The Aqua Step Father (Vent)

Situation:

Currently, I live with my stepfather and my mom temperately. I help with bills around the house while paying for my own.

Recently, my step-father?s been behaving very oddly. There are two separate phone lines, first line belongs to my parents and the second line is what I use. Although, I pay for the other line, my Step-father wants control over my incoming phone calls. He doesn?t want any phone calls past a certain time ? WHICH IS TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE.

As a result, I turn off the ringer and now my phone has a low beep that can only be heard in my room.

My step-father didn?t like that, so he turned the ringer back on and ** glued** it so I wouldn?t turn it off again. If it?s my phone and I pay for it, why does he have to have control over who calls me and when I choose to talk?

Now he?s complaining about my phone calls ? keep in mind that he has calls throughout the night on his phone line, but he believes that it?s okay because his incoming calls are ?important?.

The reason I turned off the ringer on MY phone was because I didn?t want to disturb anyone at certain hours, BUT he told me that he wants to know what?s going on at all times so he prefers to know when I?m talking on the phone

This morning, I saw that my phone was placed off the hook. A friend of mine called at around 11:15pm so I know I didn?t do it. He has stated that he should know who I'm talking too 😢 😢 😢

Conclusion:

Yes, I am upset by this because he wants my phone line that I pay for regulated under his rules. When I compromised and turned off the ringer, that wasn?t good enough. So now that the ringer button is glued, I can?t do anything ? it?s almost like he?s trying to make me abide by him. He even tries to listen to my conversations which is now starting to excessively anger me.

The fact that he took the phone off the hook too was unnecessary and stupid. He likes stuff his own way any compromised is one of his biggest faults. I understood that when I choose to stay with he and my mom but it was for financial reasons.

Within the calling months I will be leaving but I don?t want the relationship between my parents to suffer because of certain ?petty? issues.

Thanks Prime 🙂

It's just really starting to get to me, and I don't like getting emotional like this but DAMN IT ALL!

I'm at work but I have class soon ... I'll speak with you in a few hours ... UGH!!! 😢

LOL, I rushing to get my work done ... my class starts at 12PM and ... oops, forgot to study.

My mom is a pisces ... enough said ... she wants me to act a certain way so he is happier 😢

Sorry, I'm rushing ..I'm going to be late ... oh dear!!

Cappysweetie

I understand you have trouble. I suppose your household income greatly depends on him. That is the reason why you have to deal with this crap. I do know many adults who are making their kids pay for their mistakes, and I hate that. You've already said that you will move out soon, so I guess you will just need a patience until that time, because the other way with that is to take it into battle ground such as Saggitarius stated. But I don't think this is a good plan. You might force him to do your way, but your losses might be greater than you have now. So I guess, you will just have to gain enough patience for that.

I personally had alot of time spend with such people. And surprisingly they were my parents. So I think I had enough on my own share. I don't deal with such situation anymore, because anything they could use against me is already brought by me, so if it's mine, they shut up.

I'm talking about my father, and he's living like a dog right now. I don't even care where he's now. Yet, I got my revenge on him. I think he deserves more, but time already punishing him enough.

I personally had alot of time spend with such people. And surprisingly they were my parents. So I think I had enough on my own share. I don't deal with such situation anymore, because anything they could use against me is already brought by me, so if it's mine, they shut up.

Not like I still deal with that. This is how it was when I was living with him (actually he was living with us), it was temporal solution, but now he's not with us and never will be, so I have no such problems.

But if you push back, you can expect a lot of tension in the house.

HI Prime,

Yeah, that's the problem there's tension within the household and I really don't care to deal with it. That's why I spend so much time in school and working until I can do better.

He has the odd thing about control ... he's enjoys having control, BUT sense I've "pushed back", I've been accused of the same thing and I don't like it! Asking or wanting mutual respect isn't beening a control freak 😢

In February, the vehicle that we all use was needed to be fixed. After two weeks, I was going to use my last paycheck to it repaired -- I had a full load of classed and two jobs at the time ... so I needed that source of transportation back.

I spoke with my mom (she's not working right now) and she thought that was a great idea. Two hours later I hear him saying something about getting the car fixed tomorrow. WHAT —? The car was down for two months and he didn't bother to get it fixed.

