Inconsiderate or normal? & Guess his emergency!

Hi all,

How would you react to a guy (cancer sun, aquarius moon, leo venus, taurus mars, age of mid-twenties), who has consistently initiated daily contact with you, for nearly a year now (having met on a dating site), treats you well, is a gent, doesn't pressurize physical intimacy, etc. (but not overly emotional, is a bit guarded etc.).. suddenly doesn't contact you on e.g. the saturday (but isn't online nearly the whole day). Doesn't contact on sunday either and when I initiate (which is very rare) asking if he's ok, he sees it and doesn't respond (has never happened before.. he usually even says sorry if he texts me an hour later than he usually does) I end up assuming he hates me for some reason and/or cheating so write him a long rant the next day about how I hate people who suddenly ghost on someone, especially as I haven't done anything wrong, etc

He then immediately responds saying he's had a family issue.. he said it wasn't a good thing but everyone will be ok, is very apologetic, explains that he's been having to spend a lot of time offline to drive a lot back and forth due to this family problem and has had barely anytime to himself (let alone "non- family" i.e. me?) and whenever he's online, it's only ever to contact his family. He said he'd try to contact me but it would be very infrequent, since he said this problem will last at least another week (but that no one knows how long exactly it'll last)..I texted back apologizing for assuming other things and offered any help. He texted back thanking me for being understanding and saying he doesn't know how long it'll last.

That was last monday... no word from him since..I know he said he probs wouldn't contact much in the next few days but surely not even a few seconds just to check up, across the whole week? Maybe even if he physically has time, he may just be too worried and rather not chat? some days during this week, his online pattern seems to indicate that what he said about having a family emergency is true i.e he'd been offline from about 3pm to 10pm (which is very unusual for him, he's usually online every 25/30 mins or so).

I do sympathize with him.. but on the other hand, if I was him, I'd have quickly sent a text saying "hey, hope you're well. Having a bit of a family issue, won't be able to chat for the next few days".. but instead, he stayed quiet until I literally thought this was the end for us and ranted at him..

Bit harsh to regard me as "non - family" or is that reasonable? I definitely don't consider myself as his family haha but being put in the category of "non - family" makes it sound as if I'm so far down in his list of importance.

He didn't tell me what the issue was - does that mean he doesn't trust me? To be honest, only a few emergencies would require him having to drive back and forth for over a week... I feel it's probably a medical thing and his sister is around 8 months pregnant I think so I assume either she's had the baby very early (hence, he's having to visit a lot) and/or there are complications? I really can't think of anything else that would last a week or more in terms of a family emergency... any other ideas?

I am grateful for any thoughts people might have. 🙂

Posted by GetMisted
Stop being so selfish for starters..

Yeah, the new girl might be really HOT.

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by GetMisted
Stop being so selfish for starters..

Yeah, the new girl might be really HOT.

What new girl?

click to expand

They've been together almost a year and he can't

tell her what's going on?



Something is amiss.

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by GetMisted
Stop being so selfish for starters..

Yeah, the new girl might be really HOT.

What new girl?

They've been together almost a year and he can't

tell her what's going on?



Something is amiss.

$ 5 says they have never met in person.

click to expand

Looks like you owe me $ 5 ha, I've met him in person many many times. Even had several 6 hour long meet-ups.

No that would have been me.



😐

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by Montgomery
No that would have been me.



😐

Check is in the mail -_-

click to expand

Of course. >^.^

Posted by aj123
He then immediately responds saying he's had a family issue.. he said it wasn't a good thing but everyone will be ok, is very apologetic, explains that he's been having to spend a lot of time offline to drive a lot back and forth due to this family problem and has had barely anytime to himself (let alone "non- family" i.e. me?) and whenever he's online, it's only ever to contact his family. He said he'd try to contact me but it would be very infrequent ..I texted back apologizing for assuming other things and offered any help.

That was last monday... no word from him since..I know he said he probs wouldn't contact much in the next few days...

I do sympathize with him.. but on the other hand...

Bit harsh to regard me as "non - family" or is that reasonable? I definitely don't consider myself as his family haha but being put in the category of "non - family" makes it sound as if I'm so far down in his list of importance.

He didn't tell me what the issue was - does that mean he doesn't trust me?

He had a family emergency and is concentrating on them, rightly so. Do you really think this is the right time to make this all about you?

Your not his family. Point blank.

By what you've written you come off as very clingy, needy, and unsympathetic. Your 'offer' of help is just words. He told you how you could help...by being understanding that his focus is not on you at this moment.

Selfish, selfish.

OP : relax, just do you. Yes he should have informed you about whats going on. Yes you are way down his list. No people dont just disappear. You did your bit, now move on. You do not need someone in your life who forgets your existence, especially if you guys are "close".

Thank you for all your comments so far. It seems you all feel very strongly but towards different opinions. Some people seem to suggest I am being unreasonable and I should just be patient and wait it out (i.e. there's nothing wrong in the relationship/his behaviour). Others seem to suggest that he's wrong to behave in this way and I should just move on.

Not sure which opinion is the right one haha..

Any more responses much appreciated!!

He definitely doesn't seem very interested in you lately. You did say he's busy with a family emergency. Best you can do is offer your support and don't pressure him right now. If you do the opposite, it will show him you're selfish, unsupported, not understanding, not a great girlfriend, ect.

Posted by pinkbird03
He definitely doesn't seem very interested in you lately. You did say he's busy with a family emergency. Best you can do is offer your support and don't pressure him right now. If you do the opposite, it will show him you're selfish, unsupported, not understanding, not a great girlfriend, ect.

Thank you for the comment. Yeah that's what I was thinking but I'm not sure if someone who really cared would compartmentalize so much to the point of completely giving 100% attention elsewhere. Maybe it's a guy thing?

Any more comments very appreciated, everyone.

Posted by Arielle83
You require too much attention to have a stable relationship without you assuming, ridiculing, guilting or controlling the other person.

Family is way more important than some chick he texts.

Thank you for the reply. I am just worried about what this behaviour shows about his intentions.

You seem to suggest it's fine as I'm just a randomer he texts.. which is what I was worried about to begin with..so I assume you're suggesting if I was a serious partner, I'd have a right to be annoyed (i.e he doesn't view me with serious intent)?

If you or anyone else can say you'd totally behave in the way he has, with someone who you had very serious intentions about (i.e. not a fling) and then come back, that's all good. I don't hate the time apart.. just worried about the future and what this shows about his intentions.

I hope this isn't some story he made up, just to allow him some time to have a break away and re-evaluate if he wants this anymore..

If he's telling the truth,

simple fact.. that you're not as important as his family.

and you can either take it or leave it.. It's your decision, when he already made his

but all I can tell you is, if a guy is not afraid of losing you, he will take you for granted.

2 weeks and still nothing :/

One side of my mind is telling me - it's ok, I've read numerous articles and seen many times from male family members and male friends that men handle stress differently (often withdraw, isolate themselves, man cave) compared to most women who like to talk things through and actively reach out for support during stressful times.

The other side of my mind is telling me - his family (if his story/excuse is true) is about 1000 miles in front of me in terms of priority and if his story isn't true, maybe he's testing the waters with someone new and buying himself time to return if things don't work out with the new person (no proof for this though so maybe just my insecurity imagining worst case scenarios).

Hmm 😢