Why do men do this?

Practically every man I've dated seriously has taken me for granted during the relationship. They've treated me as a sex object/trophy and never complimented me on anything else. Even my ex husband of 18 years never complimented me on anything but my looks but recently told me how wonderful/smart/funny I am. Another guy was from 17 and 6 years ago (my husband and I broke up twice and I dated the same guy) He was willing to move across the country and marry me. How about realizing it while they're with me?? Sorry, just tired of it and venting. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong.

Have you ever brought this up while you were married? If so, and they still didn't compliment you while you were with them, then yeah I don't think you did anything wrong and they clearly just took you for granted. It's sad to say but sometimes you never know what you had until it's gone.

Posted by Tom_Sawyer
Would you rather be beautiful and "itemized"

Or be smart af and live with 15 cats?

If you're beautiful = you're almost automatically a trophy..more or less.

Haha! No, definitely don't want to be the crazy cat lady. Just wish guys could see the other parts of me and appreciate them while we're together instead of after I've broken up with them.

Posted by earlorg16
Have you ever brought this up while you were married? If so, and they still didn't compliment you while you were with them, then yeah I don't think you did anything wrong and they clearly just took you for granted. It's sad to say but sometimes you never know what you had until it's gone.

I think I did bring it up to him. All of his friends would say how cool I was and that they couldn't understand why I was with him, even though he's a good looking guy. I'm not a girl who goes by her looks. I'm more of a tomboy...love sports, dirty humor, etc. It was like everyone else could see it but he, and others, either didn't or wouldn't tell me. I asked him about it and he said he always thought I was smart, funny, etc and I asked why he never told me and he shrugged his shoulders.

Posted by Ellygant
Reminiscing. I wouldn't put too much stock in it though. Both of the men I loved told me I was the one that got away and they should have done better by me. Both had opportunities to get back with me, all they had to do was actually do something. Neither did. They justnlike to talk when they're feeling down about dating or lonely, trying to cultivate good memories to ease their pain. It is what it is.

As far as the looks thing, men are conditioned to flatter and compliment physical features. Most men go straight for flattery and looks compliments with me as well. However I normally shoot back with sarcasm or wit and that shifts the tone drastically. The more intellectual I am from the jump the more they compliment my humor or intelligence. Then I get told how smart I am for a pretty girl, which normally results in verbal warfare lol.

Do you tend to just accept compliments and engage with more feminine types of flattery? Do you pursue avenues of conversation or leave it up to the man? I notice my libra friends tend to heavily carry themselves with a more traditional girly feminine charm when they flirt or start dating someone new. They don't show their intelligent or sassy side till quite sometime later.

That's the thing...the guys who tell me this are actively trying to get back with me. So it's not all words and no action.

Flattery doesn't work on me. As I'm sure is the same with you, I've heard it all before and it's meaningless now unless it's sincere and not just designed to get me naked, lol.

I'm much more like a guy in that I love sports, sarcasm, dirty jokes and humor, etc and the guys seem to like that but it always comes down to looks when it comes to the compliments.

Posted by rekt
don't date someone who only sees your looks. i actually friends place people who mention that they think i'm hot or "sexy" before they have anything else nice to say about me.

looks are the icing not the cake. if someone doesn't see your cake qualities you shouldn't be with them.

and men will always focus heavily on looks. it's just how they are. but if they're never saying anything else positive about you why are you even dating douchehats like that?

if you value yourself and not just your looks why are you not making sure the men you date value the rest of you as well?

the fact is you're dating these superficial assholes. which is your bad. you should've friends placed them and found better men.

the thing is when a man says "you're beautiful" all the time he's essentially saying "you're a sex object to me and i can't wait to get you into bed" because that's what beauty means to men.

complimenting other things means he values all of you. if a man cant' do this then a man is undateable.

I totally agree with the cake and icing deal ... my current friend told me upfront that he doesn't want a barbie doll - he said he wants a best friend for life

Spouse of 18 years would make this individual in his early twenties at the time you guys hooked up/got married? And let's take a look at you. At the ripe age of 20, what else did you bring to a marriage other than youth, fertility, and trophy looks? Were you established in a career? Own property? Have a retirement plan or at least know what an IRA is? Now let's look back at him. If he was in his early twenties, do you think such a male even considers anything other than youth, fertility, and good looks in a potential partner? Even if he does, most will throw all of that to the wind to be with someone exceptionally attractive.