I asked my mom why the change of heart .... she told me that he didn't want me to invest any money in the car besides gas because I would think it was mine. She also said that he intentionally let the car set broken for that long and the only reason he was getting it fixed now was because he didn't want my "complainting" to worry her (——)

The only reason I waited two months is because I had to save up the money in order to have enough ... but the fact that he that I "claim" the damn thing is absurd!

The reasons why I don't have my own car is very personally but I will invest in one when I am more stable and moved out.

Cappysweetie


I understand you perfectly. I hope with enough patience you will pass this bad time well. You live in the same situation that I was years ago.

I'd move out, but if that's not possible, I'd get my own cell phone. Let's see him mess with THAT!!

GL,

I do have a cell .... yes, I'm paying for two phones. The other line that's mine is for the

You might force him to do your way, but your losses might be greater than you have now. So I guess, you will just have to gain enough patience for that.

I understand you perfectly. I hope with enough patience you will pass this bad time well. You live in the same situation that I was years ago.

Really Haffo —— MY goodness, it's enough to make you scream! Don't get me wrong, he isn't an physically abusive man BUT he can be verbally irrational and sometimes just plain mean. If it wasn't for my mom he would be a lot worst.

However, my mom doesn't make things better either ... she's getting over some medical problems. So I really cannot put any stress on her right now ... unfortunately, the relationship between my stepdade and I are what causes her the most stress apparantly.

In October, after she came from the hosiptal, she said that I needed to be better because I was the one who caused her condition 😢 Damn ... that comment really sucked.
That's why I'm been biting the hell out of my tongue to make she she isn't stressed out. I don't want anything to happen to her.

However, I'm almost 22 years old ... I wasn't planning on still living with my parents but things don't always turn out the way you want them to. There's no question that it's time for me to go ... so I not rushing it, but I am preparing.

Cappysweetie


He surely understands your financial situation and abuses you. I call it power game. They feed upon weak people. I can 100% assure you that your stepdad is an asshole (not a good person). There are many of them around. I also found that to be alot among Aquas (actually air signs). The problem here is actually your mother. I dont know why she isnt working (maybe some acceptable reason exist), but she definetly does not do her part and for that you have to pay for her fault. I just say get out from this house as soon as you can. I can see in you that you actually extremly intolerant person to such problems, so I can understand you. Try to live in another house, maybe with your best friends house, until you get a permanent place to stay. But just dont stay in that house any minute longer. I know, I can see how you loosing your head, so get out.

However, my mom doesn't make things better either ... she's getting over some medical problems. So I really cannot put any stress on her right now ... unfortunately, the relationship between my stepdade and I are what causes her the most stress apparantly.

In October, after she came from the hosiptal, she said that I needed to be better because I was the one who caused her condition Damn ... that comment really sucked.
That's why I'm been biting the hell out of my tongue to make she she isn't stressed out. I don't want anything to happen to her.

Cappysweeite

Don't speak like that. You are not faulty for being who you are. She's the person who is faulty for not having a stable life before getting into far more serious things. She can't make you pay for her own faults. Call me selfish, but I love how my Leo moon works here. I just tell them to fuck off, and leave the place. I don't care wether my mothers situation will get worse.

Actually, this behaviour could work in different direction as well. As you see, this Aqua man is playing games with you. If you show him that you are not lost cause, and you actually can take care of yourself by leaving this place and live elsewhere, this Aqua man could take a STEP BACKWARDS. It could work this way as well. Even if it wont work that way, you alreadly would have a place to go. Nothing changes for you really.

It's funny how it worked for me in the same way. I remember my father always abusing me over the computer. He always took the keyboard away for sitting in front of computer too much and this always pissed me off. I saw how he tried to get controlling as well in other parts of my life as well. When I bought my own computer and gave him his back, he was extremly shocked. I told him that this is my computer and he has no right to touch it. He never did touch me again. This also worked in other areas of my life as well. He stopped being that controlling and gave up. Finally I shooted him away from the house.

