@SirHorns
12 Years5,000+ Posts
The DXP Astro Vending Machine
How the DXP Astro Vending Machine Works
The DXP Astro Vending Machine randomly provides astrology-related insights or predictions based on what you input, such as coins or objects. It offers a playful way to explore astrology by generating unexpected messages or horoscopes from your submissions.
Plate full of uneaten crusts from a shitty Red Baron pizza.
Posted by Arieslovesaqua
My exes left testicle. Outside of the sack. Just the ballDamn that was too far. Let's keep it in the sack
click to expand
Vending Machine: ...EW! Woman why didn't you feed this to dogs?
You get this:
Venus rules over the Ovaries in Medical Astrology.
That really old coin I dug out of the ground. I think it's a half penny, but the face and tale of the coin is worn beyond recognition.
Posted by Quantum
Plate full of uneaten crusts from a shitty Red Baron pizza.
Vending Machine: ...yay, food! *Eating noises* ...*hacking noises* MY MOON IS OFFENDED!
You get this: A large number of Venus or Jupiter aspects, or lots of Sagittarius planets indicates an increased likelihood that the person would benign eat and be more "expansive" (chubby) in body size then average.
Posted by Soul
That really old coin I dug out of the ground. I think it's a half penny, but the face and tale of the coin is worn beyond recognition.
Vending Machine: Neat. *Takes it*
You get this: The 4th and 8th Houses deal with inheritances.
4th focuses more on family treasures and heirlooms.
8th focuses more on the monetary.
Posted by Admiral
Usb stick.
Vending Machine: ...I hope this isn't filled with porn and viruses.
You get this: Uranus rules Technology.
My red ribbon.
*looks around*
1) Handkerchief
2) newspaper
3) pen
Throwing this cellphone in!
I want to sleep >.
-Places his jizz sock in the vending machine-
Me next.
Posted by ElleDuMonde
*I pull out of my purse a rock that I stole from the park at the Louvre in 2013 and put it in the vending machine*
*Takes*
Posted by ElleDuMonde
okay....wait...you can't have the rock. I want that back. 😭click to expand
No takebacks!
You get this: Saturn rules over all minerals, though lead and coal are ones specifically tied to it.
Posted by NostalgicCappy
My red ribbon.
Vending Machine: Hmm...*takes* Good quality material...wonder how much it go for on the underground ribbon market.
You get this: Venus rules over jobs that cater to women, like cosmetics.
Posted by UmiSays
A quarter
VM: *Takes* Just need a few more to buy myself a soda!
You get this: Moon phases, (Quarter Moon, Waxing Moon, Waning Moon, Full Moon and New Moon) do actually have astrology concepts around them. Though best of luck finding an astrologer that throws that in and tells you. (A lot just trim a ton of the fat and just tell you want you want to know.)
Posted by xEUx
Bitcoin....on a USB drive.
VM: *Takes* Umm, bitcoin...to the deep web with you!
You get this: Bitcoin strikes me as a Uranus in 2nd House type of phenomenon. An innovative way to have and gain value and processions.
Posted by Ellycakes
A handful of sour patch kids.But only the green ones.
VM: *DEVOURS* ....*Sourness made it impossible to talk* ...*Hands you a index card*
Card: (You get this) Green is a Taurus color ( along with emerald), while Sea green is a Neptune/Pisces color.
Posted by RumiL
*looks around*1) Handkerchief
2) newspaper
3) pen
*Takes all three, puts on handkerchief while using to pen to circle ads in the newspaper*
You get this:
Mercury rules over communication, like written letters, conversations, texts, etc.
A Mercury-Venus aspects indicates a person with the potential to communicate ideas in a charming manner.
A Mercury-Mars aspect indicates a person who can get their ideas across sharply, though at the price at hurting a few feelings in the process. (Pen is mightier then the sword)
Posted by starlover
A picture i just found of my ex and i kissingIt has go to go!!!!!
VM: *Takes* Awww. *Throws in the incinerator to keep warm*
You get this: 7th houses rules close personal relationships, partnerships and open enemies.
Posted by OceanBoy88
I insert Tidus' Caladbolg Sword and a Kilika Sphere
VM: ...OH GOD FINAL FANTASY IS REAL! *Rustles inside* Wait...that means I could make money off those Chocobos and Cactars...*plays with sphere*
You get this: 5th house rules games and hobbies (and romance and fun sex)
Posted by RumiL
Throwing this cellphone in!I want to sleep >.
VM: *Takes phone and simply turns it off*
You get this: 9th house rules long distance travel and communication. *Hands a ticket to sleepy land express*
A petrified cow pie.
Posted by Hemispheres
-Places his jizz sock in the vending machine-Me next.
VM: EW!!!
You get this: *Clones made from the dried DNA in the sock, come after you and steal you car and food, leaving a note* Pluto people( Scorpio sun/moon/rising or people with Pluto aspecting many of their personal planets* Can be vengeful.
Posted by SuperMercurial
My maxed out v-card
VM: *Takes* ...Want this renewed? 😉
You get this: Pluto rules over the procreate side of sex.
Posted by champranger
*crams in a table into the machine*
VM: *Takes and sets his feet up on it* Nice.
You get this: Honeysuckle: The Aries sign Honeysuckle represents bonds of love and happiness.
Posted by sunkisses26
a box set of anime....your welcome~!
VM: *Takes* WOOHOO!
