, are we? Seriously, consider your rhyming. I think you intend to tell us about the cat's bird hunting escapades here in a funny way (you would give her the moon - she would give you dead birds) and I do like that. If you weren't so dependent on all the rhyming, you could easily make that sentence a really good one, imo.
and lazily you'd arch your body over the sink - Describes character, which is good, but in the end of the second to last stanza, such characterization should have been worked out by now, imo.
you knew that would get you a smile or wink - Brings a hint of a meaning to the last line, but is it enough?
To be continued.
but when i opened the door to my heart, you were scared - I can see it if it had been about a human being, but seeing that this is about a cat, I really don't get what happened here.
to go in or outside, you weren't prepared - Prepared for what? That you opened up your heart to her? Or did your aries moon get impatiant when your libra of a cat couldn't decide if she wanted to be inside or outside, so you just slammed the door on her...which she wasn't prepared for?
and so it all ended, i'm now alone in my flat - Again, why? What happened?
and pondering whether to get a new cat. - I'm guessing this is when you wanted to reveal that it was about a cat instead of about a human being. Didn't work for me in this case since I already figured it out, but if the poem is handled with more care and a lot of planning in the beginning, it might work. (Or was it in fact about a human being, or the last stanza doesn’t make sense to me.) Or, the poem is just inspired by your cat, but fictional, so you killed it off? Consider how much of an effect that revelation will really bring, however. Is it worth it in the end, or would the cost overpower the win? Consider what it is you want to say with the poem.
In general, I think the poem could be more personal...which sounds weird, considering what it's about, but I do think you could bring more of yourself into it to make it more memorable. It's very much possible that the rhyming ruined that for you. Also consider punctuation and the sound and rhythm of the words, rather than the rhyming.
I know, I'm being very hard on you - partly bc we already know that you can write and do have potential, and also bc you asked for it in the "How do you like it" post. I don’t think it’s a bad poem – I just think that with your writing skills, you could have done better.
If you have any comments to my comments, feel free, and if you do a rewrite, please post it.
Thanks for a nice read! 🙂
to go in or outside, you weren't prepared - Prepared for what? That you opened up your heart to her? Or did your aries moon get impatiant when your libra of a cat couldn't decide if she wanted to be inside or outside, so you just slammed the door on her...which she wasn't prepared for?
and so it all ended, i'm now alone in my flat - Again, why? What happened?
and pondering whether to get a new cat. - I'm guessing this is when you wanted to reveal that it was about a cat instead of about a human being. Didn't work for me in this case since I already figured it out, but if the poem is handled with more care and a lot of planning in the beginning, it might work. (Or was it in fact about a human being, or the last stanza doesn’t make sense to me.) Or, the poem is just inspired by your cat, but fictional, so you killed it off? Consider how much of an effect that revelation will really bring, however. Is it worth it in the end, or would the cost overpower the win? Consider what it is you want to say with the poem.
In general, I think the poem could be more personal...which sounds weird, considering what it's about, but I do think you could bring more of yourself into it to make it more memorable. It's very much possible that the rhyming ruined that for you. Also consider punctuation and the sound and rhythm of the words, rather than the rhyming.
I know, I'm being very hard on you - partly bc we already know that you can write and do have potential, and also bc you asked for it in the "How do you like it" post. I don’t think it’s a bad poem – I just think that with your writing skills, you could have done better.
If you have any comments to my comments, feel free, and if you do a rewrite, please post it.
Thanks for a nice read! 🙂
Posted by DamnataHehehe Well, I look in here from time to time and I get more interested when I sense that the writers really care about getting comments, rather than just wanting pats on their heads...like you. 🙂
Yayy 😄
I wondered if you'd come back here to do nitpicking. I shall wait til you post all. I thought you forgot this board.
Now, let's see how hated I will be after having given these comments. 😉
Edit to clarify: When I wrote "...like you" I meant that you were one of those I thought actually care about honest comments..
Posted by HappyCapperYaaas.
You wanted nitpicking, so nitpicking you'll get. All imo.
Thank you!
Let me go step by step, because I have things to add outside the analysis and I'm happy I caught you in this topic. If I forget something, I might come and tag you. My energy is scattered...
I thought about adding the backstory first, but I will add it last.
first off, ditto on indifference. I read it back, i think it spoiled some percentage of the "cat revelation" within it, hard to gauge how much but yeah, for any cat owner it's a dead give-away. it's one of the most used words about cats but couldn't find another in my mind at the point. same on the "ondulating like waves in a storm".
"So you would probably have gotten away with it if you had posed as a different user. Sorry." -> HA! Damn! I get it though.
