Scorp has had it w/ Cancer man!

Scorp has had it w/ Cancer man!

Ok,,,,?

I'm going through the same complications with my Cancer man as the others here. Trying to make me feel like he doesnt care when I know he doesnt, insecurity. Im not in a rush to just have him back,if we're back together I want him back understanding he MUST communicate any confusion/insecurity he has with me so we can push through his baggage together and I'm I wont be carrying the relationship 90% of the time....there needs to be a fair balance and stop taking the easy route pushing me away thinking I'm just another who will hurt/abandon him.

I feel like a this point its not what I say but how I say it. I feel like I need to scare him, my myself he prize to be won again with a sweet sour balance. Show him the sweetness he knows from me, but tell him Im seeing someone seriously and he doesnt have long before another man is receiving the sweetness from me since hes so stuck on acting like a scared little boy. Im gonna tell him theres no more always being there for him....its either man up and give me reason to stick around for him (lower that wall and tell me REALLY why its so hard for him to let me in) or I'll just move on to another exclusive relationship and there wont be room for ANY kind of relationship with him.


Bottom line the letter will be along the lines of: This is what i've done 4 u, this is how easy and amazing things could be and just trust me and lower those walls i already see through, if for the new year u've decided to approach relationship in a better attitude Im open to giving u another chance....but u dont have long til we cant be anything if i dont see u manning up?


Good idea? Too harsh? If u were to write such a letter of closure what approach would u take to get him to react? Would u give a time limit. Spell out to him that u are about to become exclusive or leave mystery to ur relationship status?

To be noted:

Unlike other "crab man tendencies" I found that he actually DOES react to the ride or die sweet woman act. Although he does react to a stern voice way quicker, even if it is in a slightly negative way


I feel he pulled away from me not so much cuz he just not that into me...its cuz he fell for me HARD and QUICK and it was so overwhelming for him. I feel hes so insecure he comes up with lies of ways I'm not feeling him to leave me way b4 I get to ACTUALLY hurt him.


At one point i texted him how much I cared for him and in between the fight when i warmed up his heart he wrote, "tell me what u want (my name),,,,,not what u think". Scared of rejection and wanted ME to ask him to be in an exclusive relationship instead of being the man and asking himself—

Extremely scarred man.....once witness him scream @ 1 of his 8 yr old nephews for telling him it was a green light while driving saying IM GOODDDD

NEVER here him talk about his father. Or a positive older male role model period. Only his mom, sister, and aunt. His I'm good w/o ur help attitude = overcompensating macho energy? Depending on the other person in the relationship to carry weight and put in the work learned behavior from female guardians in his life?

When he started the pulling away I let him know I noticed he was acting all shady and different. He wrote some sweet shit and I told him all thats nice but ur not hiding behind technology with me...we're talking face to face. No response from him for at least 15 mins....then I pull out the dramatics...."fine fuck the talk and u too" Less than a minute later from him......"Don't be like that when u wanna see me?"

Thinks he has me wrapped around my finger or truly scared and nervous of confrontation? Similar texts battles w/ a Cancer man? Is this the best way to react to a nervous Cancer man to get him to not only react to you, but pull their weight and make the other person in relationship feel appreciated? Play dumb like u dont know he appreciates you? I KNOW he appreciates me, I NEED to feel it tho to stay.

PS, besides all that I think this guy is my soul mate LMAOOOOOOOOO
Its just pulling for my soul mate, pulling for his strength, pulling for him to reveal the man I know he could easily be once he trust me is sooooooo emotionally draining and I'm @ a point where I'm giving up on the man and believing and accepting the little woe is me boy he presents when he gets scared. Cant fight for someone who wont fight for themselves. If he doesnt feel he owes himself much why would he feel he owes me much of anything, right?

Will a cancer purposely or subconsciously pull away to see if their partner cares enough to chase them? If its proven the person will check back in the Cancer to make sure everything is ok why STILL at that point continue w/ the crab dance?

Anyone here watch Love & Hip Hop? Jim Jones is a Cancer! The newest episode is EXACTLY my situation. I'm Chrissy and my man is Jim Jones

Ahhh....cancerman strikes again

Posted by Let*It*Be
You come across extremely harsh and spiteful. Instead of writing what you really think here, why not heed his request? --> ""tell me what u want (my name),,,,,not what u think"." Copy paste all of these threads you've written and show him.

