No matter what I do, I just don't get him!? (Page 2)

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by tiki33
"Maybe NOT for you. But i am married to one and don't mind one bit at all. I would RATHER be possessed by my husband and it feels good.
stop trying to say "aquas" this and "aquas" that, cause in REAL LIFE i know of at least two couples of this pairing and one is long term too and for celebs quite a few too."

Trying to possess an Aquarius male is challenging, he's not easy to tame and he'll only become domesticated if he chooses too, it has to be his choice and not necessarily about what she's doing or not doing.

Mysti can do nothing to change any of this as long as she's TRYING to change it.

I don't know...because i've seen some earth and water sun lasso in an aquarius man easily. It really all depends, though and the placements and upbringing/situation.

in this case, the OP i'm guessing chose a really clueless aqua man who doesn't know anything about women and their needs. OR he just doesn't like her, which i feel he should be confrontational about it, and not lead her on.

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+1

Posted by IAmMystified
@tiki33

I've even done that too. I've left him alone and did my own thing. What happened?

He either got upset with me cause he felt like I was purposely ignoring him therefore having "attitude" as he called it.

Or

He kept joining every conversation I was in and started talking to the person I was talking to, thinking only conversing with the other person was his way of talking to me too?

Mysti it's not about him being upset, he can choose to be whatever he wants to feel, that's him.

If he's not doing anything that directly demonstrate he's into you then he's wasting your time and energy.

I think you're over analyzing his behavior and makes come across a bit needy and controlling.

You're fixating on bad behavior which includes attempting to fix the behavior, you can't.

He's picked up on how you react to his bad behavior and like most boys (bad boys) do they continue on with it b/c it garners MORE attention effortlessly, builds & deepens attraction which creates intense tension and if enough tension is manifested it becomes easier to get sex without having to give you a real relationship.

It's bad boy behavior, different men but same pattern, the pattern works, look how involved you are with him and he's done nothing but be bad.

At this point you have a few options.

You can be done with it. I'm not talking about pretending to be done but really be done b/c he's not stepping up.

You can continue "trying" to make sense of it all and spend a significant amount of your time creating an attachment to him mentally/emotionally that will not serve you but entrap you emotionally which makes it harder to move on.

You can confront him about his behavior. Tell him how you really feel.

He's pursuing you but not in the traditional kind of way which is why you're confused. He's getting mental stimulation with the mind games he plays with you which is preferable than actually having a relationship.

Lol ceu that confused me.

Like I said I tried to ignore him and do my own thing and I made new friends outside of the same circle but it never fixed the issue.

I want my friend back. I know it's gotten worse because he's not trying as much as I think one should and yet when he does try I'm beyond frustrated and offer him no encouragement either.

As hard as it is for me I need to stop letting past disappointment dictate perception. Because all it does is create lack of faith in not just him but probably people in general.

I used to be happy and optimistic and I looked forward to things.

Thanks all. Although I have no clear cut solution it's made me realize that half the battle is moving past what was and look toward what will be.

Posted by tiki33

Posted by lisabethur8
@tiki, no you can't speak for all because you're NOT me or the next person who is one born in jan/feb.
it's offensive. because while i do agree on few things you say, i disagree with alot of things you do say. although, i'll respectfully say that you do so with good intentions.

LOL
Last I checked I'm grown, I can do what I want and say what I want.
I'm not here for you, I'm not seeking your approval and I don't need you to agree with any of it.
Lisa this isn't about you, I'm not sure why you're making this about you.
A simple you can't speak for me Tiki will suffice. We can agree to disagree and move on from it.

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I suppose. Until next time. I have a feeling it won't be the last.

Please don't argue on here. This is a serious situation. What I'm going to do is not take his "aloofness" or "ignoring" as I call it to heart anymore, even if I see him act super social with everyone else.

Though what I don't like is:

1. How he interrupts and butts into every conversation I'm in and takes it over so that people start talking to him instead. He does this EVERY single time someone talks to me.

2. When he does talk to me he says what he says and then walks away fast and doesn't even wait for my answer.

3. If he also does talk to me he says what he says usually from across the room and I can't hear him so I have to go to him. I hate that, if he wants to talk to me he has to come to me.

So how do I get him to stop doing those things? Cause telling him to his face didn't work.

That's not being "aloof", that's being rude. I probably would just ignore him and walk away myself. Like if he shouts across the room, well I didn't hear you.
If he talks, then walks away, I wouldn't even answer at all unless I knew he was willing to hear what I say.
If he interrupts my conversation and takes over, I'd call him out and say "Sorry, I wasn't finished, don't interrupt me" right in front of everyone OR I'd just keep talking and not hesitate at all and see what happens.
Or I'd call him aside and give him a piece of my mind in a very calm and rational manner.

Honestly, he's rude with no social graces, why do you like him again?

Because he's amazing!

But seriously, I think he only does this because of not knowing how to relate to me anymore. He actually had social graces before. He was Mr. Manners. I think with all the problems we've been having and me exploding on him he probably is more likely unsure of how to talk to me anymore.

Not that I'm justifying his behavior but he honestly was never like this before, either that or he's just VERY clueless.

I remember one time he was asking a mutual friend if they wanted to check out this one restaurant that's known for exotic cuisine and they declined becuase they had other plans. Anyway later on I guess he overheard me talking about my plans.

And he's like "Hey YOU! Why didn't you hang out with me and go to xyz restaurant—?"

And I said "BECUASE YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME DOUCHBAG!"

He said "Yes I did!"

And I said, no you didn't "You were talking to XYZ. Did you ever come up to me and said hey "MYSTIFIED" wanna go to xyz restaurant?"

