Cancer male advice...please!

I found this site a couple of months ago and have been reading everything I can about Cancer men and how they behave in hopes of understanding the one I currently have in my world. The advice and suggestions by everyone has been very helpful. I am currently so confused with my Cancer I decided I would put it out there in hopes of someone (or several) members being able to help me see straight again...there are many layers to the situation so it will take a while to explain. Also, I'm in a rather fragile state of affairs so please no name calling or bullying. You'll understand as you read where the venerability is coming from.

I don't know his exact birthday, but I know he's a Cancer. I'm a Leo.

He's 25. I'm 42.

We met on dating site and he initiated and pursued, heavily. I gave in immediately and fell into that wonderful warm place that a Cancer puts you when they're interested. That was 7 weeks ago and much has happened.

Oh, which direction to go in...so many choices.

It was clear from the beginning it was going to be sexual; he's 25 and I'm 42, really what else could it be. We emailed for 2 days and then agreed to meet. No joke, fireworks went off for me. I was pretty sure that after that first meeting I would never see him again. While the sex was great, afterwards it seemed he couldn't get me out the door fast enough. I knew he was nervous about his roommate coming home (and it was a few days before I realized why) but still, it ended awkwardly. When I got home he messaged me and we were able to continue moving forward, because he wanted to. I was very relieved because that was some of the best sex ever! The messaging continued, around the clock for both of us but mostly at his initiation. He was sooooo into me, just like Cancers are when they meet someone they like. It was a few days until I saw him again but it was fireworks for both of us (I assume of course for him, but I'm pretty good at reading people). He came over for a while late morning, then left. We messaged later that afternoon and again that night. He ended up coming back over in the middle of the night. Pretty good day if you ask me 🙂. So here's where things start happening...during our evening messaging he asks if I've been married. I say yes. He asks what happened. I tell him it didn't work out. He wants to know why. I tell him I don't really want to talk about it because it's depressing and it'll ruin my current mood (flirting with him). He then proceeds to tell me he

(cont...) he needs to tell me something...something I was not going to like. I tell him to go ahead. He tells me that he has a girlfriend of 6 months. This was an issue because I had it in my online profile that if "you are in a relationship (open or not) I wouldn't be interested." I asked him if it bothered him to see me while he was dating her and he said no. I told him then that "normally I would kick him to the curb but that he was providing me with something I wanted at the time and that if he was okay with continuing to see me then I was too." He was rather happy with my response...on an emotional level. Again, I can most times read people well. When he came back over later he proceeded to fill me in on his girlfriend and how he is with dating in general. He tells me he's not boyfriend material because he gets bored and feels trapped pretty quickly. He tells me he doesn't think he ever wants to get married. He reminds me that older woman (me) are his secret fantasy. He asked again about my marriage and so I finally shared with him that I am a widow. Yeah, that kinda threw him. We talked a little about it and after all was talked about he told me he shouldn't see me anymore. He was feeling guilty towards his girlfriend and he said that often times if these situations (this tells me I'm not the first and quite likely not the only current) go on for longer than a week there's a risk of emotional attachment. Mind you he never clarified who might get emotionally attached...so he broke it off with me. Alright. Fine. Best week of sex in my life, but time to let it go. Two days later he's back online and all over me.

Let me see if I can summarize the rest to get up to now. He can't stay away from me for more than two days, online. We see each other about once a week. I can't stay away from him either, I'm obsessed. We've had conversations about making this situation an ongoing one (which he liked at the time) two days later he hurt my feelings so badly I broke it off with him. He did not get online for two days...he NEVER goes that long. This was a few weeks after that first time he broke it off with me. Since then here has been one other time I got mad at his behavior and (after learning much here about Cancers) told him why I was mad, that I didn't need any feedback or explanation from him just that I expected him not to behave that way again. He was offline for three and a half days this time. I continued emailing just like always, acting like everyth