Control, demands, pressure and threats due to your own insecurity will get you nowhere. In fact, it is these exact fears Cancers run from in case you haven't figured that out already. Find another guy who will answer to your expectations and cower from your threats. This guy in my opinion is already gone.

Thanks for the reply! I come across spiteful? As in I'm mean and want revenge? After months and months of dealing with the shelling and whatnot I can understand I may come off extremely frustrated, stressed and intense but where do u see me wanting revenge and being mean? This is not defense I honestly would like to know.


What makes u say he's already gone? Him being too scared or me being to harsh?
At one point I thought that he was gone too, but as I stated above he did end up replying to my text when I explained my feelings for him.

And when he saw my feelings getting stirred cuz he pulled away and I threatened to leave if all I get is silence he responded to that and we actually did meet in person that night.


After observation of my relationship and others i feel like I have to kinda start where I want to finish. I dont wanna be one of those people in a long uphill battle down the road. what worries me about ur response i feel like I'm letting him know early on that hes allowed to be the only one who gets upset. And for NONSENSE and HIS own insecurities at that.

I do plan on reaching out one more time.....and i'll let him no what i want and it probably is best to let him know in a sweet tone. However....no deadline? just show him I'll wait around for him? no pressure? he can just take his ole sweet time is an appropriate message to send a man? Does a Cancer man honestly respect you more for this?

Posted by Let*It*Be
"Im open to giving u another chance....but u dont have long til we cant be anything if i dont see u manning up?"


Speaks volumes..This would scare any man..^^he'll spit rocks up running away..

Having expectations is wrong? How would u (or any readers) rephrase this in a sweeter tone to where u think the Cancer man will be receptive?

I'm very ready to move on if this last ditch effort doesn't work...just would like to know what would make an insecure, nervous man who admitted himself he has a fucked up attitude and has trust issues the most receptive in a speedier manner. I know what I dont want and thats him thinking the silence treatment is ok when he's insecure. Confusion on his part is OK! But talk to me about it instead of running away and accepting false defeat

Posted by LadyScorpP

Posted by BigGirlPanties
Ok,,,,?

haha, love the new avi 😄

click to expand

Thank you, love....I was hoping it would make people wonder...hairy man's legs, with female panties 😉

Ok, now back to trying to read this crazy ass thread.

I should probably add he didnt see "spite and harshness" when he pulled away from me. He pulled away some time after I spent the night with him and cuddled. I had spent the night with him other times but I didnt give him everything right away and by the 4th or maybe 5th night I held on to his body and gently stroked and caress his adorable face. Only thing different between the times when he was being a man and the time he pulled away...is a Cancer man pulling away from intimacy and quickly building feelings not an option?

OP,

Your screen name fits you well. You want to manipulate this man into giving you what you DEMAND? GO for it.
You will then see what *shelling* is all about. You have no idea how you come across. Bitch doesnt describe it. I dont know how old you are, but you need a good bitch slap across your heiny.

men don't talk about there feelings, he's not a girl...stop giving him so much attention for pulling away, YOU ARE REWARDING HIM with more and more attention, there is no incentive to change when he's getting heavy doses of attention from you, try something different like not being there when he's pulling away and getting on with your good life, doesn't mean you won't cry, be angry, shed tears or miss him but you'll show him you are not DEPENDENT on him emotionally or otherwise and that can actually forge a stronger bond than you have right now. The bullying tactics won't work.

Posted by tiki33
men don't talk about there feelings, he's not a girl...stop giving him so much attention for pulling away, YOU ARE REWARDING HIM with more and more attention, there is no incentive to change when he's getting heavy doses of attention from you, try something different like not being there when he's pulling away and getting on with your good life, doesn't mean you won't cry, be angry, shed tears or miss him but you'll show him you are not DEPENDENT on him emotionally or otherwise and that can actually forge a stronger bond than you have right now. The bullying tactics won't work.

