How do you guys get depressed?

For me it comes in waves, ill be Tony Robbins for 3 months and then out of the blue I'm suddenly plotting my suicide and people to take with me. I think the thing that brings it on the most is not having anyone to talk to and today it dawned on me that I have no friends. I've always known that I don't have friends but today I actually feel alone which is weird and its making me mad. Its ironic because usually when someone tells me that they're the L word I roll my eyes and conceal my disgust and now I am that disgusting loathsome creature.

I don't even want a boyfriend I just want to find my fucking tribe and its killing me slowly over time because I am a social person and I like to exchange ideas but I can't even find anyone in real life who knows anything about astrology or any of the hundreds of other topics and things that I'm interested in I can't even find someone who doesn't think I'm too OTT. Its not like I want someone there to listen to me whinge and bitch and have a shoulder to cry on I just need people who can inspire and can create shit with a common goal to be fabulous therefore I wouldn't be depressed in the first place!

I want to cry and I can feel the tears but they're not coming, instead I can feel my brain fill up with acid maybe this is what its like to truly hit puberty and really become an adult as I hit my 30s. I can't even get into the same headspace I used to be in when I played Lego as a child, everything is so depressing!.

Now u go..

My spawned from my upbringing. It's something I'm still learning everyday to get over. When I was younger I just never knew how it affected me. I really yearned for a family, it's hilarious because it's true when a kid sees other families around he tends to wonder if there's something wrong with him.

I've tried to win the acknowledgement of my father for years and over that period of time I've somehow decided for myself that I'm not worthy of affection. It creates this tug-o-war effect in that I love showing people I care but the second it becomes mutual I freak out because I'm not deserving of it.

Felt worthless and that nothing I did ever really was worth while. Doesn't matter if I acknowledge it now, I still feel that way at times. I've taken steps to move past that and I guess life experience has helped me a lot. Still whenever I have to put my emotions in the hands of others I still freak out. Rejection not only me but how I have an affect on others. I hate attachments and people's perception of attachment.

Because of that I'm always caring and not caring. I can't allow my moods to swing too wildly because of my bipolar tendencies and once the balance is tipped I have to recluse and go back on my meds.

I don't long for suicide anymore. It's more like "you know what I don't really care if I so happen to die today".

omg that "on the outside looking in" feeling you get like macauley clucking in Home Alone 2 when its christmas and he walks past a window and there's a family having christmas dinner and he out on the street lost, poor little bastard.....so freaking sad.

Aquasoz thats fucked up and given your asian heritage; being a boy you're supposed to be the head of the family and you're not even gay! I blame your capricorn sister!, is she cap? i can't remember but I blame her.....I'm in a very blaming mood today

I bury myself in darkness for weeks. I don't see any light and just stay in that state refusing to come out. as I have a child, I have work at it day by day walking and talking and eating like a lifeless zombie. more or less I focus on taking care of my kid even at a depressed state. I detached emotionally and spiritually when I am in this state. I dont seek help I dont even talk unless asked and the only person that I talk when I am in this state is my daughter.

I am a self sabotage person. I inflict pain where there isnt. I am loved and famly and friends love me for being a complicated woman that I am. somehow at age 10 I have come to realize that I was born pink and different from the rest of the world. I like to look at the darkness in every person and see like to see their pain as well. I enjoy the pain and suffering of other human beings. its weird. but its not a place I also want to be.

as I grew older I keep reminding myself that I cant live in a state like that anymore since I have a little girl that sees me as her world. I cant be a good example for her and I wouldnt want her to gothrough the darkness that I go through. somehow my little sunshine is my light and the darkness is not much darker than 10 years ago.

Posted by Rambunctious76
I wonder if the number of elemental placements may be correlated with emotional and mental mindsets and how susceptible you are to depression?

Water suns and moons imo. OR generally those that are wet as fuck.

I am an Aqua Sun, Scorpio Ascendant and Moon in Aries.

I have always flirted with depression, but never fell into it. Its like, I am kinda depressed because of people around me rather than things that I might have done better. So, its more like you mess up my day, I am depressed.

I know allowing people to spoil your day is not correct. But, unfortunately, I give friendships a lot of importance in life and more often than not, they pull me down with their stupid comments, actions, etc. There are many times, I am with people, but I don't feel connected to them and in those times, I am unusually silent. Immediately, they recognize it, but they think I am in a bad mood. Its not exactly bad mood, but more like I am disconnected with them at that point in time. It happened this week.

But it actually helps. I found out that one of my so called "Good" friend is just about ordinary as I went in to my shell, he least bothered to know the reason behind me going quiet. In fact, I tried to tell him later in the day that I was not in a good frame of mind, and he just said that he is not interested in knowing. I noted it and decided that I will not work hard anymore in building the friendship anymore with him as he doesn't deserve to be close to me. Its like, I can be your dream friend only if you can accept me the way I am. And, till now, I have found very few trustworthy friends in my life.

So, in my case, the depressed mood helps as I found out this week about my so called "Close" friend. It sucks though, without any doubt.

For every 30 days, I need at least 1 'me' day where it's just me, myself and I away from everyone and everything

If too many days pass by that I never get a little bit of solitude, anxiety will start to set in, and my internal clock won't reset or recharge again until I get that 1 day or those few hours (at least) all to myself lol

Idk, I've always been that way. Always been 1 of those kinds of people who can have the best time all by myself. When I need to reset & recharge, it won't feel right or complete unless I do so alone lol Once I get that 1 day of solitude, I'm back to my normal cheerful self that loves being in the company of others =)

Posted by krysrenee7
For every 30 days, I need at least 1 'me' day where it's just me, myself and I away from everyone and everything

If too many days pass by that I never get a little bit of solitude, anxiety will start to set in, and my internal clock won't reset or recharge again until I get that 1 day or those few hours (at least) all to myself lol

Idk, I've always been that way. Always been 1 of those kinds of people who can have the best time all by myself. When I need to reset & recharge, it won't feel right or complete unless I do so alone lol Once I get that 1 day of solitude, I'm back to my normal cheerful self that loves being in the company of others =)

Can't agree with you more. It helps me in many ways. In fact, I didn't talk much to my friends last week and one friend of mine thought I was pissed off with him and stopped talking. I am glad me going quiet helped me in exposing a so called friend who never was a true friend in the first place. 🙂