UncommonlyBonded
@UncommonlyBonded
9 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 10 · Topics: 1
He got spooked...
It seems exactly like what my friend does to me, its best you let hin be and carry on with your life, if his emotions are always a priority, you will be the ultimate loser!
Posted by dolluxeYes!
So all of that was online since you were away for work? Now that you guys have a chance to actually be together physically he's backing off?
Not backing off in many ways, he still wants to talk on the phone and be as close as before. He is just backing off the idea of it being more than that
Yeah be friends because he probably is scared to death to jump into something nomatter how special they are.
Although he says he still wants that. Its confusing. Maybe he isn't sure? He said he was sure, all this time he said he was sure, so I have invested so that sucks. I couldn't figure any man putting six months into a woman he did not want to take on a date.
I wondered if maybe we had been so long talking that he had friendzoned me and I asked him about that, if maybe the sexual thrill had gone and he saw us more as friends and he told me no, no way, he said he really badly wanted to kiss me / sleep with me but just wanted to be sure because he didn't just want sex off me, he wanted the whole thing.
About 10 times over the two months since I got back I have said to him that he had to decide if he wanted to go for it, or let me go and every single time he called me up and said "I do want to go for it, I really, really like you" but then it's every excuse under the sun when I actually try and organise the date.
His friend took his phone a few weeks ago when he was at her place for dinner and I called (she's really frustrated he's not taken me on that date yet) and she said to me he was outside in the yard with her husband and could we talk "woman to woman" and she basically said to me that she'd known him his entire life and she said she was sorry for interfering but left to his own devices he would screw it up, and she wanted to tell me that he really liked me, didn't shut up about me, and that I sounded great and she couldn't wait to meet me - so I can't figure that he doesn't like me.
He always talks about the date, but never does it. Like if I am away at a conference for the weekend for example I get a text message saying "I am with my friends and just told them I was going to come up and surprise you" but he doesn't actually DO it.
Right now though, he pretty much let me walk away rather than take that next step when I told him he had to be either in or out. I have wondered if there's some reason I don't know about like some sort of sexual problem, but I think not, he had a normal dating history before me.
I am just really confused. Not sure if I was totally played for months by someone who never intended to actually date me and just wasted my time or if he is seriously scared for some reason. Or if maybe he built up this fantasy in his head so much that the reality is too much.
If he truly doesn't want to lose me, he'd get over this though right?
I wondered if maybe we had been so long talking that he had friendzoned me and I asked him about that, if maybe the sexual thrill had gone and he saw us more as friends and he told me no, no way, he said he really badly wanted to kiss me / sleep with me but just wanted to be sure because he didn't just want sex off me, he wanted the whole thing.
About 10 times over the two months since I got back I have said to him that he had to decide if he wanted to go for it, or let me go and every single time he called me up and said "I do want to go for it, I really, really like you" but then it's every excuse under the sun when I actually try and organise the date.
His friend took his phone a few weeks ago when he was at her place for dinner and I called (she's really frustrated he's not taken me on that date yet) and she said to me he was outside in the yard with her husband and could we talk "woman to woman" and she basically said to me that she'd known him his entire life and she said she was sorry for interfering but left to his own devices he would screw it up, and she wanted to tell me that he really liked me, didn't shut up about me, and that I sounded great and she couldn't wait to meet me - so I can't figure that he doesn't like me.
He always talks about the date, but never does it. Like if I am away at a conference for the weekend for example I get a text message saying "I am with my friends and just told them I was going to come up and surprise you" but he doesn't actually DO it.
Right now though, he pretty much let me walk away rather than take that next step when I told him he had to be either in or out. I have wondered if there's some reason I don't know about like some sort of sexual problem, but I think not, he had a normal dating history before me.
I am just really confused. Not sure if I was totally played for months by someone who never intended to actually date me and just wasted my time or if he is seriously scared for some reason. Or if maybe he built up this fantasy in his head so much that the reality is too much.
If he truly doesn't want to lose me, he'd get over this though right?
Being just friends isn't an option really.
First of all, I am pretty in love now. Hard not to be when you have talked to someone every day for nearly nine months now and shared every part of your life, hopes, dreams and that person feels like the one you want to be with. Would be too hard for me, right now, to be just friends.
Also, he is insanely jealous and possessive of me and if I dated someone else I think it would be totally unbearable for him and our conversations are nothing like friends have, they are like two people really in love.
Maybe in time we could be just friends, but even friends hang out, right?
He seems to think in his head that right now me / he / we are perfect and somehow actually dating he thinks he would disappoint me in some way /fail to be what I hoped for and that it is ultimately inevitable that it will end so he was trying to keep me in that fantasy space indefinitely.
I really hope he changes his mind, the situation completely sucks.
First of all, I am pretty in love now. Hard not to be when you have talked to someone every day for nearly nine months now and shared every part of your life, hopes, dreams and that person feels like the one you want to be with. Would be too hard for me, right now, to be just friends.
Also, he is insanely jealous and possessive of me and if I dated someone else I think it would be totally unbearable for him and our conversations are nothing like friends have, they are like two people really in love.
