SO CONFUSED BY AQUARIAN MAN !!

Hi All,
Ok, I apologise in advance for the length of this, I just need to explain everything for you to get the bigger picture and could really really do with some advice??_
Last year I met and Aquarian guy, we were seeing each other for a couple of months and things were ok, although I did often wonder what he was thinking and I never discussed feelings as I thought it was too early days and didn't want to put the pressure on. In the end, he ended things, he said he thought I was a great girl, enjoys my company so much but not sure if its anything more than that.
He then proceeded to make contact in one way or another with me every day for the following two weeks, he then called me and asked me what I was up to at the weekend and I invited him out with me and my friends. When we met he told me I looked beautiful and we had a great night, ended up spending the night together. I emailed him about coming out the next weekend and never heard back from him. I later discovered a month or so later that he got back with his ex girlfriend.

I moved on with my life, dated someone else for a bit, which didn't work out and then was single and quite happy and just enjoying life until a couple of months later, he began commenting on my facebook updates, called me about work stuff that there was no real need to do and then prolonged the conversation, emailed me asking what I was up to (I always sounded busy) I heard he split up with his ex just after august and had been asking about me and he eventually turned up at my work just to say hello. The next night he turned up in a club where he knew I would be and we ended up kissing and spent the night together and we ended up —seeing each other?? which has lasted for the last five months.

Again, we I went with the flow, never discussed feelings as it never seemed the right time, I let him do the running and invite me round etc which he did and at times I spent 5 nights at his flat, even spent the first night in his new flat with him, went to dinner with his friends, he took me to his mums, spent Christmas evening together and he was at my families on boxing day, he bought me a lovely watch for Christmas and a nightie set, when he went skiing for a week he called me twice and texted etc during that week and was round mine to pick me up on the way back from the airport, his friends said he doesn't shut up about me etc, so I was basically reading between the lines, hoping that he did have feelings for me even

even though we hadn't actualy talked about it, to be honest I was too scared to put the pressure on and thought do labels really matter lets just see how it goes..

But eventually I got fed up as he would be aloof at times, for valentines day he bought me a jokey card and a little manicure set and as it was his birthday the same day, I bought him a sat nav and cooked him dinner etc but was worried it was all too much, just didn't know what to do for the best.

Then it got to a point last week where he seemed so matey with me on the phone that I had to take action, I was so anxious every day, not knowing what I meant to him, so i asked him round to talk, he came round, and I said all I wanted to say, saying that we talk about everyone else, everything else, but not us.. He nodded in agreement, I said I do have feelings for him but am not sure that they are reciprocated. He said that he felt the reason we hadn't discussed it was because he had basically been avoiding the subject, he felt we got on so well and wanted to see where it goes but maybe the chemistry just wasn't right. He said that sometimes he had felt bad, especially on his birthday, he felt guilty and that I deserved someone who can give me more than what he felt. He said it was never black and white with me, it was a grey area and he just didn't know how he felt. We talked about our past relationships and we were getting on great at that moment, like the brick wall had lifted and we could talk freely and we laughed and said how silly it was that we had felt so tense before. He dropped me at my friends but oddly as I went pulled me in for a kiss goodbye (a peck on the lips).

So I accepted it and braced myself to forget him. Then the next day he emailed asking me how I was doing etc, I assumed he was just being friendly so read into anything, went away for the weekend to get away. Then at 2am in the morning the following night he text me, asking how my Friday night was going, I didn't reply until the following afternoon, he asked me what I was up to that night and I said I was away and going out to a club, he asked me to promise him that I would take good care of myself. Then the next morning he text me inviting me round for Sunday lunch, I wasn't sure what to do, I didn't know if it was as a mate or what, I nearly said no to play hard to get but was worried that I would regret it so I went, we chatted like before, he said he had bought tickets to a festival and did I want

want to buy one off him and go together, he offered to lend me money to book my driving test and had bought chocolate cake and saved me some prawn crackers from a meal he??d had two days previously as he knew I loved them. He joked about with me and in the end we kissed and one thing led to another. After I said to him, what are we going to do, he said that he didn't know, I said well I cant be friends with benefits, he said he had missed me not being around over the weekend, I looked at him and he said lets not talk about this now, I know im very complicated.