"is it just you or it's some aqua placement?" -> yup, this came at dull both in humor and "sound". i'll get into the sound and rhyme at the end, that is one of my struggles.
"Knowing(or at least strongly suspecting) you're talking about a cat makes this sentence... *trying to find a suitable word*....I think you wanted to say creepy here. You can say it, cap 😛
" and the sound and rhythm of the words, rather than the rhyming"
^Yes. I let this for last because this is where I struggle. The way I write, I have many mental images, they flow in an even rhytm in my mind. But translating that rhytm to how it "sounds" is where I have a problem. For one, I lack a musical ear which to me is a melody I can sense when I read other poems. And secondly, the first thing I noticed about poetry when I was young was the rhyming. It created a "if it doesn't rhyme, it's shit and you're lazy" mindset. Structure at the cost of creativity I think. There's another thing to that Aries Moon, the mental images go by in a flash and if I don't catch it in that second, I feel frustrated so I default to ...let me find some rhyme with some semblance to the last, which ruins the flow. Any pointers on this? Should I try letting my mind run free and then restructure it? I will do a rewrite for sure.
It's important to me..because it's the first poem I've wrriten in..10 years. I was up late at night and thought..let me try my hand at this and give it a time limit of 15 minutes...to see what I come up with and if at least some part of the poem flows. Now I know I can look up to focusing on it more. I need to figure out how to bypass the "do or die" on rhyming.
Thank you for going into it at such lengths!
And yeah, I am one of those that love criticism, or (secretly, yes?) have a knee jerk reaction but then love criticism lol.
If you have any resources you want to share that feel would resonate with me or point me in a direction, feel free to add.
Posted by blessyouI don't hate you, lol.
@Damnata I know you hate me but how'd ya learn to write like that, that shxt came out wavy..
I didn't learn..is "wavy" a good thing?
What did you like about it? What didn't you like?
It helps me with it in the future.
Posted by blessyouThank you.
I like the timing, the wording, the wordplay, metaphors, I personally loved everything about it lol
And the word "wavy" is a term of endearment. It means you did a excellent job. But it souunds like you don't even belong in this era, you'rr on some real shakespeare type shxt and that's talent.. I really can't answer what I didn't like about it.. I can't answer that question.
Posted by blessyouI did read yes. I'm in extreme of this..I either read one book after another or months and sometimes more than an year goes by between them.
@Damnata ..like seriously, how do you write like that, is it just vocabulary, have you read a lot of books or poetry?
Posted by blessyouWhen I'll write more, I will post and you can see them then if you really like them.
@Damnata Wow. Because it sounds like you definitely captured that vibe, ya know? You're really keeping the artform alive because it's dying and that's what I respect and that's why I'm so hype. It's like seeing a dinosaur or something lol alot of people don't see this everyday nor are they into it but they should be.. You have to write a book, at least before you die.
Btw, I googled "virgosaurus" when you said a dinosaur..cuz virgo + dinosaur
This is what I came up with lmao:
@Damnata
I'll answer your post later, but I have to go in a bit. But I'd like to ask you something, because I have an astrological theory regarding writing that I would like to test on you, if you don't mind.
What are your major aspects to your mercury and what are their orbs?
I have to ask, because this theory has worked with everyone that I have checked so far.
I'll answer your post later, but I have to go in a bit. But I'd like to ask you something, because I have an astrological theory regarding writing that I would like to test on you, if you don't mind.
What are your major aspects to your mercury and what are their orbs?
I have to ask, because this theory has worked with everyone that I have checked so far.
@Damnata
rly nice poem,that last one was best.
but when i opened the door to my heart, you were scared
to go in or outside, you weren't prepared
and so it all ended, i'm now alone in my flat
and pondering whether to get a new cat.
feel kinda the same with pisces i broke up with recently,well she left me for another rly,i dont know she loves him or not,but i would have done so much for her and she knew it,i'm crazy when i'm inlove ,fear and so much love might have been the case i got pushed away,im cancer and somehow i'm slow paced lover,but this year my emotions are like a vulcano so i rushed in real fast ,my life is changing so much,and i would do so much for people i love,she might got scared and runed away,i hope she doesnt regret that later on.....water signs are magical......you're pisces so imagine and i would like your response,a guy would tell you he would move the country to live with you,be with you and stay with you ,would you be scared of such a sudden changes in your life,or would you take a risk?what would you do ?imagine you have more stable guy but dont feel to much for him,you're just comftable with him,and there's another guy you love,but you're scared it will not work,to much at risk?what would you do?would you stay with the guy thats comftable and try to be with him,or you would leave him and risk beyin with the one you feel something magical,trust and soul connection? 🙂 just interested in your option 🙂 all pisces are dif tho. would get so afraid if the person that loves you comes on to strong ?would you run away?