He said "No." and then he got quiet

Then I said "Okay then!?" and I walked away annoyed.

There are other times where he wanted the whole group to go somewhere and soem couldn't go cuase they had plans, but he didn't even ask me because apparently I didn't even have the option of saying no. I was going anyway. So he also has in the past has the tendency to assume that if he's going somewhere, then I'm going too automatically.

It's weird.

I am really trying here. I've always considered him one of my greatest friends and have always thought that I treated him in the same manner.

But I guess when he started becoming popular within our mutual friends and his own friends and I feel by the wayside, I guess because I was hurt at being left out my personality changed to, and I'll admit I haven't always treated him well. I felt and still feel justified though.

But he's different. Towards me especially. I'm not sure why and what's going on in his head but whatever it is, he's choosing not to convey it, not that they talk about their feelings so much but he used to. I suppose that means I lost his trust, or I ended up being not what he thought.

I don't know what else to do. Maintaining the freindship and regaining what was lost will always be important to me and I don't think he's going to be the kind of person I'd be okay with giving up on.

If you don't have a "true self" you can't give "yourself" you don't give what you don't have.
When you invest too much energy in aquas men you don't gain intimacy or too much understanding of them. NEVER.
(they need to protect the erratic and unpredictable self) Try to remove that and they
end with almost nothing, they feel that they loose themselves. The ego to them is everything, the facade portrayed to the world. Narcissistic maybe... In the sense that they have to be special, different,shocking and all that fun stuff...to the expense of everybody else. Most of them are brilliant but autistic emotionally speaking because they can't relate to the rest of us. To me that is drama too, not passionate like "common people" but drama anyway a passive agresive game kinda. I see them catatonic and they see emotion and confrontation as been bi-polar. Perspective in this case is a bitch.

Don't waste the opportunity to grow closer with somebody because you want to know what the hell are they... Been in a relationship is to be able to share feelings and empathize and care about been understood. Is been able to help another human been to grow and let him to help you do the same. But when the other one is alwayyys the best... Then you know that is no room for anybody else in that pedestal.

Burning lots of daylight with this Aqua guy. I have a female Scorp friend who has this type of association with an Aqua male...it has lasted 8 years of back and forth.

Screaming matches (Mostly her screaming.lol.) hurt feelings, and psychodrama.

Finally, she walked away and now he calls her all of the time. She is dating an Aries man now and is much happier.

Life is short. If you only had 6 months to live, would you want to spend that time fretting about this guy?

@Arianali I know what you mean. The sad part is, I used to be so comfortable around him now its just awkward. I don't know what to say to him anymore. But you are right when you said to not waste opportunity just because I'm so hell bent on figuring him out. When things were going great, there was no doubt or distrust or anything.

But now that's all there is.

@firewaterearthvenuspisces HA you just described us. Problem is sometimes Aquas (maybe the males) don't have an idea of how their actions affect other people. I guess if I can just get myself to depersonalize everything which is hard, then we will be okay.

I mean like a couple of days ago, I was so frustrated by him yet again (saddened to) taking it personal and boom he randomly approaches me and asks me if I watched this show and then he asked if I watched specific movies (he gave me a list) and we talked abotu them and he said next time he saw me he may just "let me" borrow the dvd. He was teasing of course.

I was shocked but I guess the key is to just not think of them until they want you to?!

Posted by IAmMystified
@Arianali I know what you mean. The sad part is, I used to be so comfortable around him now its just awkward. I don't know what to say to him anymore. But you are right when you said to not waste opportunity just because I'm so hell bent on figuring him out. When things were going great, there was no doubt or distrust or anything.

But now that's all there is.

@firewaterearthvenuspisces HA you just described us. Problem is sometimes Aquas (maybe the males) don't have an idea of how their actions affect other people. I guess if I can just get myself to depersonalize everything which is hard, then we will be okay.

I mean like a couple of days ago, I was so frustrated by him yet again (saddened to) taking it personal and boom he randomly approaches me and asks me if I watched this show and then he asked if I watched specific movies (he gave me a list) and we talked abotu them and he said next time he saw me he may just "let me" borrow the dvd. He was teasing of course.

I was shocked but I guess the key is to just not think of them until they want you to?!

The key is to live your life. He sounds like he could be cool to chill with once in awhile sans deep feelings. Aqua has a breezy element to it and Scorps rock the stormy seas vibe. You can't wrangle the wind. Once you learn and apply that you will be able to navigate the association much better or cut it off without making it personal.

OK, OK! From reading the extra details @ImMystified, it seems that dismissed you a long time ago. He seems like he was once interested in you (as a friend and maybe a potential lover...because Aquas are usually friends first then lovers, and if he was only interested in friendship, he wouldnt have such weird 180 degree behavior) It seems like he changed his goal of pursuing you and along the way, started pursuing someone else (and just talks to you out of guilt, out of ego (just knowing you will still take his shit and interact with him because he's such a "great guy"), when he's bored or just to convince himself or you that he's still a decent friend/person with decency because he still somehow interacts with you). Because trust me, if he genuinely cared, he wouldve gotten the facts straight and directly conversed with you about you guys' friendship a LONG time ago. It seems like his interest is fading/faded. I would just drop it. It's not worth it.

@firewaterearthvenuspisces I'm learning that now. That's how I was before, I was aware of his friendship even when we were close but I didn't place expectations on him and it was always a pleasure whenver I did see him but I guess now I have this subconscious standard placed on him, when I never had one on him in the first place and then BOOM now I do.

I guess I got so nice at being geniunely cared about and I do know he does care, but I guess being a scorpio or just being me, I made it too difficult for him and confused the crap out of him.

Whoa....sooo much debate on this relationship. Really enjoyed. Wanna know how it ended.