(cont...) everything was "normal". When he got back online he emailed me and asked me to come see him. I knew that was hard for him, assuming he had made the choice to be offline (staying away from me) all weekend...which is what I was secretly hoping for because that means he cares, right? I didn't put up too much of a fight but just flirted to make him want me more but I went to see him. He let it slip while I was there...and asked "If I missed him?" I ignored the direct question but spent the rest of the evening stroking his ego to let him know how much I liked him being around and reminded him that I wanted to continue with our affair. That get's us up to the first of this week. The visit I'm talking about happened earlier this week. He always wants to know about the other men I'm dating, so as usual he asked and I told him as much as I felt comfortable sharing. He had asked me a while ago to find another to sleep with as my sex drive is very, very high and it was to much pressure for him. I did and at his request continued doing so. (Mind you all safe sex!)I met a new guy last week that I really like so I told him about him. Dare I say this...but I think my cancer got jealous for the first time, ever! It's another younger guys (30) and I told my Cancer that I kinda put my foot down with the new guy because I didn't want it to be just sex...I wanted to see if there was a chance for something more. So my cancer guy says to me for the first time in all of this that maybe I've got/had too many men now. Could my cancer have gotten mad because I never considered anything more with him at his age? He's asked me before about us being together, but it was early on and I didn't know anything about cancers then so I responded by asking him directly at the time "Do you want to date me?" I remember him actually stopping to think about if for a moment and looking at me like he wanted my input. Wish I had known then what I know now...so he very shyly at the time responded, "yeah, that probably wouldn't be a good idea." In the weeks we've been together he did actually break up with his girlfriend...only to get back together with her (or maybe a new one - I don't ask and he doesn't tell, just usually slips in conversation). So since seeing him earlier this week he pulling away from me again. I'm continuing to message as I've always done but for the first time he's not responding now. He's online but not as frequently and for shorter periods of time.

So, yeah, it's driving me crazy at the moment because I DON'T know what he's upset about. Wondering also if maybe for him it's just run it's course and he's just lost interest all together. But for this to happen so closely to what happened the other night makes me wonder if he's mad. So dxpnet cancer experts...based on my posts does anyone have any suggestions on what to do. I should probably share with you that I do have feelings for him (as if that wasn't noticeable, lol)but keep them guarded because it has been discussed between both of us that it is just sex. However, that was early on and long before some of this other stuff occurred. I'm wondering if he might be getting emotionally attached too. What do I do? Is this normal cancer type behavior? What should I expect?

Cancers do like to pout. I'm a Cap, but I've dated 4 cancers in all my years. And my bff is a cancer.

Going to share this with you though. I'm on an on-line dating site as well. Every approach I get by someone 6+ years younger than me, I ignore and say no thanks.

Really, why do you think a 25 year old man is reaching out to a 42 year old woman? Of course, they think we will be easy, hard up, lonely, etc and they only want sex.

Not trying to be mean, but Come On! Think about it.

Posted by truecap

Really, why do you think a 25 year old man is reaching out to a 42 year old woman? Of course, they think we will be easy, hard up, lonely, etc and they only want sex.

Looks like there is absolute truth to that assessment ... judgeing from the existence of this thread.

This Leo woman is indeed desperate, and it's obvious to random strangers on a forum .... I can imagine how she must look to those young-men.

They think you are a cougar, in reality, your just hard up.

Truecap and P-Angel I would ask...have either of you lost a spouse to death? If indeed I am as desperate as it sounds it stems from the loss of my husband. Maybe I'm not quite ready to handle myself in the dating world again...but I honestly did not expect to develop feelings for a 25 years old. Yet here I am...

I appreciate the honesty but resent the tone from each of you that I should have known better. I went into it thinking I did know better. I posted here in hopes of learning more about how cancers behave, not to be slapped on the wrist.

My condolences. How long has it been since you lost your husband?

I'm new to the dating game too and its not easy. Things are different than they were 20 years ago.

