i want to hang on but letting go

i just dont understand this cancer man i have been seeing for almost 2yrs! we met @ a superbowl party...hit it off and got serious about 5 months later. he came on so strong at first and i enjoyed the attention but told him i didnt want anything serious. then i fell in love. since then he has left me hanging with my own emotions more times than i can count. shortly after we became serious he went back to his ex but only to be calling me back 2 wks later...says he made a mistake but then it became a pattern. he was with her for 8 yrs. i can understand the attachment. but all the while he is telling me he loves me but cant trust me. wants a future but not sure. back and forth. he is critical of me in everyway!! i feel like i cant be perfect enough!! but he talks to me about moving in(i didnt mention this is a long distant thing)but then tells me he doesnt want to live with me! he is always contradicting himself which is frustrating. its like he tells me to get serious and research jobs down there but when i do he pulls away so i dont know why he wants to drive me crazy! our connection is just beautiful most of the time. he says we are a match made in heaven ummm over christmas holidays and as of this week he has decided he doesnt want to be together bc long distance doesnt work!!! make up ur mind already!!! but he expects me to be there when he calls and wants to see me. if i refuse he is calling and txting all wkend that i am a horrible person and has even called me a whore in times like tht. i have never put him thru the hurt tht he has caused me but i have hurt him. i love him without no end and its so real for me but it seems he doesnt take me seriously and is playing games. he has done this wishywashy stuff so much tht i want to let go at times but scared if i do i will lose him for good. i dnt want give up. i want to prove im here for the long haul. we had a great wkend and now he tells me he doesnt knw wht he wants. should i keep the lines of communication open with him or let him figure it out?. will he think ive abandoned this if i just dont reach out? why do i always feel he is testing my loyality?

also i am a scorpio female of course we have chemistry !! thats why its so hard!!!

He is masterfully manipulating you because.....he can.

Sweetie...you should've be gone at the word "whore".

THe mixed messages says this "I dont want you long term, I just want you when I want you.." He says enough of the *sweet talk* to get you to stay around when he wants you, then when he doesnt want you, he treats you like shit.

The real question is Why have you tolerated this abuse for so long?

he makes his feelings seem real. he says he cant commit when he cant trust. he just took me on a cruise but what i thought would be a romantic getaway turns into a nightmare meaning i was on that ship for 3 days without any clothes because he had a jealous fit and threw my things overboard! i saved him from mexican jail by not filing a complaint. he compensated me for my stuff but all of that has put an even bigger strain on us. i guess im wondering if what u say is true why would he spend money on trips, get so jealous, and worry me with his insecurities? is that part of the game or what? why would he keep up a game for 2 yrs—? just this past wkend he must have mentioned the word marriage 5 times. asked me if i would get married again. christmas wkend sang me to sleep with a lullabye tht he made up tht had a line saying if i was good he would bye me a ring...lol.the thing is i just sold the promise ring he gave me for valentines last year. this was after the cruise and we broke up 4 about a minute. but the promise he gave me on the ring was "until farther notice" and tht hung out in my head so i got rid of it. now, what? he said today he just doesnt knw. but i guarantee if i go and start living my life he will be back and asking 101 questions about wht ive been doing while he is trying to figure things out. and he will not believe a word i say which to me he is just creating room for error. he expects too much but he is such a hypocrite!!

""""what i thought would be a romantic getaway turns into a nightmare meaning i was on that ship for 3 days without any clothes because he had a jealous fit and threw my things overboard"""

Hello....?

Read your w=own statement. This is ABUSE. NOT normal. Sadistic. Stop listening to what he SAY, and listen to what he DOES.

Google "Stockholm Syndrome"

We're discussing this why?

Say "check please", pick up your dignity, straighten up your backbone, and FFS leave and dont ever look back.

This endorsement from a Cancer woman who dated a Cancer man for 4.5 years who showed signs of anger early on. Had I listened to my gut within the first couple of weeks? That 4.5 years would have been 4.5 weeks, tops.

You're not doing yourself any favors. Seriously. And by the sounds of it, you may want to soul search in what area in your life, or who, brougHt you TO and got you to this point that you are even considering staying. You've been conditioned to this, and now is the time to break the pattern. What he is doing is emotional abuse. The worst form of abuse there is. Soul searchin time sista.