I very much appreciate this response, thank you so much! I appreciate not being labeled or attacked for my misconceptions and whatnot. The point of this is acknowledging I may have made errors and to learn. U don't know how much I appreciate this!
I do think your advice is best, but just to play devil's advocate....

He did ask me to tell him what I want, not what I think...this is a man who could be VERY stubborn and obviously been hurt in the past. I should ignore his request and risk losing him forever, or simply, sweetly lay out I would be open to an exclusive relationship with him (what I think he really wants for me) if he could TRY to talk to me more when he has an issue and leave it at that and don't contact him again?

At one point I showed him i could be dependent on him. Simple short text along the lines of "Sweetheart I'll leave the door open for you....if and when u can deal with the fact that you're hurting and pushing me away as a defense mechanism so I dont get to hurt u 1st and reflect and see I can be trusted I'll be here"

His reply was a wink. Mind you a lot of text went ignored up to that point. Sarcastic wink in your opinion or him showing there is still interest there w/o revealing too much emotion? My gut feeling told me I would get some sort of reply from that text.

*not dependent*

Posted by BigGirlPanties
OP,

Your screen name fits you well. You want to manipulate this man into giving you what you DEMAND? GO for it.
You will then see what *shelling* is all about. You have no idea how you come across. Bitch doesnt describe it. I dont know how old you are, but you need a good bitch slap across your heiny.

I dont WANT this, hence me asking for alternative ways to handle the situation. As I stated it's a LAST resort and he's received numerous sweet nurturing texts from me(and thats the person I really am, just at a boiling point now). Im open to alternative opinions and ways to handle the situation.............

Posted by tiki33
men don't talk about there feelings, he's not a girl...stop giving him so much attention for pulling away, YOU ARE REWARDING HIM with more and more attention, there is no incentive to change when he's getting heavy doses of attention from you, try something different like not being there when he's pulling away and getting on with your good life, doesn't mean you won't cry, be angry, shed tears or miss him but you'll show him you are not DEPENDENT on him emotionally or otherwise and that can actually forge a stronger bond than you have right now. The bullying tactics won't work.

If he does come back, how would u recommend handling the situation?

"Hey, how u been" will most likely be his response....

1) Be aloof...short to the point text answering his questions
2) Show interest and engage in the convo
3) Ignore him as a test to see how much work he's willing to devote to u and will fight for u.
Other?

Posted by Let*It*Be
"I should ignore his request and risk losing him forever, or simply, sweetly lay out I would be open to an exclusive relationship with him (what I think he really wants for me)"


How do you get an exclusive relationship is what he really wants? I see quite the opposite, and your misery is a clear example of that.

Body language, him coming into to my arms for me to hold him as opposed to me always being the one reaching out for the hug. Him initiating conversations about his feelings more and more as time went on. I didn't even have to ask he just started opening up. And the only difference between the time everything was fine and when he started pushing me away was when I cuddled with him for the 1st time.

If everything was so perfect why suddenly pull out? I'm not saying he not cautious about entering an exclusive relationship with me, but I do think his fear, trust, & intimacy issues cloud that desire.

At one point after pulling away he even initiated...."I like u....I really do. Why do u have to be intense?"

With all that said, why in your opinion after I expressed my feelings for him after the pulling away would he ask, "tell me what u want, not that u think" ?

Posted by Let*It*Be
"I should ignore his request and risk losing him forever, or simply, sweetly lay out I would be open to an exclusive relationship with him (what I think he really wants for me)"


How do you get an exclusive relationship is what he really wants? I see quite the opposite, and your misery is a clear example of that.

I would say my frustration is coming from how slowwwwww he is admitting things I know for fact, or are already pretty sure of.

Posted by Let*It*Be
" I come across spiteful? As in I'm mean and want revenge?"

Yea..pretty much. I'd also read what tiki33 says, she nailed it. You need to stop wasting such negative energy on someone who clearly is frustrating the shit out of you and concentrate on something else. I'd even add you are borderline obsessive. But these are things you said that came across as harsh, spiteful with a tendency for revenge if he doesn't do what YOU want him to do:

"I need to scare him, my myself he prize to be won again with a sweet sour balance. Show him the sweetness he knows from me, but tell him Im seeing someone seriously and he doesnt have long before another man is receiving the sweetness from me

....its either man up and give me reason to stick around for him (lower that wall and tell me REALLY why its so hard for him to let me in) or I'll just move on to another exclusive relationship and there wont be room for ANY kind of relationship with him.