If you dated a 25 year old, knowing you only wanted to see him for sex (which I now see is what you indicated the intention was), then that's one thing. As long as it was mutual for the same reason, then by all means go for it!! Get ya some!!!! The only thing with that though, is someone always gets hurt.

Cancers can be manipulative, cranky, sweet, charming, calming, caring, nurturing and everything you could want. The ones I have known can get quite attached. They also have a guilty conscious. I just think this one wants to play and is only after sex. Some of them will use all the tricks in their drawer to manipulate you to get what they want.

The way you worded it, it appears he was clearly not interested in something more. I suggest letting him go and forgetting about him.

You say you are talking to a 30 year old and want to see how it goes. Thats still a little young. I would suggest late 30's and up for that. Otherwise, you might get in the same situation.

I do not pretend to be an expert on Cancers. I'm just saying what I know from my previous experiences with some of them. And not all Cancers are the same. Some are more involved and mature than others.

You say you are talking to a 30 year old and want to see how it goes. Thats still a little young. I would suggest late 30's and up for that. Otherwise, you might get in the same situation.

Why is it so acceptable still for men to date and have relationships with younger women but still carries a stigma visa versa. I agree 25yr old sounds to me like hes only in for the sex. For me definately not to young to bonk but anything else, no way but each to their own i say. As for the 30 yr old id say go girl and it is possible for more than sex, I know women with men that much younger than them that have been together for some time. For me id rather someone closer to my age for maturity plus I would just feel old when out with him anyway. My experience online there are players of all ages out there, use that womens intuition dont get caught up with the super charming ones, really if it sounds to good to be true then.... well you know! Sorry didnt give you insight on cancers here.

Why is it so acceptable still for men to date and have relationships with younger women but still carries a stigma visa versa. I agree 25yr old sounds to me like hes only in for the sex. For me definately not to young to bonk but anything else, no way but each to their own i say. As for the 30 yr old id say go girl and it is possible for more than sex, I know women with men that much younger than them that have been together for some time. For me id rather someone closer to my age for maturity plus I would just feel old when out with him anyway. My experience online there are players of all ages out there, use that womens intuition dont get caught up with the super charming ones, really if it sounds to good to be true then.... well you know! Sorry didnt give you insight on cancers here.

Why is it so acceptable still for men to date and have relationships with younger women but still carries a stigma visa versa. I agree the 25yr old sounds to me like hes only in for the sex. For me definately not to young to bonk but anything else, no way but each to their own i say. As for the 30 yr old id say go girl and it is possible for more than sex, I know women with men that much younger than them that have been together for some time. For me id rather someone closer to my own age for maturity plus I would just feel old when out with him anyway. My experience online there are players of all ages out there, use that womens intuition dont get caught up with the super charming ones, really if it sounds to good to be true then.... well you know! Sorry didnt give you insight on cancers here.

Why is it so acceptable still for men to date and have relationships with younger women but still carries a stigma visa versa. I agree the 25yr old sounds to me like hes only in for the sex. For me definately not to young to bonk but anything else, no way but each to their own i say. As for the 30 yr old id say go girl and it is possible for more than sex, I know women with men that much younger than them that have been together for some time. For me id rather someone closer to my own age for maturity plus I would just feel old when out with him anyway. My experience online there are players of all ages out there, use that womens intuition dont get caught up with the super charming ones, really if it sounds to good to be true then.... well you know! Sorry didnt give you insight on cancers here.

Why is it so acceptable still for men to date and have relationships with younger women but still carries a stigma visa versa. I agree the 25yr old sounds to me like hes only in for the sex. For me definately not to young to bonk but anything else, no way but each to their own i say. As for the 30 yr old id say go girl and it is possible for more than sex, I know women with men that much younger than them that have been together for some time. For me id rather someone closer to my own age for maturity plus I would just feel old when out with him anyway. My experience online there are players of all ages out there, use that womens intuition dont get caught up with the super charming ones, really if it sounds to good to be true then.... well you know! Sorry didnt give you insight on cancers here.

