I recently cut my childhood best friend off. Very hurt.

My best friend my whole life has been in an abusive and toxic relationship with a Taurus for 7 years. he has a prostitute addiction, hits her, takes her money, is emotionally abusive, separates her from her friends and family. I've had her move into my house, moved her out of her own, slept at her house for days repeatedly over the last 7 years. Arrived immediately every time shes ever needed me. Each time she goes back to him she wont talk to me for months. I'm assuming because he doesn't like me around her and because shes embarrassed. As of April she cut everyone out, family etc and has been living under the false pretense that he no longer lives in their home. However, her daughters Bday came around and one mutual friend was invited (a very passive friend that will not ever comment on the situation) and she posted pictures of the birthday party with the boyfriend and her at the house etc. I was so hurt- not because shes back with him (ive never believed she will ever leave him) but to not include me in my nieces life when all ive ever done was be there for her.. I sent her a text expressing it. Telling her that I feel she only reaches out when she needs a friend, but is never one herself. That I felt foolish calling her my best friend all these years. I removed her from all my social media (petty AF I know). She never even responded to me.

When I say we are best friends im talking... I was at her dads bedside when he passed, her mom is my second mom, her sister my sister. We considered each other blood. This is just crazy. She hasn't been the same in years. Shes a shell of the person she was.

Am I wrong for cutting her out? I mean how long can I continue to play this game with her? The game of being indirect and allowing everyone to come to terms with her decision to get back with him without ever expressing it directly, then gradually crawling back into your life... only to leave him again and call on you for help, and then ghost you again..... When do people stop catering to someone in an abusive relationship?

This is so sad. Especially when you say he is responsible for separating her from family and friends so in a way you have just played right into his hands. Having said that though I understand where you are coming from. Someone has to also want to help them self so to speak.

I cant answer if you have made the right choice or not. Only you will be able to answer that. If he physically beats her, how will you feel finding out one day he has hurt her really bad or worse killed her?

My mother was an alcoholic and the only time she stopped for good was when she wanted to stop for herself. That's the sad thing about all of this.

I am sorry you have to watch your friend go through all this, I know its not easy.

😢

This is very sad. And sounds very painful for you...its hard to see someone you care about making bad choices and frustrating when you just want the best for them. I dont blame you for needing to draw a line though 😢 at some point this has because a toxic relationship between you and her and thats not fair 😢

The crazy thing is. I have stopped having a stance on it. I have literally come to terms with the situation. I come when she calls and try to offer her support. Her sister, mother and I have all realized over the last 7 years that if we express our opinion she cuts us off.

So I really try hard to only talk to her about her feelings.

ITS INSANE. This last time she put a GPS tracker on his car. Found him at a prostitutes house. They ended up beating the shit out of each other, police removed him from the house. They had a nocontact order for 30 days.... she lost literally 20 pounds in 3 weeks. She found aids test hidden under his spare tire in his car. He is also a drug addict.... she was so hyped to finally leave him. Then BAM! no one hears from her.

She's gorgeous, intelligent and has everything going for her. I dont get it.

It's just so selfish because she tells everyone her business but then feels embarrassed to have you around knowing it. She is so self consumed that she never asks anyone about themselves... never is there for anyone. That is my issue....it just breaks my heart.

Posted by heliumfiasco

The crazy thing is. I have stopped having a stance on it. I have literally come to terms with the situation. I come when she calls and try to offer her support. Her sister, mother and I have all realized over the last 7 years that if we express our opinion she cuts us off.

So I really try hard to only talk to her about her feelings.

ITS INSANE. This last time she put a GPS tracker on his car. Found him at a prostitutes house. They ended up beating the shit out of each other, police removed him from the house. They had a nocontact order for 30 days.... she was lost literally 20 pounds in 3 weeks.... she was so hyped to finally leave him. Then BAM! no one hears from her.

It's just so selfish because she tells everyone her business but then feels embarrassed to have you around knowing it. She is so self consumed that she never asks anyone about themselves... never is there for anyone. That is my issue....it just breaks my heart.

Oh honey thats sounds awful and heartbreaking and you sound like such a good, kindhearted and non judgemental friend ...everytime she tells people i bet she feels like she is only venting not realizing that people's natural instinct is to want to help and protect the people that they love ...i wish i could offer more advice but i dont know what i would do to be honest 😢

Her sister and I brought a Uhaul to her house a few years ago and moved her out in literally 3 hours. I let her live in my spare room.... and within 3 weeks they were back together....her hiding it.

The part that is hard and not to sound selfish is...im not just her best friend, shes mine. Ya know? Sometimes I need her and shes never there for me. It drains me. I have nightmares about it. I feel like I've lost her.