Then he asked me if I wanna sleep over so I did and went we went to bed he pulled me into him, kissed my forehead and we cuddled as we went to sleep. Got up this morning and had breakfast, and when I said im going I wasn't sure what to do about kissing him goodbye, I looked at him and he walked over and kissed me on the lips, then put his arm round my sholders and pulled me into him, I said ah I dunno what we are going to do, he said neither does he. And I went. (also he said I can leave my bag at his house as I had it from the weekend, so I did but im going to pop in and get it tonight)

Im so confused, I really have no idea what to do, I really want to spend time with him and feel maybe that will bring us closer but I just know one thing will lead to another and its hard to say no as there is definitely a strong physical attraction between us and I don't want to make it weird when we are together, im being advised by some people to ignore him. the reason im writing here is because I really feel that Aquarians are different and want to understand how to handle him !!

He continually tells you he does not have serious feelings for you, and then you sleep with him. He's been clear about his intentions with you - he's left you for a woman he felt more serious for, and yet...you continue sleeping with him.

Go pick up your bag of things and do not stay the night with him. He's not that into you.

He sounds like he is capable of treating you sweetly, but he is getting what he wants from you, so he should be sorta sweet. But it sounds like you would like a fullfilling, communicative relationship with him. Tell him that that is what you want and not to call you/contact you until that is what he wants with you, too.

Yea, I agree with Libra. I am having problems also with an Aquarius man as it is, but that is with him actually saying every so often that he really likes me and wants a relationship! If he was saying he was "unsure", I would definitely have a more clear answer.

One thing for sure, after sleeping with him i would def ask for a "label" if he cant give you one, stop and move on right there! There's too many stds out there to not know if you are 100% exclusive with someone you are sleeping with.

I think it's pretty clear that he has you "on the side" , especially if you slept with him soon after seeing him unfortunately. Definitely move on! What is your sign btw?

It sounds like his heart belongs to someone else. If he wanted a true blue relationship with you, he would have told you by now. And when he says he's not sure about where you guys are going next, it probably means he's still holding out for his ex, another thing that supports that is the fact that he said that he's complicated. I don't know, you don't have to take my word for it but that's just my two sense, as I have found myself in a similar situation. I was avoiding relationships too, although I didn't sleep around with other girls, and that's the only difference between me and your friend.

Whatever you do next is your choice. You could stop seeing him, or wait it out or something, but ultimately it's up to you.

Also, I'm an Aquarius my self, if you were wondering.

I was also doing some more thinking, because I didn't want to have my two sense be subjected to only one point of view.
But thought I might add that I have an Aquarius friend, and he was really into the whole friends with benefits thing, and he also avoided relationships altogether, and he was also in a similar situation as your friend.

I don't see anything ambigious in this situation at all...you two have communicated, but he told you something you didn't want to hear. You continue trying to hear the things you want to, which is that there is some hope of a relationship with him. There isn't, he has said as much to you more than once.

He continues to contact you because he's human and he likes your companionship, friendship, body, physical relationship.

I myself have dated a handful of aquarius men, and they do prefer friends w/benefits relationships. They are easier for them. If you don't want that (and I can clearly read that you don't) you need to say good-bye and move on with somebody who does want that. This man will only cause you grief.

When an Aqua is ready to commit, hell...when a MAN is ready to commit, this is not how he treats a woman. It is very clear when they're ready.

1. All of the in-betweens don't really matter. He told you that he didn't see committment in the future with you 2. Committment is what YOU want & yet you're still sticking around even though this guy has told you numerous times that you 2 weren't on the same page.

