I upset my Capricorn woman -- did I lose her?

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confusedcancer14
@confusedcancer14
5 Years

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I am a male Cancer. For less than 2 months I have been dating a Capricorn woman. Last week, before a week long trip, I made a comment which deeply hurt her. Due to lack of connectivity on the plane she could not respond immediately, but after she landed and got over the jet-lag she responded with a mature email which made it clear that she his very upset and has serious doubts about the future of the relationship. To not annoy her further we agreed to not talk while she was away -- not sure whether it was a good idea coming from me. I texted her two times in the meanwhile. She replied to one of my texts very briefly and cold, and ignored the last one.

In the meanwhile, I wrote a letter of apology and mailed it to her home address. She should be back from the trip soon. I am wondering what to do next: a) let her read the letter and wait for her to reach out, or, b) should I reach out to her once she is back?

As for the letter of apology: I acknowledged my mistake and took responsibility for it. I also assured her that something similar will not occur again. I didn't use any emotional wording, and was very firm, direct and honest expressing my feelings.

My hope is that the letter will touch her rational side and we will have the opportunity to talk about this situation. But, since I know that she can be easily blinded by her anger, I have little hope.

What are my options here? I wonder if she want to see me again and what does she expect at the moment? If she doesn't want to see me again, why hasn't she blocked me yet?
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LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

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Check yourself and find some humility in this situation of YOUR doing.

Re read what you wrote here. She’s ‘blinded by anger’ and you hope your letter will touch her ‘rational side’. A little belittling to throw shade on her being hurt by your words.

As for what you should do? Relax and let her have space. This is not about you and your timeline.
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confusedcancer14
@confusedcancer14
5 Years

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Posted by G6

What did you say to her to the point she's acting like this?


I jokingly said something along the lines of "stay faithful while abroad", because this was over text some context was missing -- she interpreted it as lack of trust and respect towards her. I explained myself in the aftermath, which she seemed to acknowledge. However, since then I've only sent two messages, she responded only to one of them.
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Airypiscean
@Airypiscean
5 Years

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Posted by confusedcancer14

I am a male Cancer. For less than 2 months I have been dating a Capricorn woman. Last week, before a week long trip, I made a comment which deeply hurt her. Due to lack of connectivity on the plane she could not respond immediately, but after she landed and got over the jet-lag she responded with a mature email which made it clear that she his very upset and has serious doubts about the future of the relationship. To not annoy her further we agreed to not talk while she was away -- not sure whether it was a good idea coming from me. I texted her two times in the meanwhile. She replied to one of my texts very briefly and cold, and ignored the last one.

In the meanwhile, I wrote a letter of apology and mailed it to her home address. She should be back from the trip soon. I am wondering what to do next: a) let her read the letter and wait for her to reach out, or, b) should I reach out to her once she is back?

As for the letter of apology: I acknowledged my mistake and took responsibility for it. I also assured her that something similar will not occur again. I didn't use any emotional wording, and was very firm, direct and honest expressing my feelings.

My hope is that the letter will touch her rational side and we will have the opportunity to talk about this situation. But, since I know that she can be easily blinded by her anger, I have little hope.

What are my options here? I wonder if she want to see me again and what does she expect at the moment? If she doesn't want to see me again, why hasn't she blocked me yet?


My sister is a Capricorn and we’ve had a few fall outs because I’ve said some inappropriate/disrespectful things to her. One time we didn’t speak for a whole year.

Capricorn’s really value respect and consideration

I mean REALLY value

I’ve learnt my lesson to be a bit more mindful around my sister now, Capricorn’s can be just as sensitive as us water signs they just don’t always show it

Hopefully your mail has reached her by now

I’m sure she would have appreciated it being mailed to her home address. Little things count.
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Airypiscean
@Airypiscean
5 Years

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Posted by confusedcancer14
Posted by G6

What did you say to her to the point she's acting like this?