I gave up reading this long ass post when I saw you saying its ok to cheat.

Obsession, dishonesty, sexual inappropriateness, grieving a loss = therapy.

That's where your solution lies. Not in understanding a 25 year old cancer CHILD.

Thanks for your input Big Girl Panties"...such great advice! Dripping with sarcasm.

For future reference if you don't like what someone is saying you can actually turn the other cheek and say nothing. Just a thought.

Posted by BigGirlPanties
I gave up reading this long ass post when I saw you saying its ok to cheat.

Obsession, dishonesty, sexual inappropriateness, grieving a loss = therapy.

That's where your solution lies. Not in understanding a 25 year old cancer CHILD.

+1


For future reference... if your ego can't handle criticism about you having no conscience in screwing another woman's man... don't post your personal butter on a public forum

if you want to continue in unhealthy behaviour and get used for sex by this guy... OWN it and accept the consequences.
He's already manipulating you, playing games and you seem more than happy to go down that road.

Enjoy each other...

I have many cheeks. Feel free to kiss all of them. 😛

OP Im very sorry for the loss of our husband...I know it's hard but when you get into a relationship with someone so much younger than you then you need to know these things will happen, you need to step out of the circle and look from the outside in....He is 25 you are 42..It's not about a Cancer behavior its about a young 25 yr old...Just the fact that he already had a gf and he was on a dating site should of given you the hint that it was not going to be a smooth ride.

Believe me I know I have been there...I lost my husband also, it will be 5 yrs in April, and I have had my share of young guys wanting to have a relationship..ofcourse it makes us feel good and beautiful and wanted...BUT guess who will get hurt in the end? You......Walk away..let him go..My Virgo is 3 1/2 yrs younger than me..Thats as low as I will go..You are putting yourself up for failure....Good luck and I hope things get better.🙂

Posted by MoonMan

Posted by TaurusBadGirl
..My Virgo is 3 1/2 yrs younger than me..Thats as low as I will go..

That's very restrictive AND specific.
I'm willing to suggest you'd go younger, if you were in the position and a reasonable opportunity presented itself.

All you're really saying here, is that you are happy with what you have.
😉

click to expand

Yes MoonMan I think you are right...not thinking about any other age range because I am happy where Im at😉Would I go younger? Maybe I would since I do look much younger than what I really am..But I guess my whole thing was that I would not go too low because that would only mean sex and not a relationship. At least for me it would.😉

Im not going to jump on the bandwagon with the finger pointers, preachers, and judgers. Your choice is your choice, and one you have to live with and answer to.

Im a Cancer woman, and have dated two Cancer men one of which was almost a 4.5 year relationship. I know plenty of Cancers, both male and female.

Your best bet reading all of this a few times over, is to either A) walk away or B) take it for what it is and that is a FWB situation, and two people fulfilling areas missing in your lives. Im really going to push you to walk away for your sake, and before you get more hung up in all of this.

Both of you are on two different pages, no matter how much and how well you try to paint it. Dont waste another thought, sleepless night, or pass on a possible real prince charming on Mr. Cancer. You're playing with fire, and although it makes it fun, daring, exciting, feeling desired, in the end he's laid his cards out for you to see and rather than you call his bluff, you're believing there's more to this than what meets the eye. He's shown you his game, believe him. This leads to the next thing.

As for woman to woman, and I myself single and in the 'dating' world as well I can tell you this from experience. Whenever someone tells you they are not looking for a relationship, believe them. Whenever someone tells you they are not relationship material, believe them. Whenever someone tells you they are not either A) ready for a relationship, and/or B) ready to get into a serious relationship, believe them.

Best of luck, enjoy yourself, be careful and make sure to demand respect. If you show respect for yourself and demand it of others, you'll settle for no one less or nothing less than who will give you that.

Posted by dxpnetcruiser
but I honestly did not expect to develop feelings for a 25 years old. Yet here I am...

