HOW do you persuade an Aqua man? (Page 2)

^^ but as i got older, wiser and mature, i realise how some things my mother taught me were golden. I may not always agree but they were wise and golden. Also, my father taught me things that were not in a sense verbally said...but it's his actions that showed me how i chose to live my life and attend to my husband. Weirdly as that is....

Posted by Gemsandsugar
(or any man for that matter)

I need relationship advice here folks, not dating advice. I already have the man, for almost a year now. He adores me and pretty much has placed me on a pedestal. But I've got a stubborn one. Idk how much of it has to do with him being an Aquarian or just being a man! He's driving me crazy. He agrees with everything I suggest but doesn't always deliver. Lately he never "gets the chance to do it yet but he will" its incredibly frustrating. I'm not a nag so I I see no point in repeating the same things over and over again. But I've repeated my requests to him several times now and I can't do it anymore. No results from him just excuses. Starting today I will be treating him like a friend and let's hope he notices my disappointment. But if he doesn't! Do I have options? They're pretty important things I want him to do and not about me, but him! He keeps reassuring me he'll get them done when he gets a chance but its been like a month now and its always something, usually related to work or how tired he is. I'm beginning to see a pattern here and I don't like it. It's either he doesn't want to really do them and he agrees with me to not upset me, or he's afraid.. he's not lazy. I need your insight please.

I'd agree with some of the responses here. Don't nag him, but some of these guys really have to get a "Push" but not in a nagging way. they HATE that. I never nag my husband. Oh my god. I don't like that on me, so why would i do that to him. Show him, instead...or just do it yourself. I dont know...mine is different than yours. And if he's tired, let him relax. Give him some good energetic food too, healthy and more uplifting..

I don't know if this is relevant, but I've learned how to approach people. Please don't take it as a manipuation tactic because it's about approaching non-confrontationally and in a non-bossy (pushy) or nagging way.

The boyfriend, for example: If I'd like him to do something for me, I just mention I need help with something. He offers and just helps out. If I want more complements, I wait til the next time I get one and just comment how good it feels to hear nice things like that and I notice he gives me more. If I have a complaint about something, I don't bitch and tell him what he did wrong, but I DO aknowledge when he does right and tell him how special that makes me feel. These approaches give him the option and choice to do more instead of making him feel like he has to do more and he doesn't feel controlled or pushed to do more. OF course, it's not foolproof. 🙂

We're all the same. No one wants to be pushed or nagged or bitched at to do something. We ALL want to please and know we did something right. We all just want to feel like we've made someone happy - that's the best feeling in the world. Positive reinforcement gets much better results than the negative. I know I myself respond to positive feedback.

"that's true. in that context, but maybe it depends. As for your mother, mother/daughter relationships are hard anyway, i got along better with my grandparents. I noticed this in MOST mother/daughter relationships no matter the signs/placements. Some of us are too quiet and keep alot of hurt feelings inside (for the more passive ones)"

My mom is your typical Leo, she possess all the positive traits. Great mom for an Aqua, least for me she was b/c she's easy going, don't dwell on the negatives and we need that.

Leo moms IMO are easy to deal with because they are too busy living in their own happiness and making others happy so conflict is not something my mom desired.

She's my best friend, I was using her as an example. She learned to let me do it when I'm ready, less stressful and I was much happier being Independent because it's part of an Aqua's nature. She knew when to let it go.

As someone said. If it's not a plan then it's not something I'm going to do just because it's mentioned a lot.

Once the plan is set in our mind we will follow through but something like talking about getting married versus planning the marriage, well it's a big difference in an Aqua's mind.

I rebel at a person planning out my life, even if I agree to something I have a right to change my mind or not do it.

A person planning, suggesting, involved in my life is way too structured and rigid and I won't have it, I will rebel.

I can compromise but I shouldn't have to if it's about me and my life.

Freedom to do it his or her way is very important to an Aqua.

Tiki, i dont want to argue with you but i disagree with you that this is NOT an aqua trait. Loads of people in every sign want freedom of what you're talking about. Whether that's IN a relationship or not.

Posted by truecap
I don't know if this is relevant, but I've learned how to approach people. Please don't take it as a manipuation tactic because it's about approaching non-confrontationally and in a non-bossy (pushy) or nagging way.