This has been going on for years. But she lost her dad to Cancer almost two years ago, they were very close. She never got counseling for the grief. Had a severe rage problem and got fired from her job because of it. I feel her mental health is just GONE. I just want her to be happy and healthy. But this situation causes me great pain.

Sun Cancer

Moon Taurus

Mercury Cancer

Venus Cancer

Mars Scorpio

Yeah, Taurus men scare me. Fuck what they say about Scorpio.... their opposite is the real one to watch out for.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by heliumfiasco

Sun Cancer

Moon Taurus

Mercury Cancer

Venus Cancer

Mars Scorpio

Oh fuck a cancer. I had ppl telling me to leave my husband. He wasn’t cheating for all I know, but the emotional and mental abuse of the last yr was draining me. Not to mention the manipulation and gaslighting him and his mother did.

They told me I’m crazy when I was the one working two jobs. They were both unemployed. Mom on seroquel and husband smoking up to 15 buckets a day and blaming me for everything. Work was my way to escape them. Anyways they told me to see a counsellor when in reality what they said and how they treated me was giving me mood swings. I saw a counsellor and then they both kept saying I’m crazycyz I’m the one seeing a counsellor. I think the weed has given my ex some sort of psychosis cuz he said he was hearing voices to kill me etc. That’s when I knew I had to leave. The verbal abuse was nuts. I fight back so things just escalate.

Anyways I never told anyone what was going on, but when I started telling my gfs I felt guilt cuz I felt I was betraying him. Plus he was always nice to me. Not sure why he changed so much but he is spoiled and his mom wants him for herself. She’d get between us. Told him she saw me out with some guy. Then things started getting physical.

Anyways ppl telling me to leave just made me want to protect him. I’m the only one allowed to say things about him. They don’t understand kind of thing. The swings from nice to mean confuses u aNd u wonder if u made it up. Gaslighting. These ppl are unstable so u can’t expect them tobe stable.

Ur friend is probably becoming unstable by the way he treats her. Up and down. And hot and cold. Everything she’s doing is a reaction.

My husband also told me my family doesn’t love me and I have no friends. Anything to isolate u and think he is the only one. He wants to control u.

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Its crazy. she always seems so strong in every situation our entire lives. My ride or die.... Never thought in a million years this would be her life.

Posted by GemCurio

I can imagine your frustrations and also how hurt you are over this situation. What I can see not being involved in it is, where is she going to turn to when she needs help again?? We cannot control other people or even really have any influence over their decisions. At most, all we can do is leave the door open for those we care for and hope they are able to see reality clearly. Is it really catering if you love her? If she ends up dying because of this guy, could you live with yourself not being available to her or able to intervene on her behalf?? I remember my ex had a little cousin who was the most selfish little girl I ever knew. She continually chose this guy and his abuse over her family, friends, and herself. One day, me ex receives a phone call from her aunt saying that she didn't know where this girl was. It was like 1 in the morning, I had to go to work the next day and had just finished writing a paper an hour earlier. I just had gotten in bed. My ex was determined to find her and I really didn't like her cousin at all. Yet, I got up and drove around town looking for this girl for 3 hours until we found her. Why?? Because I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if something happened to her and I could've prevented it by just choosing not to think about myself. People in those situations really are secluded, lost, and in dark places. They do not know how to find their ways out of it. I know the road so far has been long and exhausting, but you need to consider who else does she have to come to her rescue? You might be all she has. A lighthouse in the darkness of her existence. Even if you wanted to, could you really give up on your best friend??

If she ever called me I'd be right there. Shes always known that, which is why im always the person there. But that seems to be the only time she ever calls. It hurts. I dont understand how she can treat me like this when I've always been understanding and there. I will not judge her...I never have.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by heliumfiasco

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by heliumfiasco

Sun Cancer

Moon Taurus

Mercury Cancer

Venus Cancer

Mars Scorpio

Oh fuck a cancer. I had ppl telling me to leave my husband. He wasn’t cheating for all I know, but the emotional and mental abuse of the last yr was draining me. Not to mention the manipulation and gaslighting him and his mother did.

They told me I’m crazy when I was the one working two jobs. They were both unemployed. Mom on seroquel and husband smoking up to 15 buckets a day and blaming me for everything. Work was my way to escape them. Anyways they told me to see a counsellor when in reality what they said and how they treated me was giving me mood swings. I saw a counsellor and then they both kept saying I’m crazycyz I’m the one seeing a counsellor. I think the weed has given my ex some sort of psychosis cuz he said he was hearing voices to kill me etc. That’s when I knew I had to leave. The verbal abuse was nuts. I fight back so things just escalate.