Love/infatuation/feelings has no age. (an acceptable age obviously) Sex is NEVER casual. I don't give a damn what anyone says. It never is. Someone or both parties will develop feelings for the other. You thought you'd just have a few hot nights with him & K.I.M. (keep it moving) right? Oh hell no. Not with a 25 year old with enough stamina to shoot through the roof, no pun intended, lol, it was a matter of time before you fell for him.

If he is telling you there is no hopes for a relationship then you listen to what he's telling you. You're on a different level from he is & your feelings are different from his. I'm not saying he doesn't have any for you because he does seem to like you, the sex, whatever. Doesn't matter. You got him coming back for more, but I believe he doesn't want to get emotionally attached to you so he's running. If he didn't give a damn period, he wouldn't be jealous of you dating other men, but simultaneously I think he doesn't want a relationship & would like to keep his options open.

You said you've met another guy but I believe you are falling for the Cancer & you want more, & him being 25 & telling you where it stands with you guys makes me think you don't want to admit that. I stand corrected if I'm wrong, but I have a feeling I'm not. If he has venus in gemini (which alot of cancer suns do) relationships with them are challenging because they prefer a variety of women. My uncle, & 2 friends of mine had gem in cancer & they were all cheaters. IJS, not trying to rain on your parade but they were. Everyone is different but shit...I'm leary of those damn venus in gems.

Anyway...I wish you the best!

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by dxpnetcruiser
but I honestly did not expect to develop feelings for a 25 years old. Yet here I am...

Love/infatuation/feelings has no age. (an acceptable age obviously) Sex is NEVER casual. I don't give a damn what anyone says. It never is. Someone or both parties will develop feelings for the other. You thought you'd just have a few hot nights with him & K.I.M. (keep it moving) right? Oh hell no. Not with a 25 year old with enough stamina to shoot through the roof, no pun intended, lol, it was a matter of time before you fell for him.

If he is telling you there is no hopes for a relationship then you listen to what he's telling you. You're on a different level from he is & your feelings are different from his. I'm not saying he doesn't have any for you because he does seem to like you, the sex, whatever. Doesn't matter. You got him coming back for more, but I believe he doesn't want to get emotionally attached to you so he's running. If he didn't give a damn period, he wouldn't be jealous of you dating other men, but simultaneously I think he doesn't want a relationship & would like to keep his options open.

You said you've met another guy but I believe you are falling for the Cancer & you want more, & him being 25 & telling you where it stands with you guys makes me think you don't want to admit that. I stand corrected if I'm wrong, but I have a feeling I'm not. If he has venus in gemini (which alot of cancer suns do) relationships with them are challenging because they prefer a variety of women. My uncle, & 2 friends of mine had gem in cancer & they were all cheaters. IJS, not trying to rain on your parade but they were. Everyone is different but shit...I'm leary of those damn venus in gems.

Anyway...I wish you the best!

click to expand

I agree on the damn venus in gems. I'm one, and I loathe it.

I meant venus in gemini, not gem in cancer, Lmao! I'm a little drunk...😄

LOL Yey for being drunk 🙂

Your last sentence does say venus in Gem 🙂

Regardless, I hate that aspect in me chart *uses Irish accent*

Hate, hate, hate it. Ima hater haha

Posted by OceanDeep
Im not going to jump on the bandwagon with the finger pointers, preachers, and judgers. Your choice is your choice, and one you have to live with and answer to.

Im a Cancer woman, and have dated two Cancer men one of which was almost a 4.5 year relationship. I know plenty of Cancers, both male and female.

Your best bet reading all of this a few times over, is to either A) walk away or B) take it for what it is and that is a FWB situation, and two people fulfilling areas missing in your lives. Im really going to push you to walk away for your sake, and before you get more hung up in all of this.

