Haffo's experience with Aquarians

My latest experience with Aquarians is that they are as sensitive as we are. They try to protect their sensitivity throught aloof behaviours. That kinda gives them some sort of protections. Yes, same like we are.

I also think that Piscean sensitivity comes from Aquarians, because there is no similairs in that department elsewhere.

Also, it's kinda sux when they try to protect you from themselves (!) by sitting quiet or even lieing...

" As for being quiet, there are many reasons for that, if you say something insulting or are just dull, those are good reasons."

Agreed

But I think most of the time they do not give a chance to the person. If person said something insulting or dull, maybe you are right to be quiet with that person, but sometimes being direct in pointing out whats wrong works. I can't say all the time, but works.

Oh for goodness sakes Mr. P!!!!! Sheese, you THINK way tooooo much! As Haffo has stated, what really is wrong with expressing your FEELINGS when someone has said something to offend, irrate, bother, insult - whatever the case maybe - how are two people to communicate if one of the persons is analysing what he "thinks" the other is thinking or doing? Who gives a flying flip? this is about being open, sharing what is on your mind, being ooops shall I say it? - VULNERABLE. Yep...can't always be protecting, keeping your self safe....what really are you protecting yourself from? It's all an illusion ya know. Creating things in the mind that perhaps are not really there -it all is so, "assuming."

Being open and honest I feel has nothing to do with how well developed a person is - I will be honest with anyone and if they have a hard time with that, that is their problem and I am not responsible for their feelings, they are. (I will usually preface with...do you want to know the truth or do you want me to make you feel good?) I respect them, yes but none of us can control or figure out how another person is going to respond to what we say or do. The best policy is to be truthful.

I suppose it is all about what type of friendships one desires - and then we choose by our actions and words how we create those friendships.

You really are a fun guy to bounce things off of....a reason for very stimulating convo. Thanks 😉

I re-read my post and sounds a bit harsh - not intending to. I do care about others feelings - maybe toooo much. What I meant to say was and I believe I did, - we are not responsible for how others react to what we say - we are only responsible for sharing our truth.

I think if there is something worthful in your mind about that person, you should tell it to him or her. This is sort of your "obligation" I think. We humans can be immature in some ways. No one is perfect. For that we do share. Keeping everything for yourself is kinda selfish. Don't. Please.

What makes us living together? That makes us obliged in some ways. One of them is this one. If people won't share with each other important things, there wouldn't be any society .

I know you'll probably get mad or think im being judgemental of you for being judgemental or something again haffo.But no unless it's the law noones obligated to do anything cuz in terms of you and some of the things you've stated in terms of yourself and how you deal with people forgiveness,exceptance and compassion is required to have a prosperous society in other peoples point of view.That's just a personal preferance not something that obiligatable

Or in other words if it isn't crime related withholdong information isn't illegal so not required on a larger scale.

Tiamat

Don't bind everything with laws. Laws are for extremes. What we do require for healthy relationships is simply honesty. Laws do not ask you be honest. But people do.

Relationships=Human to human relationships. It doesn't limited by man and woman love relationship.

Human to human relationships also means that some people have to think about it before giving some nonsense answer that doesn't really mean anything to them and should be allowed to have that,it's thier right as a human being to approach things the way they see fit.Again just because they aren't like you doesn't mean thier not being honest because they don't shoot off at the mouth with every little thing it's more honest alot of the time when you are introspective before you speak.When you go on impulses yopu find yourself regretting alot of things because it wasn't true and how you really thought about whatever it is.

What you do describe is not honestly Tiamat.

Honesty means, if you really know something you say it. When you do not know anything you say "I dont know". Not just silence. That is honesty.

Because saying you don't know when you haven't thought about it is also a lie because you could know if given time to think about it.Patience is another human to human relationship must too ya know.

No.

