MY BIPOLAR/Aquas how do you handle goodbyes? (I broke it off with the Aqua last night) (Long read)

We are in love, and she professed to me 2 weeks ago, and me in return. We fell in love hard. Before her and I met her and her ex broke up, but she had told her ex that "maybe after my MCATS are over we can get back together". I found that out 2 weeks prior to the love confession. I told her that (though im non monogomous) Im not cool with dating someone in an already established relo. Than come to find out they had a planned trip to NOLA together. I told her I was not about it the day she confessed her love to me. It was morning and I immediately left her house when she said (btw you know im going to NOLA with my ex right?). see she had JUST finished her MCATS over a week ago. And all this 2 weeks ago. No I wasnt ok. and I told her to hmu when she made a decision. And I left. and she called me and wanted to talk and I said we had to say goodbye so I met her at our spot (whole foods) while she studied. And basically she dropped everything and professed her love to me, after asking me if I was in love with her. That night we left soon after and walked around the art museum till about 1am. Just making our (what we thought woukd be our last) last memories together. Because she still needed to cut her ex lose. (for she wanted us both). But she told me she only fell in love with one person in her life (not her ex) which would make me the second person. She didnt want to lose me.She just wanted to figure it out because her ex pays for she apperantly (and she expressed how much she regretted that dynamic). We said our goodbyes and left in seperate cars. parked next to each other i could see after I said goodbye she was crying pretty heavily. So I got out my car to give her one last kiss.

The next day I went to study at whole foods. She happened to be there sme time. I didnt notice her at first, I was in the inside seating area, she came from the outside to say hi. It was pretty dramatic, like she was all "this is fait! and btw i made a decision!" and turned out the decision was to break it off with her ex in NOLA. So thats where she was last weekend.

Now for context, I had quit smoking ciggarettes recently....

That said,while she was gone, I (now realize) I was experiencing the beginning stages of BiPolar induced hypo mania. Which basically is the early stages of mania without it being full blown. I take bipolar meds so it keeps this from happening too often. But last weekend it started, and Im still in it rn waiting to climb out. But its just is, just something I cant help and need to get through. That said, her and I were to go on a break anyway when she got back. Cause I didnt want to be a rebound regardless of everything. She needed to be single and comfortably first. But, hypomania could not have come at the worst possible time for me..

I externally was always down and internally in pain and imploding. When she came back she acted different, and my hypomania (instead of just understanding and letting her be) became obsessed, and paranoid, and insecure, and everything I am not. (bipolar man, its separate from you, and thats what hurts the most, you want your loved ones to know it really isnt you). And so because I was feeling all these things, I just was "off" and different.

We had gone to the roots picnic yesterday.(we had planned to since we met so broke our little break to go together) And she was in a mood. Not touchy feely like usually, just didnt seem like she was there with me at all. And there the bipolar was fucking with me ALL DAMN DAY. And i just kept telling my self in my head "its just you, its all in your head, chill tf out". OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. Which made it difficult for me to be present and have fun and not obsess over every little thing she did all day. She just kept asking me what was wrong and each time I was like "i dont want to talk about it rn" and shed get visibally annoyed that I didnt want to talk. And than I smoked weed finally hours later and she asked me what I was thinking about and I told her (without talking about my bipolar because my hypomania was talking not my sound mind that knew what was up) so I explained I felt she wasnt present with me, and it was just comming off like that and I could be wrong.. but I was just looking for feedback. My mind was, it wanted ease. But we were at a show, and there was too much going on and I was too high to elaborate. And I was just obsessingggggg after. Not having fun. In my head. Noticing her ex still texts her (which she wasnt hiding from me). But just triggered, all in the very very wrong time to be triggered.

The end when the roots were on I finally realized I was still hypomanic. She said something to me again about my behavior and I apologized for "making you wonder why im acting weird all day" and explained to her that Id talk to her about it after we left. Than (as bipolar would have it) I flipped the script. Became the upbeat, optimistic, fun version of my self again. I was singing to her, getting up and dancing. Just well... hypomanic. Definitely than being in a depressive state though. The roots surprised us with Jill scott at sundown. We both shot up dancing singing "you got me" together. It was just magic.