Both of you are on two different pages, no matter how much and how well you try to paint it. Dont waste another thought, sleepless night, or pass on a possible real prince charming on Mr. Cancer. You're playing with fire, and although it makes it fun, daring, exciting, feeling desired, in the end he's laid his cards out for you to see and rather than you call his bluff, you're believing there's more to this than what meets the eye. He's shown you his game, believe him. This leads to the next thing.

As for woman to woman, and I myself single and in the 'dating' world as well I can tell you this from experience. Whenever someone tells you they are not looking for a relationship, believe them. Whenever someone tells you they are not relationship material, believe them. Whenever someone tells you they are not either A) ready for a relationship, and/or B) ready to get into a serious relationship, believe them.

Best of luck, enjoy yourself, be careful and make sure to demand respect. If you show respect for yourself and demand it of others, you'll settle for no one less or nothing less than who will give you that.

Agreed.

Posted by OceanDeep
LOL Yey for being drunk 🙂

Your last sentence does say venus in Gem 🙂

Regardless, I hate that aspect in me chart *uses Irish accent*

Hate, hate, hate it. Ima hater haha

Awwwwww, don't hate it!!! I don't know how it is for the women, but the men...forget it! The ones I have encountered were serial cheaters!!!!! I don't like my gemini placement either...mercury in the 7th house in gemini! Ugggghhhhh!!! Why would it have to be the area of partnerships/marriage/relationships? Fuck me!!! 😛

Thank you for the genuine feedback, Truecap. It'll be 2 years next month that my husband passed. Yes, this started off as a mutual understanding and I thought I was okay with it being as it was. But I started to feel differently and read more into it from his side after the first month or so. Probably should have let it go then...but ya know...hard to give up something that good!

I appreciate your input, thx.

Posted by TaurusBadGirl
OP Im very sorry for the loss of our husband...I know it's hard but when you get into a relationship with someone so much younger than you then you need to know these things will happen, you need to step out of the circle and look from the outside in....He is 25 you are 42..It's not about a Cancer behavior its about a young 25 yr old...Just the fact that he already had a gf and he was on a dating site should of given you the hint that it was not going to be a smooth ride.

Believe me I know I have been there...I lost my husband also, it will be 5 yrs in April, and I have had my share of young guys wanting to have a relationship..ofcourse it makes us feel good and beautiful and wanted...BUT guess who will get hurt in the end? You......Walk away..let him go..My Virgo is 3 1/2 yrs younger than me..Thats as low as I will go..You are putting yourself up for failure....Good luck and I hope things get better.🙂

Thank TaurusBadGirl. I've been trying for the last month to look at it from the outside in with occasional success but always quickly squashed with my infatuation. Again, the gf and dating site wasn't an issue (yeah, go ahead and squak everyone - I'm relearning my boundaries) in the beginning because I did not have any feelings for him. That shifted later.

I'm sorry for your loss. Such a road we widows haul...I hope things are getting easier as the time passes. It'll be two years next month for me.

I've had several other young guys approach me on the site and I've politely told them thanks but no thanks...except the 25 year old and now the 30 year old. I'm hearing you on the age restriction..think I may need to put that back in place again (yes I did have it posted previously on my profile to not bother if your were under 35).

Posted by DeadRingerr
Its funny cus when I was 42, I had a thing with a 27 year old....Mid-Life crisis maybe....it was based purely on sex!!I didn't bring him around friends or family, it was my dirty little secret!! It fizzled out and we both moved on. Curiousity I suppose, wanted to see what it would be like to be with a younger guy and he wanted to experience an older woman. I mean if thats all you want right now, just becareful not to hurt him.

That's how it was supposed to be, DeadRinger, my initial intention. It was exciting having a "dirty little secret" for a while. No worries on hurting him, promise you he'll not be scared from anything I've done 😉

Posted by OceanDeep


"Both of you are on two different pages, no matter how much and how well you try to paint it. Dont waste another thought, sleepless night, or pass on a possible real prince charming on Mr. Cancer. You're playing with fire, and although it makes it fun, daring, exciting, feeling desired, in the end he's laid his cards out for you to see and rather than you call his bluff, you're believing there's more to this than what meets the eye. He's shown you his game, believe him. This leads to the next thing."