The boyfriend, for example: If I'd like him to do something for me, I just mention I need help with something. He offers and just helps out. If I want more complements, I wait til the next time I get one and just comment how good it feels to hear nice things like that and I notice he gives me more. If I have a complaint about something, I don't bitch and tell him what he did wrong, but I DO aknowledge when he does right and tell him how special that makes me feel. These approaches give him the option and choice to do more instead of making him feel like he has to do more and he doesn't feel controlled or pushed to do more. OF course, it's not foolproof. 🙂

We're all the same. No one wants to be pushed or nagged or bitched at to do something. We ALL want to please and know we did something right. We all just want to feel like we've made someone happy - that's the best feeling in the world. Positive reinforcement gets much better results than the negative. I know I myself respond to positive feedback.

+1

i believe this is a people trait.

Posted by lisabethur8
Tiki, i dont want to argue with you but i disagree with you that this is NOT an aqua trait. Loads of people in every sign want freedom of what you're talking about. Whether that's IN a relationship or not.

Then you don't understand an Aqua. We are fiercely Independent, we are Independent thinkers, we KNOW, we don't have to be constantly told.

Freedom means something different to an Aqua, it's deeper than just wanting freedom. We are freedom, we are free spirits and we are rebellious by nature. There is a reason why Gem is being met with resistance.

I haven't said anything much different from the other Aquas and I get exactly where they are coming from.

I Agree to disagree.

that could also mean, you don't understand other people, either.

Fine we agree to disagree but i see those under different sun signs wanting freedom and being free spirited and wanting their own way. I never saw it as exclusively this trait for aquas. It seems very egotistic.

Posted by lisabethur8
i see those under different sun signs wanting freedom and being free spirited and wanting their own way. I never saw it as exclusively this trait for aquas. It seems very egotistic.

Actually, the wanting freedom and independence is quoted in all the astrology books and websites as an aqua trait. No its not exclusive, but aquarius is more known for these traits than any other sign. Aquarius is the sign of independence.

from alwaysastrology.com: "The Aquarius Sun Sign personality is brilliant, free-spirited and eccentric....They need to have freedom and have time to be an individual, even when in a relationship"

from cafeastrology.com: "Aquarians need space and value personal freedom. Any attempt to box them in will likely fail."

from horoscope.com: "this is a sign of fierce independence "

Posted by truecap

Posted by lisabethur8
i see those under different sun signs wanting freedom and being free spirited and wanting their own way. I never saw it as exclusively this trait for aquas. It seems very egotistic.

Actually, the wanting freedom and independence is quoted in all the astrology books and websites as an aqua trait. No its not exclusive, but aquarius is more known for these traits than any other sign. Aquarius is the sign of independence.

from alwaysastrology.com: "The Aquarius Sun Sign personality is brilliant, free-spirited and eccentric....They need to have freedom and have time to be an individual, even when in a relationship"

from cafeastrology.com: "Aquarians need space and value personal freedom. Any attempt to box them in will likely fail."

from horoscope.com: "this is a sign of fierce independence "

click to expand

but when I read the other astrological signs some of them vibe to me as well. I am not independent in the way that these astrologers claim to be. Attempting in a box...did you read Pisces Rising? They hate to be placed in a box too.

Plus you choose Air sun men in your life, (your ex husband) I notice, so you may love the independence they afford you.Your current Aqua has dominant Virgo (Also noted for freedom and bachelorhood) the sign most noted for being EXTREMELY picky and is noted to not marry either.

Oh i remember that Tiki has a Leo moon. She feels very strong minded and fixed in her beliefs.

I think it's human nature not to be in a box and we all want freedom. But according to what is written this is predominantly an aquarius trait, as in an aquarius will resist and react more quickly and strongly than the other signs. Most of your fellow aquarians tend to agree with this and I am curious why you are the only one who doesn't. Are you trying to be more rebellious in an attempt to display your independence from the majority consensus?

Just like control is a capricorn trait, and we all want to be in control, however, capricorn feels more strongly about it and takes it to a deeper level than other signs. It's not about controlling people or situations. We expect to maintain control of our own emotions, desires, wants, needs. If we feel like we don't have control over something within ourselves, then we are not right within ourselves. Take away our ability to control ourselves and we will react more quickly and strongly. Ask any capricorn. They will tell you the same or similar.

Just pondering the thought here. I do think its interesting you're reacting more strongly to the generalized statement.