When we got back to her place she reiderated to me we had sleepover boundries at the moment. Which kind pissed me off because we had spent the day drinking in the sun and smoking and I didnt want to drive all the way home. But we were both sober. So I knew I couldnt leave without telling her what was going on. So I started the conversation "Do you know what hypomania is?". See she knew I had bipolar. But I never told her what it was like with me. And gave her too much credit in knowing which is unfair. So I told her. we both sat down on her bedroom floor for a while talking about it. I explained to her that "NORMAL ME" is more equipped to deal with this seperation between us. but when the bipolar takes over I get in emotional distress and I need closeness. And that this only happens rarely, and seems It happened shortly after I quitsmoking which would make the most sense. and that there is no telling how long it will last. She expressed to me she needed to think (I dont even remember about what rn) about something and get back to me in two days and I explained "I dont have a capacity for this back and forth with me and her rn". And she essentially was like "you cant do me and you rn?"(because both of our needs were in direct contradiction with one another) and I said yes. She was super appreciative at my telling her more about me. She was suddenly super close and affectionate with me again. She was gonna read more about bipolar and watch these youtube videos i sent her about it. Than Hugging me on the floor and telling me she loves me, and giving me kisses. speaking on our love.And suddenly very very interested in touching my thigh under my shorts. Its as if the second I confirmed I was saying "goodbye". That I was putting a stop to it.... well than she seemed to get very aroused. But yet push and pull of my agreeing with her that its not a good idea we sleep together. Than she just kept saying how we would have sex again, she knew it. That it was "that good" and "too good not to have again". Explaining to me her temptation everytime shed be in my neighborhood. Than me replying "yeah it was pretty good" while looking in to her eyes. "No. It was amazing". She replyed back. Than it just happened... I grabbed her and threw her legs round my waist and pulled her on top of me to what became the most tantric makeout session I have ever experienced. For a questionable amount of the I was pinning her against the floor, rolling around it. kissing all over her body. throwing side anything getting in our way. Just pure ECSTASY. She just kept tryna make her argument that we should have sex after all. I was feeling her get so wet. We were both fully clothed and it was as if we were already having sex anyway. She just kept saying "damn I shoulda just grabbed my chance to sleep with you earlier" and "I want daddy to fuck me one more time". But than we both realize the spiritiual magic of tantric bliss we were experiencing. So she let it go for a while, but than I finally gave in. And we had sex. All over her floor. her floor was so wet by the time we were done it felt like we were in a swimming pool. I knew I had to go.. we didnt speak of that after the sex. Just showed eachother as much love as possible up to the final moment. We took a shower together, I got my stuff together, She packed me some food she made that she wanted me to eat while I thought of her. Finally we said goodbye, shared some kind words, and seemed both held back tears.. well I knew I was but than I noticed her eyes were `getting red too but i could tell. She gave me a little kiss, before I turned around. and that I turned back around after to grab her and give her a more commanding, and passionate one. One that demands a memory. I hugged her and whispered in her ear how to never let anyone forget she is a princess and queen and everything in between, and never to forget she deserves to be treated as such". than I noticed her eyes a little read. One last goodbye, and that was it. I left.

I ended up driving to the water front (3am) to cry my little soul out. I just needed to cry alone for a while. And I had my phone on dnd. And noticed she had texted me after i left saing "thank you for being the greatest love I have ever experienced thus far. I can never forget you baby ❤️". Its as if my saying goodbye brought her so much close to me again. Even though now we are so so far. I sent her 2 videos from last night in response. And that im looking forward to her visiting my dreams and me her dreams. and I woke up this morning to her sending pictures of her and I from yesterday.

I guess what Im getting at is (beside venting on this platform) is that Im wondering what she is thinking and feeling right now. Why did my goodbye seem to her like hello?

Posted by hollyhock

It doesn't sound like she has an issue with you being bi-polar. She wants to be with you so what is the issue?

Issue is she also needs a physical break from me rn while she organizes her newly found life post graduating ect. She has a lot going on and there has been distance and lack of consistency and I don't do well with that. (though we still were in agreeance to talk frequently and support one another when she got back from NOLA). The issue is it's in direct contradiction with my needs since Im currently hypomanic. When Im like this I need extra support or else I feel in agony everyday. I need closeness. It just isn't healthy for me to be waiting around for her to be consistent. And she's not solid rn. And neither am I. And forcing it is just not gonna help. And asking her to be someone she cant right now.. well it's a boundary for me. I want her happiness just as much. And she's not equipped rn. And thats ok.It's just not the right time for us.

Posted by lavaliquid1

So are you guys on break? Or is it bue forever?

It's indefinite rn. No time ine. Just a goodbye, and letting fait and the universe take it from here. What we had was so extremely beautiful and pure. And im just glad we decided not to force it and taint it. And leave it on a special note. At least it gave me slightly less pain than if we ended it otherwise. Whatever happens. I came in to her life for a reason and she mine. And we both said goodbye with pure love and gratitude. Not gonna lie, Im very sad and wish it was different. But I just have to be realistic. Real love is about doing something for the greater good, doing right by you and your lover. Being selfless and not selfish. And sometimes that hurts.