So well said, OceanDeep!

"As for woman to woman, and I myself single and in the 'dating' world as well I can tell you this from experience. Whenever someone tells you they are not looking for a relationship, believe them. Whenever someone tells you they are not relationship material, believe them. Whenever someone tells you they are not either A) ready for a relationship, and/or B) ready to get into a serious relationship, believe them."

I guess I needed to hear this, thx!

"Best of luck, enjoy yourself, be careful and make sure to demand respect. If you show respect for yourself and demand it of others, you'll settle for no one less or nothing less than who will give you that."

I'm getting there. I thought I had it in place (self respect) but apparently it's waffling a bit.

Thx!

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by dxpnetcruiser
but I honestly did not expect to develop feelings for a 25 years old. Yet here I am...

Love/infatuation/feelings has no age. (an acceptable age obviously) Sex is NEVER casual. I don't give a damn what anyone says. It never is. Someone or both parties will develop feelings for the other. You thought you'd just have a few hot nights with him & K.I.M. (keep it moving) right? Oh hell no. Not with a 25 year old with enough stamina to shoot through the roof, no pun intended, lol, it was a matter of time before you fell for him.

click to expand

Sage advice and I think I couldn't agree more! Again, I'm relearning much these past couple of years and I thought I might have been in a place to handle a FWB situation...but nope, not so. I think I've been reminded now.

Posted by dxpnetcruiser
Thank you for the genuine feedback, Truecap. It'll be 2 years next month that my husband passed. Yes, this started off as a mutual understanding and I thought I was okay with it being as it was. But I started to feel differently and read more into it from his side after the first month or so. Probably should have let it go then...but ya know...hard to give up something that good!

I appreciate your input, thx.

Its easy for us to fall for a Cancer. They are caring and make us (well me as a Cap, anyway) feel warm and nurtured. However, I (almost) always eventually feel smothered by them. Best of luck. BTW, I'm back in the dating game after the end of an 18 year marriage. I kicked him out the night I caught him cheating. Ended suddenly. Dating is not like it was when we were younger. I have no idea what the rules are at this age or what I'm doing, if that makes you feel any better.

Truecap, it's a mess out here. Best of luck to you.

Thanks LunarMaiden! I'm starting to catch on. lol!!

I see that you, and most of the responsers have made this about age, instead of about the real issue here.

Way to go !!! Now you don't have to face the truth of yourself, since the age difference has become the focus.



I say enjoy your misery .... and when it's finally gone so far that you can't stand yourself any longer and pine away for yourself to have some dignity again .... you can remind yourself of the age difference again, and so put all responsibility of your misery into that aspect. That way it's possible to go indefinitely without ever having to face the truth.


oh btw .... your husband's death has zero to do with you laying on the ground to be the Cancer's rug

I have no idea what you're trying to take a guy from his girlfriend. You're going to get such a horrible lump of karma for that. After he told you that he was attached, you should have broke off ALL contact with him. Your age isn't the issue here. In fact, for a woman over 40, you're acting like a reckless adolescent.

Also....your entire initial post is ridden with hypocrisies -- First you say that you're only interested in him for sex and you're suddenly confused as to why he's becoming emotionally attached to you, NOW you're saying that you actually want him as a boyfriend?

This is one of the worst situations I have ever seen.
My advice ......

Let him go.

And your cancer guy is mad because you basically strung him along as just a sex toy until you realized that you had feelings for him. He's heartbroken and confused.

The Cancer man is not innocent, Artemis. He offered himself as a sex toy. He's not heartbroken. He's just feeling guilty because she developed feelings for him.

But what she's written has obviously pointed to him developing mutual feelings for her as well. I think that both of them were merely toying with each other before serious feelings developed on either end...but at different times. Thats why I think these sorts of connections are some of the WORST because they seem too dysfunctional.