Do I have to get emotional to keep a Cancer?

Both of the ones in my life want me to confide in them even though they know we are not on that level. To me, they seem like the type of people who would guilt me with whatever ammo I give them. They are so emotional and like talking about their importance in other peoples lives . They love to help and keep a record of every little thing they do for someone. Still, they aren't judgmental and are very helpful! I would definitely miss them if they left.

They keep trying to be a shoulder for me to cry on. I recently told one of them that I don't want them to be 'that person' in my life and now we don't hang out as anymore. When we are together I can see sense their shell, so asking for help is out of the question. They will both eventually leave if I don't change something.

I am a Virgo. I know I am the problem. How do I fix this without giving in? I guess I could try doing more for them so they will know I, at least, care. But will they ever accept that I don't want to be emotionally dependent? Or should I make up problems to feed their needs. Either way, I like what I have and will not let them go.

Hi,
Are these friends? Are they wanting a romantic relationship with you?? That will help answer I think!

Ok. What kind of relationships are these? And it seems you know what u have to do. U already stated and know that your the one with the problem and u dont want to "give in". What is it thats holding u back? Is it a trust issue? Being a Cancer male myself I know what its like to care for someone and really want to help them. Your gonna have to take a chance. Step outside of your box and give them a chance because they probably really do care. Dont create or make up problems because if they find out that u did then that'll just be weird and then the tables may turn and they'll be the ones with the trust issues.

One is a family member and the other is romantic friendship.

Posted by Joshmoe
Ok. What kind of relationships are these? And it seems you know what u have to do. U already stated and know that your the one with the problem and u dont want to "give in". What is it thats holding u back? Is it a trust issue? Being a Cancer male myself I know what its like to care for someone and really want to help them. Your gonna have to take a chance. Step outside of your box and give them a chance because they probably really do care. Dont create or make up problems because if they find out that u did then that'll just be weird and then the tables may turn and they'll be the ones with the trust issues.

I appreciate their help and like being around them but it feels like they want me to cry to them. They know I have problems and want me to go into detail about stuff. I'd rather just chill with them and do the things we have in common like games, music, and going places together.
I also feel like they want me to cry just so they can cry to me. I don't want to be an emotional dumping ground for anyone. Of course, I will never tell them that because I know its insensitive. lol The way things are, we have fun and I leave when they take a left turn.

Posted by CluelessCancer
Not emotional, but reliable, dependable, and be okay with sharing. It's not like you have to make up stuff, but just being honest enough about your life, creates connections.

We have so much in common that its impossible not to connect. They just want the whole dramatic friendship mess and I can't do that for a number of reasons. They know things but want the details and tears behind it. Its petty and I would hate myself for doing it. If I had a serious problem, I would go to people who can help fix it rather than talk about it just for the sake of letting it out.

Well all u can do is be u and be honest. Sorry if I came off like an a**hole. They probably want details so that they can know precisely whats wrong and that way it will be easier to help. Im such an emotional person that its hard for me to understand how not to be. The thing is nobody would even know because Im always (95% of the time) in a good mood. I wish I could be more like u Virgos at times and not be so emotional (it kinda sucks sometimes). Can u go more into detail about the "Romantic friendship"?

My issue is that everyone wants to tell me their problems and cry on my shoulder but no one cares to hear mine! lol And I don't keep tabs on the favors I do for people, if I help out it's because I want to not because I expect something in return. However, I have to restrain myself from helping out too much 'cause I don't want to be taken advantage of/taken for granted.

Posted by ChildOftheMoon
My issue is that everyone wants to tell me their problems and cry on my shoulder but no one cares to hear mine! lol And I don't keep tabs on the favors I do for people, if I help out it's because I want to not because I expect something in return. However, I have to restrain myself from helping out too much 'cause I don't want to be taken advantage of/taken for granted.

No because then you will be called clingy and moody for having had the audacity to want comfort.

I feel the same way. I do not want someone taking advantage of my giving nature.

I also agree that people want to cry on my shoulder but the moment I try to do the same they don't have time for it or they are disappointed. Usually an Air sign.

Posted by ChildOftheMoon
My issue is that everyone wants to tell me their problems and cry on my shoulder but no one cares to hear mine! lol And I don't keep tabs on the favors I do for people, if I help out it's because I want to not because I expect something in return. However, I have to restrain myself from helping out too much 'cause I don't want to be taken advantage of/taken for granted.

Ditto ditto ditto... I think this forces us to be the stronger types though. Although I still fantasize about finding the one person that will listen to me talk for hours while I dump all of my problem's out for them. Lol!

I dont mind if somebody cries while they're telling me about something that hurts. True it can be a little awkward (depending on the person and situation), but lets not forget that we are human. We cry for a reason. Its a release and its healthy. Unfortunately society has mindf**ked us all into believing that something as natural as breathing is not ok to do. We're human and we have emotions. Shyt happens. Think about the fact that somebody may actually trust u enough to let u witness them in such a vunerable state. Some people are just cry babies though...LOL...but we're not talking about them.

Must be a cancer thing cause I had this problem in the pass with people , people will vent and cry there life out to me.but I will never feel like I can get what I give to them.im not a cryer if so I go do that a lone blame that on my leo placement , the ego, but to just vent and get things off chest hell no , dont get same treatment. So I learn my dam advice or warmth have to only have to be save for people who deserve it lmao.

To the main poster, I understand were u coming from because I am like that when I dont trust a person, not comfortable, or just meeting people. But I understand how your cancer friends feel. I not saying cry in front of me with tears and screams , I admit that shit is uncomfortable but its a emotion I respect, but I like to know things about people I call friends, I want to know what piss u off , shit u cant stand, things u like, share ideas about religion , how your relationship with your parents and so on. I think it kind of allow me to understand the person I choose to have around me. I dont no if they went u to depend on them emotionally , I think it just them wanting to no u deeper. Thinking about what u said also help me think about how with friendship I had how I was drain by friends. U just need to sat down and tell them the way u r.