In thit situation you give a different answer. You say "I think this is that, but I'm not sure". Or you say "I have an idea but I'm not that sure about it"...etc. All those are signs of honesty. Being silent could mean many things. For example; It could mean "I do not wish to share", it could mean "I don't know", it could mean "he/she ignores you". Which one? In every case it is the sign of discrespect and makes you untrustworthy.

It's also a sign of disrespect to expect people to answer on command when they don't know what to say yet,in referance to aquarians though they are the most independant sign and don't like to be pushed around or into things.It may be because you need to lighten up and let them be them and they are trying to avoid you because you are controlling and irrational to them.

To answer on command?

Who commands to whom? They are themselves who should be willing to speak about their current minds states. I am not asking them constantly what on their mind. I just know that when a person doesn't speak about what on his/her mind this is sign of untrustworthy person. Means VULNURABLE. I let them be what they are and so do I, which means I stay away from such people. Because they are VULNURABLE and weak. Period.

It's with my cousins. They both are Aquas. And they both were very detached when it comes to tell about what on their mind. Sometimes they even leave questions unanswered. Sometimes it also looks like mind games.

My cousing has arrived 2 weeks ago. And since that he is looking for a house to rent. I asked him about his monetary state and how much he can afford per month for a house. He told me some amount and I said that with that amount he couldn't stay at own house. Therefore he has to stay with us before he gets a job. Simple.

However he stil continued to look for a house. WTF? Didn't we agreed on that one? I asked him why he is stil looking for a house? He didn't answered (One of that annoying situations that I trying to explain). He always turned topic to another and I didn't pushed him for that. Perhaps I was asking him for Greek when he knew English only. Anyway...

Two days later I wanted to help him find a house, and went with him together to find one. At the end of the day, I asked him why do he insist on finding a house because he do not have enough income to afford one. This time he talked?!?!? He said "I want to be in the house because I lived in my parents house for very long time. Thats enough. I want to be independant"...

To be independant is good. I have nothing against that. But boy, you do not have money for that. What you gonna do? Choke someone to death to make him give you money? Why act so secretive when the truth is not that really important thing to speak about? Why to hide it 2 days. Was is that something important that needed to be kept in secret. Was is that important to be quiet and change topic to another 3 times in a row? Why is this all for?

The other cousin was same. I sent him sms with a question and he never answered to it. I mean I sent him a sms. You should be have some respect at least "replying" it? I think I never did any harm for him to deserve such behaviour. This repeated 3 times and get pissed off badly (Actually I was already pissed of from first sms, but whatever). I finally sent him an insulting message where I told him to have some balls and bare some responsibility to answer people messages and don't be such an a $ $ hole. After that message he woke up LOL. And started asking what's wrong, what happened? etc. Just like he came back to the world after I sent him sms. I learned that he actually ignored all my messages that I sent to him (which I experienced with my previous cousin as well) even thought I was just asking normal questions. I was so pissed off. I asked him what I did to deserve such treatment? He said "Tell me what's wrong so I can change"....WHAT—

At the end I told him to get lost for now and I will speak with him when I find some respect left in me towards him.

There that wasn't that hard now was it,haffo?🙂Thanks,for your non aquarius opinion I think they're young and need to learn who they are,what they're about,etc.etc.Now primegen or the other aquarians here may be able to give ya some aquarius insight about it.

Tiamat

It wasn't about being hard or easy thing. Just I post this because cannot think about the situation without the example. Personally I don't need this example to speak about the main point of this topic.

*I just post this because people cannot think about the situation without the example.

That was a joke haffo.Notice smiley after the sentance,doh.Yes i've taken a liking to your way of saying duh as if you couldn't tell already.This whole thing is the reason I picked virgos and aquarius for the most analysing and thinking signs,thier brains are literally sponges and they want to know the whole truth as to form a sound opinion for themselves rather than what they are told.Too many false judgements and information flying around so it's a smarter way of saying your opinion on whatever it is if you know the details.That's your personal call because it's your experiance,not anyone elses.Way too many mistakes by not looking at the whole situation and just forming an opinion without an example for people not directly involved in it.It'd be differant if we were all in turkey watching it happen but we're not so it's only one side of the story.

