Cancer moons gather round... I need advice on

My love’s mom has stage 3 cancer. We’re far away from each other now. I have to work in nyc and he and his family lives in miami. A similar situation happened to me when I was 18 with another cancer moon guy. His mom ended up passing away. He shut me out and I was sad and upset but I obviously wouldn’t get upset this time around (10 years later). I mean I’ll keep the faith for her recovery of course, I wish nothing more. But my question to you all is how can I be a support to him at this time? What would you guys want?

Posted by akitu

Oh god that’s awful. I’m really sorry. How long have you guys been together? Is she in the hospital now or with him? Honestly when things are that bad there’s not much you can do, like he probably won’t have that much energy to spare for your needs which will suck for you a bit. I don’t know anything about your dynamic but what comes to mind is that the thing that would mean the most to him I imagine is not to focus on him but to care about the mum. Or help him help the mum. That’s all he’s going to want tbh. If someone was there with the same goals rather than another person to worry about taking care of. Really sorry that happened that’s really rubbish, wishing you luck.

She’s still home and she just got her results back this past week. I understand him not having time for my needs and that’s okay. I also was wondering like if everyone is talking about his mom if I should be the one he can come to who doesn’t bring it up? Idk. I’ve been asking about her and giving him advice but I don’t want to force him to talk about it if he doesn’t want to as in like keep bringing it up on my own. He’s one of those cancer moons who withdraws a lot but he told me “I can’t run from you” yesterday and I asked him when this all came out to please not shut me out. That’s what the guy did when I was 18 he completely ghosted and that was hurtful because all I wanted to do was to be there. He said it was because I was new. But this time it’s been about 3 years so hopefully I get to be a help idk. Sigh.

Posted by Cg2016

My love’s mom has stage 3 cancer. We’re far away from each other now. I have to work in nyc and he and his family lives in miami. A similar situation happened to me when I was 18 with another cancer moon guy. His mom ended up passing away. He shut me out and I was sad and upset but I obviously wouldn’t get upset this time around (10 years later). I mean I’ll keep the faith for her recovery of course, I wish nothing more. But my question to you all is how can I be a support to him at this time? What would you guys want?

"... How can I be a support to him at this time?"

• Make yourself available.

• Reinforce and understanding that your offer to be available is genuine and not simply an offer of obligation.

• Be diligent on checking in with them if an appropriate amount of time has passed and they have not checked in with you.

• Each time you speak with them ask at the beginning of the conversation if your role is to listen, to support, to advise, or to motivate.

• Validate their feelings with your own.

• Acknowledge their views, thoughts, or beliefs as they were conveyed to you before you add your own views thoughts, or beliefs.

• Know your limits and be realistic about them

• Support their hopes, and help them to understand their own limit. Do not set them for them.

In short... Just be yourself, lol. being there for somebody shouldn't be any different than any other day really. Reason you're both friends is because of who you are not who you try to be in a situation just because it's in that situation. You know what that looks like I'm sure.

"What would you guys want?"

Kind of sort of all of the things I said above, BUT I, myself, tend to be hyper self-reliant and typically don't like too much involvement from others. I don't like to inconvenience people with my own crap and a lot of times, if I'm pushed to include them in my crap, people tend to respond by trying to do too much. When that happens then I'm placed in an awkward position of trying not to upset them or be rude while I'm trying to get all this other stuff done so then it's an unnecessary additional pressure. I prefer to fly solo, but a large part of that has to do with the fact that I had to be self-reliant growing up out of necessity. It's just who I am now. Most people like the whole squishy help me smother me 'stuff', lol. 🤮

Posted by TheApparition

Posted by Cg2016

My love’s mom has stage 3 cancer. We’re far away from each other now. I have to work in nyc and he and his family lives in miami. A similar situation happened to me when I was 18 with another cancer moon guy. His mom ended up passing away. He shut me out and I was sad and upset but I obviously wouldn’t get upset this time around (10 years later). I mean I’ll keep the faith for her recovery of course, I wish nothing more. But my question to you all is how can I be a support to him at this time? What would you guys want?

"... How can I be a support to him at this time?"

• Make yourself available.

• Reinforce and understanding that your offer to be available is genuine and not simply an offer of obligation.

• Be diligent on checking in with them if an appropriate amount of time has passed and they have not checked in with you.

• Each time you speak with them ask at the beginning of the conversation if your role is to listen, to support, to advise, or to motivate.

• Validate their feelings with your own.

• Acknowledge their views, thoughts, or beliefs as they were conveyed to you before you add your own views thoughts, or beliefs.

• Know your limits and be realistic about them

• Support their hopes, and help them to understand their own limit. Do not set them for them.

In short... Just be yourself, lol. being there for somebody shouldn't be any different than any other day really. Reason you're both friends is because of who you are not who you try to be in a situation just because it's in that situation. You know what that looks like I'm sure."What would you guys want?"