2. I don't think this situation is confusing at all. I think you're making it more complicated than it really is b/c you want to make excuses for him. You're over-complicating things so that you'll have a reason/justification as to why you keep staying around. You know that the min. you finally get real with yourself that it means you'll be hitting the exit door. But you're NOT ready to run like hell yet, so instead you're sub-consciously deceiving yourself into believing that he's sending you mixed messages, when in reality he's really not.

3. Stop sleeping with him.

4. Stop trying to convince yourself that committment is not that big of a deal. It IS, that's why the word "committment" is always on the tip of your tongue. You're allowing this guy to come into your life & falsely convince you that committment is not all it's cracked up to be & sadly, you're starting to believe it. You're starting to give up on what you truly want AND deserve all b/c you don't want to let him go.

5. He has no need to commit to you. He's getting all the benefits already. You're always available, you never know how to say "NO" to him & you're always willing to invest all your time, energy, conversation & self into him even though he HASN'T really earned any of that, especially now. It's no wonder he has the "Don't fix what's not broken" attitude about things.

6. He's not going to let you go b/c he's the 1 whose getting all his needs fulfilled. What's even worse is that he knows that you're NOT, but hey in his mind that's YOUR fault & your problem b/c he knows that you're a grown woman who has the will-power to walk away & "go get better" like you deserve. But you won't. And until you show him better than you can tell him that you deserve better, he's gonna keep milking you for all you're worth.

7. All that sweet talk & all those long kisses don't mean a damn thing if he's unwilling to allow things to go further to a committment level. Stop paying so much attention what he is saying/doing & pay more attention to what he's NOT willing to say or do.

8. This man's hesitation to commit probably has NOTHING to do with you. Which makes it even worse. That explains why you keep doing everything RIGHT but yet still coming up on the short end of things. You can show this man the world, do everything right & work/drain your ass off,b ut it won't really make a difference b/c his reasons for not wanting to commit are b/c of HIS inner demons, & not b/c you must be doing something wrong or not giving/doing enough.

9. What you've done so far isn't even enough, so why do you think giving him even MORE of your time/energy will somehow produce a different outcome? If what you've invested & showed him thus far hasn't been enough then it never will be. Atleast it won't be enough until HE'S ready to commit. And unfortunately, by the time most commitment-phobic men are ready to commit, the chick he's lead along for 5 years finally flew the coop!

10. Move on. He's not right for you. You were absolutely right the FIRST time. Commitment is absolutely not only what you want but what you deserve too. Don't trick yourself into believing that this guy is the best that it gets b/c he's not. There are plenty of guys out there who have good charm, will have great chemistry with you & yet be absolutely OK with showing you their appreciation by committing to you. Here's the thing: You'll never get the chance to meet those other guys if you keep entertaining the 1 guy in the world who STILL doesn't feel that you're enough.

I would say I agree with everyone if it weren't for the fact he took you to meet his mom, spent the holiday with you, and is buying you shit - obvious signs he cares for you and isn't completely using you. However, he doesn't know what he wants and that's just the bottom line. I think he knows what is holding him back, but doesn't want to say what it is. How did him and his ex end...she break his heart or did he leave her?

You can either accept how things are and roll with it, or you can leave him because he's not giving you what you want in a "label" sense. Just make sure your happiness comes first.

Wow, thanks for all your replies, I really appreciate it.

I think the best thing I can do is move on, it's scary as a big part of me wants to stick around in the hope that it might develop, I cant help it, he does confuse me, for example last night I went to get my bag, instead of just handing it to me, he invited me and my friend in for tea and when made a point of kissing me goodbye.