Well, look at Freebird. She didn't ask for examples to understand where I was coming from. So I still think it is personal preference of choise. And I personally do not need an example for that matter.

Same goes for you to do so too,practice what you preach.How is primegen,ofa and any of the other people who may be new to the situation supposed to know what your getting at if you don't explain what's offensive,insulting,etc.,etc. to you about "aquarians" when they have no clue about your cousin and stuff.It's a two way street you've gotta give what you want to recieve it otherwise you be disappointed,best way to do anything is to lead by example.What i've seen is they have been trying to explain what would make them not express themselves but then telling them they should act as you see fit,that isn't really being themselves by thier true self,thoughts and expressions.That not needing to have an example and explaination is the very reason you have had problems with the judgemental label.Also they have to know what exactly it is your refering to to get an idea of IF they actually do what your cousins do to say if it is or isn't an all aquarius thing.You like debates for truth don't you,well this is a good time for it.This little communication probem is partly on your part as well.Freebird knows your posts well others don't.

But your right it is a personal choice but the ones your having problems with is your cousins and not these guys.

Tiamat

You found a mistake of me here. I did tell that Freebird didn't know about this topic. That was wrong. Freebird did know this, because she was debating in "aloof" topic before. I just forgot that part. Yes then you are right. They need to know the example. I have no problems with that. Actually I posted that exactly because of that. I just added a point (which was wrong) that some people (aka Freebird) doesn't need to hear the story because she can speak about it without it. But in reality she did know that before. My bad. Sorry.

Primegen

I am not against anything you said above. My problem with them is that they are not honest and open. I think I deserve to know something about them dont you? How it will look like when they will walk near you without 1 word spoken? Is that normal for you? If not then why hide these things?

Primegen

What drives me crazy about my cousing is that things that they hide is actually nothing really worth to be hided. I know what is pride of independence etc. I just get annoyed when they hide that for no valuable reason.

Yes I do share everything on my mind. At least I am not inclined to "hide" as my cousins do.

OFA

No I'm not generalizing. I'm referring to my cousins.

"However, they are sometimes disappointed emotionally because their own high personal ideals cause them to demand more of others than is reasonable"

Hell no. Not with my cousins. It always me who ends up be demanding.

"Well, your cousins a feel the need not to talk for a reason that is their own."

This is not good idea. At the end of the deal I learn what on their mind (Hehe, I have my own methods Shhh). And when I do learn that, I understand that there was no valuable reason for hiding it. That ticks me. If you had no valuable reason, why you hide it? This creates alot of trust problems. I can't tolerate that well.

For example: Wishing to be an independant and not depend on family is pretty normal thing. It happens almost to everyone. Even for me. But why to hide it when it quite common thing?

Dunno,you have to get that out of him,me thinks.You could try listing example's like maybe that it is common therefore understandable and ask that question to him try to get it out of him,basically just make sure he knows he's not being judge,going to be looked down on or anything.Show him you can be understanding,tolerant and all that other stuff and it might get him to talk but yeah like mentioned just don't expect him to listen to your advice he probably wants to do it himself or whatever for whatever reason.And ya know pisces aren't innocent of not doing it too only it's called "daydreaming" for you guys so you also sorta know how to understand him to do it too.Talking with him about it and letting him know he can be direct with you without judgements is the most likely way to prove yourself to him that he can confide in you and vice versa.What is his parents like BTW,im wondering if they were really critical or something?

True,to be honest with you haffo I think thats your scorp rising thats doing that.And yes,it's not a good thing,scorpios down side is they expect too much too fast but just expect it without giving it and they overlook things and GOOD people when driven by the wanting to control peoples thoughts and emotions it's actually the second to lowest form of a scorpio descirbed in most astrology books.The good thing with scorps though are the transforming abilities when they learn to trust and think rather than just feel and become crazy,insane people,you'll drive yourself crazy doing it that way.It's seems like that's a stronger influence than the pisces even to another couple scorpios including me.I don't have a very strong scorp influence so I pretty much just give dirty looks alot,mouth off and a perfectionist when it comes to work.