The past is the past though. In the here and now, you are a 38 year old mature woman who brings a hell whole lot more to the table (hopefully) than you did than when you were 20. It is expected that a young 20-something is objectified and seen as a trophy girlfriend or wife. Not saying it's ok, but it's how it is. A female in her late 30's should definitely hold more weight than that. Especially if she is an established adult. And by adult, I mean a mature adult and not one by years alone.

When you get the same result over and over again in the field of romance, the reason is quite simple. You pick the same kind of men over and over again. Don't say they choose you, or they come after you. it is still your own choice to be with them, and you have take accountability. Change requires change.

Posted by rekt

Posted by tcta

Posted by rekt
don't date someone who only sees your looks. i actually friends place people who mention that they think i'm hot or "sexy" before they have anything else nice to say about me.

looks are the icing not the cake. if someone doesn't see your cake qualities you shouldn't be with them.

and men will always focus heavily on looks. it's just how they are. but if they're never saying anything else positive about you why are you even dating douchehats like that?

if you value yourself and not just your looks why are you not making sure the men you date value the rest of you as well?

the fact is you're dating these superficial assholes. which is your bad. you should've friends placed them and found better men.

the thing is when a man says "you're beautiful" all the time he's essentially saying "you're a sex object to me and i can't wait to get you into bed" because that's what beauty means to men.

complimenting other things means he values all of you. if a man cant' do this then a man is undateable.

I totally agree with the cake and icing deal ... my current friend told me upfront that he doesn't want a barbie doll - he said he wants a best friend for life

it all ends up friendship in the end anyway. so it's important you like all of someone before you wake up in 15 years and the spark is gone and you are not getting anything that you need because you settled for stuff that you want. that goes for anyone though not just straight women. lol

click to expand

yes it does - and yes it goes for any type of life partner/marriage - I so agree ... I mean really, you want someone you can talk with and enjoy - the physical just goes - what is left is just us - taking care of each other ... sitting on the front porch with a glass of tea

Where is your moon?

Posted by Koniuchaa
Be friends first

Too late. They are married! Lol

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Tom_Sawyer
Would you rather be beautiful and "itemized"

Or be smart af and live with 15 cats?

If you're beautiful = you're almost automatically a trophy..more or less.

Seriously? Is this a serious question? I'd rather be a human being alone than an object with an owner.

click to expand

Applies only if you are a Stepford wife

Archaic shit

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Tom_Sawyer
Would you rather be beautiful and "itemized"

Or be smart af and live with 15 cats?

If you're beautiful = you're almost automatically a trophy..more or less.

Seriously? Is this a serious question? I'd rather be a human being alone than an object with an owner.

Applies only if you are a Stepford wife

Archaic shit

I mean, really. Sometimes I think my husband has silly ideas, and then I read shit on the internet that men think about women. SMH

click to expand

Some of them seem to be stuck in a time warp

Weird

Posted by Lush
Since you've come to this realization, it'll be easier for you to recognize this in a partner. When you notice a partner is only making a physical connection, try to work on growing other connections with the partner. Let them know what makes you feel appreciated.

Do you only date guys who chase you? If so, you don't have to always go for the guy that's chasing you, you could try being the chaser for once. Mix things up a bit and see if you get different results.

This

...or look for partners who have a bit more brain power and depth

Posted by confusedlibra78
Practically every man I've dated seriously has taken me for granted during the relationship. They've treated me as a sex object/trophy and never complimented me on anything else. Even my ex husband of 18 years never complimented me on anything but my looks but recently told me how wonderful/smart/funny I am. Another guy was from 17 and 6 years ago (my husband and I broke up twice and I dated the same guy) He was willing to move across the country and marry me. How about realizing it while they're with me?? Sorry, just tired of it and venting. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong.

You do too much at the beginning instead of setting the expectations high for their behavior and rewarding them to reinforce the behavior you want to see.

