Aquas...what would you do?

Aquarians what would you do if you weren't there for your partner and they're ticked off at you?
Would you be clueless about their feelings? Would you avoid them? Act like nothing happened? Try to find out what ticked them off?

It's a really minor thing, definitely not a deal breaker, but I had a slight problem with some equipment (boy territory) and needed his support. I didn't expect him to jump up and come running to help me. (Though, 'do you need help' would have been the proper boyfriend thing to say, though). The least I expected was for him to offer some suggestions that would have helped me solve my problem. But, all I got was jokes and then a completely unrelated response a couple of hours later. Basically, he wasn't there for me.

My capricorn nature leads me to shield for a little while and withdraw/distance a bit. (I usually speak up and tell him right away when something upsets me, but I don't even see the point this time. I feel let down and disappointed, as if he didn't want to be bothered to help or support me at all. Reading between the lines, that tells me that whatever I have going on isn't very important.

So, because I have to follow my nature when I'm hurt and when I distance, what should I be prepared for from his point of view? What should I expect from him? Is this going to be one of these occasions when I have to get over it and act like nothing happened. Oh, I'll eventually tell him I was upset, but right now I just don't feel like it. Maybe it's a subconscious thing to see what he will do. I dunno.

I didn't tell him I wanted help, but he should know me well enough to know I'm not going to ask for it. So, sure, he can't read my mind and that's on me. At the same time though, this incidence makes me wonder and question some things...

We haven't had any issues in a long time, so it really surprised me.

Good point. It is one of the conflicting things between aqua/cap.

I can't help but feel hurt by the lack of caring, though. I feel what I feel.

Oh, and I won't let it affect the relationship. I just need to distance for a little bit.

Posted by truecap


I didn't tell him I wanted help, but he should know me well enough to know I'm not going to ask for it.

I knooow you asked aquas, but I can't not comment on this because I have seen it happen so many times with friends. In all but one case, this is what happened:

She needs help with something. He has no idea. She thinks he should be able to read her. She withdraws. After about a month or two the guy begins to sense that something is off. Her resentment has been built up and after a while she explodes and he is left dumbfounded and thinks she has gone completely mad.

Maybe give him the benefit of a doubt. As you said yourself, he can't read your mind. He may think everything is fine and dandy. If I were you I wouldn't even mention that I'm upset at first, but instead ask his help in the matter. That way you can figure out if he really didn't feel like helping you or if it was just a communication issue. If he then makes you think that he doesn't care enough, then it's time to mention that you're upset. Imo.

Good luck! 🙂

You know, I kind of did ask for help. I said if I do this, maybe it will work, but it's too heavy for me to do it by myself.

That's not direct, but it is pretty obvious.

Posted by HappyCapper

Posted by truecap


I didn't tell him I wanted help, but he should know me well enough to know I'm not going to ask for it.

I knooow you asked aquas, but I can't not comment on this because I have seen it happen so many times with friends. In all but one case, this is what happened:

She needs help with something. He has no idea. She thinks he should be able to read her. She withdraws. After about a month or two the guy begins to sense that something is off. Her resentment has been built up and after a while she explodes and he is left dumbfounded and thinks she has gone completely mad.

Maybe give him the benefit of a doubt. As you said yourself, he can't read your mind. He may think everything is fine and dandy. If I were you I wouldn't even mention that I'm upset at first, but instead ask his help in the matter. That way you can figure out if he really didn't feel like helping you or if it was just a communication issue. If he then makes you think that he doesn't care enough, then it's time to mention that you're upset. Imo.

Good luck! 🙂

click to expand

I won't let it go so far that resentment builds up. I'll say something eventually.

Posted by truecap
You know, I kind of did ask for help. I said if I do this, maybe it will work, but it's too heavy for me to do it by myself.

That's not direct, but it is pretty obvious.

I agree that it should be fairly obvious, but tbh, I would still not rule out the communication issue alternative. Maybe his mind was somewere else that day - happens to me at times. Just think it would be a pity for you to feel this bad over something that may not even be an issue.

It is a healthier perspective to think that way. And I know it's probably accurate.

I just felt like he didn't want to deal with it and didn't really care.

Well, you were there and you know him, and you know if you have gotten that feeling from him before or not. Tbh, I don't think this is such a small thing - it's about being able to trust that a person that close to you is going to be there for you or not.

There is of course another possibility; that he is one of the guys who are super scared of being used in any way. I had an ex who was like that(virgo, though).

But in the end, as I said, this may not be an issue at all - don't be sad until you absolutely have to.

LOL @truecap.

Been in that situation. Its exactly going to happen like Nasha82 says, he more likely didn't realize you actually needed help as they need the actual statement "hey can you help me" for them to realize you need help. Becuase he doesn't know things are wrong..he thinks things are going to be dandy. Then depending on how long you need distance...he will realize you are upset.

He will do 1 of 2 things. He will give you space and wait for things to be okay again, or he'll ask what's up.

But I think at the very least you should bring it up, but don't wait too long or just let it go and attribute it to someone not knowing what you wanted.

Posted by truecap
You know, I kind of did ask for help. I said if I do this, maybe it will work, but it's too heavy for me to do it by myself.

That's not direct, but it is pretty obvious.

No this is fucking bullshit, most retarded shit I've ever heard. Stop playing games and just say what you need, stop being immature smfh

Posted by truecap
Reading between the lines

Avoid this as much as possible. It's the earth sign thing of looking for patterns and a water venus thing to dismiss the good patterns in a moment based on, oftenly, imagined slights.