Anyways I never told anyone what was going on, but when I started telling my gfs I felt guilt cuz I felt I was betraying him. Plus he was always nice to me. Not sure why he changed so much but he is spoiled and his mom wants him for herself. She’d get between us. Told him she saw me out with some guy. Then things started getting physical.

Anyways ppl telling me to leave just made me want to protect him. I’m the only one allowed to say things about him. They don’t understand kind of thing. The swings from nice to mean confuses u aNd u wonder if u made it up. Gaslighting. These ppl are unstable so u can’t expect them tobe stable.

Ur friend is probably becoming unstable by the way he treats her. Up and down. And hot and cold. Everything she’s doing is a reaction.

My husband also told me my family doesn’t love me and I have no friends. Anything to isolate u and think he is the only one. He wants to control u.

Its crazy. she always seems so strong in every situation our entire lives. My ride or die.... Never thought in a million years this would be her life.

Ya all my frievds said I’m so confident and assertive. They don’t get it.

The thing is these ppl aren’t like this on the beginning so u keep hoping for the past.

Plus a cancer clings to the past.

I left him a yr and a half ago. We are casual mates now.

He still isn’t working and his mom is still hating on me. He’s still smoking heaps.

I’ve gone on 4 international vacations, got a full time government job now, can afford my own house and have been dating an established man the last 6 months that is stable and considerate and compassionate.

She can change it all, she just has to leave and not go back.

That’s the hard part. I partied for like 6 months after I left cuz I didn’t know what to do with myself. Then u realise ur not dealing with things.

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I'm so happy you left!!!! Good for you for loving yourself!

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

She has to want to leave. She won’t do it until things reach rock bottom. Yes, you did the right thing.

What the hell is rock bottom for her? I mean damn. I dont know besides him stabbing her what more bad can happen?

Cancer women we love hard. We love Dangerously hard even when it hurts us. 😢

Posted by Scotteh007

Sounds like you did all you can but she still won't listen.

Sometimes you got to just cut people out of your life and hope for the best they change.

I wouldn't know a thing about abusive relationships because I've never been in one. But they do seem hard to get out of from what I've seen.

I would think it would make it even harder since they have a child together. Maybe she's trying to just make it work because of that? And being a single parent hurts for the parent and raising the child both. But in this stance it seems like the single parent life is a lot better than what is going on now from what you described.

Eh I say move on from this. That may seem hard to do but seems like there was a lot of wasted emotions on this situation. Everyone has their own life to worry about.

You basically summed up my entire mental state on this, and exhaustion in one paragraph. Thank you for your response ❤️

I understand how hurt and confused this can make you, my mother was in a long term relationship with a man who would physically and emotionally hurt her and I mean send her to the hospital multiple times. I never understood why until she told me she believed if she continued to love him and follow what he said he would change, that’s the only reason she would cling hopelessly to the relationship. She cut family/friends off because HE guilt tripped her into doing it. It psychologically fucked with her head so bad it took her years to finally pack her shit up and leave on her own, what made her leave? He started beating me.

Some women in love, can be multipled to the point where they can be black and blue and still reach out for the person who hit them, some of us can be blinded by that love and it’s shitty. I wish I could give all my strength to men or woman in these situations, the only thing you can do is keep your distance but be there for her regardless. You just need to understand that unfortunately that piece of shit she’s with is her world and he pulls the strings.

I cut off a friend for the same thing and never looked back. I’m still not even sorry about it.

Just couldn’t worry about her anymore or allow her to put me in the middle of her destructive cycles.

Breaking point was when I tried to help and finally confided in her family about what was going on and she turned the situation on me and said I was a liar and made the whole thing up because I was jealous of her and her bf.

I was like yep, I’m out ✌🏻 Have a great life

Her family begged me to give her another chance too but I refused. Wished her nothing but the best, but had to move on without her.

It’s exhausting trying to care about and for someone who doesn’t care about themselves. And frankly, it’s not my fuckin job 😊

Hugs to you for hanging in there as long as you did

Posted by Sagicorn

Was just going to ask if she's a Cancer and scrolled down for more and yep,was right. Well as harsh as that might sound you don't need such person in life. She's bad influence and does nothibg for you. She just brings trouble and on top of that SHE cuts YOU out! I get that you care for her and did gladly what you did for her but it's time to start thinking about you as well. And if she ever considered you as a friend she should know it's up to her to change things

You scrolled down and figured this was a cancer? Man, you must have no fucking brain if you think this is a SIGN THING. How tf do you know she intentionally cut this Libra out huh? You must’ve never been or known someone in an abusive relationship before. It’s a CONTROL tactic that the abuser uses.