....but u dont have long til we cant be anything if i dont see u manning up?

He wrote some sweet butter and I told him all thats nice but ur not hiding behind technology with me...we're talking face to face. No response from him for at least 15 mins....then I pull out the dramatics...."fine treetrunk the talk and u too""


You need to move on and get a life. If he wants you, you'll know it. All signs are pointing to him running.

It's been about 3 months since I last made contact........I have moved on to new things, but this is something that is at the back of my mind. Tiki also said it doesn't mean i wont be angry, venting, saddened etc.............thats the point I'm at.

At one point after pulling away he even initiated...."I like u....I really do. Why do u have to be intense?



There's your answer. ^^^ You are W A Y too intense, you scare the Bjesus out of me and I would be running too. I say this as a Cancer, and a female, and also having been in your shoes as a frustrated woman.

Tone it down. You are completely potraying yourself as an overbearing, bossy, selfish, me me me person and woman. This isn't to berate you, this is pointing out how you come across.

My ex boyfriend is a Cancer as well. The gal he dated immediately after me was a Scorpio woman. You are the complete picture of what he painted her as, and why he finally had enough and ended it. I'm not exagerating. He will eventually tire of you, as you have grown tired of him. The difference is, is that once the switch has been made for him there will be no switching back. Your idle threats and your saying once it's done it's done I can promise you falls same with him once he reaches that point. That is not a threat, that is a promise.

Man or not, he is a Cancer. Cancer men are in and amongst their own men. They roll differently. Yes you need to set boundaries, but the way you want to get him into action? Is not right. What you are trying to do is manipulate him into feeling things, and doing things. Don't you want him to feel and do these things on his own free will and accord? And not because you threaten him, or put the fear into him? I have yet to read O N E nice thing you can say about him as a man let alone a person. Anything nice you do say about him? Relates to how he makes Y O U feel.

Posted by Let*It*Be
" I come across spiteful? As in I'm mean and want revenge?"

Yea..pretty much. I'd also read what tiki33 says, she nailed it. You need to stop wasting such negative energy on someone who clearly is frustrating the shit out of you and concentrate on something else. I'd even add you are borderline obsessive. But these are things you said that came across as harsh, spiteful with a tendency for revenge if he doesn't do what YOU want him to do:

"I need to scare him, my myself he prize to be won again with a sweet sour balance. Show him the sweetness he knows from me, but tell him Im seeing someone seriously and he doesnt have long before another man is receiving the sweetness from me

....its either man up and give me reason to stick around for him (lower that wall and tell me REALLY why its so hard for him to let me in) or I'll just move on to another exclusive relationship and there wont be room for ANY kind of relationship with him.

....but u dont have long til we cant be anything if i dont see u manning up?

He wrote some sweet butter and I told him all thats nice but ur not hiding behind technology with me...we're talking face to face. No response from him for at least 15 mins....then I pull out the dramatics...."fine treetrunk the talk and u too""


You need to move on and get a life. If he wants you, you'll know it. All signs are pointing to him running.

He also stated early on he need to learns to be more open and stop being his own worst enemy. Its not all about what I want....HE wants this as well and it's best for the both of us. As u can see I feel he wants something serious from me so it's not based on insecurity, it's based on a need for movement. Movement of a close, trusting, warm bond we BOTH want and can easily have if he opens up. For all the love I have to give, asking for someone to have faith in me when I haven't given them a reason to pull away isn't an unreasonable request imo.....he's not my king, he's my partner....

He is who he is, no one is perfect. He has things that he needs to work through then you either stick with him or you let him go to do that. His issues are H I S issues, and not yours. Live your life, and accept him or not accept him. But unless and until he feels secure enough with you and in you, he will continue this. You give him nothing to be certain of, and on the same hand your frustration is understandable. But you are trying to fit a round peg into a square hole.

