Hello its me Eleventh!!

Hay Hay Hay it's me and I'm back after a long time hiatus!

So! I have been a member of this website for 11 years now! My first post was back in 2008 as a 22yo, I had just broken up with my ex pisces boyfriend, I literally left him cold turkey, heart broken and to put it bluntly my 20s was ruined because he had abused me physically, emotionally, mentally and I haven't been able to trust anyone since then , I have had sex here and there (some years I've had none) and have had one relationship since then with a libran boy who supported me emotionally while my mum had cancer, he was amazing but we had different goals in life and I broke it off with him and his skitzophrenia came out of remission and I blamed myself for the longest time but I'm at peace with it now, I still love him like family

Anyways for 11 years I've been on here running amuck finding myself in astrology, I've learnt all about what it means to be an aquarian with a scorpio moon and how to process feelings better. I've been here with my suicidal thoughts PLENTY of times and now after all the depression, PTSD, BPD, and every other thing I've diagnosed myself with I'm now in a position where people in my life know me as the astrology guy and look to me for guidance and I'm like wow I'm the last person you should ask lady!

My 30s so far have been incredible, I'm no longer depressed, I still have anxiety but it's just there and not a constant crippling thing, like I forgot what it's like to not have to be a neurotic gum nut.

ANYWAYS! What I'm getting at is that I have big news! So 11 years I became a member here when I was 22 because I broke up with a pisces guy and haven't had any contact with him! Well! He found me on FB and messaged me out of the blue at the start of this year and I'm going to copy and paste what he wrote. This is just crazy because I feel like I feel like I've come full circle with this place.

OK so I tried looking for the post he posted to me but it was deleted and then I screen shot it and sent it to my brother in messenger and its not coming up and so I can't post it in here yet until I find it.

But basically what it says is that he loves me and he's sorry and that I was the love of his life etc.... And it was a huge fucking message.

Anyways what happened was that I turned my life around and he saw that through social media and then reached out to me and even though after all this time that relationship had ruined me and that I missed him heaps I'm at a point in my life where I won't go back to him and I don't love him anymore. Even though I would probably have sex with him I wouldn't be emotionally invested like I was when I was younger. Literally I had nightmares about him cheating on me and breaking up with me (scorpio moon thing)

So yeh, full circle guys! Go me!

Awww thanks guys it's been so long since I've been on here, the last time I was here I wrote a lot of depressing shit and I think I was banned because I couldn't post anything anymore so I randomly checked to see if I could today and I could so here I am.

Thanks xoxo

Oh shit I didn't realise it has my name in it 😅 oh fuck I don't care anyways, I've always been an open book on here since I started.

He says in the letter that it's 7 years in the making but we we broke up when we were 22 and we are 33 now.

So I'm well aware that he is a narcissist and that I'm empathic enough to let him in but he knows I'm strong enough to not let him get under my skin.

Like that message is the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me but at the same time it comes served on a red flag.

I just wanted to write this message because 11 years ago I was a lost little lamb and I've had a secret journey through this site that no one in my real life knows. I've shared the most deepest intimate thoughts and feelings with strangers here that never will be known by friends and family in RL.

Also the reason that I'm back here now is that although I've come full circle after these 11 years it means that the circle has started anew and that even though I learnt so much about myself I have new problems now and that's loneliness hahaha. I'm lonely as fuck and its not that I'm complaining about it, it's just that it's affecting my whole life. I'm surrounded by people and it's always a fun time but my life style sucks as I always work and sleep and haven't grounded myself properly. So I think through my 20s learning about the water an emotions in me has made me emotionally intelligent I'm at that stage in my 30s where I'm starting to learn about earth qualities and being grounded, present and accountable. Its still a vague concept but by emotions and gut are telling me that.

FYI your full name is in that message. Remove it asap. We got people here who are stalker crazy obsessed vibes and will try to hurt you just for kicks and giggles.