Posted by rekt
don't date someone who only sees your looks. i actually friends place people who mention that they think i'm hot or "sexy" before they have anything else nice to say about me.

looks are the icing not the cake. if someone doesn't see your cake qualities you shouldn't be with them.

and men will always focus heavily on looks. it's just how they are. but if they're never saying anything else positive about you why are you even dating douchehats like that?

if you value yourself and not just your looks why are you not making sure the men you date value the rest of you as well?

the fact is you're dating these superficial assholes. which is your bad. you should've friends placed them and found better men.

the thing is when a man says "you're beautiful" all the time he's essentially saying "you're a sex object to me and i can't wait to get you into bed" because that's what beauty means to men.

complimenting other things means he values all of you. if a man cant' do this then a man is undateable.

I agree. I guess since I've always been complimented by men on looks, I've not felt that the other parts of me were important. The older I get, the more I want to be appreciated for those other qualities. I want a balance. I want to feel desired physically but also mentally and emotionally. I have yet to find that, so I'm clearly choosing the wrong guys.

Posted by Koniuchaa
Be friends first

My ex husband and I were friends for over a year before we went out. The minute we started having sex, it all changed.

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by Ellygant
Reminiscing. I wouldn't put too much stock in it though. Both of the men I loved told me I was the one that got away and they should have done better by me. Both had opportunities to get back with me, all they had to do was actually do something. Neither did. They justnlike to talk when they're feeling down about dating or lonely, trying to cultivate good memories to ease their pain. It is what it is.

As far as the looks thing, men are conditioned to flatter and compliment physical features. Most men go straight for flattery and looks compliments with me as well. However I normally shoot back with sarcasm or wit and that shifts the tone drastically. The more intellectual I am from the jump the more they compliment my humor or intelligence. Then I get told how smart I am for a pretty girl, which normally results in verbal warfare lol.

Do you tend to just accept compliments and engage with more feminine types of flattery? Do you pursue avenues of conversation or leave it up to the man? I notice my libra friends tend to heavily carry themselves with a more traditional girly feminine charm when they flirt or start dating someone new. They don't show their intelligent or sassy side till quite sometime later.

That's the thing...the guys who tell me this are actively trying to get back with me. So it's not all words and no action.

Flattery doesn't work on me. As I'm sure is the same with you, I've heard it all before and it's meaningless now unless it's sincere and not just designed to get me naked, lol.

I'm much more like a guy in that I love sports, sarcasm, dirty jokes and humor, etc and the guys seem to like that but it always comes down to looks when it comes to the compliments.

You might be choosing shallow men for some reason. Shallow isn't even necessarily a negative thing. Some people, men and women alike, just enjoy the more simple and straight forward aspects of life. They probably don't think to appreciate your depth or intellect because depth and intellect aren't that important to them. If they were they'd notice that about you and say so.

click to expand

Hmmm, that's a good point. Have you met guys like that?

Posted by notsosure
All of this: men are conditioned to focus on looks and it's just how they are = not true.

I don't hear gay guys talking about this issue, perhaps only when dealing with straight men.

It is cultural, and it is the whole setting about women that will need to change.

Men just know at the moment that flattery will get them everywhere. Afterall, without being rude: they did get you without doing more.

And women also need to bring forth more than looks. And to not get overpowered just because somebody calls us pretty. The way society is now, women are failures if they are not pretty. Just look at the cat lady comments. It's just a way to control.

You're absolutely right, but it's hard because that's all people see at first. My ex best friend told me when she met me she figured I was a bitch because of how I looked. That really hurt my feelings. It wouldn't have occurred to me that anyone would feel like that about me because I don't feel that way.

Posted by Crabra
Spouse of 18 years would make this individual in his early twenties at the time you guys hooked up/got married? And let's take a look at you. At the ripe age of 20, what else did you bring to a marriage other than youth, fertility, and trophy looks? Were you established in a career? Own property? Have a retirement plan or at least know what an IRA is? Now let's look back at him. If he was in his early twenties, do you think such a male even considers anything other than youth, fertility, and good looks in a potential partner? Even if he does, most will throw all of that to the wind to be with someone exceptionally attractive.

