dumped

again...i knew something was up but instead of asking him what was wrong i just backed off and figured giving him space was in order. i get why it happened, he's leaving in 3 months to live in new zealand for 5 months. i didn't really want to start things but he said he wanted to enjoy the time we'd have together so i gave it a shot. now he's saying he just doesn't have time for a relationship and it just isn't fair to me. i get it, but i don't like it. i'm gonna have to see him at some point because we have almost all of the same friends. i just feel stupid, i knew it was a bad idea. i almost wish he were more of an asshole to me but he wasn't. he was incredibly sweet and we cooked together a lot amongst several other things. i knew it wasn't something that wasn't going to last but i figured it'd make it to when he actually had to go. it was his idea, not mine. anyway, i just had to vent.

what's funny though, is that my ex cap has been trying to see me and a few days ago told me he wanted to get back together. he said he made a huge mistake breaking up with me and instead of dealing with his emotions he ran away. i told him i was seeing somebody and even if i weren't, i still wouldn't be sure if it would be a good idea. we had a really good long talk, that lasted a few hours. he wants to take me out on dates and take care of me (which was something he couldn't do before because of his financial situation). granted i do miss him, but my feelings right now are all tangled up in a knot. i gotta sort through all of it before i can even begin to figure out things with the cap.

doesn't help that its raining and icky out. i could use a nice walk.

i'm already starting to feel a lot better... thanks giant tub of nutella! yummmmmmmmmm

CG is this the same guy you were having problems with before? I thought you were done with that...

if you're referring to the cap, then yeah it is. i'm not really going to go back to that though, because it would end up the same. plus if i did my friends would kill me lol. i think i always end up considering it because in some sick way it feels safe. moment of weakness i guess... to be completely honest i think i just enjoyed the attention he was giving to me. i just need to focus on me again, i made some music today so that definitely helped. my life is in disarray at the moment and i feel like i can't think straight because of it. i just need to exercise some self control and do more, feel, think, do and not feel, do then think later.