Sit back, assess, reevaluate, get a grip, love him for who he is...faults and all, and if you need to say "Hey, I love you. I want this to work. I understand you have things you need to work on, and I will always be here for you. But right now, let's take a break. You do your thing, I will do my thing. I hope that we can meet in the middle. If you want to talk, I will listen." Give him time to think about it, and when you say it M E A N it. If he wants to talk, then listen. And then bring up you feeling like you want to date others too, if it seems appropriate. If you don't hear from him, then you do what you say you're going to do and keep moving on with your life.

My ex Cancer boyfriend and I broke up because he threatened he would go to this gal, the Scorp gal, if I didn't apologize. I refused, and told him to. He did. We're both Cancers. So think hard about that. Now, two years later, he's knocking on my door any chance he gets. I refuse to take him back. I can promise you, your Cancer man will cut off his nose to spite his face if you push him too hard or threaten him. You won't like the result, because I can about guarantee you it won't be the result you are hoping for. The more you push, the more he is going to pull away. The more you threaten, the more he is going to make sure you regret every threat and word just to prove a point to you.

OceanDeep:

I appreciate your response. I 100% agree I want him to feel things for me on his accord. The proccess is soooooo slowwwwww tho. Patience is something I definitely could learn, but to get silent treatment and pulling away when he didnt even experience intensity from me at the beginning and made to FEEL like I'm not appreciated b/c of his own insecurities hurt me to the core. Doing anything to hurt that sweetheart is the last thing on my mind yet Im treated like I'm out to get him. Being treated as the enemy when u are 100% on his side and fighting for ground w/ that man when there is no need for the tug is emotionally draining and as a result is the intensity. The manipulative thing is simply a last resort b/c the pace hes moving at is slow when prior to pulling away everything was PERFECT

What i like about him....sweetest man I ever came across, so nurturing, so caring, so thoughtful, immediate soul mate type of connection one experiences once in a lifetime. Feel like I've known this man all of my life. The way he looks at me, softest smoothest skin and body, great sense of humor and funny enough how OPEN he was about his feelings!And how I feel? This was at the beginning tho, and I love a sensitive man!

Posted by rudescorpscorp
OceanDeep:

I appreciate your response. I 100% agree I want him to feel things for me on his accord. The proccess is soooooo slowwwwww tho. Patience is something I definitely could learn, but to get silent treatment and pulling away when he didnt even experience intensity from me at the beginning and made to FEEL like I'm not appreciated b/c of his own insecurities hurt me to the core. Doing anything to hurt that sweetheart is the last thing on my mind yet Im treated like I'm out to get him. Being treated as the enemy when u are 100% on his side and fighting for ground w/ that man when there is no need for the tug is emotionally draining and as a result is the intensity. The manipulative thing is simply a last resort b/c the pace hes moving at is slow when prior to pulling away everything was PERFECT

What i like about him....sweetest man I ever came across, so nurturing, so caring, so thoughtful, immediate soul mate type of connection one experiences once in a lifetime. Feel like I've known this man all of my life. The way he looks at me, softest smoothest skin and body, great sense of humor and funny enough how OPEN he was about his feelings!And how I feel? This was at the beginning tho, and I love a sensitive man!

I am laughing so hard right now. The irony in this? What you just described about the silent treatment for any unapparent reason, being treated like the enemy when all you want to do is love them, emotionally draining, etc..... fits to a T what I have dealt with for 2.5 years with a SCORPIO man. LOL To a T. You and I are just on the opposite side of the coin. It's the waterbaby syndrome, it is. :S Hairpulling, frustrating, wanna slug and hug him all at the same time, maddening, confusing, all of it. Blah. So, I go on with my life telling him I will be and when he's ready I'm here.

I too feel the same, I can't sit around. At first I did, fought tooth and nail. Now, if I meet someone I really like I go for it. I realized though too, it's bitter sweet. Meeting someone you like, but on the otherhand knowing you have to put away the one you want to be with. But, they have chances. Had chances. A thousand chances. We live on guilt of what they will think or feel, and they live in regret. Neither moves anything towards a future. So you need to make your future, just do it nicely and gently, with love. If you're not r

Ocean Deep I SO greatly value your advice and I think I'll just do that....sweetly let him I accept him for who he is and will be there if I feel I can get myself to that place.....how on earth do I let this ultra sensitive man know the pulling away for his own insecurities is hurtful to me, makes me feel disrespected and unappreciated, and set those boundaries w/o him feeling criticizes or like a child?

