Indigo1974
@Indigo1974
4 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 54 · Topics: 10

Posted by geminiflyby
I think you can trust your gut with this one. It looks like (and he is offering) a friends with benefits situationship. If you want more, I think you're gonna get hurt. But if you are enjoying the sex, then have at it.



Posted by Indigo1974
I started dating this great cancer guy two months ago. He’s 52 and I’m 47. The first week was absolutely insane, mine blowing chemistry off the charts, super fast and super intense. We both agreed to slow it down. We’ve been dating exclusively ever cents. Then a couple of days ago we had the “where is this going” conversation. He’s been doing the hot and cold thing for a while, in person we are always amazing and fantastic, then went to part, especially when I would travel, he would be very cold and distant. To say I was really putting in most of the effort is an understatement.
Long story short, he still has issues from his divorce a few years ago, just trying to get his shit together, and isn’t ready to put forth the effort required for relationship. That’s fine. I’m thinking, this is over, which really sucks because we both really really really really love the sex. Then he throws me a curveball and says that the sex is been interfering in the friendship, which he really wants to develop. He asked me if I think I can do that, and I’m like, I don’t know. I can try maybe? We’ve been exclusive since we started dating and we’re going to continue to be exclusive, so we’re going to be hot and horny for each other, not having sex, while trying to actually really be friends.
Part of me wants to say, F this guy. If he wasn’t putting in all that much effort into dating me, why would he put forth the effort required to really get to know me and be my friend? I’m a Libra and I take friendship extremely seriously. While I probably should walk away, I’m afraid to because I’m 47, I’m a wheelchair user, and while I think I’m pretty attractive and would easily be able to find somebody else if I could still walk, I went a really really long time without sex or a relationship. Not sure how easy it would be to find somebody else at this point. I live alone, I have a great life, and I’m pretty comfortable being on my own. I haven’t dated anybody since I got divorced six years ago, so I would definitely be OK. But it’s hard for me to let this one go. We just have this really magical connection when we’re together, and the sex is not only physically gratifying — it’s emotionally quite intense.
Anyway, I know cancer men are extraordinarily slow to open up, to get involved in anything, etc. But I also know that men generally mean what they say, and I don’t really need to be waiting around for him to get his act together and be ready for a relationship because God knows how long that could take. But if I walk away, it’s not like I’m going to be doing much of anything with anybody else anytime soon anyway, so why not see how it plays out and give him a chance to step up? I don’t know. These cancer men are driving me absolutely insane.




Posted by Indigo1974Posted by geminiflyby
I think you can trust your gut with this one. It looks like (and he is offering) a friends with benefits situationship. If you want more, I think you're gonna get hurt. But if you are enjoying the sex, then have at it.
The thing is that there are NO benefits, LOL. He says he wants to put a pause on the sex so we can work on the friendship because that’s important for the long term. He knows I have no interest in an FWB situation, and we won’t be having sex with anybody else while this friendship development thing is going on. I’m telling you, it’s bizarre, at least for me, LOL.click to expand


Posted by geminiflyby
In fact, DXP has a word for this............dickmatized! Use that in a sentence, please.

Posted by Indigo1974Posted by geminiflyby
I think you can trust your gut with this one. It looks like (and he is offering) a friends with benefits situationship. If you want more, I think you're gonna get hurt. But if you are enjoying the sex, then have at it.
The thing is that there are NO benefits, LOL. He says he wants to put a pause on the sex so we can work on the friendship because that’s important for the long term. He knows I have no interest in an FWB situation, and we won’t be having sex with anybody else while this friendship development thing is going on. I’m telling you, it’s bizarre, at least for me, LOL.click to expand
Posted by geminiflyby
In fact, DXP has a word for this............dickmatized! Use that in a sentence, please.
Posted by pisceanlovesPosted by Indigo1974Posted by geminiflyby
I think you can trust your gut with this one. It looks like (and he is offering) a friends with benefits situationship. If you want more, I think you're gonna get hurt. But if you are enjoying the sex, then have at it.
The thing is that there are NO benefits, LOL. He says he wants to put a pause on the sex so we can work on the friendship because that’s important for the long term. He knows I have no interest in an FWB situation, and we won’t be having sex with anybody else while this friendship development thing is going on. I’m telling you, it’s bizarre, at least for me, LOL.
Oh I missed this one. This is bizarre indeed. I mean you guys already have been together so how can you just pause it? For how long? did he give you a timeline? Sounds like a bunch of noise quite honestly. Never heard of anything like this before. Watch him for a few months and see if there are any changes, maybe you get a better idea what he's up to.click to expand