Kind of sort of all of the things I said above, BUT I, myself, tend to be hyper self-reliant and typically don't like too much involvement from others. I don't like to inconvenience people with my own crap and a lot of times, if I'm pushed to include them in my crap, people tend to respond by trying to do too much. When that happens then I'm placed in an awkward position of trying not to upset them or be rude while I'm trying to get all this other stuff done so then it's an unnecessary additional pressure. I prefer to fly solo, but a large part of that has to do with the fact that I had to be self-reliant growing up out of necessity. It's just who I am now. Most people like the whole squishy help me smother me 'stuff', lol. 🤮

click to expand

Are you a Cancer moon?

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by TheApparition

Posted by Cg2016

My love’s mom has stage 3 cancer. We’re far away from each other now. I have to work in nyc and he and his family lives in miami. A similar situation happened to me when I was 18 with another cancer moon guy. His mom ended up passing away. He shut me out and I was sad and upset but I obviously wouldn’t get upset this time around (10 years later). I mean I’ll keep the faith for her recovery of course, I wish nothing more. But my question to you all is how can I be a support to him at this time? What would you guys want?

"... How can I be a support to him at this time?"

• Make yourself available.

• Reinforce and understanding that your offer to be available is genuine and not simply an offer of obligation.

• Be diligent on checking in with them if an appropriate amount of time has passed and they have not checked in with you.

• Each time you speak with them ask at the beginning of the conversation if your role is to listen, to support, to advise, or to motivate.

• Validate their feelings with your own.

• Acknowledge their views, thoughts, or beliefs as they were conveyed to you before you add your own views thoughts, or beliefs.

• Know your limits and be realistic about them

• Support their hopes, and help them to understand their own limit. Do not set them for them.

In short... Just be yourself, lol. being there for somebody shouldn't be any different than any other day really. Reason you're both friends is because of who you are not who you try to be in a situation just because it's in that situation. You know what that looks like I'm sure."What would you guys want?"

Kind of sort of all of the things I said above, BUT I, myself, tend to be hyper self-reliant and typically don't like too much involvement from others. I don't like to inconvenience people with my own crap and a lot of times, if I'm pushed to include them in my crap, people tend to respond by trying to do too much. When that happens then I'm placed in an awkward position of trying not to upset them or be rude while I'm trying to get all this other stuff done so then it's an unnecessary additional pressure. I prefer to fly solo, but a large part of that has to do with the fact that I had to be self-reliant growing up out of necessity. It's just who I am now. Most people like the whole squishy help me smother me 'stuff', lol. 🤮

Are you a Cancer moon?

click to expand

Aye, that is, unless someone up and changed it on me.

Moon - Waxing Gibbous - Contrary Of Haze - Rejoicing

8°52' Cancer, in House VII

Moon Aspects

Moon opposite Pallas orb -0°32'

Moon inconjunction Jupiter orb +0°26'

Moon inconjunction Uranus orb +0°04'

Sun trine Moon orb +4°41'

Moon trine Saturn orb -4°32'

Moon inconjunction Ascendant orb -1°06'

Moon semi-square Chiron orb +0°55'

Moon sesqui-quadrate Juno orb +1°20'

Moon opposite Neptune orb -10°00

Moon sesqui-quadrate Lilith orb +2°26'

Moon quintile Midheaven orb +1°24'

Moon square Vesta orb +7°51'

Moon inconjunction Mercury orb -3°02'

Posted by TheApparition

Posted by Cg2016

My love’s mom has stage 3 cancer. We’re far away from each other now. I have to work in nyc and he and his family lives in miami. A similar situation happened to me when I was 18 with another cancer moon guy. His mom ended up passing away. He shut me out and I was sad and upset but I obviously wouldn’t get upset this time around (10 years later). I mean I’ll keep the faith for her recovery of course, I wish nothing more. But my question to you all is how can I be a support to him at this time? What would you guys want?

"... How can I be a support to him at this time?"

• Make yourself available.

• Reinforce and understanding that your offer to be available is genuine and not simply an offer of obligation.

• Be diligent on checking in with them if an appropriate amount of time has passed and they have not checked in with you.

• Each time you speak with them ask at the beginning of the conversation if your role is to listen, to support, to advise, or to motivate.

• Validate their feelings with your own.

• Acknowledge their views, thoughts, or beliefs as they were conveyed to you before you add your own views thoughts, or beliefs.

• Know your limits and be realistic about them

• Support their hopes, and help them to understand their own limit. Do not set them for them.

In short... Just be yourself, lol. being there for somebody shouldn't be any different than any other day really. Reason you're both friends is because of who you are not who you try to be in a situation just because it's in that situation. You know what that looks like I'm sure."What would you guys want?"