The past is the past though. In the here and now, you are a 38 year old mature woman who brings a hell whole lot more to the table (hopefully) than you did than when you were 20. It is expected that a young 20-something is objectified and seen as a trophy girlfriend or wife. Not saying it's ok, but it's how it is. A female in her late 30's should definitely hold more weight than that. Especially if she is an established adult. And by adult, I mean a mature adult and not one by years alone.

When you get the same result over and over again in the field of romance, the reason is quite simple. You pick the same kind of men over and over again. Don't say they choose you, or they come after you. it is still your own choice to be with them, and you have take accountability. Change requires change.

I agree with what you're saying about the 20s. That is to be expected. But we were together until I was 36. I would hope that our relationship would have evolved past that. In his mind he always felt that way about me, he just would never tell me. That's the problem. It was easy to say he's attracted to me but hard for some reason to tell me the other things he liked about me. He couldn't tell me until we were 3 years post separation.

I've always picked the same men. It's hard to break the cycle since I seem to attract that type of guy. I don't even know what to look for. I have the guys who tell me they want to have someone they can talk to and who can carry a conversation but then we have sex and that's all it becomes. Very frustrating.

Posted by tcta

Posted by rekt

Posted by tcta

Posted by rekt
don't date someone who only sees your looks. i actually friends place people who mention that they think i'm hot or "sexy" before they have anything else nice to say about me.

looks are the icing not the cake. if someone doesn't see your cake qualities you shouldn't be with them.

and men will always focus heavily on looks. it's just how they are. but if they're never saying anything else positive about you why are you even dating douchehats like that?

if you value yourself and not just your looks why are you not making sure the men you date value the rest of you as well?

the fact is you're dating these superficial assholes. which is your bad. you should've friends placed them and found better men.

the thing is when a man says "you're beautiful" all the time he's essentially saying "you're a sex object to me and i can't wait to get you into bed" because that's what beauty means to men.

complimenting other things means he values all of you. if a man cant' do this then a man is undateable.

I totally agree with the cake and icing deal ... my current friend told me upfront that he doesn't want a barbie doll - he said he wants a best friend for life

it all ends up friendship in the end anyway. so it's important you like all of someone before you wake up in 15 years and the spark is gone and you are not getting anything that you need because you settled for stuff that you want. that goes for anyone though not just straight women. lol

yes it does - and yes it goes for any type of life partner/marriage - I so agree ... I mean really, you want someone you can talk with and enjoy - the physical just goes - what is left is just us - taking care of each other ... sitting on the front porch with a glass of tea

click to expand

Exactly!! That's what I want. Lemonade/tea on the front porch

Posted by Montgomery
Where is your moon?

Virgo moon

Posted by Neno2

Posted by confusedlibra78
Practically every man I've dated seriously has taken me for granted during the relationship. They've treated me as a sex object/trophy and never complimented me on anything else. Even my ex husband of 18 years never complimented me on anything but my looks but recently told me how wonderful/smart/funny I am. Another guy was from 17 and 6 years ago (my husband and I broke up twice and I dated the same guy) He was willing to move across the country and marry me. How about realizing it while they're with me?? Sorry, just tired of it and venting. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong.

U basically saying that u too beautiful so it blinds guys?if someone really loves u then he really wants to know all of u?looks are 2%

click to expand

Haha, I'm not saying that. I actually don't think that about myself. I see myself as a dorky tomboy who wants to hang out and watch Star Wars or talk about physics, lol.

Posted by Whatthehell
This is why I went without makeup or combing my hair and wore baggy clothes in college. I wanted to be a person.

That's actually an excellent idea

Posted by Lush
Since you've come to this realization, it'll be easier for you to recognize this in a partner. When you notice a partner is only making a physical connection, try to work on growing other connections with the partner. Let them know what makes you feel appreciated.

Do you only date guys who chase you? If so, you don't have to always go for the guy that's chasing you, you could try being the chaser for once. Mix things up a bit and see if you get different results.

I met a guy who didn't mention sex or looks at all. We talked for 2 years but only met twice due to not getting our schedules to gel. After the second time we met, he switched from being interested in getting to know me to sending me dick pics and talking about sex non stop.