I jokingly said something along the lines of "stay faithful while abroad", because this was over text some context was missing -- she interpreted it as lack of trust and respect towards her. I explained myself in the aftermath, which she seemed to acknowledge. However, since then I've only sent two messages, she responded only to one of them.
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Yep expect the cold shoulder

Give her some space and time to get over it

Maybe the joke would have been interpreted it better through a phone call when you can actually hear someone’s tone.. Goodluck
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taurus sun/rising cap moon aries mercury/venus pisces mars
@notreally
6 Years500+ Posts

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Posted by LibraSupreme

My inside air voice is saying why would you give a flying fuk if she wanted to end the ship after only 2 months of dating because of a comment.

But if your really that desperate to save the ship and you really shit the bed with "THE COMMENT" then post what you said. Welcome new user, your in the right place Dxpnet women can help repair this type of stuff.

what was actually said does matter to a Capricorn …
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stillstillwater
@stillstillwater
8 Years5,000+ Posts

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yikes. When she's back it'll be a good time to explain why you've made that comment and how it's more about you than your trust in her.

You're saying it's out of context but time to be honest with yourself about why you'd make a comment like that. Do you really have trust issues? It's okay if you do... we all have one type of an insecurity/fear or another. Our partners can help us work through them if we take responsibility for them and take the risk to be vulnerable.
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taurus sun/rising cap moon aries mercury/venus pisces mars
@notreally
6 Years500+ Posts

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Posted by confusedcancer14
Posted by notreally

and she's your "woman" after only 2 months ?

all I wanted to say with "my Capricorn woman" was: the female Capricorn I am dating. Not a native speaker, sorry for the ambiguity.
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oh ok - and well if you are having the same communication interpretation issues with her then she should be more open to that possibility happening more often than normally and shouldn't go off when you say anything - be curious first instead of assuming ?
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stillstillwater
@stillstillwater
8 Years5,000+ Posts

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Posted by confusedcancer14
Posted by stillstillwater

yikes. When she's back it'll be a good time to explain why you've made that comment and how it's more about you than your trust in her.

But, I see common consensus here that I should wait for her to respond first.

The comment was definitely about me and not at all about her.
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Yeah, I meant after she reads the letter and reaches out to you. These type of things are a good opportunity to become more emotionally intimate.

I hope you keep us updated.
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Undine
@Undine
12 Years5,000+ Posts

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Your comment would have not offended me in the slightest. I would have replied with "you too" and then smiled to myself "It looks like he takes exclusivity seriously, after only two months".

Whatever her response to your letter would be, you two are not compatible. You should be able to be yourself in a relationship. Instead, you are walking on eggshells already. It's not sustainable.
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stillstillwater
@stillstillwater
8 Years5,000+ Posts

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Posted by confusedcancer14
Posted by stillstillwater

@confusedcancer14 just curious, are you guys exclusive? Like fully committed to only each other?

Yes, she wanted that from the beginning, I accepted. At times I would feed as she had second thoughts about this, but never said anything though...
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It'll be fine 🙂 I was just curious since another user mentioned the whole "my Capricorn woman" thing. A lil bit of possessiveness is cute ya know.
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Deedee75
@Deedee75
13 Years

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Posted by confusedcancer14

random thought: now that she returns from the trip soon, should I send her some flowers with a note (in addition to the letter of apology)?

That is sweet but also setting a precedence. She is going to expect elaborate gestures after every meaningless comment.

My advice is to move on from the comment. You already apologized. Move forward in the relationship and dont dwell on the past. If she can't let it go, run far and run fast.

Send her flowers for Valentines Day.
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confusedcancer14
@confusedcancer14
5 Years

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Hah, it is a different world since I last wrote here... Corona, corona, corona... Just came back to let you know that, indeed after the last message it was over.

We met in a coffee shop, she said "we are incompatible" -- that was an easy way out. I didn't resist much. It was Feb 13. I still love her.

From today's perspective, acting quickly would have been the key. While she was away traveling, I should have insisted for a facetime where we could have addressed the issue asap.
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CreativeCap
@CreativeCap
11 Years1,000+ Posts

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I think both of you over reacted. The comment you made was not disrespectful at all. I would have took it as you being just a little possessive and/or teasing. She sounds like a tight ass, for taking offense by it. I don’t think you should have sent her a letter apologizing. Your text apology was enough. I would have been put off by the letter and not the comment. The letter was kind of extreme. You sound really sweet and caring. I hope you find a woman that appreciates you for who you are. Best of luck!