Posted by truecap
I think it's human nature not to be in a box and we all want freedom. But according to what is written this is predominantly an aquarius trait, as in an aquarius will resist and react more quickly and strongly than the other signs. Most of your fellow aquarians tend to agree with this and I am curious why you are the only one who doesn't. Are you trying to be more rebellious in an attempt to display your independence from the majority consensus?

Just like control is a capricorn trait, and we all want to be in control, however, capricorn feels more strongly about it and takes it to a deeper level than other signs. It's not about controlling people or situations. We expect to maintain control of our own emotions, desires, wants, needs. If we feel like we don't have control over something within ourselves, then we are not right within ourselves. Take away our ability to control ourselves and we will react more quickly and strongly. Ask any capricorn. They will tell you the same or similar.

Just pondering the thought here. I do think its interesting you're reacting more strongly to the generalized statement.

and i'm wondering why you focus on ME and if you haven't noticed, the others are very strongly minded about it as well right? But because you side with them, you will take their side. Notwithstanding the huge fact that the entire cafeastrology site is not just on sun sign alone and even says it's all about the charts/synastry and chart placements. Which is odd because you're trying to convince me to think your way. I'm only stating what and how i feel. Your attempt to pull that link without pulling out all the other synastry/placements is only focusing on the sun.

and you've been on here on dxp claiming your aqua is more earthy and has virgo traits. What is Virgo generally? You're gonna get a man with strong bachelor feelings/virgo moon he has right? You are pulling your teeth wondering how to get him to react or get him to make the next move i'm guessing.

oh he has pisces mars right? I almost forgot, so what is it with his pisces mars? He needs a HUGE push. This is what I'm deciphering from your posts about him asking how to get him to take the NEXT phase.

Lisa, I'm not really focused on you, I was just curious why your opinion was so very different from the other aquas. I like trying to figure out what makes people tick. Yes, the other planets and placements have a strong effect too. Perhaps the other signs you mentioned that have a strong independent streak, also have aquarius in those planets. Mine is mars, yes, I don't like being boxed in either.

I wasn't trying to single you out or offend you. I just wanted to get more insight into where you were coming from. I really was curious why you were more resistent to these ideas and generalizations and the other aquas were not.

Were you trying to change the subject by trying to make me defensive on my relationship? If you notice, I haven't posted any frustrations about that in a couple of months now. We are peachy keen.

Posted by truecap
Lisa, I'm not really focused on you, I was just curious why your opinion was so very different from the other aquas. I like trying to figure out what makes people tick. Yes, the other planets and placements have a strong effect too. Perhaps the other signs you mentioned that have a strong independent streak, also have aquarius in those planets. Mine is mars, yes, I don't like being boxed in either.

I wasn't trying to single you out or offend you. I just wanted to get more insight into where you were coming from. I really was curious why you were more resistent to these ideas and generalizations and the other aquas were not.

Were you trying to change the subject by trying to make me defensive on my relationship? If you notice, I haven't posted any frustrations about that in a couple of months now. We are peachy keen.

i always wonder in the back of my mind about "root" of the problem. Maybe that's why. Its subconscious.

you are probably very aqua, Truecap, that's why you vibe well with them. Some people are just very aqua even if they aren't born under those months i notice.

but honestly i dont know if that's the case or not. (shrug) i dont even know if it's because you are very aqua or not. But you seem to understand them better and I honestly dont. I have never did in real life, except for one aquarius g/f i mentioned. She's really the only one. Why? i just have no idea. We can look into stuff and find the root but for me, it's all about energy, feeling things out and how they live their lives. I love stability in my life, i honestly honestly do, and i can't stand instability.

Maybe your planets are predominantly something else?

oh and Aquas like to be right 😛 if you hadn't noticed...

that should go in the handbook too

Posted by truecap
Maybe your planets are predominantly something else?

😄

do you think it's the taurus? LOL they say taurus is STUBBORN! more than any fixed sign together. lmao!!

OMG I think it's URANUS LOL, sorry I have been meaning to make that joke!!!!