Posted by Gob_Shite

Posted by confusedlibra78
Practically every man I've dated seriously has taken me for granted during the relationship. They've treated me as a sex object/trophy and never complimented me on anything else. Even my ex husband of 18 years never complimented me on anything but my looks but recently told me how wonderful/smart/funny I am. Another guy was from 17 and 6 years ago (my husband and I broke up twice and I dated the same guy) He was willing to move across the country and marry me. How about realizing it while they're with me?? Sorry, just tired of it and venting. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong.

Maybe most of them have indeed complimented you on your other qualities... but you've conveniently forgotten...

click to expand

Even if some did, it was 9 sex/looks compliments to maybe 1 half assed other category compliment. Trust me, I'm a woman and I remember everything because when a man does compliment me on something other than looks, it means so much more to me and I remember it.

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Crabra
When you get the same result over and over again in the field of romance, the reason is quite simple. You pick the same kind of men over and over again. Don't say they choose you, or they come after you. it is still your own choice to be with them, and you have take accountability. Change requires change.

Yeah this.

OP, I remember you posting about the crab you were dating and how he lacked appreciation for you. So you do seem to have a pattern of choosing and accepting people who don't value you.

click to expand

Yep. Oddly enough, he's the one guy who's never complimented me on my looks or anything else, lol. I really need to figure out why I want men who don't value me.

Posted by Rindaroo

Posted by confusedlibra78
Practically every man I've dated seriously has taken me for granted during the relationship. They've treated me as a sex object/trophy and never complimented me on anything else. Even my ex husband of 18 years never complimented me on anything but my looks but recently told me how wonderful/smart/funny I am. Another guy was from 17 and 6 years ago (my husband and I broke up twice and I dated the same guy) He was willing to move across the country and marry me. How about realizing it while they're with me?? Sorry, just tired of it and venting. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong.

Well do you need these compliments to make you feel whole? Or are you happy with who you are? What hobbies, or interests, or projects do you have that are just yours not the guy's your with?

Find someone that values you for what you are, who you are and not thinks your beautiful or funny and let's you know. Of course you are beautiful & funny but what else is there? I'm just saying you deserve someone who gets you. Don't settle for anything less.

click to expand

No, I actually don't need compliments per se, but it's nice to know the person you're with values you for more than your looks. And it would be nice to hear it while we're together vs after I've broken up with them and they have this revelation that I was a pretty good girlfriend and should be valued.

I would love to find a man who gets me, but it's like finding a needle in a haystack.

Posted by EnochtheWise
didn't have time to read, but daaayum OP is sexy...

Lol! Proving my point ?

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by confusedlibra78
Practically every man I've dated seriously has taken me for granted during the relationship. They've treated me as a sex object/trophy and never complimented me on anything else. Even my ex husband of 18 years never complimented me on anything but my looks but recently told me how wonderful/smart/funny I am. Another guy was from 17 and 6 years ago (my husband and I broke up twice and I dated the same guy) He was willing to move across the country and marry me. How about realizing it while they're with me?? Sorry, just tired of it and venting. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong.

You do too much at the beginning instead of setting the expectations high for their behavior and rewarding them to reinforce the behavior you want to see.

click to expand

Yes, I definitely do not set high expectations and it always burns me in the end. I've tried to do it but I never can seem to. I don't get it. I have a pretty strong personality but not when it comes to men. I let them walk all over me.

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by Tom_Sawyer
Would you rather be beautiful and "itemized"

Or be smart af and live with 15 cats?

If you're beautiful = you're almost automatically a trophy..more or less.

Haha! No, definitely don't want to be the crazy cat lady. Just wish guys could see the other parts of me and appreciate them while we're together instead of after I've broken up with them.

click to expand

Man fuck his stupid logic. He's a dude and he has zero idea and his stupid ass comment is sexist as fuck.

You're probably too passive and easygoing, and guys just walk all over that shit.

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by Koniuchaa
Be friends first

My ex husband and I were friends for over a year before we went out. The minute we started having sex, it all changed.

click to expand

He was biding his time, dear.

There's two types. I have talked to tonnes of guys, including my 16 year old brother and his friends, who all agree that she's gotta vibe with them (personality wise) if they're gonna be anything special. They may not compliment the girls outright on their personality, but they definitely take it into account.

Then theres the man that actually can't see behind your ass and boobs. Yeah. Idk why you'd bother on a second date with that one, it will be pretty obvious from the beginning on what level he's able to reach you on.

