Cancer male Leo Woman hot/cold

Background: Known him (Cancer) for over a year but have only really started talking (texting) for the last 3 months. We work together. There is a significant age difference (Im 8yrs older). About 2 wks ago we hung out after work and he asked if he could kiss me. It threw me off and I turned him down and he just said I hope this doesn't change anything. That got me thinking though... Despite age difference we do have a lot of fun together, things in common,etc. I think he could be really good for me (I suffer from depression, have my entire life, and recently came out of a bad spell of it). He makes me smile, laugh, and makes work fun.

Details/Advice: I do like him, not into work romances and the age thing bothers me a bit but... I am usually really shy/timid but I put myself out there though and asked about hanging out, after work or whenever and he kinda turned me down but at the same time was in the process of moving, got into a car accident, etc...my usual bad timing. Did tell me he didn't want me to feel like he was blowing me off, but still kinda hurt since its hard for me to open up like that. In the last week we have hung out 2xs, made out first night, 2nd time we had sex. Both were awesome! After the 1st time he still seemed interested, would text subtle compliments, let me know hes thinking about me, but after we had sex (and maybe its just me) he feels a little cold towards me now. Im afraid of pushing him away but from what Ive read (and know) he can be shy/hard to open up so I don't know if im taking things the wrong way and being impatient or? After we had sex (and because I wanted to and thought reassurance might help) I sent him a text telling him I really like him, like hanging out...and nothing. Replied way later in the evening but not in reply to what I wrote. Last night (at work) I feel like we kind of had our first fight/conflict? I told him how its difficult for me to open up and that I feel like hes feeling indifferent towards me now? He seemed confused (maybe slightly upset) and said he still wants to see me but doesn't give me the reassurance I need (a simple I really like you would be awesome to hear or for him to make plans with me not me doing all the work).

What to do? Advice/suggestions/past experiences? Thanks!

Background: Known him (Cancer) for over a year but have only really started talking (texting) for the last 3 months. We work together. There is a significant age difference (Im 8yrs older). About 2 wks ago we hung out after work and he asked if he could kiss me. It threw me off and I turned him down and he just said I hope this doesn't change anything. That got me thinking though... Despite age difference we do have a lot of fun together, things in common,etc. I think he could be really good for me (I suffer from depression, have my entire life, and recently came out of a bad spell of it). He makes me smile, laugh, and makes work fun.

Details/Advice: I do like him, not into work romances and the age thing bothers me a bit but... I am usually really shy/timid but I put myself out there though and asked about hanging out, after work or whenever and he kinda turned me down but at the same time was in the process of moving, got into a car accident, etc...my usual bad timing. Did tell me he didn't want me to feel like he was blowing me off, but still kinda hurt since its hard for me to open up like that. In the last week we have hung out 2xs, made out first night, 2nd time we had sex. Both were awesome! After the 1st time he still seemed interested, would text subtle compliments, let me know hes thinking about me, but after we had sex (and maybe its just me) he feels a little cold towards me now. Im afraid of pushing him away but from what Ive read (and know) he can be shy/hard to open up so I don't know if im taking things the wrong way and being impatient or? After we had sex (and because I wanted to and thought reassurance might help) I sent him a text telling him I really like him, like hanging out...and nothing. Replied way later in the evening but not in reply to what I wrote. Last night (at work) I feel like we kind of had our first fight/conflict? I told him how its difficult for me to open up and that I feel like hes feeling indifferent towards me now? He seemed confused (maybe slightly upset) and said he still wants to see me but doesn't give me the reassurance I need (a simple I really like you would be awesome to hear or for him to make plans with me not me doing all the work).

What to do? Advice/suggestions/past experiences? Thanks!

He asked, which I actually thought was respectful of him because...we've known each other a year and I (now looking back especially over the last 3 months) was pretty oblivious to him actually having those types of feelings for me. I was actually quite shocked when he did, really wasn't expecting it. Since then (thought I mentioned this already but) we have hung out twice, made out, totally awesome and 2nd time we did have sex, also very awesome. I feel like its difficult for him because I wasn't very receptive to him in the previous months and him actually asking is when I was like...okay, now when I look back I cans see this, was just hesitant because we do work together and have tried/failed at that once before. But now Im very into him and I feel like hes backing off. Not sure if Im taking it the wrong way, need to not be so impatient and just let it flow or....? I thought my reassurance would help but since Ive been "reassuring" Im not really receiving back now. So just confused on what to think/how to feel.

Also, we've known each for a while so its not like we just met, its just been strictly work, subtle flirting and I never thought much of it because Im so much older. the 2 times we hung out we talked about music, watched a movie, talked about our childhood/families...really good conversation and just getting to know more/deeper things about each other.