Uhh knock knock, may I come back in? lol
I wanted to update you on a few things. First Aqua and I don't live together, fyi.
Also, he called after work and I was hoping he'd pick up on my indifferent tone and lack of endearing words but he had a bad day at work so I just kept my mouth shut and let him vent..
Are you sureee Aquas can't be persuaded? Not even by a spell or a potion or hypnotism or talking to a shaman? 😛

Posted by tiki33
"BS. There's such a thing as COMPROMISE. If you're in a loving relationship, then it's different. However with other people I dont know, and who seem to believe or think they are trying to "Control" or fit or manipulate someone "

If it's something I don't want to do I won't compromise, I just won't do it which is one of the many reasons why he's not doing it.

She asked I answered. It's my own experience being an Aqua so I think I'm a bit qualified to give her some insight on how some of us Aqua's tick. We can be rebellious at heart. Don't ask and ask or we will rebel.

For example, my mom never had to ask me to do something twice unless I just wasn't going to do it then she'd roar at me like the Leo Queen Lioness she is and I'd pick up my pace but that was like pulling teeth, she soon learn just to leave me alone and let me go at it my own way.

Aqua's are fiercely Independent, no need to ask and ask.

I understand this maybe more than other signs because Geminis are very similar and equally rebellious, but you won't even compromise if it makes your partner happy?

Posted by truecap
I don't know if this is relevant, but I've learned how to approach people. Please don't take it as a manipuation tactic because it's about approaching non-confrontationally and in a non-bossy (pushy) or nagging way.

The boyfriend, for example: If I'd like him to do something for me, I just mention I need help with something. He offers and just helps out. If I want more complements, I wait til the next time I get one and just comment how good it feels to hear nice things like that and I notice he gives me more. If I have a complaint about something, I don't bitch and tell him what he did wrong, but I DO aknowledge when he does right and tell him how special that makes me feel. These approaches give him the option and choice to do more instead of making him feel like he has to do more and he doesn't feel controlled or pushed to do more. OF course, it's not foolproof. 🙂

We're all the same. No one wants to be pushed or nagged or bitched at to do something. We ALL want to please and know we did something right. We all just want to feel like we've made someone happy - that's the best feeling in the world. Positive reinforcement gets much better results than the negative. I know I myself respond to positive feedback.

hmmmmm you sound like you're quoting from the book Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. Have you read it??

Posted by aquapiscescusp

Posted by Gemsandsugar

Posted by aquapiscescusp
He isn't ready to reach for that goal yet. If he wanted to, he would have. If he senses you are putting pressure on him he will do it even less because its HIS goal, not yours.

I think you may be right. 😢

You obviously love him very much and want him to reach his goals, too sweet btw, Aquarians do things when it feels right, by intuition and not logic. Step away from his to dos!

click to expand

I had to reread this.. I do love him very much which is why it scares me that he's so stubborn..

But your point is valid and I realize this because it reminds me of my extremely stubborn Aqua father. My poor Virgo mom has been nagging my dad about selling a property for years now , and my entire family has discussed it and tried to have like an intervention about it with him lol.. Logic says to sell something that you are not profiting from, but his intuition apparently been telling him it's simply not time yet.
I'll never get it

Posted by lisabethur8
that could also mean, you don't understand other people, either.

Fine we agree to disagree but i see those under different sun signs wanting freedom and being free spirited and wanting their own way. I never saw it as exclusively this trait for aquas. It seems very egotistic.

And I don't, I've never met a woman that was okay with being alone like an Aqua woman, every Aqua I know is not married, happy, love being alone, I got hitched but I could easily live alone for the rest of my life and be content.

Every astrological sign has different qualities. We are fixed signs so we don't do what others want us to do and the same can be said about other Fixed signs.

Don't get me wrong there is a way to get an Aqua to compromise but as Truecap mentioned, it's a balance. We are fixed so it has to be a balance or resistance will prevail.

This isn't about you so yeah let's not hijack her thread.

Posted by Gemsandsugar

Posted by aquapiscescusp

Posted by Gemsandsugar

Posted by aquapiscescusp
He isn't ready to reach for that goal yet. If he wanted to, he would have. If he senses you are putting pressure on him he will do it even less because its HIS goal, not yours.

I think you may be right. 😢

You obviously love him very much and want him to reach his goals, too sweet btw, Aquarians do things when it feels right, by intuition and not logic. Step away from his to dos!

I had to reread this.. I do love him very much which is why it scares me that he's so stubborn..

But your point is valid and I realize this because it reminds me of my extremely stubborn Aqua father. My poor Virgo mom has been nagging my dad about selling a property for years now , and my entire family has discussed it and tried to have like an intervention about it with him lol.. Logic says to sell something that you are not profiting from, but his intuition apparently been telling him it's simply not time yet.
I'll never get it

click to expand

LOL!

