Haffo's experience with Aquarians (Page 2)

This is not about controling someone's mind. This is about being blunt to other people opinions. What if you gonna learn something from that? Wouldn't be that benefical for you? And if you do not let people know where you are, how they can give you suggestion? Oh wait, of course, apparently you don't care about that part...

My cousin is living according to his truth. This is obvious. But there are other truth's around. If you close your mind to others opinions and more importantly if you do not let them know where you stand, they simply guideless about you. They probably will make wrong judgements about you, because this is inevitable. You didn't let them know your facts. It's all about being willing to seek for help. Open your mind and let people know you.

There is proverb for that:

People do learn best on their own mistakes. But only morons learn only on their own mistakes.

I suggest you to learn the word "loyality" and what it consist of.

Primegon

You definetly not getting the idea of living together. You are simply loner. People not just coming along to earn money. There are other things that make us benefit from each other. This is not everything in this life. And why do you call it unwelcomed opinion? How do you know that it is not exactly what you need?

Judge people before outcome? What makes you think like that? I asked him about one thing and he didn't answer it for 2 days. Then when I learn what it is I find it not that important to hide. Now, isn't that an outcome?

You don't know what loyality is because you see only things that you can gain. There are other forms of layility that you have no idea. One of them is protection no matter what happens. And another is unconditional love. Do you know what are they?

"Sure there are companies like that that tell people what to think"

No. This is not what I ment. People "willingly" do things for you. You do not ask them for something.

What I did to him was trying to HELP. The source of it might be "wish to constitute uncoditional love to the relative". You can't say to help of people as "unwelcomed" because you cant predict what might be helpful for you. You have to be open for such possibility. Otherwise you definetly not using your time effectively. What if the thing that people say and apparently "unwelcomed" saves your next 5 years? Isn't that efficient?

Also I get annoyed on one thing:

When a person says truth about you, you stil call it judgemental. WTF? Instead of saying thank you, you call me judemental and ask me to do not repeat. WTF? This is simply limiting my opinios. Why the hell I should follow that suit when it only keeps me slowed down?

You do not understand.

Forget about it.

Unconditional love is letting him make mistakes and being there for him when he needs you to be.What you see as protection he sees as you wanting to control him and you don't care about what he wants,thinks or feels.To him it's messing with his self esteem/confidence and no it's not proving that you really care.It's telling him the deeper motive that you think he's weak,stupid,vulnerable and going to screw up at everything he does,which is true you've stated it yourself in this topic.Your not being a maytr if your not helping him when he falls rather than telling him he's crap 24/7 and is never going to amount to anything,which IS what your saying to people when they're are critisized all the time.Look at Illmatic's becoming my own worst enemy topic,he had people critisizing him all the time rather than incorpurating his good qualities in it too.He's a depressive mess because he's more concerned about making them happy rather than defying them and looking out for himself.I had that problem too when I lived with my mom and stepdad-number one reason I moved out at only 17 they drove me away because the "didn't" care.Now they're depending on me to help them even though I would never amount to anything.

This is one of those compromising moments where you should back off for the sake of the relationship as to not drive him away from you.Maybe not now maybe not 5 years from now but you'll regret it if he doesn't forgive it and refuses to talk to you all together.The other cousin that you're already not talking to needs to be talked to,he's concerned apparently by wanting to know what's wrong.But I think you may recieve your own lecture about letting him know when he's upset,offended,etc. you so he can help you.This is the last post for this topic from me.

Tiamat

I'm not insisting on something about him. I left him with his own decitions. I wanted to help him with "his own decitions". I wanted to support him. But when a person doesn't say what he want or lie about him, I can't trust him. I cannot trust him when one day he makes a decition and on another day he does opposite. This is not stable.

Go check out your love topic real quick haffo and answer that and then are these cousins all turkish raised that way we can see if a culture differance may be causing the differances.

Ya know to see if being totally reserved is a good thing in turkey whereas russia it isn't as required or expected.

I do have cultural difference with my cousins as well Tiamat.

They are somewhat unexpressive as well.

They were raised in culture that is very similair to Turkish.

Okay primegem theres more we gotta incoorperate now to this now.Haffos not strictly from turkey he's from russia originally and is used to free thinkers and doers.Hmm but honestly at a loss now I guess there really isn't much to do with this then.Dunno,could probably run those things by them maybe that they can be more open because of it being like that with you—?

"Dunno,could probably run those things by them maybe that they can be more open because of it being like that with you—?"

That's the whole point of this topic Tiamat.

Have you told them?Cause it's not really a aquarian thing if they are allowed to think and speak freely,you can't shut up some of the one's here in america if they get going.It's like pretty much just a bit shy and somewhat introverted to not much of an extreme on a normal basis with the ones I know.Sometimes they will just sit in silence momentarily with a zoned out or stressed look on thier face-If there is one that is but if it is really bothering them they will ask for an outside opinion as to see if a non biased opinion may help.They're actually one of the more outgoing signs who's confused by us water signs in our introverted ways.

"Have you told them?"

Yes. I told him that he is one of us and he is not bind with traditions when it related with me. He stil continued with that and I left him alone with his ways. I also got pissed off big time, but that part is not a new thing for me.

