Well, I did it....

After 10 years of flirting, talking about what-if futures, and adventures I finally told my best friend (male Aquarius) that I loved him, had loved him, always would... etc. I informed him that I was ready when he was and put my feelings out there and told him to take some time if he needed it to process, and yeah... that was a week ago. I'm being avoided. Though I expected this because I know he doesn't handle the feels that well, it still kind of sucks.

But I also told him to feel free to tell me if he didn't feel the same, because that is okay too. I just wanted to know where he stood on the matter because the not knowing was more difficult to deal with.

And radio silence. He hasn't read any of my messages since Weds. (only two to check in and ease the possible stress. I didn't plan to send him my proclamation over message but seeing each other in person wasn't happening for us and the moment just presented itself.

Either way and whatever his answer is, I will move forward... but that fact that he hasn't out right SAID he isn't interested is possibly promising? His disappearing act is pretty usual, especially when emotions get involved...

Any thoughts?

Thank you. It wasn't easy but I laid it all out there. He's an Aquarius, not a Capricorn, but still, the sentiment is there.

Time will tell.

Time is.all.you have. Best not to wonder how he's reacting, just live your life as if he said no. Harsh maybe, but it.seems.when.they'rereally faced with losing one they love is when they actually start paying close attention. They don't intend or want to hurt people, but sometimes don't realize that they are until you sort of hit them over the head with it. I'm not suggesting to be rude or hard hearted, but mine finally commited to a relationship when I pretty much walked away from him.

Sorry for all the typos...that was pretty bad, lol.

Thank you. That is what I plan to do. I have two months until I begin my new career after graduating school and my life is pretty crazy, so I am doing just that. I do wonder and I know that he does care, I even dare say love me, but I don't know if he knows that and sitting around waiting is getting old. I'm ready to start a life and so that is what I intend to do, with or without him.

Though, I will miss him terribly if he goes.

I feel a little guilty because I know the message is essentially all or nothing... Kind of... In time we could be JUST friends, but I don't know... There is so much to part with, but the memories are nice.

Meh... I suck at waiting... so since it has been a week, I wrote this...

Mr. Aquarius full name here,
I feel so lucky to have known you. The greatest day of my life, second only to having my child, was the day I sat beside you on that riverbank roughly 10 years ago. You kind of awakened me as I was in a pretty rough space at that point. My grandmother had just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and my family was falling apart and you really gave me new life. Something to look forward to and something to hope for.

You pulled me through some of the darkest places in my life and the best part was that you didn't even know you were doing it. I'm so thankful for that. I'm so thankful for every moment I got to be a part of your life because it was in those moments that I felt like I belonged and was where I should be.

There are a lot of things I regret and wish that I'd done differently between us, but this e-mail isn't for that.

On the 25th, I told you I loved you. I opened my heart and laid it out in front you without expectation, really. I just needed to get it off my chest. I saw that you read it and you didn't respond and I thought perhaps I'd overwhelmed you and that I shouldn't panic. Still confident on Friday I sent you yet another message and said to take time... but you never read it, it appears. So, I've just come to the conclusion that this is all done.

Perhaps I should have taken the hint in Ireland when (good friends' names here) said you just thought of me as a friend... Maybe that was the easy way for you to say that without actually saying it. Maybe I should have taken you saying 'I'm not a good person to wait for' as an admission of having no feelings for me... And even more so, this is exactly why I have probably not been invited back to go on other trips.

But, I am taking the hint now. The silence is really deafening and you won't have to worry about me and the 'drama' any longer. Most of it stemmed from the fact that I really wanted to tell you I loved you.... especially after we cuddled last year, I knew. I wanted to say it then but I just was so scared that I'd intimidate you in some way and you'd run... Now look at what I've done.

But if after 10 years you can't tell me that you don't have feelings for me clearly....
And after 10 years if you can't KNOW and TELL me that you don't or do have feelings for me and you can't decide if I'm worth giving up the bachelor life for, then what is the friggin' point, really?

I was 30 when I told him I was done. Our "whatever it was" had been going on for 10 years as well. I told him that I was done playing around, and we could catch up with each other in a year to see if there was still something there. He agreed (our relationship was really messed up, and needed to change.). I fully intended to be without him and was happy to be.