Claims he is not monogamous, but secretly is monogamous af

Posted by pisceanloves

Claims he is not monogamous, but secretly is monogamous af

Im a woman. And non monogomy takes different shapes and forms. If you were we'll versed youd be able to understand that non mono people still reserve the right to boundaries. I have reason. I like to start something fresh with someone not tied to a committed relationship as to create something that seems even and fair to me. Because that couple is heiarckle. And hierarchy isnt my jam. Stepping in to a couple who has established their boundries with future plans in mind prior to my existence could leave me vulnerable to being of less importance. There is no one way to do non monogomy. But that doesnt mean i need to conform to a triad, heiarchle poly situation. And not conforming to that doesnt give anyone a right to decide what my boundaries are like you are by calling me "monogomous" just because I don't fit your standard of a non monogomous image.

Posted by hollyhock

Posted by pisceanloves

Claims he is not monogamous, but secretly is monogamous af

Or playing games

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Every one on here loves the word "games". My mental health isnt a game. And Im a woman btw. You obviously are lacking understanding. What Im going through is in fact a back and forth within my self that I can not help. Feel free to read up about bipolar if youd like to debate wether Im being genuine. But I have no adgenda. If I were playing games I could manipulate my way in to whatever ID like. But we want to be togehter its just nothing healthy for me rn. But if it pleases you to put me down have at it. Wont be the first time on DXP people were blind to reality.

Posted by hollyhock

Posted by pisceanloves

Claims he is not monogamous, but secretly is monogamous af

Or playing games

click to expand

Every one on here loves the word "games". My mental health isnt a game. And Im a woman btw. You obviously are lacking understanding. What Im going through is in fact a back and forth within my self that I can not help. Feel free to read up about bipolar if youd like to debate wether Im being genuine. But I have no adgenda. If I were playing games I could manipulate my way in to whatever ID like. But we want to be togehter its just nothing healthy for me rn. But if it pleases you to put me down have at it. Wont be the first time on DXP people were blind to reality.

Posted by hollyhock

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by hollyhock

It doesn't sound like she has an issue with you being bi-polar. She wants to be with you so what is the issue?

Issue is she also needs a physical break from me rn while she organizes her newly found life post graduating ect. She has a lot going on and there has been distance and lack of consistency and I don't do well with that. (though we still were in agreeance to talk frequently and support one another when she got back from NOLA). The issue is it's in direct contradiction with my needs since Im currently hypomanic. When Im like this I need extra support or else I feel in agony everyday. I need closeness. It just isn't healthy for me to be waiting around for her to be consistent. And she's not solid rn. And neither am I. And forcing it is just not gonna help. And asking her to be someone she cant right now.. well it's a boundary for me. I want her happiness just as much. And she's not equipped rn. And thats ok.It's just not the right time for us.

Did she say no or are you saying no.

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And I said I can't have the capacity for what her and I were trying to achieve at the moment. For my mental health was not in the right state. And though she is accepting and supportive of me. She cant give me consistency rn because of her own shit. It's just not working out rn. And she agreed with me that we shouln't force it. It was a collective decision initiated by me. And she stated how happy she was for me to chose self care. That I was doing the right thing and I said the same to her.You wanna call that games? Than if so you are just another close minded brick wall. No disrespect

You over complicate things and you attack people constantly when given any type of advice and then claim they aren't open minded. Pot meet kettle. 🙄

Honestly...you need to just focus on yourself. You aren't ready to be in any type of relationship except with your damn self. Good luck 👍

Posted by LostinmyMind11

You over complicate things and you attack people constantly when given any type of advice and then claim they aren't open minded. Pot meet kettle. 🙄

Honestly...you need to just focus on yourself. You aren't ready to be in any type of relationship except with your damn self. Good luck 👍

Wow you are an ass hole. Maybe read up on bipolar. Because according to your hypothesis I. D.o.n.t deserve love for the rest of my love. Smh.

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by LostinmyMind11

You over complicate things and you attack people constantly when given any type of advice and then claim they aren't open minded. Pot meet kettle. 🙄

Honestly...you need to just focus on yourself. You aren't ready to be in any type of relationship except with your damn self. Good luck 👍

Wow you are an ass hole. Maybe read up on bipolar. Because according to your hypothesis I. D.o.n.t deserve love for the rest of my love. Smh.