** If you're not ready to fully move on then don't. Just to threaten to do something out of frustration that you know you are not fully ready to do or capable of doing. I've learned the hard way, it will always always backfire on you.

**Just don't threaten

LOL!!! Hug and slug @ the same time! YESSS, exactly....never thought I could experience a love so crazy before meeting this guy! U a Rihanna fan? Girl I have been wearing out "Complicated" from her Loud CD! I'm like a scorpio is definitely writing to a Cancer on this joint lol....Never love any sign as much as a cancer, but i damn sure almost hate them more than any sign as well! LOL


question....opposite ends of the spectrum as in signs or as in you were the one who was doing the pushing away?

I don't know that I've heard that song... I'll have to YouTube it haha 🙂

Opposite side as in signs. But I know I have pushed people away. When I do that it's for two reasons. One, I'm uncertain of them or the relationship; or Two, subconciously testing them to see how much they care.

Now if you've outright hurt me? Or make me angry out of doing something hurtful, wrong, etc. (this being in a romantic relationship), I can ice you out faster than a sub zero cooler and go into my shell faster than fast. Until I have completely come full swing and worked through everything will I come out, OR if I feel I have pushed it too far and am at the risk of losing them. Non romantic relationships I do the same thing, if it's family the odds of making amends are greater but still can take months if not years to reach out. Anyone that I don't have a blood relation to or romantic background to can and will be iced out forever and thought of as dead in my eyes if it's bad enough.

So you haven't made contact to him at all in three months? Have you heard from him at all in that time?

I can say though, if the last communication with him was bad? Or she said anything that was hurtful, or where he would feel rejected? Three months isn't anything, at least not to me. It's a drop in the bucket. Not if it's out of fear that A) she hates him or B) she's still upset with him. Then no, he won't reach out for those reasons alone. Face the possibility of rejection? Never. Again, cut off the nose to spite the face: live never knowing the outcome, rather than take a risk of reaching out and being ignored and/or rejected.

Ocean Deep: No i haven't initiated contact to him in 2.5 going on 3 months. When I texted him back then he did respond however. Along the lines of, "judging me? this is why I don't even bother with people"

So @ that point he was still pointing the finger at me, but acknowledged his own security @ the same time, which was the 1st time I saw him do that since we 1st met, when everything was perfect. Notice him saying people and not YOU. He's a guy who feels lonely. This is not perception he actually spoke these words out his mouth. And it goes back to that feeling of having my love and protection being misinterpreted as something thats out to "judge" and "hurt" him.

I told him I believe in him and know how strong he could be and how safe from pain if I'm by his side cuz i see through his wall and he flips that as so u think im weak and uncapable? ......ummmmm no, if i didn't think u were capable i wouldn't still be here. I dont stick around for weak people.


The fact that he acknowledged his issue with PEOPLE gives me hope he can push past it but I just don't know....
I get 10% hope, but like 90% defense mechanism projecting prior hurt on to me.

I feel like of all options he doing what u said earlier most....subconsciously testing me to see just how much I will put up with...how much I care.

Posted by OceanDeep
I can say though, if the last communication with him was bad? Or she said anything that was hurtful, or where he would feel rejected? Three months isn't anything, at least not to me. It's a drop in the bucket. Not if it's out of fear that A) she hates him or B) she's still upset with him. Then no, he won't reach out for those reasons alone. Face the possibility of rejection? Never. Again, cut off the nose to spite the face: live never knowing the outcome, rather than take a risk of reaching out and being ignored and/or rejected.

yes OCEAN DEEP....I'm a water creature myself but still very logical. In my mind it's u can grow up and reach out 50% chance we can have this amazing ass relationship, 50% not......dont reach out and 100% risk me?

This doesnt make logical sense and the man is smart....ivy league graduate....but in my experience i wholeheartedly agree w/ ur last sentence being a cancers logic which I why I feel obligated to reach out 1 more time.

heart trumps head when it comes to cancers ime

Ocean Deep:

The scorpio man u say u wanted to hug n slug at the same time.....how did the exclusiveness of that relationship come about?