He called out of the blue 3 months later. He got serious, gave me what I needed, and there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me andd is totally committed. We've been together now for 24 years including the first 10.

Wishing you the best, however it turns out! :-)

Cont'd

If you don't know now, you never will.

So, I'm just going to conclude that I hope you find happiness and I hope that someday you are able to see yourself the way that I do. I hope that you can see the faults with the strengths and understand what an incredible person you are and what a beautiful life you have.

I am not sure that I can be just your friend right now and I don't want to force anymore 'drama' on you or make you feel stressed in anyway with my feelings, so I think it is probably best for me to just let go.

So, thank you, Aqua. Thank you so very much for sharing life with me for awhile. Thank for sharing your incredibly awesome friends with me and your even more amazing family who I will miss dearly. Thank you for sharing your fears and deepest thoughts with me through these years and thank you for letting me truly get to know you.

I have gained a lifetime of beautiful memories with you and I hope that we cross paths again and can be a point where we can share even more amazing stories.

Live a beautiful and happy life and know that mine is better having known you.

Always,
Me

It's a good message. Now, as hard as it may be, let it go. Hugs to you, I know it's hard. These Aquarians really have that special something". You'll be fine, though.

Oh, I will. And I meant every word. It is no fun having a friend who wants more and not being able to give it and I don't want to be that person. But I am sure some day in life we can reconnect and share life stories.

Onward and upward they say.

I wouldn't send that letter/message or whatever it was. It just makes things for uncomfortable.

Who knows, he may have needed more than one week to process and with that letter, you just push him out the door.

Meh, I think either he already knew and was trying to avoid the subject, or he really is dense and he'll wake and do something about it. The message was a bit long but at least there's nothing left unsaid. My thought is that if he feels the same.way he'll reconnect with her after the discomfort wears off.

wat a douche

I really think I made the right choice. That doesn't mean it makes it any easier.

He's known for a while where I've stood and even experimented with it as well. This is the first time I've put it out there 100% honestly and it was probably intimidating.

I am an Sag/Can/Tau and he's Aqu/Ari/Pis... so we tend to be in sync. Where i throw out emotions he throws in logic, it can be a beautiful balance.

My goodbye in no way kicked him out the door, he knows if he's interested he needs to make a decision but he also needs to think it out. He won't get in a relationship unless he has the practical components in place.

We have both known that if we did get together it would get serious quickly.

I just miss him... a lot.

I think it's best to keep things transparent between you and your bestfriend,that makes for a truly honest friendship.He's known you for 10 years now and maybe,even if it seems that you sent that message a little sooner than you should have,its okay 🙂 he,having known you for 10 years now,shouldn't let you go based on this message of yours,by now,your friendship should become way stronger than that.I think he's taking time to process things, maybe he's thinking about how he should go about talking to you about this... Be patient,I think he'll definitely reply,sooner or later... 🙂 Do update 🙂

Thank you. I will.

Huldra- we've been best friends for 10 years. He and I have both had separate relationships in that duration, it has really been the last 5 years or so and it wasn't so much waiting to tell him, it was dealing with all my other baggage.

That is true. I've got a lot to focus on- a new career, moving... but it feels bizarre to not turn to him with the details.

I'm not waiting. I put it out there and he said NOTHING. He could have said anything but he hasn't.

I have thought about sending a message to one of his friends who is a mutual friend but it doesn't feel right so I haven't. I just wanted to give her a heads up if he hasn't, but again, I can't bring myself to do it.

Nope, just leave it as you have. At this point, any further communication with make you look either foolish
or desperate.

He messaged me yesterday saying we needed to set up a visit with him for my daughter and I this summer for our tradition of strawberry picking. We had casual conversation which resulted in him saying he needed to get away and come visit here. I mentioned I had the next couple of weekends off and we planned a visit which he said " is now in my calendar so it will happen. " And that was it. No mention of my messages, nada.... Does this mean he's ignoring it or giving me an opportunity to talk face to face about it? I'm so confused. lol...