rly nice poem,that last one was best.
but when i opened the door to my heart, you were scared
to go in or outside, you weren't prepared
and so it all ended, i'm now alone in my flat
and pondering whether to get a new cat.
feel kinda the same with pisces i broke up with recently,well she left me for another rly,i dont know she loves him or not,but i would have done so much for her and she knew it,i'm crazy when i'm inlove ,fear and so much love might have been the case i got pushed away,im cancer and somehow i'm slow paced lover,but this year my emotions are like a vulcano so i rushed in real fast ,my life is changing so much,and i would do so much for people i love,she might got scared and runed away,i hope she doesnt regret that later on.....water signs are magical......you're pisces so imagine and i would like your response,a guy would tell you he would move the country to live with you,be with you and stay with you ,would you be scared of such a sudden changes in your life,or would you take a risk?what would you do ?imagine you have more stable guy but dont feel to much for him,you're just comftable with him,and there's another guy you love,but you're scared it will not work,to much at risk?what would you do?would you stay with the guy thats comftable and try to be with him,or you would leave him and risk beyin with the one you feel something magical,trust and soul connection? 🙂 just interested in your option 🙂 all pisces are dif tho. would get so afraid if the person that loves you comes on to strong ?would you run away?
Posted by HappyCapperMercury trine Jupiter: 5.39
@Damnata
I'll answer your post later, but I have to go in a bit. But I'd like to ask you something, because I have an astrological theory regarding writing that I would like to test on you, if you don't mind.
What are your major aspects to your mercury and what are their orbs?
I have to ask, because this theory has worked with everyone that I have checked so far.
Mercury square Saturn: 3.32
Mercury square Uranus: 2.24
Mercury square Neptune: 8.04
Mercury sextile Ascendant: 5.30
Mercury conjuct Midheaven: 4.43
Posted by DamnataCool. Thanks!🙂Posted by HappyCapperMercury trine Jupiter: 5.39
@Damnata
I'll answer your post later, but I have to go in a bit. But I'd like to ask you something, because I have an astrological theory regarding writing that I would like to test on you, if you don't mind.
What are your major aspects to your mercury and what are their orbs?
I have to ask, because this theory has worked with everyone that I have checked so far.
Mercury square Saturn: 3.32
Mercury square Uranus: 2.24
Mercury square Neptune: 8.04
Mercury sextile Ascendant: 5.30
Mercury conjuct Midheaven: 4.43click to expand
If my theory has any merit, your talent lies in writing about things that are a little bit odd. It could be an odd way of writing or writing about odd things or people - outside the box. It seems to me you don't know yet, so let's see.
Judging from this, what I have read from you, your sun sign and your moon sign( and something else that I don't want to tell you until you have done it or decided not to), I know exactly what writing assignment I would give you, so if you want it, tell me and you'll get it.
Posted by HappyCapperTell me, yes.
I know exactly what writing assignment I would give you, so if you want it, tell me and you'll get it.
Posted by DamnataEmpty Word(or whatever you use) document in front of you. Switch off the computer screen(or if that's not possible, put something in front of it so that it's hidden). Set the alarm to fifteen minutes. Freewrite a story. Make sure it's weird. Don't forget that it's a freewriting exercise, so you're not supposed to correct yourself - just let it flow. The word teeth, needs to be in your story, somewhere. GO!Posted by HappyCapperTell me, yes.
I know exactly what writing assignment I would give you, so if you want it, tell me and you'll get it.
click to expand
Posted by HappyCapper(not so silently worrying over the grammar errors and everything else)Posted by DamnataEmpty Word(or whatever you use) document in front of you. Switch off the computer screen(or if that's not possible, put something in front of it so that it's hidden). Set the alarm to fifteen minutes. Freewrite a story. Make sure it's weird. Don't forget that it's a freewriting exercise, so you're not supposed to correct yourself - just let it flow. The word teeth, needs to be in your story, somewhere. GO!Posted by HappyCapperTell me, yes.