Maybe in time we could be just friends, but even friends hang out, right?
He seems to think in his head that right now me / he / we are perfect and somehow actually dating he thinks he would disappoint me in some way /fail to be what I hoped for and that it is ultimately inevitable that it will end so he was trying to keep me in that fantasy space indefinitely.
I really hope he changes his mind, the situation completely sucks.
What have you invested?
Maybe it's one of those life lessons where you don't let a guy come between you and your sanity. I mean life maybe get your stuff together, be friends, let him do whatever and evaluate in a year. Maybe you have to be the strong one and let it go for you.
I invested quite a lot. My emotions, my vulnerability, my hopes into someone. Also nine months and I never dated anyone else. Hours of my day every day. Sometimes even long distance can be just as big an emotional investment as if you are in the same room.
I would not have done that for someone he was unsure, or scared of a relationship or anything like that so it's annoying to find myself now in this situation.
I would not have done that for someone he was unsure, or scared of a relationship or anything like that so it's annoying to find myself now in this situation.
Yeah you let him go and you find someone who is ready like you are. He's not.. I am not sure how much time you can give when one party isn't ready or have changed their minds. Heck one minute you like somebody the next something else happens we may have no control over.
I mean 9 months of talking over the phone, hardly any interaction in face. The moment you have face to face time. It get real and changes. So what ever words were exchange must felt the need for an emotional connection because he is divorced now and doesn't want to get hurt or know how to be again.
You really think there is such a thing as being "ready"?
Don't you just date someone if you like them?
Don't you just date someone if you like them?
Not if they are not ready physically or psychologically or even slightly mental. Because he is going through things. What you can do if you like someone is take your time when people go through things be friends and support each other but not giving any slightest lead to becoming something when you are not ready. It would lead to just sex and physical.
You are Ready for a year now, he's not ready. He's saying it now he has to put it in actions like you did .
Yeas dating is so much important to make sure he's the right one and it's been 1 year you should evaluate it. I do have guidelines for 1 year marks. Do you have guidelines for 1 -2 year marks too?
See what should have happened is when you met when you got back from your trip is confirm what you are with each other. I think he did that though by saying he likes you but not ready. because it was all talk on the phone. And shit got real life and I am not sure If it's just excuses or bad behavior and unacceptable.
No I don't have fixed policies on things but have never needed to. I usually only date people who really want the same things as me and if I feel like they are healf hearted about me then that's a turn off and I walk away.
The hard part with this guy is that he never seemed half hearted, he seemed more scared, and that's harder to walk away from because he kept asking me not to go and it sucks for that reason.
Maybe he just needs to figure himself out.
I know for a fact he dated three women before me for a few dates / few months and did not have this problem at all. It seems to be only me here that he can't go on a date with and he says that isn't because he likes me less, but because he likes me more and he knows he's at risk of loving me.
Seems to be batshit logic to me
The hard part with this guy is that he never seemed half hearted, he seemed more scared, and that's harder to walk away from because he kept asking me not to go and it sucks for that reason.
Maybe he just needs to figure himself out.
I know for a fact he dated three women before me for a few dates / few months and did not have this problem at all. It seems to be only me here that he can't go on a date with and he says that isn't because he likes me less, but because he likes me more and he knows he's at risk of loving me.
Seems to be batshit logic to me
This was the song he sent me when I ended it 😢 it's sad for me because he's obviously sad too. I wish he would not be such a coward!
I don't believe in an interventionist God
But I know, darling, that you do
But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene when it came to you
Not to touch a hair on your head
To leave you as you are
And if He felt He had to direct you
Then direct you into my arms
Into my arms, O Lord
And I don't believe in the existence of angels
But looking at you I wonder if that's true
But if I did I would summon them together
And ask them to watch over you
To each burn a candle for you
To make bright and clear your path
And to walk, like Christ, in grace and love
And guide you into my arms
Into my arms, O Lord
But I believe in love
And I know that you do too
And I believe in some kind of path
That we can walk down, me and you
So keep your candles burning
And make her journey bright and pure
That she will keep returning
Always and evermore
I don't believe in an interventionist God
But I know, darling, that you do
But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene when it came to you
Not to touch a hair on your head
To leave you as you are
And if He felt He had to direct you
Then direct you into my arms
Into my arms, O Lord
And I don't believe in the existence of angels
But looking at you I wonder if that's true
But if I did I would summon them together
And ask them to watch over you
To each burn a candle for you
To make bright and clear your path
And to walk, like Christ, in grace and love
And guide you into my arms
Into my arms, O Lord
But I believe in love
And I know that you do too
And I believe in some kind of path
That we can walk down, me and you
So keep your candles burning
And make her journey bright and pure
That she will keep returning
Always and evermore
Posted by UncommonlyBondedOh so he might be playing the field after divorcing and saving the good hearted person for last you? While doing other things while you were being loyal to him. Nah woman.
No I don't have fixed policies on things but have never needed to. I usually only date people who really want the same things as me and if I feel like they are healf hearted about me then that's a turn off and I walk away.
The hard part with this guy is that he never seemed half hearted, he seemed more scared, and that's harder to walk away from because he kept asking me not to go and it sucks for that reason.