You get this: Anime strikes me as Sag in 5th house hobby. Enjoying a foreign lands culture and storytelling. (Though anything outside of your own country would fall under Sag as well.)
Posted by BullShit
*puts in heart and soul*
-Fin
...*Looks at the dead Taurus man outside my machine* ...*Looks at the out of order sign I put there* ...*makes a call*
Hello? Yes I have a semi-fresh meat-lovers waiting to be picked up and cooked. Hmm. The weight? Uhh...a bit under 200? A pic? Also muscle to fat ratio? Umm.
*Kicks Bullshit* Let me get the measuring tape...
Posted by CancerOnTheCusp
A petrified cow pie.
VM: *Takes* The heck is...*sniffs* ...*Goes online*
Newest DXP THREA😱 CANCER MAN GAVE ME A COW PIE! DOES THIS MEANS HE LOVES ME!??!?!
You get this: Scorpio and Virgo are at war over who rules over the colon. Some Virgo, other say Scorpio.
My loser magnet.
Posted by kissmygrits
My loser magnet.
VM: *Takes* ...huh? Why is my inbox suddenly being blown up?
You get this: 11th Rules acquaintances.
Bottle of vodka mm
Posted by NostalgicCappy
My red ribbon.Vending Machine: Hmm...*takes* Good quality material...wonder how much it go for on the underground ribbon market.
You get this: Venus rules over jobs that cater to women, like cosmetics.
click to expand
Cute, 🙂
Posted by BetaBanana
Bottle of vodka mm
VM: *Snatches and chugs*
You get this: *HIc* Neptune rules over booze* *HIc* Damn...anyone tell you your face is perfectly symmetrical?
Posted by OceanBoy88
I insert Tidus' Caladbolg Sword and a Kilika SphereVM: ...OH GOD FINAL FANTASY IS REAL! *Rustles inside* Wait...that means I could make money off those Chocobos and Cactars...*plays with sphere*
You get this: 5th house rules games and hobbies (and romance and fun sex)
Kwehhh??!!!
click to expand
Yes, so if dated a gamer girl and actually pulled off that awful Chocobo ballon race with a score of 000, thus getting the Sun Crest for Titus's omega weapon, and she proceeded to screw your brains out over saving her hours of trouble over it, that would be 5th house stuff.
Posted by BullShit
*puts in heart and soul*
-Fin
...*Looks at the dead Taurus man outside my machine* ...*Looks at the out of order sign I put there* ...*makes a call*
Hello? Yes I have a semi-fresh meat-lovers waiting to be picked up and cooked. Hmm. The weight? Uhh...a bit under 200? A pic? Also muscle to fat ratio? Umm.
*Kicks Bullshit* Let me get the measuring tape...I said i was dead INSIDE Auron...jeez it's like Sin got you already.
click to expand
*Points at the sword* I was going to make the outside match the inside. You know, since I'm nice like that.
Posted by OceanBoy88
I insert Tidus' Caladbolg Sword and a Kilika SphereVM: ...OH GOD FINAL FANTASY IS REAL! *Rustles inside* Wait...that means I could make money off those Chocobos and Cactars...*plays with sphere*
You get this: 5th house rules games and hobbies (and romance and fun sex)
Kwehhh??!!!
Yes, so if dated a gamer girl and actually pulled off that awful Chocobo ballon race with a score of 000, thus getting the Sun Crest for Titus's omega weapon, and she proceeded to screw your brains out over saving her hours of trouble over it, that would be 5th house stuff.
Lol I hated that race. I got the sun crest and everybodies crest/sigils but I never finished Lulu's thunder dodger. That was ridiculous
click to expand
100 fucking lightning dodges with no saving
It's insane man.
Posted by OceanBoy88
I insert Tidus' Caladbolg Sword and a Kilika SphereVM: ...OH GOD FINAL FANTASY IS REAL! *Rustles inside* Wait...that means I could make money off those Chocobos and Cactars...*plays with sphere*
You get this: 5th house rules games and hobbies (and romance and fun sex)
Kwehhh??!!!
Yes, so if dated a gamer girl and actually pulled off that awful Chocobo ballon race with a score of 000, thus getting the Sun Crest for Titus's omega weapon, and she proceeded to screw your brains out over saving her hours of trouble over it, that would be 5th house stuff.
Lol I hated that race. I got the sun crest and everybodies crest/sigils but I never finished Lulu's thunder dodger. That was ridiculous
100 fucking lightning dodges with no saving
It's insane man.
I couldve sworn it was 200 ! But the no saves made it worst! I temember I had a notepad and i would save aftereevery ten dodges. And i got to 200 and was like wth... so I went to 500 with saves and realized... no saves 😢
click to expand
You had to do it without saving, since it reset if you did. I think.
Posted by champranger
*drops a pair of old headphones in the machine*
VendingMachine: *Takes and tries out* NO one side is going out! UGH!
You get this: 9th house = Long distance communication, i.e. radio waves. Venus rules over music in astrology.
Posted by kissmygrits
My loser magnet.VM: *Takes* ...huh? Why is my inbox suddenly being blown up?
You get this: 11th Rules acquaintances.
click to expand
😆 My 11th is in Leo. No wonder! 😄
a pink tu-tu 😛
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Here is how you play. You put something in the vending machine (coins, chips, rocks, your ex-'s dead body) and out comes a random astrology related thing based on what you put in.
*Cracks knuckles* ...*Hides in the vending machine*