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Yeah because I said that 🙄...there you go attacking again and being defensive. Just because you have bipolar doesn't give you a pass. You come off very condescending, controlling, and rude asf. You're self aware, you take meds for it, you see patterns ..so why are you playing victim?

If anything...I see more narcissistic behavior (not full blown but hints) and I don't throw around that word like everyone else does. It shows right in the title of the thread...why you had to make "my bipolar" in all caps is beyond me except for this is about you and not really the aqua.

Carry on tho with your attacks and being defensive with people...

Posted by HearttofTopazz

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣

I skim thru and all I see is "her get wet"

Im like let me go and read this thread 😂😭

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by LostinmyMind11

You over complicate things and you attack people constantly when given any type of advice and then claim they aren't open minded. Pot meet kettle. 🙄

Honestly...you need to just focus on yourself. You aren't ready to be in any type of relationship except with your damn self. Good luck 👍

Wow you are an ass hole. Maybe read up on bipolar. Because according to your hypothesis I. D.o.n.t deserve love for the rest of my love. Smh.

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That's not what she's saying.

To put it nicely, she is saying - especially if you know you are bipolar then you should protect yourself first and get yourself balanced. You will never be 100% mentally but you will at least be able suss things out properly before getting into situations that might make life difficult for you.

Everybody deserves love, but not at the expense of our own mental health and wellbeing.

You need help for two reasons:

1) being this long winded

2) thinking you’re not monogamous when you really are.

@arielle83 predicted this in one of your dear diary threads.

Posted by ELIGAB

I skim thru and all I see is "her get wet"

Im like let me go and read this thread 😂😭

😂😭😂😭😂😭😂😭...That got pretty heated didn't it.....lmbo

I didn't realize you were female...i seen some of your post about this aqua girl..

So question the ex that she took the trip with is also female or is it a male ex.....just curious? is she bisexual?

Whats your sign?

Posted by LethalFantasia

Posted by ELIGAB

I skim thru and all I see is "her get wet"

Im like let me go and read this thread 😂😭

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The funniest Elmo pic 😂😭😂😭😂😭😂😭

Careful don't want to burn that WET WET out...lol 😂😭

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by aquarius09

You need help for two reasons:

1) being this long winded

2) thinking you’re not monogamous when you really are.

@arielle83 predicted this in one of your dear diary threads.

Oh uh

Can’t wait for the vitriol

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LoL! This was long time coming though. It was too quick to be true.

Posted by aquarius09

You need help for two reasons:

1) being this long winded

2) thinking you’re not monogamous when you really are.

@arielle83 predicted this in one of your dear diary threads.

Tbf, she's polyamorous - which means there are still boundaries ( a lot more boundaries since multiple partners), similar to monogamy.

What I don't agree with is her not putting down those boundaries when she was aware of the Aqua not being totally over her ex. She waited 2 weeks to finally say something (as if hoping the Aqua would magically get over her ex), which to me, is quite manipulative.

Posted by Arielle83

My hypomania sounds cooler than yours.

There she is. Miss America

Posted by aquarius09

You need help for two reasons:

1) being this long winded

2) thinking you’re not monogamous when you really are.

@arielle83 predicted this in one of your dear diary threads.

Bruh “you need help”. Wow you are an idiot. Even with therapy and medication (which both I take) you can still become hypomanic. 1) we still love each other and Arielle predicted I’d “ruin it” when nothing is ruined and quite the opposite happened. And 2) just because I do not fit in to your societal description of what non monogamy is, doesn’t mean you can go ahead and call me monogamous just because I do not want to enter a heiarchle established relation ship/ poly relationship or triad. Being non mono doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries and conditions. Not everyone is the same but obviously you haven’t researched enough to form any opinion at all on the topic.

And 3) watta exploit someone’s mental health to make a point. You must be a very kind person

Posted by 1177aquagirl1177

I didn't realize you were female...i seen some of your post about this aqua girl..

So question the ex that she took the trip with is also female or is it a male ex.....just curious? is she bisexual?

Also female yes. I actually really respect her ex. She was all about her and I getting together

Posted by 1177aquagirl1177

I didn't realize you were female...i seen some of your post about this aqua girl..

So question the ex that she took the trip with is also female or is it a male ex.....just curious? is she bisexual?

Also female yes. I actually really respect her ex. She was all about her and I getting together

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by aquarius09

You need help for two reasons:

1) being this long winded

2) thinking you’re not monogamous when you really are.

@arielle83 predicted this in one of your dear diary threads.

