My Aqua lost his temper and gave me a blue eye... (Page 2)

Ok I was going to leave it that but no, let me lay my cards out...I'm making myself vulnerable but I guess some constructive critism can't hurt right now...

My mom and dad...her a Sag, him Aquarius. They get into the nastiest fights sometimes. I cringe thinking about it. He is the most placid, laid back person I know...likes to tease and get us girls all worked up (very much like my Aqua)but a really really good hearted person (not because he's my Dad anyone will vouch). But my mom is terribly aggresive (I've even slapped her in a fight). She will throw things and she will strike out at you if she's mad enough. Watching her is repulsive...her entire face contorts and she turns into a monster. She's a nice lady though, just don't piss her off, something my Dad has a natural ability to do! So yes, on two occassions I have seen her stand in front of him and get hysterical. I've stood and watched and thought for God's sake someone slap this woman - and on these two occassions he has. Not punched but slapped in shear frustration. My Dad is by no means a woman beater and when it happened I didn't judge him - I saw how she pushed him. I didn't condone it but I also didn't blame it. She will then run off and tell us all (the kids) how he hit her. She calms down immediately. My father is not a woman beater.
When I think back to Friday night, I acted just like my mother in her repulsive rage. I was her.
I don't lose my temper very easily but something just snapped when he carried on accussing me of showing those stupid bloody cards and insinuating that the other single guy and I were in co-hoots and that this wasn't a first. I get terribly angry when I'm falsely accussed and get terribly frustrated when I'm not being understood.
HOWEVER, I still maintain that a man with a back-bone will find the willpower to walk away and calm down. Pushing and shoving does NOT equate to hitting and punching.

I did get his version of what happened in exact detail over the phone. He told me the way he remembered everything (and claims to remember everything).

I happened to bump into his neighbour and probably his best friend at the store last night. The neighbour looked at the black eye and said he's in a state. I said how do you know about it. Said that Aqua had spent Tuesday eve at his place talking, said he needed someone to talk to. Told him (and the neighbour is a very good and moraled family man) what had gone down.

Told him that he'd hit me in a temper and that he is worried he's fucked everything up. I asked the neighbour what his take was on it and he said that he doesn't know what got into Aqua, just knows that he's going through serious stuff with the business but agrees that I shouldn't have gotten the brunt of it. Obviously Aqua hand't told him that I'd gotten hysterical or if he did the neighbour didn't bring it up. I did't feel comfortable talking about something like this with him and so changed the conversation.

I'm not ready to make any decisions yet but these things are playing through my mind and I'm slowly processing them....we'll see where they lead me.

Simply and honestly said - what is happening here are the effects from the cause and the cause being.... LA does not love herself - until this issue is delt with she will continue to create the effects that let her know what is going on within.

These effects are her WAKE UP calls - she may not be in a place to recognize the call (awareness)yet..... hopefully, someday soon her eyes will open and she will be.

This is your personal journey LA and I truly do wish you well.

I work with people in drug/alcohol abuse treatment. I'm a career counselor and assist these individuals in getting their lives back on track. Alcholics, especially, have a very difficult time believing they have a drinking problem. Some people I work with have numerous dwi's and still actually BELIEVE that they were just at the wrong place at the wrong time, some allow the courts to take their children from them- all so that they can continue the path of drinking. Those who gain some insight into their addiction realize that they have actually LOST these things in their lives, due to their drinking- If there are NO consequences to your drinking (lives not falling apart, job still intact, family still around and havent given up on you yet, relationships still in place)- people suffering from alocholismn will NOt see themselves as alocoholics. Some people perceive alocholics to be bums lying on the street...or view them to be a person who doesn't have their life together...the fact is, there is NOT one definition of what an alocholic looks like- because it affects people of every color and class. Because alcohol is culturally accepted (in most places) and socially acceptable versus other illegal drugs, people cannot seem to wrap their heads around this idea of what it means to be an alcoholic. Day in and day out, counselors at my place of work try to get these people to get OUt of their denial...alochol dependent people don't usually get it though. This argument, between LA and her aqua should be one of the first eyeopening consequences they experience with their drinking. But it will probably take many more before they realize how alochol is having such a detrimental role in their lives. One fight alone is not going to be enough, there will most likely have to be a string of horrible events that happen, like having their relationship fall apart, someone gets killed in a car accident or both aqua and LA become more violent. Alcohol does affect some people differently, it is a depressant people! If you are prone to anger problems, or depression- ALochol is going to make many people feel worse when drinking to a point beyond control...NOT better. We all know that one person who has the 3 drinks (like LK said) who absolutely gets belligerant. Some people cannot handle alochol, and although I do agree that there is more going on in their relationship which needs to be addressed...the drinking is a place to start.

btw, my aqua boyfriend has a dwi on his record, he comes from a huge irish family of drinkers and drinks more than he should. He's a quiet drunk when he is drunk, but it's still a problem. He's finishing up law school- could lose his license to practice if he gets another dwi in the future. we're all affected by these issues.

I've come veyr late to this as I have not been around, and I cannot find the original post, but oh please dear if he hit you -- get out!! ANd alcohol being involved, and anger...oh dear please get out and get safe. There is no future with a man who hits you!

Because that's what a Leo is at their very core. Someone with a ton of self esteem. It's one of those astrological life lessons we all have to learn from every sign and self esteem is what we learn from you guys. So really you guys are a good fit in between them.