I think he's perhaps planning to meet you in person because he wants to discuss the topic face to face.All the best 🙂

He knows me well enough to know I'll bring it up, so my guess was such.

I do know what I want, the question is if he wants it to. And yes, I did check to see if he'd read the messages because after 10 years of him being my best friend and having radio silence after dropping some intense feelings, you get scared. scared that you lost him, scared of a possible future without him, and fear that you said the wrong thing.

Matters of the heart are not easy and anyone can look at my messages and question any part of it. The reality is that I made this post to cope with his silence and have a place to focus my attention. I am not a perfect person and do not claim to be such and I don't handle these things the way I always should.

What I WANT is very simple... I want to spend every day building a life with said Aqua and spend my life next to him. Whether or not he wants the same thing is the question.

And if he doesn't it means we need to navigate what that means going forward. Murky waters to tread, indeed.

Nope, cancer rising, Sag merc. 🙂

And thanks Huldra, I intend to. It is definitely an in person conversation.

Thanks, cancerdreamer! I'm hoping for the best but prepared for whatever happens. I ultimately decided against telling the mutual friend because i felt he would have if he wanted them to know. I guess we'll see what happens after his visit.

@herlimbicmind After reading through this whole thread, I think it's really great you did what you did. It took a tremendous amount of courage to put your heart out there, knowing what that could mean. I've been friends with a girl for 5 years now, and I've developed feelings like you have, but I'm too afraid of ruining our friendship, so I constantly evaluate it, haha. I sincerely hope the best for your get together, and I think that it's going to turn out well one way or another! Head up high 😄!

Thank you. It did take a lot and I've fought with myself over it but I had to consider which I'd regret more... saying something or staying silence.Time will tell.

Hi herlimbicmind,

I just wanted to add to the other voices here that it's great, and right, that you did this. I hope that you'll have clarity from him when you talk about it. It's hard to be in the limbo zone in situations like this.

It's good that you'll bring it up with him when you meet, if he doesn't. It would be very poor of him not to bring it up or in some way open the door for the discussion so it isn't left entirely left up to you to interject it somehow. If he avoids it in an overt way that is a red flag about how mature he is.

When will you be seeing him? I hope that you'll post about what happens. I wish you all the best with it.

CopperDove,
Thank you. I will be seeing him in a week on the 20th. He decided to plan a visit, finally. He has been really chatty lately which is interesting, but no mention of the 'feels'. To some it may seem rude or inconsiderate, but I think that we have the unspoken understanding that it is an in person conversation. He knows me well enough to know that I won't let it go, it is too important and I said as much. However, he is responding quickly to my messages and making an effort to touch base far more than his usual, so that is nice.

We shall see what happens. I would love if we ended up together, but honestly, I just really want to know where he stands. It will be a good visit, then again, it always is.

Great, herlimbicmind,

All the best for the 20th! If you have that understanding between you, great, even if it doesn't match what some people think he should say/do before you meet. Whatever works best; you've known each other for long enough to understand how the other person might operate.

I hope that you'll get a clear answer. With that, you'll either be able to start what you want with him or begin the process of moving on if he only wants a friendship. I hope it's the former. I know that it's the happier one for you by far. It's so nice when a good friendship can become more. That's far ahead of what most people look for when they date people. A solid friendship base is essential for a good long term romantic relationship. 🙂

Thanks CopperDove.

Huldra, I am a Sag with Cancer rising and a Taurus moon. He is an Aquarius with Aries rising and Pisces moon

@HerLimbicMind

I think its fantastic that you communicated with him about it. No regrets about doing so especially when you have come to terms with it going in either direction.

Please utilize the in person visit you have in 3 days and get the answer you need. In the end, make sure he is clear on what it means if he goes in the "I'm not interested" direction.

Hi again herlimbicmind,

I hope that no matter what happened on the 20th you're okay and what needed to be said was said. I've been checking since the 20th in case there is an update about what transpired - I'm very curious!

Oh goodness! So sorry to keep you all waiting in suspense, life got crazy for a moment.