Oh uh

Can’t wait for the vitriol

click to expand

You take too much credit for manifesting negative projections on to others. But you can’t make the experience with this aqua negative. We had a beautiful and respectful love start to finish. And you can never take credit for that. But go on with ya bad self hater

Posted by Ram416

Posted by aquarius09

You need help for two reasons:

1) being this long winded

2) thinking you’re not monogamous when you really are.

@arielle83 predicted this in one of your dear diary threads.

Tbf, she's polyamorous - which means there are still boundaries ( a lot more boundaries since multiple partners), similar to monogamy.

What I don't agree with is her not putting down those boundaries when she was aware of the Aqua not being totally over her ex. She waited 2 weeks to finally say something (as if hoping the Aqua would magically get over her ex), which to me, is quite manipulative.

click to expand

This is where you have it confused. The aqua is totally over her ex. To the point that she was telling her they were ending the relationship even

Before the trip. She even had been brutally honest telling the girl “our relationship is just not good anymore” and that no matter what she wanted to date me. Her ties to her were financial at best. And she had people pleasing tendencies and is terrified of making people upset at her. (She told me this many of times) and I helped her get through that. The problem wasn’t the ex. It was something completely different. And too bad everyone is missing my point 😢

Posted by La_Mariposa

Cancer girl,

You are way too messy. All over the place to say the least. Please work on your mental health before entering any sort of relationship/friendship.

I’ve been working on my mental health my entire life. Hypomania happens with no warning and can happen the rest of my life sporadically. So are you saying i don’t deserve love for the rest of my life? Sweetheart I’m not a mess if I recognized I should walk away to care for my self smh

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

I think you’re using your very serious illness as an excuse to be unclear and play games.

Um. I was very clear with her. And using my mental health is an exhausting form of manipulation. If I wanted to manipulate I would do something way easier than this bruh. But if you knew about bi polar you would understand. People really do turn mental health as an “excuse” when they have no fucking clue what they are talking about. I am in the midst of hypomania and she coulda made two decisions with that. She made the decision that would effect me emotionally had I conformed to it and I told her that and so we came to a collective conclusion. I fucking hate dxp. I really wish I didn’t make this post

Honestly I wish I didn’t make this fucking post. Everyone here is calling my mental health either an excuse, or not even a factor to be concerned with, or sympathetic toward. Everyone here wants to bash emotions like it’s a toxic plague. Well all ya’ll are doomed to a sour soul for the rest of your lives for not wanting to feel your own feelings and love other’s for feeling theirs.m (in a healthy way of course). But we live in a culture where that is frowned upon. Shame. Go read some tantra and chakra books where they express the effects of emotional blockage byeeee

Posted by bmoon8

To hell with people who write these really long-winded posts and expect others to read them. Not happening. And before you go on your bipolar rant and want everyone to read up on it to understand it.. I am bipolar. I take meds and have been stable for over 4 years.

I havn't herd that in a while......"To hell with".....I need to use that in my next disagreement..... 🙂



I can hear myself now.......... "To hell with that $ hit"

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by 1177aquagirl1177

I didn't realize you were female...i seen some of your post about this aqua girl..

So question the ex that she took the trip with is also female or is it a male ex.....just curious? is she bisexual?

Also female yes. I actually really respect her ex. She was all about her and I getting together

click to expand

Oh okay. I think why some were confused about your gender is because you said she said something about wanting "daddy" when you were intimate...anyways

I think you should just leave her alone, focus on your health and what your going through if its so important to you and don't want to be misjudged.

Long story the most important issue is YOU right now and your health and take control like the other Aries lady says she does. As you can see no one will feel sorry for you

Have you tried asking her talking to her

Posted by GemLover

Posted by 1177aquagirl1177

Posted by bmoon8

To hell with people who write these really long-winded posts and expect others to read them. Not happening. And before you go on your bipolar rant and want everyone to read up on it to understand it.. I am bipolar. I take meds and have been stable for over 4 years.

I havn't herd that in a while......"To hell with".....I need to use that in my next disagreement..... 🙂



I can hear myself now.......... "To hell with that $ hit"

I say "the" hell with....

That shit irks me when these users say "to" hell with.....

I don't know where they from to talk like that

Sorry op this ain't got nothing to do with your topic. I might be bi polar myself given the fact I'm a triple gemini but probably just don't know it. I never been diagnose with it but I am diagnosed with depression. I don't know if that's the same.

And again just in case you overlooked my earlier post.

DO NOT POST WHATEVER HEALTH PROBLEMS YOU ARE DEALING WITH

I'm not angry when I said that just because its written in case letters. I'm expressing that with authority.

And please be advised not to listen to bluemoon. Some people can post their mental health issues and not get attacked verbally.

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Remember when you bullied me for having depression?