If you guys have a planned date then dont sweat it. If you dont then wait it out a few days, he could be sorting out everything too.

Posted by Twodrinkminimum

Posted by fullmoon80
He asked, which I actually thought was respectful of him because...we've known each other a year and I (now looking back especially over the last 3 months) was pretty oblivious to him actually having those types of feelings for me. I was actually quite shocked when he did, really wasn't expecting it. Since then (thought I mentioned this already but) we have hung out twice, made out, totally awesome and 2nd time we did have sex, also very awesome. I feel like its difficult for him because I wasn't very receptive to him in the previous months and him actually asking is when I was like...okay, now when I look back I cans see this, was just hesitant because we do work together and have tried/failed at that once before. But now Im very into him and I feel like hes backing off. Not sure if Im taking it the wrong way, need to not be so impatient and just let it flow or....? I thought my reassurance would help but since Ive been "reassuring" Im not really receiving back now. So just confused on what to think/how to feel.

You're currently setting the tone of the relationship. The first night you made out. The 2nd night you had sex. It might be a good idea to start asking him to do things that don't involve having sex or being physical to see if you can establish an emotional connection. I hope you can try to take this advice without being offended. An emotional connection is pretty important when dealing with Cancer men.

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From what I've read, maybe you should take a moment to think what you actually want. You mentioned you have issues with the age differences and work romance. Do you want a relationship or something more casual?

I agree with Twodrinkminimum Crabs are emotionally based people. Doing things like this, I think he could easily get hurt or misunderstand what's going on, then go into his shell ... which in turn with get you only hurt.

I guess I just cant stress that we have worked with each other for over a year very closely and have been texting (outside of work for 3 months). So to me we know each other already and I assume same with him, just before I was oblivious to his feelings. Sorry its just it sounds really bad to me to say 1st time made out 2nd time sex when I understand it comes off that way but its not. We got a drink after work one time about a month ago, he asked if I wanted to watch a movie I turned him down and went home, then recently had a work picnic, when I dropped him off and that's when he asked if he could kiss me. Then a week later we hung out (night we kissed) and a few days after that (had sex). Its really just that now (1yr, 3months, 2 weeks, however you want to frame it) ...since we've had sex he seems more distant, not as expressive/talkative as before. Still flirts a little but to me I guess I was expecting more than just vague replies.

Yes the work thing sucks but its only because people are very gossipy there and both of us are pretty private, don't like everyone knowing our business. And the age difference (Im 35 hes 27) yes does bother me but my mom dated a guy for 12 yrs who was 15yrs younger than her and its odd to me now I suppose because Im in my thirties and hes not quite there yet but really not too big of a deal when we're both older (30's/40's/50's), plus we have great conversations, don't feel like Im better, smarter, etc than him, feels equal but still...the number aspect of it I guess.

I like him, I really do, Im just confused and thought me reassuring him (since I wasn't getting it before) would help things (and I don't me reassure by having sex with him). But when I reassure him I don't really get a response back and so I don't know if now Im coming off as pushy and scaring him off or if he needs this and also some time to take it all in.

Thank you for the replies thus far...appreciate them!

He feels like you rejected him and maybe he feels like you don't like him when your unsure so having sex with him made him feel even more hurt because if he slept with you he probably had feelings and if the sex was good those feelings probably got overwhelming. So now he feels rejected and vulnerable and at the same time in love that is unrequited

You really think he (still may) feel hurt, rejected, overwhelmed? My main problem right now is his vague communication. I feel like Im doing all of the pursuing, hint dropping, etc and...I don't know. Im not expecting to jump into a serious relationship with him now because we did have sex but I definitely don't want to just be a casual fling. I thought my reassurance (telling him I like him, how he makes me feel, that I really didn't think he liked me before) would help but as I mentioned before I feel like Im possibly coming off as pushy, needy, etc and don't want to be seen as that. How to find a balance? He knows its been a while since Ive been with someone. The night we made it he wanted to have sex (didn't pressure me) and I wanted to but didn't want him to think Im easy or possibly sleep around. Yeah we did a few days later but we also worked together between then and talked for 3hrs+ before it even went there. Hes a good guy, I really want to see where this can go but Im not sure how to play along at this point. Today I asked about possibly going to get a drink later and he apologized and said he already had plans which is understandable and the apology makes me feel like he knows Im trying? and it may have hurt? but...make plans with me!