I asked him about his ex when I ended things last week, he said that she was real high maintenance and when they got back together in the summer, before he knew it she was moving down from where she lived and had got a job in his area and he realised it wasn't what he wanted and told her that she couldn't move in and it was all way to much and she needed to stay up in Scotland where she was from or get her own place down where he lives, she apparently went mental at him and it ended. She did move down and has been working down here for the past seven months but he has had no contact with her aparantly, he said he deleted her off his and his families facebooks which did make me wonder if it was more as he couldn't seem to bare hearing about her, or maybe he genuinely just wanted nothing to do with her after how she acted. I just don't know.

I said to him maybe its un finished business and he should give it another go, he said that she would never have him back after all that and in any case he would never go back, which I wasn't sure maybe just mean, she wouldn't have him back full stop and maybe that's why he is the way he is as he feels maybe he made a mistake and is still hoping for reconciliation.

I gave him a get out and he could have taken the opportunity to go back and try to rekindle things with her, or move on, but for some reason he didn't want to stop contacting me, don't get me wrong although we do sleep together, there have been many nights ive stayed with him and we havnt done anything like that, just enjoyed each others company.

So no one thinks I should stick around ? he knows that was a big thing for me to have that discussion last week, I thought he wouldn't come back just to muck about after that but who knows. If he phones and texts and emails to ask me to go over should I ignore him?

Sorry just to add, I think the other thing im worried about is that if I do —go off the radar?? and be all funny he will think I'm acting high maintenance and just playing games and any chance of —us?? will be out the window. I havnt done any running regarding meeting up, I have always let him be the one to contact me and just been getting on with my things in the meantime and if im busy have not cancelled plans.

He did call me up one night singing I love you baby down the phone aswell so I do think that he has been confusing and it is not entirely fair to say that he is being loud and clear and that I am being blind. with regard to Aquarians point of view though, will turning my back put him off me or will it make him run like the wind if there is any true feelings? Or should I still hang out with him and just see where it goes? Is there really any need for labels? Does that just add pressure? Even if we shook on it and agreed we are boyfriend and girlfriend theres no guarantees??_. I really dont know how to deal with this, im sure sooner or later he will call to meet up, do i take it like with the knowledge of how i feel that he is really just seeing where it leads and wants to see what happens or should i assume he is just using me now and i'm an idiot to stick around..

QUOTE: To attract an Aquarius man can be easy, but keeping them and gaining commitment can be almost impossible. Aquarian men are totally committed to non commitment. They are very independent and would be very unwilling to relinquish this in a long term relationship. They hate to be tied down and will want to explore many options before settling down — if ever. But on the upside, if you can get an Aquarius man to fall in love with you and commit to you, you will have him for keeps.
If you want to attract an Aquarius man you'll need to ditch all emotional and romantic ideas and appeal to the Aquarians mind. You'll need to interest, intrigue and mystify an Aquarian man. You'll need to dazzle him with scintillating conversation. Don't be too up front and wear your heart on your sleeve as an Aquarian man will want to analyze and work you out for himself. Aquarius men need friendship, trust and mutual respect before they can consider a romantic relationship. You will need to be the best friend of an Aquarius man to stand a chance of a long term relationship with him. You will need to match him intellectually too. But the most important thing to do with an Aquarian man is to allow him freedom and independence.
To keep the interest of your Aquarius man do not be too clingy and needy with him. Allow him to analyze you but do not attempt to analyze him. Just be accepting that he has a different and often unconventional approach to life than others and you won't go far wrong.

————

"he said he thought I was a great girl, enjoys my company so much but not sure if its anything more than that.
He then proceeded to make contact in one way or another with me every day for the following two weeks, he then called me and asked me what I was up to at the weekend and I invited him out with me and my friends. When we met he told me I looked beautiful...later that he got back with his ex girlfriend"

and

"I said I do have feelings for him but am not sure that they are reciprocated. He said that he felt the reason we hadn't discussed it was because he had basically been avoiding the subject, he felt we got on so well and wanted to see where it goes but maybe the chemistry just wasn't right. He said that sometimes he had felt bad, especially on his birthday, he felt guilty and that I deserved someone who can give me more than what he felt."

and

"I said well I cant be friends with benefits, he said he had missed me not being around over the weekend, I looked at him and he said lets not talk about this now,"

He doesn't want a relationship. He has said he doesn't want one. It doesn't matter that he can be sweet - I will give you that, he's not an asshole. He's nice, tender, caring, all the things you're actually looking for which is why it makes it so hard to see clearly that he is telling you he is not the one for you. Contrary to popular belief on these boards, I've always found Aquas to be nice, tender, caring...they love human connection. They love feeling connected with somebody.