Love this story about your dad..

"I understand this maybe more than other signs because Geminis are very similar and equally rebellious, but you won't even compromise if it makes your partner happy?"

If this was asked to me 5 years ago I'd say yes.

The me today, I've learned to ensure I'm happy too or I won't do it.

I got rid of that codependent attitude that making a man happy makes me happy, for me that was a bullshit response to not feel taken for granted and for the most part was a lie.

If it's only making him happy then no I WON'T do it. My happiness can't come from making him happy, it renders me powerless over my own happiness, I'm responsible for my happiness not him.

I don't fix a man, he is who he is and if I'm not happy with that then I can leave, I refuse to fix a grown able bodied man, plus I've tried that before and it doesn't work.

We came into this marriage very happy with ourselves individually so we don't really find ourselves making concessions to make the other person happy.

Why we don't do all this making one another happy? We are already happy. We know we are not here to make one another happy, were here to share our individual happiness with one another, it's a difference between making a person happy versus sharing our own individual happiness with one another.

I don't ever find myself having to do something to make him happy, he's genuinely happy by nature type of man.

I do find the difference between the men I dated and my husband is the men I dated didn't have there life together and wasn't very happy with themselves versus my husband who had his life in order and was very happy before he met me so being with him felt effortless instead of strained & stressful.

Gem it has to be a meeting of the minds.

Stimulate his mind.

If you can get into his head for example and can create a powerful vision were he can envision and visualize a better life for himself he may just starting taking those steps.

The resistance is mainly in his own mind. Share a vision, ask him if he can take those necessary steps and be there with him, by his side to take them with him.

If he has to go to the admissions office, take him, don't give him a chance to say no and he'll feel relieved that you support him so much you'd go that extra mile or he'll admit he's just not ready.

He may have lost his confidence.

These are just suggestions of course. Wouldn't hurt to try something different.

Posted by Gemsandsugar

Posted by truecap
I don't know if this is relevant, but I've learned how to approach people. Please don't take it as a manipuation tactic because it's about approaching non-confrontationally and in a non-bossy (pushy) or nagging way.

The boyfriend, for example: If I'd like him to do something for me, I just mention I need help with something. He offers and just helps out. If I want more complements, I wait til the next time I get one and just comment how good it feels to hear nice things like that and I notice he gives me more. If I have a complaint about something, I don't bitch and tell him what he did wrong, but I DO aknowledge when he does right and tell him how special that makes me feel. These approaches give him the option and choice to do more instead of making him feel like he has to do more and he doesn't feel controlled or pushed to do more. OF course, it's not foolproof. 🙂

We're all the same. No one wants to be pushed or nagged or bitched at to do something. We ALL want to please and know we did something right. We all just want to feel like we've made someone happy - that's the best feeling in the world. Positive reinforcement gets much better results than the negative. I know I myself respond to positive feedback.

hmmmmm you sound like you're quoting from the book Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. Have you read it??

click to expand

No, I haven't read it. Just seems like common sense to me.

Posted by Gemsandsugar

Posted by aquapiscescusp

Posted by Gemsandsugar

Posted by aquapiscescusp
He isn't ready to reach for that goal yet. If he wanted to, he would have. If he senses you are putting pressure on him he will do it even less because its HIS goal, not yours.

I think you may be right. 😢

You obviously love him very much and want him to reach his goals, too sweet btw, Aquarians do things when it feels right, by intuition and not logic. Step away from his to dos!

I had to reread this.. I do love him very much which is why it scares me that he's so stubborn..

But your point is valid and I realize this because it reminds me of my extremely stubborn Aqua father. My poor Virgo mom has been nagging my dad about selling a property for years now , and my entire family has discussed it and tried to have like an intervention about it with him lol.. Logic says to sell something that you are not profiting from, but his intuition apparently been telling him it's simply not time yet.
I'll never get it

click to expand

I think real estate is a good investment since they don't make it anymore. Value usually increases as the years go by. Besides, its been a bad market for selling the last couple of years. Maybe he's waiting on the real estate market to revive - it is slowly on its way back up. If you can afford the taxes, then whats the point of selling when the market is down?

?? Just a thought from a cappy. 🙂