So, the visit... He came up on the 20th and we stayed in and visited with my family for a little while until they went to bed and then we cracked open a bottle of wine and began to talk. I told him that it really was not okay to just NOT say anything and he said apologized and explained that he isn't very good at formulating responses well. So, I point blank asked him his feelings and he told me that at this current junction he felt just friendship for me. So, with that we continued to talk and he began to open up about some other things... Apparently, he used to have really awful social anxiety before we met (not meaning that I am the one that changed him) to the point that he used to throw up often. I never knew this and I am very energetic people person so it explained a lot of his 'hermit' tendencies. When I asked him when he stopped having the 'potential' feelings he said that he didn't necessarily and that he believes in 'serendipity' as in that whatever is meant to happen will at the perfect time.

I explained to him that I may need a little while to readjust my perspective and he completely understood. I was honest and told him I fully expected 'just friends' to be his response but that I hasn't formulated any follow up questions for closure, but that they'd more than likely come up during the evening. Which they did. He was honest and we had some really great conversation. There was one part of it that baffled me a little bit. I call him a pseudo-virgin because he lost his virginity with his high school girlfriend and hasn't been with anyone since, where I have... and he mentioned... I'm not sure if he was referring to sex or not, that he wasn't sure that he was for me because I was looking for 'that intimacy'. I asked him to clarify and he stated that he thought I wanted someone who was emotionally supportive often and "the other stuff" and said " I don't know if I can be that."

I had to think about that before I responded for a few days and I did inform him of what I was looking for which is not an emotional support person but rather an equal with a life of his own.

I digress. The conversation was nice and we did end up cuddling for a few moments.

I did ask him during the conversation how he would feel if I side stepped out of his life. He said that he'd live his day to day life anyways. I responded, "Yes, but how would you FEEL?" He respond

He responded after taking a few moments and said, "Great disappointment." And I explained that was how I felt at times when he disappeared for the LONG periods of time (over two weeks) and that it made me feel like i talk to myself more when I share a multitude of things with him with no response for weeks. (This is probably where he got the emotional support bit from but that isn't what i am looking for, just to not be ignored) and he said that he reads EVERYTHING I send him, everything and that i should never feel like i am sending too much.

This was all in the evening. When he was preparing to leave he told me to remind him repeatedly about a full moon hike in April and other various activities.

So, we are friends... he went back to his hermit state and is withdraw and processing, I am sure. It was an emotionally loaded conversation and it was very telling. I understand that we are friends at this junction and I don't plan to pursue anymore than that, but I believe there are stronger feelings in the mix that aren't being addressed. My daughter and I will be moving down closer to him in the next six months or so and we'll see what happens.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support. It truly means a lot. I can easily say that his friendship with me is one of my most important and it has always been an honest one and will continue to be.

Oh and just before people start harping saying I'm desperate or crazy, lol... I have known this man for a very long time and know how he ticks. I also have very strong gut instinct. I am in no way 'waiting' or anything like that, I am going with the flow and I am happy that the conversation happened so that weight is lifted from both of us... When you decide you love someone, you change... Whether you intend to or not you suddenly start caring about what they think about your actions or how what you do may look and not having that swimming in our heads is refreshing. I am able to be myself freely (as it should always be) and as is he and THAT is when we are our best selves.

What is the fun in a relationship or friendship if you can't be yourself and spend your time helping the other be the best they can be?!

I am just SO glad I got to see him and hug him. It was so refreshing.

That sounds like a WONDERFUL evening. And it can be quite common with Aquarians to not be very confident sexually, or experienced. It sounds like you have a great grasp of his underlying feelings too. He may not have quite as good a grasp of them. Howeve he may be feeling sub-consciously, continue to take him at his word and be a good friend.

He sounds like a very sweet guy (mine is too). But as much as you love him, don't hesitate to be open to other romantic opportunities, because even if he feels deeply for you, he may never be able to make that leap with you as much as he may want to at some point. If it's meant to be, it will be. Having that close of a friendship is a very good thing, however it ends up.

Thanks so much for the update herlimbicmind! I agree with sultrykitty, above. 🙂

It was great and he is a sweetheart. I am not going to turn from other romantic avenues, however, at this particular moment, until I gradate in May, I am in no hurry. 🙂 Thank you all.