Posted by Indigo1974Posted by pisceanlovesPosted by Indigo1974Posted by geminiflyby
I think you can trust your gut with this one. It looks like (and he is offering) a friends with benefits situationship. If you want more, I think you're gonna get hurt. But if you are enjoying the sex, then have at it.
The thing is that there are NO benefits, LOL. He says he wants to put a pause on the sex so we can work on the friendship because that’s important for the long term. He knows I have no interest in an FWB situation, and we won’t be having sex with anybody else while this friendship development thing is going on. I’m telling you, it’s bizarre, at least for me, LOL.
Oh I missed this one. This is bizarre indeed. I mean you guys already have been together so how can you just pause it? For how long? did he give you a timeline? Sounds like a bunch of noise quite honestly. Never heard of anything like this before. Watch him for a few months and see if there are any changes, maybe you get a better idea what he's up to.
I have no idea. I’ve read in a few places online that crabs sometimes backpedal to friendship like this if they felt that they’ve gone too fast. And yeah, he has said out loud that he doesn’t know what he wants. Being a Libra, friendships mean a lot to me, and if I take him at his word that that’s what he wants to build, I’m all about that. But damn if I’m gonna wait around forever for him to figure out what he wants. It just hasn’t been very easy for me to find someone to date, and everything is screaming at me that I should be able to set boundaries and be willing to walk away from this. It’s just really hard knowing how difficult it will be for me to find someone else as a woman in a wheelchair. That plays a huge role in this for me. He finds me sexy and beautiful and intelligent and he thinks I’m amazing. All of that is intoxicating an incredibly difficult to walk away from, at least figuratively speaking, LOL.click to expand





Posted by geminiflyby
The only cloud on that horizon @LadyNeptune is he was not trying to be friends or anything else prior to this. It was just sex, sex, sex with OP doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship department. So suddenly now he wants to be friends? Well, if prior actions count for anything, I wouldn't expect much. And now, no sex. I don't like it.

Posted by geminiflyby
Then you're really screwed (so to speak) because the only thing that seems to be working here is sex. Take that out of the equation and what do you have? Haha! Crabbie got scared and ran back to his shell. I don't know, but considering you have *nothing to lose*. Let's see how he plays it out.

Posted by geminiflyby
In fact, DXP has a word for this............dickmatized! Use that in a sentence, please.

Posted by geminiflyby
The only cloud on that horizon @LadyNeptune is he was not trying to be friends or anything else prior to this. It was just sex, sex, sex with OP doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship department. So suddenly now he wants to be friends? Well, if prior actions count for anything, I wouldn't expect much. And now, no sex. I don't like it.

Posted by Indigo1974Posted by pisceanlovesPosted by Indigo1974Posted by geminiflyby
I think you can trust your gut with this one. It looks like (and he is offering) a friends with benefits situationship. If you want more, I think you're gonna get hurt. But if you are enjoying the sex, then have at it.
The thing is that there are NO benefits, LOL. He says he wants to put a pause on the sex so we can work on the friendship because that’s important for the long term. He knows I have no interest in an FWB situation, and we won’t be having sex with anybody else while this friendship development thing is going on. I’m telling you, it’s bizarre, at least for me, LOL.
Oh I missed this one. This is bizarre indeed. I mean you guys already have been together so how can you just pause it? For how long? did he give you a timeline? Sounds like a bunch of noise quite honestly. Never heard of anything like this before. Watch him for a few months and see if there are any changes, maybe you get a better idea what he's up to.
I have no idea. I’ve read in a few places online that crabs sometimes backpedal to friendship like this if they felt that they’ve gone too fast. And yeah, he has said out loud that he doesn’t know what he wants. Being a Libra, friendships mean a lot to me, and if I take him at his word that that’s what he wants to build, I’m all about that. But damn if I’m gonna wait around forever for him to figure out what he wants. It just hasn’t been very easy for me to find someone to date, and everything is screaming at me that I should be able to set boundaries and be willing to walk away from this. It’s just really hard knowing how difficult it will be for me to find someone else as a woman in a wheelchair. That plays a huge role in this for me. He finds me sexy and beautiful and intelligent and he thinks I’m amazing. All of that is intoxicating an incredibly difficult to walk away from, at least figuratively speaking, LOL.click to expand



Posted by GenerousLeeb31
That's the first time I hear a man withdrawing sex to establish a friendship first, why not both at the same time?
- maybe you haven't quite opened up as he's expecting you to and he thinks you're using him? As a Libra we might be perceived as superficial by water signs.
- maybe he has some problems down there or he just can't keep up with all that sex, he's 52 after all. He need a break.
- maybe he's traditional or religious and want to do it the old/right way, I don't know, it's mind boggling!