Yes, Haffo

Thank you for the advice, but I'm in school. I will definately leave when it's premisible. However, my best friend is about to get married soon (I think) and he's the only one that I would have as roommate. This is just a situation where I have to think about the future.

My mom is a wonderfully sweet women and my stepdad isn't a terrible man, he's just very Alpha Male that's all. Since I'm a cappy, I just cannot indulge in that mentality.

He's on the Capricorn/ Aquarius cusp ... so you can imagine ..........

I'm sorry about your experience with your parents, that had to be horrible.

My mom is a wonderfully sweet women and my stepdad isn't a terrible man, he's just very Alpha Male that's all. Since I'm a cappy, I just cannot indulge in that mentality.

Then it very probable that this taking step back technique could work. You will just broke his confidence side and he will lose his control over you.

Well,

I'm not saint in this what's so ever ... if I were better as a teenager, I would be having all this backlash. Yep, it's the cliche "My past is coming back to haunt me", type of situation. So that's why I taking it all in because if I would've done things differently when I was younger then maybe things would be better ....

But circumstances are indeed circumstances so I can't hang onto the "What ifs". I just have to move forward.

And your mother could be a sweet woman. But for me, it doesn't make her smart one. I think she's a stupid woman (sorry but I have to speak honestly). I speak like that, because my mother was same. She never realised how my father played with her. She always thought about his as a good man, but the fact obviously was different.

My mother does not live with my father anymore, they got seperated 7 month ago. She still realises slowly how stupid she was. And she admits that, the more she sees the right things. Oh and she's a Gemini btw. She still has some issues for sure, but she's getting rid of them faster than it was in the beggining.

I think I am even with my mother. She was living a hell life with my father for 27 years. I showed her the right way and she got her life back. I think I'm even with her now. She gave me life and I gave hers.

Well,

I'm not saint in this what's so ever ... if I were better as a teenager, I would be having all this backlash. Yep, it's the cliche "My past is coming back to haunt me", type of situation. So that's why I taking it all in because if I would've done things differently when I was younger then maybe things would be better ....

But circumstances are indeed circumstances so I can't hang onto the "What ifs". I just have to move forward.

I wouldn't say like that. Depending on situation, everyone has their own time of awakening. So, no it's not your fault. It's probably happens like that because of your upbringing. You are not in position to choice between different types of upbringing. So your time of awakening is barely under your control.

By finding a friend or other place where you could stay is definetly a move foward. Even though your stepdad wouldn't react positively on your "I will leave" behaviour, you still have the option to leave. It's definetly a step foward Cappysweetie.

Well Haffo,

So people don't share their own faults and behaviors that caused there own situations. WELL NOT ME, I know I wasn't the a basket of fruit and now I'm paying for all that.

Prime,

Well, as of right now ... I am suppose to be transferring out of state, it depends on a few things before anything is official. If everything goes to HELL (LOL!!!), then I will be attending Central Michigan University,U of M -- dearborn or Wayne State Univeristy. So I have two options -- like Plan A and Plan B

Well Haffo,

So people don't share their own faults and behaviors that caused there own situations. WELL NOT ME, I know I wasn't the a basket of fruit and now I'm paying for all that.

How could you blame yourself? How could you even possible know to what your behaviour would lead?

Everything is concluded within your subcoscious. The reason why you didn't awaken before, is because your subcouscious never understood the very reason and essense of doing it earlier. You did told me that your familys economical situation were always not on good ride, so I assume that your parents never had this mindset to transfer it to you. After all, your parents are the ones who creates the very first subsocsious you have. If they don't have it, then you wouldn't have it too.

It's not your fault.

Would you move for a better program or just to get away?

It probably would be in between if she continues to stay there.

Prime,

The program is my motivation, if it wasn't for the program then there would be no reason for me to leave the state I live in -- plus it cost more money for education out of state so I have many things to figure out -- the whole money situtaion is what's keeping me grounded, I honestly don't want to make a stupid move 😢 . Although, I think "change" will do me so good. I like diversity so learning a new environment really appeals to me.

So I would leave the state just because I'm having family problems ... oh no, I'm a cappy, we don't run "P

BUT Haffo is right, it is a mixture os both -- lik 70% to 30% , the 30% is the latter.