So one last time, and what have we learned today—? GET OUT, NOW! ((hugs))

Im glad Ocean Deep is here to bring calm and reality here....

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME

Stockholm Syndrome is an apparently paradoxical psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness

Hi Checkplease- 🙂
I know hearing all the words that everyone is saying is quite hard. You want to scream and shout and shake us all and tell us how badly your heart is hurting. How much you want us to know that this man loves you. And that you love him. That you love him unconditionaly and that you want us to see that "Hey, it's not so bad."
I know you are thinking these things because I was in a similar position like you were with an Aqua. All I can tell you now is the choice is yours.
You can continue on this path, resisting everything your soul and spirit is trying to tell you. Or you can truly start to follow your OWN heart.
A man that wants to be with you, will BE WITH YOU. A man that says he wants you to move to be with him, WILL HELP YOU IN YOUR SEARCH TO MOVE TO BE WITH HIM. A man who really feels love, compassion, friendship, devotion & intimacy will SHOW YOU HE FEELS, not make it "seem" like he does. Does that make sense?
One thing I have learned on the boards is you need to make the desicion to continue on this merry go round ride, or you can choose to get off the ride. Just because you get off the ride does not mean you are a failure, it does not mean you will never experience a higher love. But I have heard it myself time and time again that you need to take care of and think of YOU. Focus on you. Focus on your POWER and by golly girlfriend, TAKE IT BACK!
Once you do, and beleive me, it is a tough journey. But once you do you will no longer care what he thinks, what he says, what he does. The only person you will genuienly care about, is YOU.
It sounds crazy, but I have gotten some pretty solid, 3rd person, outsider looking in advice and the number one thing I learned is that once you let go and release all all the negative that is happening and surrounding you, you will feel more at ease, more at peace and then real love can finally make its way in.
Wish you the best of luck, light, peace and love my dear! Always remember to, you are not alone. All of us have gone through some extent of what you are going through now, and we made it too! 🙂 🙂

The person you end up with for the long haul should be your best friend. You two should be able to communicate what's going on in your lives and you should respect each other enough to avoid this passive aggressive bs on both ends. You're worth more than that.

Does he know you got rid of the ring he gave you? Might that have been the trigger on the cruise?

You have nothing to lose by sitting down and discussing each other's concerns in depth -without all the drama! Why doesn't he trust you? Ask him why he feels this way about you and you should have your answer.

Good luck!

thanks to all for your words kind and true. i was reluctant to post my business but i knw i could find some clarity here. no i got rid of the ring after the cruise. had nothing to do with it. he saw me talking to a guy and he made a fool of himself. when i didnt follow him back to the cabin he flipped out. i actually gave my ring to my friend to hold on2 so it wouldnt go overboard. i was in shock and probably would have chunked it myself if i hadnt. instead i sold it. i had to get down to the bottom of this behavior so i made some calls 2nite. turns out he has been staying the nite with his exwife evrynight this week. he has been lying to me bad. she said they have been sleeping together since before the cruise. apparently he told her he didnt sleep with me on the boat....lie...i dont know how many times within the past few weeks he has told me he was not w her. lie...lie...now tht i knw he knws i knw and thts tht for me. yet what is he doing? txting calling. he had the nerve to tell me if i ever wanted to work it out tht now is the time because he doesnt have to decide who he wants to be with. lol ummm..."yea u decided" and i told him wht i told her. she can have his lying cheating ass and keep him. i dnt want him. no good to me i am a scorpio and im already thinking of ways to get revenge...if i were to have him back it would be 2 show him how its don. in other words i cldnt be faithful knwing wht i knw. i cant believe his nerve and constant lies. no excuse. im the whore. ive treated him like gold and now knw why he talked to me like tht and mistrusted me all of the time. 2 make himself feel better. he is a bad person and ultimately i knw im better than all this. i wont die or cry. his loss. i cant let him drag me down. im a strong woman. just fell in love w a loser. i just am so disappointed n us both really. thanks guys but case closed.

Whooooooa there..hot air so much hot air on his part. Why are you sticking around this abusive looser? He insulted in the worst possible way. Hit the road and do not look back. He is bad news. Cancers are slick with their tongues, can bounce back into someone's life like butter. Do not under any circumstance let him do that again EVER!