Primegen

Despite the fact that I do not agree with you, I found your posts informative. For that reason, I wish to know where I can learn all those conversation rules so I won't bump on them everytime.

LOL that sounded like a dumba $ $ .

Could you tell me where I can learn them. If you have link to a web page that will be more far more useful.

Cultural backgroud? It's a mess in me. I lived in many countries. Russia, Turkey, Azerbaijain. I can say I have Russian culture.

So, what I need to know?

That's not a solution. That's bashing.

" I adapt, I don't expect anyone to adapt to me."

How can I adapt when they do not tell what the problem is?

Just ignore them? That is your solution? This is what I do all the time and I'm sick of that. If people would ignore each other then why people live together? To ignore each other? That sounds stupid. If people have anything on their mind to speak about they should do it for a sake of everyone. Why to keep for yourself when you can bring better things? This is very selfish behaviour. You tell me go back to Russia. Instead of telling me what the problem is and focusing on it you simply telling me to butt off. Is that what you call "understanding". I'm not buying that. This is ignorance. You can't say ignorance is better.

Primegen

I've asked you to help me about conversation rules and you brought this cultural stuf. I see you are not at that wavelenght. Anyway thank you. I will find it myself.

"t's not bashing, it's truth. You are the guest in Turkey, don't expect them to change their culture for you."

It's not about changing their culture. It's about not being able to learn it. But you are not there.

This topic is not culture related at all. Why do you try to insist on it all the time? Did I say that I do not understand their ways? It's not about Turks it's about my cousin.

Anyway...point taken..thank you. Now can we speak about conversation rules of "this" place?

Yea maybe you are right. Culture is a big conversation maker. This is what I was not aware of. But the way you suggest to adapt is only a mask. Not truth. Right?

For you yeah it's just a mask but is something you will have to understand as to why they do things thier way that is thier real truth type thing.They think thier way of doings things is right just as you do,again there is no right and wrong especially in these circumstances.The two has to be bridged together,patience,understanding and alot of disipline on your self to get it done and most of all control your temper don't get angry-I'll tell you in a minute why.If your cousin was raised in a country similar to turkey then he is tied to that way of doing it whereas you like to defy it due to your background because your not tied to it.His way is correct for him so he is tied to it and look at how difficult it is for you to just throw your beliefs away,it's the same for him if he was to do things your way.


Okay,back to the temper thing again,I chat with another turkish guy on another message board but he's the complete opposite of you and yeah I do see your point that they are like inhuman androids or something for an expressive person.The reason for it is because they think getting angry is a weakness and shows you are arguing just for pride and ignoring truth.That if you do have a real point that is true you will control yourself to make your points known in a civilised way having control over words of angry and stuff-for him leaving that stuff out is the biggest proof that you may be saying something worthwhile.Play thier game and keep it mellow when your talking to them because you may be coming off as a crazy person to them and you may get them to express themselves more that way but just don't expect it to get too emotional as well.You may be a "freak" over there because you're too expressive so chill down on it and you may get more info out of them and other people not related to you as well.

JESUS MOTHER OF FU***** CHRIST this thread is all fighting!
EIGHT PAGES OF IT!

you should all be ashamed.......

j/k

😉

(This over-dramaization has been brought to you by Pepsi~Cola company)

"dramaization" yep i made up a new word.

It's not fighting me and haffos really married and screwing with you guys by bringing our fights here.😛

j/k

lol

ROFL Tiamat&Primegen

I must admit this conversation made some wavelenght shift in my mind. I become more careful about what I say.

Today I remembered a moment with my cousin. He and me met some guys from same place where my cousin came (same place as a country). Therefore they had same cultural background as my cousin had. But they werent closed at all! They were open any kind of question was replied momentarely where my cousin always prefer silence. Now, if the problem is cultural difference then why those people were so different? They weren't one person, but total 6.

Azerbaijanian

Their mother is very untalkative as well. Their father is not. He is very talkative. And they lived away from their father with their mother alot of the time. Maybe because of that?

I personally disagree with that. I've met many Azerbaijanians and they were even much more expressive than Turkish people. I guess this is because of Russian Culture influence on them. And as we know Russians are very expressive ones. I've never met anyone so secretive like my cousins. All 3 of them are like that. My grandfather sometimes too. The situation where my other cousin asked me to tell him how he can change is a sign that he also thinks something wrong about him among the people he is living in.

My English teacher also said that eastern cultures are very unexpressive cultures. Maybe of that influence too.

I explained this situation to my friend who is Psychologist and he said that this is about a bringing up problems with children.

Probably since he's used to a mother who probably didn't talk to him much.He may just be unaware of how to communicate like other people do because of his childhood.Dunno,I guess your patience and not losing your temper may be the best way to approach it.If it is psychological you can cause him to close up even more by getting mad rather than patient and letting him feel comfortable in how he goes about it and learns to express himself through it.Positive reinforcement basically over anger.

Tiamat

Yes. I do leave him alone right now. But I also gave him something to chew. You know what I mean...


Primgen

Dunno. Maybe.