Cappysweetie

Don't you have govermental help out there? Like goverment pays your educational fees while you are a student, and when you finish your school, you will pay the money back little by little when you work. This way you could cut your educational expenditures while focus your work and job on keeping yourself alive. (House, food etc)

LOL!!!! @ Prime,

How Sweet of You Prime 😛 😛 😛

Hey Prime

Can we trust you? You know, if anything goes wrong, we have your IP adress....

Haffo,

Yes, I but I was just trying to avoid student loans ...... but I can't do that forever.

Nothing like educational support loan?

Cappysweetie

If you have friends who could help you with money, I say go for it.

But if you don't then what chance you do have? You can't rely on your mother. I'm not even talking about your stepdad. You probably own nothing to sell and pay your educational expenditures, like house or a car (something that is big and costs alot), surely I might be wrong 🙂

But at the end, if you don't have any other choice, then you'll have to.

Can we trust you? You know, if anything goes wrong, we have your IP adress....

LOL!!!! Yes Haffo, good lookin out 😉

What about your dad?

No, I'm not talking about your stedad. I'm talking about your dad. Do you talk to him? If yes, maybe he can help?

What about your grandparents?

They could help you if they are available for you.

What about uncles? Or aunts?

HELL NO, the government doesn't pay, they are happy to give you an ass rapping loan though.

Yes Prime!!! Yep, you definately no the government well. There's always a price with assistance.

Prime

If you have a free room, you could officially rent it to her for reasonable price. If house is yours, you could have some little income. That's if you don't feel comfortable in having someone use your house for "free".

I think it will be neccesary to have such arrangement, because when she'll attend to school, she'll have to have an official place to live. By just telling that she lives in your "closet" might not be enough.

Haffo,

My father passed seven years ago. My grandmother is available but she has to take care of the children of my aunt and uncle ... yeah, one of those situations ..... Plus, I have an excessive amount of pride 😢 I can't bring myself to ask for money inless it's absoluate a "life and death" situation.

Prime,

If I were to live in your closet, what will I do for food ... where would I cook ***giggles *** 🙂

Cappysweetie

I understand your pride. But they are your relatives. If anybody to help, then they are the first ones. You aren't a stranger for them. Of course I understand if their ecomical situation is not enough for that, but this is how this world works. When you are in trouble, you ask your relatives. If they refuse to help while they "can" then they are not relatives for you anymore. But this is how the world works. I was difficult even for me to understand, but this is how things work. You might stand on your pride, but then you might have to get a loan. If they can stay there while you pay these excessive loans and breathe easily, how can you call them relatives?

Of course, as I say before, if they can...

Primegen

I understand your concern, but I guess you understand what I say when we are speaking a girl who lives alone. I think it might be very dangerous to live for her this way. Who knows what kind of people are outside and what they gonna do if they learn that she lives alone. So I guess it would be much safer for her to live with you, of course. At least, even your presense would give those pepole signal to stay the hell out of her way. Just show your presense, thats enough.

Well Prime,

If decide to go to school in that area, I must look you up 🙂 For being so sweet to let me live in your closet, you are a "kind" man 😉 LOL !!!!

*** cappy grabs her frying pan and chases Primegen with it *** LOL!!!!

LOL!!!!

So I have to sleep in the closet 🙂 What if you grow rather fond of me —— Hahahahaha

Well

Then at least you could go and check her place from time to time to show your presense. This way you will tell them to stay the fuck away from her.

Hi sb, if I establish recidency in the state, then the tuision shouldn't be that bad.

If I grow fond of you, I'll let you sleep on the sofa then.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!! OH prime! LOL!!!!!!

Haffo,

You are soooo sweet 🙂 A man concerned about me (—??) that doesn't happen too often so you are awesome 🙂

The state of choice is Georgia -- WHY? Because the Georgia Institute of Technology and the University of Georgia has an AMAZING biotechnolgy program/ appied biology degree programs. Unlike Michigna where everything is centered around "medical".

Okay Prime, if you do become fond of me, would you braid my hair before I go to sleep. I usually pin my hair up or pu it in a single braid 😄