Physical abuse = emotional abuse...same difference. Emotional abuse tends to be the most common, underrated, overlooked one IMO. Size or star sign doesn't matter - some signs are likely to be more physical (punching), emotional (manipulative), etc, in abusive situations...

aahh so that's why some of Unusual's posts sounds more rammy or lionesque than crabby 😉

"Frankly, I'm surprised that a lot of women who are abused are often very "strong" on the outside or even physically big." -------> UC, I'm not surprised at all and it makes perfect sense. People that are "physically big" are big because they are covering up emotional wounds - it is the weight that keeps them "safe" (so they think) the extra weight is also used as a means to keep others away intimately. So, if one possess low self esteem, they will most likely find themselves in some sort of an abusive relationship.

"I'm not big at all...5'4" and slim and I always meet these large women who claim to have been abused. I can't even IMAGINE being abused or having a man lay a finger on me like that." ------> our thoughts are also a reflection of our lives....you cannot imagine being abused so therefore, you will not experience it. My guess is that you, UC focus more on experiencing loving relationships 😉

I really think that so many women need to find a way to honour and love who they are along with finding out what they stand for. When we find this place within ourselves, we will not allow anyone to abuse us nor will we attract it.

I personally feel that what LA is experiencing is a gift to her IF she chooses to see it that way. She has choices... and I have no doubt that she at this time in her life will make the best choice for herself....and, the good thing is....if the choice she picks isn't after awhile working for her....she can choose again and again and again.

When making choices.....I like to go with the one that makes me feel happy and is filled with love, then I know I am on the right path.

hmmm, I think Leo has loads of self-esteem which can be a counterpart to self-confidence...people with self-esteem may not be confident and vice versa.

Self-confidence can be built/controlled unlike self-esteem

"I will go out and do things that challenge me, and I know I can do them. I have no problem stepping up into a leadership position, or taking charge. If I see a problem, I don't stop and ask if I think I can do something about it, I just start working on it.

Yet, I'm sensitive and if someone is angry at me, i tend to feel it immensely. My first thought is that I deserved it, or I did something wrong."


-WOW! yeah...that is exactly how i am. i never thought of it that way. a lot of confidence but not much self esteem. cause i can walk into a room with ALL the confidence in the world and take on anything...but if someone says something or does something that hurts me, i take great offense to it and i take it very personally.

Hey guys...please don't stress. All is well.
I spent the weekend with my family - fun things with my younger brother and sister.
He called continously, I took some of the calls but didn't allow him to keep me on the phone for longer than 3 minutes max.
He got one of his female friends to phone me and try and meet me for coffee...obviously to try and convince me that this is a once off, won't happen again blah blah blah. Everyone in our little social circle knows...he's told them that he hit me in a rage and feels crap. I've told nobody, just kept behind the scenes. I don't understand why he's not embarassed by everyone knowing. His take is I screwed up, lost my temper, hit her and now I'm sorry I want her back.
Like I said I'm keeping behind the scenes until I've processed some stuff. Seeing my therapist today...have a lot to talk about...she made a plan to come in with her baby (she's on maternity leave). I will feel better once having seen her - always do 😉

I'm still really pissed at him. The blue eye's gone but I still feel numb inside.

As for Leo's having no confidence....that's crap. We are arrogant beyond - sometimes this is good other times not...HOWEVER that confidence can be temporarily knocked. I am very confident, rarely under-estimate myself but sometimes something will happen and for a short while I'll feel somewhat inferior - I think Leo's tend to suffer from an inferiority/superiority complex - it goes both ways, but as for confidence, no I have plenty. Every interview I've ever been for I've been offered the position (I've never been turned down, I've only ever turned offers down) and I walk into an interview knowing they'll want me, so I pretty much take on the, I'm interviewing YOU role.
I don't lack any confidence in my abilities but I can be made to feel a little inferior about myself at times...not my ability, rather my looks, my personality, my status those sort of things but never my ability. If any of that makes sense.

great LA - keep in touch 😉

My ex Pisces (was with him for 4 years - longest relationship I've had) mentally abused me for some time, and did it in such a way that I felt it was my stupidity that made him angry/ridicule me, and it kind of built up over months so by the time I realised that I'd changed and become less confident it was too late for me to change things. Then one night (after alcohol), we were bickering (not even arguing) he grabbed me by the throat and threatened to stab me. That was the last straw for me and we broke up after this. We were living together so it was extra painful, and he kept sending me texts and ringing me all the time asking for another chance; how he was sorry, didn't know what came over him, it was the drink that made him do it, that he loved me etc etc, all the usual bullshit.

Last I heard, the girl he got together with about a year after we'd broken up, is now on the receiving end of regular beatings. And this from a guy who claimed it was a one-off and that he'd never do it again. Makes me sick to even think of how I could have ended up if I hadn't had the sense to just dump him.

""He got one of his female friends to phone me and try and meet me for coffee...obviously to try and convince me that this is a once off, won't happen again blah blah blah. Everyone in our little social circle knows...he's told them that he hit me in a rage and feels crap. I've told nobody, just kept behind the scenes. I don't understand why he's not embarassed by everyone knowing. His take is I screwed up, lost my temper, hit her and now I'm sorry I want her back.""

yeah him not being embarrased by everyone knowing....is sending A RED FLAG....for me.....I don't think this his first time doing this ........might be why he is an single older gentlemen when you meet him....listen maybe he came from a home that had domestic abuse/voilence in the home....you know they say people repeat what they see in their younger years.....they still affect adults......but yeah it's not cool......and for his friends to be cool about it too......is weird....maybe you don't need people like that around you

Cut the crap you two and just sleep with each other already. Geez you can cut the sexual tension in this room with a knife.

As usual I missed it. Probably just find a recap of what happened somewhere on the net. And I don't think this is the right time and place to be talking about this lol.

LeoKitten - what a little cutie :-)

:/

The actual hitting part isn't remembered, it's a blur ... so there's no evidence to conclude that he actually hit her.

She does remember ramming her car into a gate, though.