I know exactly what writing assignment I would give you, so if you want it, tell me and you'll get it.
click to expand
It was an average Tuesday and she was walking towards work when she saw it happen. A car crash in the middle of a the highway. She felt peculiarly drawn towards it and to the mass of contortioned metal that strangely resembled the cotton candy she would eat when she was young, and the candy filled with cherry jam. But this was no jam laying there on the sidewalk and it just proved to her that the penchant for seeing random things as something else made her all the more allienated from this world. And for some reason, this put her in a good mood for the rest of the day. She finished all the projects before lunch, when her colleagues came into the office to invite her outside to witness the solar eclipse. Putting her glasses on, she glanced at the sky as the darkness began to slowly chew the apple pie in the sky. Her teeth started shaking uncontrollably, while a friend lent her a jacket to put on. She felt like she had plunged into the icy waters of a river, and the coldness had morphed into miniscule teeth, biting her whole body. She looked around at the people who were enjoying the celestial event and berrated herself for always being elsewhere, all the time. Some brought sandwiches with it and gathered around the grass for an impromptu picnic. She heard their voices call out from a distance but this time she couldn’t answer and they were staring through her. She raised her chewed arm to wave at them and noticed faint blood trickling from her wrist. For a second she remembered the unbearable nights in summer when mosquitoes would swarm over her, and realized they won’t happen again. Only worms tearing apart at her now.
Some 1000 miles away, în a mental facility, a frail woman was drawing her last breath after having succesfully chewed her wrist. When the personnel burst into the room, they could only hear a small noise of her teeth clanking for the final time. And a drawing of halloween candy beside her bed.
Great!🙂 Good on the whole, but here's what I think is the issue.
You really need to relax your writing. I know how difficult it is to let go and not care about grammar or formating and such, but I think you need to try. I don't even know if you can call what you did freewriting - it's too controlled. And that's what I think may be your problem. The crazy is there - you just need to let it out.
Let's say you wanted to become a professional writer. Why would anyone chose to read your texts and not someone elses? A lot of people can write. Why you? Why your texts? The answer is ofc: because you can write things that nobody else can write.
And what exactly is that? That's what you need to figure out, imo. Freewrite, ie. ask your brain what it wants to write and how it wants you to write it - it's there, somewhere.
You really need to relax your writing. I know how difficult it is to let go and not care about grammar or formating and such, but I think you need to try. I don't even know if you can call what you did freewriting - it's too controlled. And that's what I think may be your problem. The crazy is there - you just need to let it out.
Let's say you wanted to become a professional writer. Why would anyone chose to read your texts and not someone elses? A lot of people can write. Why you? Why your texts? The answer is ofc: because you can write things that nobody else can write.
And what exactly is that? That's what you need to figure out, imo. Freewrite, ie. ask your brain what it wants to write and how it wants you to write it - it's there, somewhere.
If you want another excercise, just ask.
Posted by Damnata
"Knowing(or at least strongly suspecting) you're talking about a cat makes this sentence... *trying to find a suitable word*....I think you wanted to say creepy here. You can say it, cap 😛Creepy.😛
" and the sound and rhythm of the words, rather than the rhyming"
^This is where I struggle. The way I write, I have many mental images, they flow in an even rhytm in my mind. But translating that rhytm to how it "sounds" is where I have a problem. For one, I lack a musical ear which to me is a melody I can sense when I read other poems. - But, when you see those images - how does it feel? Consider yourself being there. How do the words sound? Do they match the images? Listen to different words, like tent, soothing, scythe, apple, etc. Think, not just in images, but also touch, smell, taste and sound. Let it inspire you.
And secondly, the first thing I noticed about poetry when I was young was the rhyming. It created a "if it doesn't rhyme, it's shit and you're lazy" mindset. Structure at the cost of creativity I think.
Honestly, don't even think it gains structure. It may gain emphasis to certain passages and it could help the rhythm, although perfect rhythm allover the place is not my thing. It's like placing exclamation points at the end of every sentence - when you really need it, noone's gonna notice.
There's another thing to that Aries Moon, the mental images go by in a flash and if I don't catch it in that second, I feel frustrated. - One of the reasons I gave you that excercise. 🙂
so I default to ...let me find some rhyme with some semblance to the last, which ruins the flow. - Yup. Please, don't.
Any pointers on this? Should I try letting my mind run free and then restructure it? - That's exactly what I would suggest!
I will do a rewrite for sure. - Great! I'd love to read it, if I may!
It's important to me..because it's the first poem I've wrriten in..10 years. I was up late at night and thought..let me try my hand at this and give it a time limit of 15 minutes...to see what I come up with and if at least some part of the poem flows. Now I know I can look up to focusing on it more. I need to figure out how to bypass the "do or die" on rhyming. - Imo, start all over. Then you can look back and use the parts you'd like to keep. That way you may gain a new perspective without throwing anything away.
And yeah, I am one of those that love criticism, or (secretly, yes?) have a knee jerk reaction but then love criticism lol. - Everyone get the knee jerk reaction - not everyone can handle it. But you can.
If you have any resources you want to share that feel would resonate with me or point me in a direction, feel free to add. Regarding resources, was there anything special you were thinkÃng of?
Tell me if I'm being overbearing. I want to help - not kill your desire to write.
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