Find men with more depth. I generally automatically know when a guy is with me for the wrong reasons. Watch for what impresses them about you. This is a specific type of man.

Sometimes libras can compromise a lot.

Maybe that's why... :/

Posted by confusedlibra78

I've always been complimented by men on looks, I've not felt that the other parts of me were important.

Well, that pretty much sums it up !!!!

You're shallow, so you attract shallow and superficial people.

Lay in the bed you make for yourself and stfu.

If you don't like it, then make another bed ... but, don't come in here acting like you're a victim.

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by confusedlibra78
Practically every man I've dated seriously has taken me for granted during the relationship. They've treated me as a sex object/trophy and never complimented me on anything else. Even my ex husband of 18 years never complimented me on anything but my looks but recently told me how wonderful/smart/funny I am. Another guy was from 17 and 6 years ago (my husband and I broke up twice and I dated the same guy) He was willing to move across the country and marry me. How about realizing it while they're with me?? Sorry, just tired of it and venting. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong.

You do too much at the beginning instead of setting the expectations high for their behavior and rewarding them to reinforce the behavior you want to see.

Yes, I definitely do not set high expectations and it always burns me in the end. I've tried to do it but I never can seem to. I don't get it. I have a pretty strong personality but not when it comes to men. I let them walk all over me.

click to expand

Yeah that's not good. No matter how much someone admires and respects you at the beginning...if you create an environment where you are enforcing this idea of you being second to his needs and wishes, eventually...whether it's months or years... he will adopt this same attitude.

You have the rare and fleeting chance at the beginning of the relationship to set your expectations and boundaries. And, if you stick to them, you'll be able to mold your partner into the person you want to be with. And vice versa.

Posted by Gob_Shite

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by Koniuchaa
Be friends first

My ex husband and I were friends for over a year before we went out. The minute we started having sex, it all changed.

But you still married him (or remained married to him for over a decade)...

You need to take a closer look at yourself, instead of trying to find fault with everyone else.

#Virgomoonissues

click to expand

I never said I don't play a part. I'm just asking why men don't seem to know what they have til it's gone. I must show them in some way because they always come back.

Posted by confusedlibra78



I'm just asking why men don't seem to know what they have til it's gone.

They do know what they have, they have what you have shown them you are.

You present yourself as an object to them, and then bitch because that is how they see you.



How ridiculous.

Posted by Tom_Sawyer
Would you rather be beautiful and "itemized"

Or be smart af and live with 15 cats?

If you're beautiful = you're almost automatically a trophy..more or less.

Fhukcck that.

Girl, be beautiful AND have your 15 cats.

On a serious note, OP, what are you most proud of in yourself? What drives you? What passions do you have?

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by Gob_Shite

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by Koniuchaa
Be friends first

My ex husband and I were friends for over a year before we went out. The minute we started having sex, it all changed.

But you still married him (or remained married to him for over a decade)...

You need to take a closer look at yourself, instead of trying to find fault with everyone else.

#Virgomoonissues

I never said I don't play a part. I'm just asking why men don't seem to know what they have til it's gone. I must show them in some way because they always come back.

click to expand

As for taking things for granted, sadly, that's essentially human nature. Appreciation and gratitude is a conscious effort - something that must always be worked on.

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by Crabra
Spouse of 18 years would make this individual in his early twenties at the time you guys hooked up/got married? And let's take a look at you. At the ripe age of 20, what else did you bring to a marriage other than youth, fertility, and trophy looks? Were you established in a career? Own property? Have a retirement plan or at least know what an IRA is? Now let's look back at him. If he was in his early twenties, do you think such a male even considers anything other than youth, fertility, and good looks in a potential partner? Even if he does, most will throw all of that to the wind to be with someone exceptionally attractive.

The past is the past though. In the here and now, you are a 38 year old mature woman who brings a hell whole lot more to the table (hopefully) than you did than when you were 20. It is expected that a young 20-something is objectified and seen as a trophy girlfriend or wife. Not saying it's ok, but it's how it is. A female in her late 30's should definitely hold more weight than that. Especially if she is an established adult. And by adult, I mean a mature adult and not one by years alone.

