Forgiveness by a Cancer female

Hello.

I am a Virgo male. Unfortunately I messed things up with my Cancer girlfriend.

Since we became official 6 months ago she became my priority in life and I was so focused on what I wanted out of the relationship. What timeline it should be. When to progress physically. How often we should see each other. What we should do for each other.

Off course she was the opposite, she moves slowly. Build foundation first. Build over time. I made a mistake in not letting her get to my level by herself. Every time my expectations were not matched, I reacted. I was cold to her. I ignored her. I wanted a reaction from her to make me feel good again. Unfortunately I did this tooooo many times and it all came to a head when I ended up ruining her birthday holiday we went on few weeks ago with her best friend. I wanted her all to myself and didn't think what she wanted out of the trip. I ended up pushing her away. We were very very close to breaking up.

Now, she says she will only forgive slowly. Once she sees I have realized what I did wrong and have made an effort to change for the better, be more positive. She wants to see action first.

I am struggling SO bad. I miss her so much. She wont let us be like before. I so badly want to call her my baby again, to kiss her etc but she wont give me any of that. She is back in her shell.

What can I do? I feel so sad and depressed that she won't forgive me. I feel I need that forgiveness first, before I can be happy again and try to make amends. But she wants it the other way round. For me to be all positive when really I feel so so so empty.

I am seeing her for lunch tomorrow before she goes on a family holiday for 4 weeks.

It hurts so much that she can shut me out like this. I am finding it really really hard to do what she asked as I just feel so sad.

Any advice...thanks.