What I see is you think too much about how being with him will make you look. You might even be ashamed or guilty when people gossip. 5-10 years age gap is not a big deal at all. And I bet your cancer could feel it when you worried too much about other people's opinions about the relationship and they HATE THAT SHIT. It's like hiding them bcuz you are ashamed to be with them. Cancers are not Leo show off but they like it when people show them off and they like to be in relationships --when they aren't shelling. They like to be admired listened to and respected and have like a royal feel to them. Maybe it's just my crazy cancer stalker ways talkin. But if you made him feel ashamed because he was younger or something silly like that they WILLLLLLL NOT step out their with you first AT ALLLLLLLL. Cancer women are feminine and desire masculine men that will protect secure an provide. Yheu an very well do those things for themself but it's so much more better when a masculine man does it. They like for people to be real and if he saw you getting ashamed he probable list some respect for you because you can't say fuck the gossipers or stares I am in love with him so deal with it. So that probably made him feel hurt and rejected a little. Like a dirty little secret. He is forcing you to stop caring about stuff tht don't matter and he's making you choose between standing up for your happiness with him or nothing at all. He knows he's worth more then to be a secret or embarrassment.But this is for a cancer woman idk bout cancer man. . But it might help you get some ideas. Things might change if you TELL him and SHOW him that your serious and plus if you did it in front of gossipers. They don't run off of restricted love once a crab claims you that's it. They have a hole new way of dealing with love and romance. This is whee it is pure bliss. But if you can't do that then they know you are not the right choice for them because they will never be able to love you how they want to love you with no restrictions.

Posted by fullmoon80
I feel like Im possibly coming off as pushy, needy, etc and don't want to be seen as that. How to find a balance? He knows its been a while since Ive been with someone. The night we made it he wanted to have sex (didn't pressure me) and I wanted to but didn't want him to think Im easy or possibly sleep around.... Today I asked about possibly going to get a drink later and he apologized and said he already had plans which is understandable and the apology makes me feel like he knows Im trying? and it may have hurt? but...make plans with me!

I would cool it a bit and let him come to you, i know it's difficult considering your emotions are going overboard and you've just been pretty intimate. Since he's younger he's not as equipped or experienced as you on this so you're going to have to be the patient one in this. He probably can sense your emotions and probably doesn't know what to do so he's doing nothing. That is my guess.

Later in the evening (yesterday) he sent me a text and asked if I worked Friday (I don't) so we kinda made plans for then....yay!!! I said: Are you asking me out finally (a joke) ...maybe I shouldn't have said that but in my head I guess I thought it would perhaps get him to think Ive been wanting him to ask and wouldn't say no? He works his other job earlier in the day and said he is usually crabby (ha) afterwards but that its the only other day this week we both have the night off so he would like too (and I of course would love to!)

I think we are in a really good place right now and Im really excited about Friday.

As for work stuff...because we technically are not in a relationship right now I just don't want to let that out, but if things progress to that then I don't care, I love who I love and if people have a problem with it.... Its just right now I don't want people at work giving off their opinions (age) and interfering. Plus the more we talk and get to know each other it (age) doesn't even cross my mind.

Nice! What was his response to your joke question?

He said: I'd like to as of Monday night 🙂

Good

So Monday he (kinda) asked me out for tonight (Fri) but did say he was working his other job and usually feels sore and 'crabby' after. So in a way I feel like he was already giving himself a way out. Worked together on Wed, in person he seemed flirty, every time Id come in he'd look at me and have a smile on his face or stand next me or say something, etc. A guy we both work with out of the blue asked me out (would have been yesterday), very odd (this guy is way older) and although I knew he sort of had a crush on me just wasn't expecting that and...why now of all times? (Ive known this guy on and off for 10+yrs). So he (Cancer) asked if everything was okay? Im sure I had some confused/frustrated look on my face and I told him that he asked me out and it kinda seemed to bother him but at the same time almost was joking about it (because they know each other too but NO ONE knows about us (me and Cancer). I sent him a text and said ...and all I could think about was kissing you and he replied "I almost touched your butt" (which sounds kinda immature but w/e, was hoping for a better response in general like "then why don't you" or "I do too"...instead I get that? Nothing about today (Friday date?) was talked about and while we were getting ready to leave (this is 3am) he was texting back and forth the entire time with...someone.

Now Im to the point where I almost want to just call it off myself. I feel like Im going to be waiting all day/night for a text that will just say "sorry, Im really tired, some other time" (so optimistic of me I know) but that's the vibe Im getting. Last night (Thurs) he sent a text (joking about the other guy at work) "So how was your date" and I said "I thought it was tomorrow 🙂" (meaning my date with him) and no response back from him at all.

I feel like if someone really likes you (no matter sign, etc) they'll want to be with you if they have the opportunity and so if he does back out on tonight I guess I'll know then (and then we have to work together the next two days). If you like someone a want to see them, even if you are tired your excite about seeing that other person would win over, maybe that's just me but...

So back to confusion/frustration and ready to just call it all off myself.

Thoughts?