When you get the same result over and over again in the field of romance, the reason is quite simple. You pick the same kind of men over and over again. Don't say they choose you, or they come after you. it is still your own choice to be with them, and you have take accountability. Change requires change.

I agree with what you're saying about the 20s. That is to be expected. But we were together until I was 36. I would hope that our relationship would have evolved past that. In his mind he always felt that way about me, he just would never tell me. That's the problem. It was easy to say he's attracted to me but hard for some reason to tell me the other things he liked about me. He couldn't tell me until we were 3 years post separation.

I've always picked the same men. It's hard to break the cycle since I seem to attract that type of guy. I don't even know what to look for. I have the guys who tell me they want to have someone they can talk to and who can carry a conversation but then we have sex and that's all it becomes. Very frustrating.

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You have expressed here several times that you have a very high sex drive, and that sex in a relationship is very important to you. If you want a relationship to be something more than just sex, then you have to spend time together with your clothes on. You also need to engage in non-sexual conversations.

It has been proven time and time again that relationships that prosper don't take off at full speed. My suggestion is to take the time to get to know someone who is friendly and interesting instead of hot and totally into you. Give it time to set, then grow before taking the clothes off. Let tension build by spending time together and having fun, laughing, making fun of each other, all that crap.

How about a challenge, love? No sex with the next person that comes around for a minimum of 3 months. You can do whatever so long as denim separates your genitals from each other. Let the other stuff come before the sex for once, yeah?

Posted by EnochtheWise

Posted by confusedlibra78

Posted by EnochtheWise
didn't have time to read, but daaayum OP is sexy...

Lol! Proving my point ?

It was a joke...granted, not a very good one....You also seem very sweet/kind. I find that most men take their women for granted, and most people take kindness for weakness. You have to find someone with values closer to your own. Have you ever been with another Libra? Could be wrong but I think Libra/Libra works pretty well....Both understand the need for balance/fairness/reciprocity...Both like sitting around and chatting with each other and others socially for hours on end, etc. The home decor should be on point as well....

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I've never dated a Libra. I get along with them really well but I've never been overly attracted to them. I seem to be attracted to the silent guy who only takes and doesn't give. That's totally on me, I just don't know why. And in typical Libra fashion, I must know why, lol. Plus, I'm Venus and Mars in Scorpio which someone on here said I'm ride or die, which is true. I hang on for way too long until I reach a point where I get tired of being walked on. Then I leave and that's when the guys come back, usually years later. I appreciate the compliments on me being sweet. Where do you live? Lol.

insecure people think they should play a certain role in order to have control over the situation.

they are simply not free to be true. like if they spoiled you, you'd leave them out of grandeur.

I always turn up to dates in my food encrusted and dirty singlet, my best boxers and me thongs... (what what do you call them?)

That way I know if they stay they certainly aren't worried about my looks.

Seriously though,

I've skimmed over a few things.

If sex bothers you so much that when they are physically turned on by you do express the desire to implant their seeds within you for primal purposes... I'm afraid 99.9% of the male species will be of failure to you.

If you are the type to doll up, dress well, sometimes the the male brain breaks down and the synapses misfire unsure of whether they should compliment you or perhaps face your wrath when compliments are not given. Don't assume we'll say something like "hey babe, nice shoes but I prefer your theory of where my car keys are, now that's sexy! Take off those shoes and let me give you a massage and put on the Notebook. Don't worry I have a mild migrane so we won't be having sex tonight".

But seriously seriously this time,

Beauty can be a curse and a blessing, it's actually something you can control unless you're just naturally god damn stunning no matter what you do, though I've not met a very elegant sneeze from anyone yet.

Take the time and really get to know someone and when the time comes, expect sex to still be primarily a physical act. Men might like you for it but find one that loves you for who you are and that sex is just a bonus.

Posted by Tom_Sawyer

Posted by Whatthehell

Posted by Tom_Sawyer
Would you rather be beautiful and "itemized"

Or be smart af and live with 15 cats?

If you're beautiful = you're almost automatically a trophy..more or less.

Seriously? Is this a serious question? I'd rather be a human being alone than an object with an owner.

Oh dear, I didn't realize I asked you something.

Right..I didn't.

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GASLIGHT ALERT