Kind of sort of all of the things I said above, BUT I, myself, tend to be hyper self-reliant and typically don't like too much involvement from others. I don't like to inconvenience people with my own crap and a lot of times, if I'm pushed to include them in my crap, people tend to respond by trying to do too much. When that happens then I'm placed in an awkward position of trying not to upset them or be rude while I'm trying to get all this other stuff done so then it's an unnecessary additional pressure. I prefer to fly solo, but a large part of that has to do with the fact that I had to be self-reliant growing up out of necessity. It's just who I am now. Most people like the whole squishy help me smother me 'stuff', lol. 🤮

click to expand

This was well said. Thank you for that. I need to plaster this on a poster somewhere lmao. And yeah he’s the same kind of person that wants to do everything solo etc. so I always have to empathize that I’m here lol. I definitely try to give him his space as well.

Posted by akitu

Posted by Cg2016

Posted by akitu

Oh god that’s awful. I’m really sorry. How long have you guys been together? Is she in the hospital now or with him? Honestly when things are that bad there’s not much you can do, like he probably won’t have that much energy to spare for your needs which will suck for you a bit. I don’t know anything about your dynamic but what comes to mind is that the thing that would mean the most to him I imagine is not to focus on him but to care about the mum. Or help him help the mum. That’s all he’s going to want tbh. If someone was there with the same goals rather than another person to worry about taking care of. Really sorry that happened that’s really rubbish, wishing you luck.

She’s still home and she just got her results back this past week. I understand him not having time for my needs and that’s okay. I also was wondering like if everyone is talking about his mom if I should be the one he can come to who doesn’t bring it up? Idk. I’ve been asking about her and giving him advice but I don’t want to force him to talk about it if he doesn’t want to as in like keep bringing it up on my own. He’s one of those cancer moons who withdraws a lot but he told me “I can’t run from you” yesterday and I asked him when this all came out to please not shut me out. That’s what the guy did when I was 18 he completely ghosted and that was hurtful because all I wanted to do was to be there. He said it was because I was new. But this time it’s been about 3 years so hopefully I get to be a help idk. Sigh.

Yeah I see what you mean. You wouldn’t want him to feel hassled by it if a lot of people are on his case about it. I was thinking less about talking to him about it and more like if you have a relationship with the mum maybe but I’m not sure how close you guys are... Yeah if stuff hurts we tend to cocoon, I actually have not yet figured out how to stop doing this. Like words are just completely useless when you’re flooded and just feel too much. But i don’t think it’s a bad thing to keep making sure he knows you’re there for him without demanding anything. That kind of steadfast tenacity is honestly one of the most beautiful things and I’m sure he will really appreciate it even if words fail him. It’s tough that it’s long distance at the moment that’s quite difficult. Ultimately I think he will know and understand your intentions and feel your support. 3 years is enough time and water moon connection is easy to feel. I think you will do fine you seem like you genuinely care and that’s the most important thing.

Just gonna tag @saggurl88 in here because she’s usually amazing at putting cancer moon feelings into words

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Aww you all are gonna make me cry 😭. Thank you for this too. Unfortunately I haven’t met his mom yet but like we were on our way to that because I had just met his dad and then boom this happened. But I know how he feels about his mom. I was always asking him about her when corona happened to make sure she was safe. So like he knows I care. I just wish I could be around to give him a hug or idk help with errands or you know those little things that help idk. But thank you for your input seriously.

As a cancer moon, I'm 100% devoted to my family especially if they're not well......and that can be difficult for a partner because my relationship will take the backseat. I just can't focus and be as present if I know and feel someone I've loved my entire life is suffering.

What you can do for him is be present ( text, phone calls... Facetime) ask him how he's doing, remind him you're available if he needs you and be patient.

That's really all you can do. Not adding more stress during his difficult time.

Sorry for your bf's mom and...don't worry you're doing just fine. 🌻

Posted by Basorexia

As a cancer moon, I'm 100% devoted to my family especially if they're not well......and that can be difficult for a partner because my relationship will take the backseat. I just can't focus and be as present if I know and feel someone I've loved my entire life is suffering.

What you can do for him is be present ( text, phone calls... Facetime) ask him how he's doing, remind him you're available if he needs you and be patient.

That's really all you can do. Not adding more stress during his difficult time.

Sorry for your bf's mom and...don't worry you're doing just fine. 🌻

Thank you love ❤️

Posted by poeticseraphim

Posted by Cg2016

My love’s mom has stage 3 cancer. We’re far away from each other now. I have to work in nyc and he and his family lives in miami. A similar situation happened to me when I was 18 with another cancer moon guy. His mom ended up passing away. He shut me out and I was sad and upset but I obviously wouldn’t get upset this time around (10 years later). I mean I’ll keep the faith for her recovery of course, I wish nothing more. But my question to you all is how can I be a support to him at this time? What would you guys want?

I would want someone to listen to me. To listen to my fears. To listen to my sadness. To love me.

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Okay that makes sense. Thank you for this ❤️