Advice from Aries Men Sought - warning - Long!

Hi

I am a Taurean woman married to an Aries man, and we are in deep trouble.
I have momentarily considered marriage counselling, but quickly dismissed that after ROFLMAO at the thought of what would transpire.
So I thought a quick posting here might shed some light.

We are both in our forties - this is my second marriage, and his first 'proper' long term relationship. I have three children from my previous, he has one from his, and we have had two children together. I am fairly insecure as a result of things which have happened in my past, but generally try to keep a lid on it (and not mention it).

He is the only Aries I have ever been with, so it was a bit of a revelation to say the least! (not a good one in many ways) This is our seventh year together.
I can honestly say he is the only man I have ever been deeply (chemically!) attracted to, but also, I formed a bond with him very quickly which soon developed into 'love'. Mostly it was fantastic, but we had background issues - his family squabbles which had got out of hand and his ex-gf who witheld contact with his child when she learned about our relationship. I had no significant issues.
Trouble started within a few weeks of our first dating - he was so attentive and loving that he made me feel like the most important person in the world (which to someone who is insecure, was fantastic!) and the sex was the best ever. He told me he wanted to marry me within a few weeks of meeting, but I did not commit fully to that as it was not sensible, but I did not turn him down! I did commit to him though, and being Taurean, was totally up front about my feelings. The problems were that he could turn at the drop of a hat and tell me to p*ss off and insult me with no real indication of what I had done wrong. He would stand me up or sporadically dump me with jumbled and incoherent explanations, and blame me if I asked what was wrong. Being insecure and madly in love with him, I was careful never to have a go at him for his behaviour - the most I would do was ask what was wrong, but after a while, stopped asking, because he would shout at me, and it was usually something I had allegedly done or he would say he didn't have time for me. I would go home at night and cry myself to sleep, rather than tell him where to get off when he repeatedly hurt me.
Sometimes he would blame the aforementioned issues when he was in the mood for an explanation, and that he was frustrated. This I could see and understood, and always gave way (right from the beginning) when it was needed in order not to complicate matters for him. Both issues had to be resolved with court hearings (financial and family court for contact), and I helped him compose documents and statements as he is not very good at that kind of thing. I also tolerated being slandered in court by his ex and having social workers delve into my family and around my house to prove that I was a 'fit' person for his son to visit. Later on he told me I should have butted out and minded my own effing business, but that's another story!
Anway, due to the seriousness of his issues (I did see tears in his eyes in relation to those subjects and you don't often see that), I was very patient and forgiving when he treated me roughly, and if he dumped me he would come back and say sorry shortly afterwards, so I just tried to be as understanding as I could.
We were very close in spite of all this, like two birdies sitting squashed up on a branch together (ick!) We got married 18 months into the relationship, had great sex for several years and always made up after a ruck. We had two gorgeous boys together. When he was nice he was very very nice, but when he was bad he was horrible, ignoring me for days, refusing to sleep with me and other stuff and too often, there was no explanation for this. Compliments and loving talk which were so freely given in the first place were forgotten (even if I complimente

When I say issues, I mean that he had a problem with access to his child, and a financial problem because he owned property jointly with his brother. These were things which had reached a crisis point on several occasions and were very stressful, and needed sorting out. They caused an immediate and profound effect on our relationship, because he is a person who doesn't like to leave 'loose ends'. I had no issues like that - no financial problems or problems with the children/contact etc.
What I was referring to keeping a lid on things, I was talking about my personal feelings of insecurity which had arisen due to various events in my life before I met him. I never harped on about those feelings because I know it p*sses people off. When he kept telling me to go away, it was difficult to cope because I was scared he was going to leave me - when I say I kept a lid on it, I mean that I never said anything about those insecure feelings - I just kept them to myself and had a cry about it when he wasn't around.

Well he likes to talk about himself! 🙂

We have tried talking about these things in front of mutual friends, but he quickly goes on the attack criticising me* and won't let me get a word in edgeways. I really think that if we went to marriage guidance, a similar thing would happen. He spent 4 hours in mediation with his ex while his solicitor sat outside at ?120/hour, because he wouldn't stop talking! She refused to speak while he refused to stop. In the end his ex just got up and walked out of court saying 'he's always like this'. Now I know what she meant! 🙂

* I do understand why he does this I think - it just doesn't help!

my dad is an Aries and my mom is a Virgo, and their story is pretty similar to yours. they avoid each other and cause a lot of tension for their kids (my sister and me). however, there are different aspects to my story. so maybe by telling it to you, you could understand my background better before i start to give you any opinions or advice. i don't know if it would help, but it might just maybe get you to be more at ease.


anywhoo.. here goes:

there are only the four of us in my family. my parents, me, and my little sister. my sister is a middle schooler, so she's still young and still lives with them. she's an Aries too, btw. i'm actually pretty fond of Aries ppl.. lol. but anywhoo, back to the story. my parents are pretty strange. my dad only married my mom for her good looks, so there wasn't really much chemistry to begin with. they were pretty naive, but the same thing resulted. since i'm the only one in the family who is completely aware of the situation (they both complain about each other to me - isn't that horrible?), i'm the only one with a viewpoint that's at least fairer than most others. especially since i experienced it first-hand.

anyway, my story's kinda weird cuz i get along with my dad really well, but i DON'T get along with my mom AT ALL. my sister gets along with my mom a little bit better than i do, but still not as well as she should. i have NEVER fought with my dad, though, and HE was the one who cried when i went off to college - not my mom. isn't that weird?? most would predict that it to be the other way around, but nope, it didn't work out that way. my mom did cry on the phone some time after, but she was still not as beat up as my dad was.

but anyway, i grew up being really attached to my mom (like any child would be), and she was so smuggling and cruelly protective that i've always felt trapped and hurt. you know that song "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson (a taurus)?? i can relate to it 100% , no joke. i swear, i felt like it was written just for me (i know i'm not the only one who felt that, but i would listen to it often to reflect about my childhood).

i still love her as a mother, but i don't love her as a person. maybe my sagittarian ascendant caused me to not get along with her as well, but my cancer moon still kept me attached to her in an intense and unhealthy way. (and when i say that i get attached, i get ATTACHED.) i would idolize her and spend time trying to make her smile. it would be fun and we would get along pretty well, but she would always just love me in a serious way, with no obvious affection. and she has mood swings that can just tear me apart like no other. she only worried about my health and tried to protect me by shielding me away from the world. she would never let me go out because she was afraid that my friends' parents would kill me, or that i would be kidnapped and raped. she sometimes doesn't even let me out when i'm in the supervision of my own relatives (she doesn't even trust that they would protect me well enough). i felt so empty inside, and i was too imprisoned to even reach out to anyone else. i know she did it out of caring, but i think that she cared more about her principles and beliefs than she did about me. i was scared and helpless and completely astonished. she thought that she was protecting me, when in reality, i was protecting myself from her. she did a lot of crazy things to me that i don't want to mention, because i might scare whoever's reading.. haha.

but yes.. my family has a crazy history. my parents were more like romeo & juliet, except for the fact that they didn't really die when young. instead, they got married, gave birth, and had their families continue to bicker about one another. the family feud really put a strain on my parents relationship, and it caused scars and wounds that still haven't yet healed. now, it seems as though they've given up. my dad avoids talking to my mom, an