Maybe he just needs to figure himself out.
I know for a fact he dated three women before me for a few dates / few months and did not have this problem at all. It seems to be only me here that he can't go on a date with and he says that isn't because he likes me less, but because he likes me more and he knows he's at risk of loving me.
Seems to be batshit logic to me
Good luck woman, be strong and go after someone who wants the same things as you do right now. Which includes talk and meeting in person regularly, and investing the same too. Or finish your school or whatever and came back to dating later.
No, he's definitely not been with anyone else since he met me. No interest at all in playing the field.
I am 35, so all done with school 🙂)))))
I am 35, so all done with school 🙂)))))
Posted by Koniuchaa+1000! Those who fall in love fast also fall out that quickly.
Be weary of men falling fast. He barely met you and already wants to keep you forever?
Posted by UncommonlyBondedHow can you know that if all your interaction is over the phone with no face to face? How can you be sure he's even divorced.
No, he's definitely not been with anyone else since he met me. No interest at all in playing the field.
Posted by LadyNeptuneIve facetimed him with his friends with himPosted by UncommonlyBondedHow can you know that if all your interaction is over the phone with no face to face? How can you be sure he's even divorced.
No, he's definitely not been with anyone else since he met me. No interest at all in playing the field.click to expand
his children have sometimes answered the phone and spoken to me also ("are you my Dad's girlfriend")
he's my friend on facebook and it's obvious he's single
and if he has been with someone else i can't imagine when because he talked to me every night in bed etc.
so I am about as sure as you can be
Posted by UncommonlyBondedIf he doesn't know by now whether or not he wants to be with you...what else is there to discuss. Are you going to wait another year for his ass?Posted by LadyNeptuneIve facetimed him with his friends with himPosted by UncommonlyBondedHow can you know that if all your interaction is over the phone with no face to face? How can you be sure he's even divorced.
No, he's definitely not been with anyone else since he met me. No interest at all in playing the field.
his children have sometimes answered the phone and spoken to me also ("are you my Dad's girlfriend")
he's my friend on facebook and it's obvious he's single
and if he has been with someone else i can't imagine when because he talked to me every night in bed etc.
so I am about as sure as you can be
click to expand
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He called me the next day and told me he really liked me, something about me he found sweet / sexy / vulnerable and made him want to keep me forever. He was really charming and open and funny so we talked. He was divorced last year and he said he was ready now to meet the right girl to settle down with.
I was going away on a short term work assignment for 6 months, so I told him I couldn't date him, but he said he wanted to wait and date me when I got home because he said "most girls just aren't that special, but you are".
I liked him, so we carried on talking every day, sometimes for hours. He seemed to fall hard and fast and just made me feel so special in his eyes. He really seemed to get me and liked all my flaws and weaknesses and was such a gentleman and so romantic. Over time of course his moody side came out, and his super jealous side but I really started to fall for the guy big time and I seem to have a way of handling his moods like a snake charmer or something. He laughs and says I have some magic power over him, to reach places no one else can.
Then the time came for me to come home and he wasn't sure anymore that he wanted to see me. He said he wanted to desperately, to take the relationship to the next level, but also seemed to make excuses and try and cause delays. I thought this meant he had lost interest, but he said absolutely not, he just felt unsure he was able to take the risk of loving someone as much as he knew he was going to love me and being hurt again.
He sometimes said things about me being too pretty for him, too young for him (only 4 years younger), that he would inevitably mess things up and basically he says he thinks maybe it is easier to be alone because losing me would be too hard for him to cope with.
He has shown a lot of signs of having feelings for me that are real, beyond just infatuation. Like he has told his friends all about me and they have sent me messages to tell me that since his divorce he has never felt this way and they have invited me to parties and stuff because they want to meet me. He has told his children about me and even asked me to speak to one of them when she was having a hard time in school so he clearly really trusts me. He would do anything for me, be there for me if I was having a hard day or whatever and he seems to really genuinely care about me and how I feel. He wants to talk to me every day, texts me back in seconds if I contact him and always wants to know everything about my day. He always makes me feel like he thinks I am the most beautiful and special girl in the world, almost like I am revered in his eyes and that's won my heart totally.
All that said he just would not progress to actually dating, and was always trying to avoid actually moving forward so after about two months of him avoiding a first date I told him that I really liked him and really wanted to be with him in a real relationship and if he did not want that then the best thing for me to do was to walk away and give him space to figure out what it was he wanted.
So it has been two weeks since we spoke, and I am honestly completely broken hearted and miss him so much but felt like it was the best thing to do to make him decide whether he wanted to be with me or not. Do you think if he also misses me he might realise he wants to take a chance on a relationship with me? It seems so sad to waste this great thing we have but he almost seems like he thinks it's easier to lose me now instead of later and the idea of taking the relationship to the next level where we actually kiss / make love and spend real time together is something he is avoiding.
I find that part really strange though, because most guys really want to kiss you / go to bed with you (even if commitment scares them, sex usually doesn't!!!) so I am feeling hurt, rejected, confused and just totally unsure of all this and also a little cheated because he let me fall in love with him and then ran away.