They do not like committment, and it doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter if there is a "grey" area. There is a big difference between an Aqua who clearly doesn't want to commit and one who is taking it slowly. I'm afraid your Aqua is not interested in a relationship. Again, I recommend you tell him clearly what you know you're looking for and ask him not to contact you until he agrees he would like the same with you.

And for all the advice about attracting an Aquarius man, don't forget the most important part - he has to attract you, too. He has to fit in with you're wants and desires before you sacrifice and compromise for him.

How will he "trust and respect" you if you are not geniune to your own desires. Aqua sees right through somebody catering to their needs. He'll keep using you as he is...for companionship and sex because you allow him to. Aquas can be very selfish. You cannot let his supposed "needs" come before you're own.

What do you want? Is he providing that for you?

He cares about you, but about himself more. This is a man preserving himself first - you should do the same until he is willing to become more vulnerable for you. The fear committment because they fear abandonment. They are insecure. They cannot get into a relationship that doesn't demand something of them because they are afraid that there is nothing at stake.

Make your demands, girl! Don't just blow him off if he texts you, communicate with him and tell him what you need from him. He may surprise you in a couple of weeks to tell you that's exactly what he can give you.

A man opening up to you about his ex could be seen as a good thing. After all, it shows his willingness to be open with you about personal matters.

HOWEVER, in your case, him confiding in you about his ex WON'T make him like you any more than he's already willing to. The focus shouldn't be about the who's, what's, where's, why's & how's with his ex; this is about YOU & him.

His ex could've been the spawn of satan, for all you care. That's besides the point. You are NOT her, so if he's already started comparing you to her, watching your every move or analyzing your every emotion all just so that he can prove to himself that you're NOT her, than that even further proves that he's NOT ready for anything serious with you. When a person is truly ready for a commitment, they'll not only verbally tell you, but they'll give you a clean chance & slate; they'll be so pre-occupied with you that their ex will barely cross their mind.

Sounds like you're not really ready to let him go yet. No matter what he does/doesn't do, you're always there ready to make an excuse for him.

You're trying to convince yourself that he's sending you mixed messages & that he's so confusing. I don't think anything he's done/said has been confusing at all. He's TOLD you that he didn't want to be with you & he's SHOWN you that no matter how hard you try or what you do, that you don't have a shot at being his girlfriend.

You're so confused only b/c you're seeing only what you want to see & only hearing what you want to hear, instead of looking at the overal big picture

At the end of the day, he still WON'T commit to you. He still WON'T be consistent with you. He still WON'T stop comparing you to his ex. He still WON'T offer you what it is that you truly want & deserve. Sorry, but all the occasional flowers & sweet talk aint worth a damn if he's not giving you what ultimately matters: committment.

And who cares if he becomes OFFENDED/INSULTED that you finally flew the coop & starting focusing more on yourself! He'd be a pretty arrogant bastard to expect for you to hang around forever & not get what you deserve. Only someone whose selfish would be "hurt" that you finally decided to go out there & re-claim what you deserve (self-confidence/esteem AND a man that actually WON'T cringe at the thought of committing to you).

Pst! Him being insulted or knocking you for moving on would be the same as him insinuating that he's the best that it gets! And honey, NO he is NOT the best that it gets! TRUST ME!

It's 2011. You only live once. These are days, weeks, months & years that you will NEVER get back.