Posted by Indigo1974Posted by GenerousLeeb31
That's the first time I hear a man withdrawing sex to establish a friendship first, why not both at the same time?
- maybe you haven't quite opened up as he's expecting you to and he thinks you're using him? As a Libra we might be perceived as superficial by water signs.
- maybe he has some problems down there or he just can't keep up with all that sex, he's 52 after all. He need a break.
- maybe he's traditional or religious and want to do it the old/right way, I don't know, it's mind boggling!
So, this is quite the update in answer to your questions.
We spent several hours together this past Saturday evening because I needed his help with some work stuff. It was by far some of the most fun we’ve had, and it was a real breakthrough in our relationship.
The night before, I went out with some friends, one of whom happens to be a mutual friend close to both of us. He was able to explain so much that I didn’t know, particularly about how his ex-wife had really messed him up. It seems he feels some guilt about getting into a new relationship because he fears his sons might think he’s betraying their mom, even after all this time. he’s also stuck in the past, framing future relationships around the expectation that other women will eventually drain him emotionally like his ex-wife did. He knows in his head that’s not the case, but he needs to work that out and believe it.
He spoke very freely and opened up to me about some things on Saturday that I totally didn’t expect. We both own the same type of business, and he chatted on forever about that, then stopped himself saying he didn’t have anybody else he could talk to about that. That’s what I told him, THIS IS WHAT FRIENDS DO. I used that opportunity to clear up, if we’re gonna work on the friendship, then I need it to be 50-50 and I need him to put in the effort. I need him to ask me out to things like movies, ice cream, karaoke, Home Depot, whatever. We need to talk, confide in each other, trust each other when that feels right. He agreed 100% . He reiterated that he just wasn’t emotionally there YET as far as giving me what I need in a committed relationship. This was really the most profound time we’ve spent together, so I told him I would stick with it as long as he could show me that he deserved my friendship.
As for the physical stuff, no, we’re not going to have sex but we still couldn’t keep our hands off each other, lol. So, the making out will continue LOL.. but I will say what was really fun and interesting is that we flirted the whole time, lots of innuendo, and just lots of giggles and sexy luxe. It was a totally different dynamic knowing that we still really want each other but that sex is off the table to focus on deepening the friendship. I’m still wary and I’m waiting to see if he does step up, but I feel OK giving him the opportunity to do that. I’ve just never been in a relationship where establishing a strong friendship is in the priority first, so it automatically led me to be skeptical. I’m still not 100% sold, but I’m willing to see where this goes.
As for the other physical stuff you asked about, he has the stamina of a 25 year old. We literally are in bed for HOURS. We usually both come twice (he ALWAYS makes sure I’m first), and he stays hard for a little bit after he’s done. I’ve never seen anything like it, I don’t even get me started on the kissing and the oral, lol. Why do you think it’s so hard for me to walk away? 😄click to expand

Posted by ATGR
It sounds to me like he probably does want a relationship but he’s just scared to get hurt again so he’s framing it in his mind as ‘friendship’ until he’s more sure of where he stands (not that it sounds like he has much to worry about). I don’t make out with my friends 😂

Posted by Mission2VenusPosted by Indigo1974Why do you think it’s so hard for me to walk away? 😄
Aren’t you in a wheel chair?click to expand
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Long story short, he still has issues from his divorce a few years ago, just trying to get his shit together, and isn’t ready to put forth the effort required for relationship. That’s fine. I’m thinking, this is over, which really sucks because we both really really really really love the sex. Then he throws me a curveball and says that the sex is been interfering in the friendship, which he really wants to develop. He asked me if I think I can do that, and I’m like, I don’t know. I can try maybe? We’ve been exclusive since we started dating and we’re going to continue to be exclusive, so we’re going to be hot and horny for each other, not having sex, while trying to actually really be friends.
Part of me wants to say, F this guy. If he wasn’t putting in all that much effort into dating me, why would he put forth the effort required to really get to know me and be my friend? I’m a Libra and I take friendship extremely seriously. While I probably should walk away, I’m afraid to because I’m 47, I’m a wheelchair user, and while I think I’m pretty attractive and would easily be able to find somebody else if I could still walk, I went a really really long time without sex or a relationship. Not sure how easy it would be to find somebody else at this point. I live alone, I have a great life, and I’m pretty comfortable being on my own. I haven’t dated anybody since I got divorced six years ago, so I would definitely be OK. But it’s hard for me to let this one go. We just have this really magical connection when we’re together, and the sex is not only physically gratifying — it’s emotionally quite intense.
Anyway, I know cancer men are extraordinarily slow to open up, to get involved in anything, etc. But I also know that men generally mean what they say, and I don’t really need to be waiting around for him to get his act together and be ready for a relationship because God knows how long that could take. But if I walk away, it’s not like I’m going to be doing much of anything with anybody else anytime soon anyway, so why not see how it plays out and give him a chance to step up? I don’t know. These cancer men are driving me absolutely insane.