"Baby, I can't do this by myself. I need your help. I will repay you with a nice massage because it is heavy as fuck 😉"

Posted by Damnata
"Baby, I can't do this by myself. I need your help. I will repay you with a nice massage because it is heavy as fuck 😉"

i like that!

this isn't a sign thing. jesus, truecap. you're just AFRAID to ask him straight.

he probably doesn't even know how to do it, or else he'd be EAGER to help.

and then maybe he feels inadequate. A guy usually has his puffed up chest out and KNOWS he is good at what he does.

if he is unsure, then he's just shuffling his feet around, because, maybe he's embaressed he doesn't know how to fix it or something.

but i dont like those types of guys. lol i love a man who is straight up!! confident and says, I don't know how the fuck to do that shit.

RIGHT ON man. jsut tell me straight. And we'll get a real handyman in here.

Handymen come in: "You rang lady??"

I go through this kind of thing on a daily with my aqua. It can get to you if you let it. Aas was mentioned, you have to.directly ASK for help if you need it. Even if they're staring right at you while you're struggling, they really are pretty much unaware that you might want/need your help.

I tend to let it go, until I can't. Then I blow up and he thinks I'm over-reacting because for him since I never asked before soI didn't need any help.

Sorry in advance for the typos; my phone cuts off half of the reply window so I can't get to all of them to correct.

hmm it might be his pisces mars. lol

or virgo moon?


i was with a pisces mars (pisces sun though) and you had to be direct with him about fixing stuff.

although he'll avoid it, if he doesn't want to do it. just from personal experience.

Bottom line for ANYONE is this:

- Ask directly for what you want, never assume. Never be indirect, never hint. Use clear and concise words. i.e Can you help me or HELP ME!.

- Men (not just aquas) and females too sometimes, are always preoccupied with their own thoughts first. So sometimes people just won't get it even if a person is clear.

I still say bring it up if it bothers you if not...just take it in as...ppl sometimes jsut dont' get it.

Well, after thinking what nasha and happycapper said (sorry I didn't see the rest of the posts til now), I sucked up my pride and asked him if he wanted to bring a wench over to help with the lawnmower unstuck. We talked about location and angles, various options, and he said he would head my way. He brought better than a wench, he brought his 17 yo son who is a champion weight lifter. It was easy peasey - he just lifted up the front and rotated it. Drove it right out of the mud.

I did lightheartedly tease him about his lack of response. Told him I was frustrated yesterday and yeah, all I got from you was jokes! That was no help at all. An offer to help? Nope. Suggestions? Nope. Sympathy? Nope. Just jokes! That I didn't know to laugh or be ticked off. His son joined in yeah, dad, you gave me jokes like that too when I got the truck stuck. So, we ganged up on him teasing.

Anyways, it's all good now. He took us to dinner and we watched a movie at my house.

I appreciate the support from you guys. I knew the answers, I think I just needed to vent and have a sounding board. Thanks for all your help and for being so kind.

And Lisa, I wasn't scared to ask, I just didn't think it was necessary. I guess I know better now.

Thanks again, everyone!

Posted by lisabethur8
hmm it might be his pisces mars. lol

or virgo moon?


i was with a pisces mars (pisces sun though) and you had to be direct with him about fixing stuff.

although he'll avoid it, if he doesn't want to do it. just from personal experience.

Possibly both! lol!

Awsome! So happy for you. 🙂

Posted by truecap
Well, after thinking what nasha and happycapper said (sorry I didn't see the rest of the posts til now), I sucked up my pride and asked him if he wanted to bring a wench over to help with the lawnmower unstuck. We talked about location and angles, various options, and he said he would head my way. He brought better than a wench, he brought his 17 yo son who is a champion weight lifter. It was easy peasey - he just lifted up the front and rotated it. Drove it right out of the mud.

I did lightheartedly tease him about his lack of response. Told him I was frustrated yesterday and yeah, all I got from you was jokes! That was no help at all. An offer to help? Nope. Suggestions? Nope. Sympathy? Nope. Just jokes! That I didn't know to laugh or be ticked off. His son joined in yeah, dad, you gave me jokes like that too when I got the truck stuck. So, we ganged up on him teasing.

Anyways, it's all good now. He took us to dinner and we watched a movie at my house.

I appreciate the support from you guys. I knew the answers, I think I just needed to vent and have a sounding board. Thanks for all your help and for being so kind.

And Lisa, I wasn't scared to ask, I just didn't think it was necessary. I guess I know better now.

Thanks again, everyone!

glad it worked out. and wow! took you all out to dinner too. and cozying up to a movie together. Aw. what a perfect evening.

Posted by truecap
Well, after thinking what nasha and happycapper said (sorry I didn't see the rest of the posts til now), I sucked up my pride and asked him if he wanted to bring a wench over to help with the lawnmower unstuck. We talked about location and angles, various options, and he said he would head my way. He brought better than a wench, he brought his 17 yo son who is a champion weight lifter. It was easy peasey - he just lifted up the front and rotated it. Drove it right out of the mud.

I did lightheartedly tease him about his lack of response. Told him I was frustrated yesterday and yeah, all I got from you was jokes! That was no help at all. An offer to help? Nope. Suggestions? Nope. Sympathy? Nope. Just jokes! That I didn't know to laugh or be ticked off. His son joined in yeah, dad, you gave me jokes like that too when I got the truck stuck. So, we ganged up on him teasing.

Anyways, it's all good now. He took us to dinner and we watched a movie at my house.

I appreciate the support from you guys. I knew the answers, I think I just needed to vent and have a sounding board. Thanks for all your help and for being so kind.

And Lisa, I wasn't scared to ask, I just didn't think it was necessary. I guess I know better now.

Thanks again, everyone!

This is great TrueCap! I love when communication works out and both parties are happy, this is something I really need to work on. 😄