And if you're gonna risk being unhappy all to spare his "feelings" then you better be damn sure that he'd do the same for you if the tables were turned. (I'd be willing to bet you $ 1Million that he'd dip on you in a heartbeat!)

The guy is NOT ready. Does it really matter why he's not ready? No, it doesn't b/c even if you analyze his every life moment down to the detail, it still WON'T bring you any closer to being his companion. Even if you tried "fixing" him, it wouldn't work b/c HE has to be the 1 to fix himself & HE has to be the 1 who makes HIMSELF ready.

You're gonna wear yourself out. You're going through all these emotional loops & rollercoasters & getting barely any pay-off or gain from it. And if this all comes crashing down, YOU are gonna be the one whose out of luck, mentally/emotionally heartbroken & feeling mighty resentful.

Right now he's just sitting back. He knows that if he keeps giving you a little sweet talk every blue moon & teasing you by dangling a rope that says "I MIGHT commit to you" that you won't go anywhere! Place yourself in his shoes! He's getting ALL of you w/o the commitment at all. He doesn't have an incentive to commit to you b/c he's already getting all the perks of a relationship w/o actually having to be in 1. This dude has you right where he wants you!

Move on! F him! Tell him to call you when HE'S got his shxt together! And if he's LUCKY, you MIGHT still be on the market around that time

Chitty chitty bang bang

oh shut the fuck up and stop being such a douche bag!

Posted by MissConfused
Sorry just to add, I think the other thing im worried about is that if I do —go off the radar?? and be all funny he will think I'm acting high maintenance and just playing games and any chance of —us?? will be out the window. I havnt done any running regarding meeting up, I have always let him be the one to contact me and just been getting on with my things in the meantime and if im busy have not cancelled plans.

He did call me up one night singing I love you baby down the phone aswell so I do think that he has been confusing and it is not entirely fair to say that he is being loud and clear and that I am being blind. with regard to Aquarians point of view though, will turning my back put him off me or will it make him run like the wind if there is any true feelings? Or should I still hang out with him and just see where it goes? Is there really any need for labels? Does that just add pressure? Even if we shook on it and agreed we are boyfriend and girlfriend theres no guarantees??_. I really dont know how to deal with this, im sure sooner or later he will call to meet up, do i take it like with the knowledge of how i feel that he is really just seeing where it leads and wants to see what happens or should i assume he is just using me now and i'm an idiot to stick around..

If you have made the decision to move on then do exactly that - move on. But do it knowing that any chances are probably out of the window for good. Hanging around in limbo is WAY more painful in the long term than making the decision to move on and actually mean it.

I agree with NZ. You've gotta start putting YOUR needs/standards/feelings 1st. A person that truly cares for you won't have the guts to knock you for doing something that's right for YOU, even if what's right for you includes you leaving them alone or walking away from them.

Don't pretend to be moving on or pretend to be busy or pretend to be anything. Literally BE it. If you walk away, mean it. And when you're truly ready to walk away, you'll be twice more concerned with your OWN wellbeing moreso than theirs. Putting yourself & your needs 1st for a change doesn't mean that you care any less about him.

You're more considered with being a ride or die for him, but you forgot about yourself. And to be honest, no man will truly have an incentive to wife up any woman who doesn't have a backbone. No man wants to settle down & agree to enter into a long-lasting union if he knows up front that he controls everything & that he can do what he wants, regardless of who he hurts.

Remember that he's NOT thinking about YOUR feelings, he's only worried about his. So remember that when you start to feel yourself putting all your focus on what HE'S gonna think, do or say.

When your intentions & conscious are in the right place, you tell someone goodbye and just HOPE that they understand that you were doing what was best for you. You don't have time to stick around & hold their hand b/c you'll just keep prolonging the process of getting yourself together.

Do you. If he's right for you, you won't have to trade your own happiness for his b/c trust me, he wouldn't & is NOT doing the same for you