Primegen

He needs HELP. And I want to HELP him. Is that enough reason? How I can HELP him when I don't know what his PROBLEM is?

Tiamat

There is nothing wrong in what I do. He is my cousin. This is the base of trust to be honest. If a person doesn't speak with you, then there is alot of trust problems around. Therefore I need to know what causes that untrustworthy behaviours.

Okay,so tell him your concerned about him if you have reason to believe that and really want to know.What is it that makes you think he needs help besides his privacy issues?Cause if it's just he's a private person it's not really a problem to other people or himself if nothings being hurt through it.What's the deal with his parents and stuff do you know?Ya know do you think you may have seen something that would make yourself close up if you were in the situation?Psychologically speaking,something that may have traumatized him some way mentally.

Also there may not be a problem too,he did give you an answer to your question.The fact that he's your cousin is a good enough reason to trust HIM as well and not be looking for whats wrong with him.He'll come to you when he's ready IF there is a problem you do gotta consider that there may not be one too even if he was a bit slow at doing it.Another possibility that I was thinking was it could be driven by hope for a new future that drove him to get out and look rather than straight out disregard you.Patience you said you do have a problem with this this would be a good situation to practice it.

He was making a mistake by renting a house that he cannot afford. Isn't that a problem that requres assistance? I asked him why he still wants a house that he cannot afford and I got no answer. How should I feel now? He was going to make a mistake that I don't know why, and I should respect his privacy? This is not letting him be free, this is CARELESSNESS.

I am not against anything he wish to do with his life. He want to be independent? Great! He want to be driven by hope for a new future? Great! I have no problem. But why to hide? Especially hide it for two days? Is they are so private things? Even friends tell such things to each other every day. I am his cousin. Do I deserve to know something about him that he always tell to his friends?

You told that I should trust him. Do you think he practise same way towards me? Do he trust me as well? I don't think so. It is he who do not shows trust.

You should probably be saying all these things to him in all honesty.As far as the mistake thing goes it's already been done and he knows now that your suggestion was correct,holding on to that one thing isn't going to make you feel better about this but you can use it as an example.Talk to him but leave out the carelessness comment and critical stuff cuz you don't know what is in his head until he tells you.

Tiamat

He did admit before that he made many mistakes towards me. Isn't that a reason to trust? But in reality there are no change in his behaviours.

Tell him how you feel,let him know you feel like he doesn't trust you and is a bit hurt by it,which you obviously are.Or have you already?

Okay since your doing it again and not answering,if yes,just say fcuk it,let him screw up and he'll eventually really LEARN from the mistakes.Some people have to get knocked down repeatedly to learn to be more analysing and thought through ways of doing things.Elliots already stated change is hard to happen unless something big happens,and just save your energy for when that happens.Kinda like with some of these pisces men problems cut down putting all the effort into him but don't cut off all contact cause he may come around with more experiance.He may just not know himself too well and needs to learn.If no tell him.

"Okay since your doing it again and not answering,"

Why do you think that I'm not answering?

Primegen

I see. You know, I understood your point. You just think that being detached from people is correct. I guess he thinks the same.

So be it, I will leave him alone. When his problems will rise, there will be people near him to help. They probably won't be cousins. It seems he don't really need his cousins at all. And what is a cousin for people? They are just another bunch of people who are no different from anyone else.

Thats really stupid you know?

I am trying to help him and you say I'm being over bearing on him. To understand the benefit of help doesn't requires to see the bottom of life first. I understand that people are totally on different wavelenght with me.

How can people live in cooperation when they think like that? No way...

Imagine that you are a CEO of a company. You have alot of employees in your company. What is the difference between people who work for you "money" and who work for "you".

I'm sure you will never understand that difference with your current mind state.