Did he throw signs? Straight up ask you?

Posted by rudescorpscorp

Posted by OceanDeep
I can say though, if the last communication with him was bad? Or she said anything that was hurtful, or where he would feel rejected? Three months isn't anything, at least not to me. It's a drop in the bucket. Not if it's out of fear that A) she hates him or B) she's still upset with him. Then no, he won't reach out for those reasons alone. Face the possibility of rejection? Never. Again, cut off the nose to spite the face: live never knowing the outcome, rather than take a risk of reaching out and being ignored and/or rejected.

yes OCEAN DEEP....I'm a water creature myself but still very logical. In my mind it's u can grow up and reach out 50% chance we can have this amazing ass relationship, 50% not......dont reach out and 100% risk me?

This doesnt make logical sense and the man is smart....ivy league graduate....but in my experience i wholeheartedly agree w/ ur last sentence being a cancers logic which I why I feel obligated to reach out 1 more time.

click to expand

It may not logical sense to you, but we don't always go by logic. If we are putting trust into someone and they let us down, it changes something. It's hard to explain. When they bring us into a harsh reality, or our faith in that person has been ruined somehow BY that person, it not only makes us look at them more closely but at ourselves as well. You may have said something close or similar to what someone else has said to him. Or reminding him of that or them. Thus, making you no longer anyone different or special from the rest, but right along with them instead.

Posted by Let*It*Be
Regarding outcome ocean...for me personally 3 months of nothing is the outcome and answer. Cancer or not. Hell, a month would do it for me, and that would only be if I was in love with the guy. (to get over him let alone sit around and hope for a lousy text)

I understand what you're saying, but not everyone works that way. And I for one am no one to talk. I waited six months to move on, waiting for that one text. It was with the Scorpio I posted about last week, and here in this thread...the 2.5 year one. Never in my life before that, nor since.

Posted by rudescorpscorp
Ocean Deep:

The scorpio man u say u wanted to hug n slug at the same time.....how did the exclusiveness of that relationship come about?

Did he throw signs? Straight up ask you?

I'll answer this later. I had to nap before work, and now it's that time to go in. booooooo.

rudescorpscorp, I'd swear we were dating the same guy. Ocean deep's advice is spot on. When me and my cancer had our intimate encounter, he immediately pulled away. Of course I didn't understand it and did all the wrong stuff. Too many text, asking questions, complaining wanting him to explain his behavior which only made him pull away more. I didn't understand why he'd act that way after we shared a amazing experience. I was so hurt. Wineaux told me to stop texting, pull back and allow him to come to me. Of course I didn't think it would work but it did. I would say approx. 1 week later he was sending out "feeler text" to see how I'd respond. I was cordial and didn't ask any questions even though I wanted to let him have it. The initial conversation was short because I ended it. A week later, out of the blue he sent me this long text explaining his behavior. Said he pulled away because he was falling in love and thought I might leave him again as I had done years ago.

Fast forward, we had another intimate experience 3 weeks ago. Might I say, crab meat is so delicious. Yumm! LOL Before we departed he said, "I'm gonna go and think about you and fall in love all over again." Who says that? Needless to say, he pulled away again. This time I will not/did not chase/push. 3 days went by and he resumed contact with me. This time I prepared myself for the possibility of him pulling away and didn't panic and act insane. I allowed him to work through his emotions while I went on with my life. I read that if a cancer is into you, they will make contact.

Posted by OceanDeep
I can say though, if the last communication with him was bad? Or she said anything that was hurtful, or where he would feel rejected? Three months isn't anything, at least not to me. It's a drop in the bucket. Not if it's out of fear that A) she hates him or B) she's still upset with him. Then no, he won't reach out for those reasons alone. Face the possibility of rejection? Never. Again, cut off the nose to spite the face: live never knowing the outcome, rather than take a risk of reaching out and being ignored and/or rejected.

Just what *I* needed to hear today, doll face. Thanks, love all your insight in this thread. Maybe she doesnt get it, but *I* do. 😉

So true...When my cancer thinks I'm upset, he will hide away for days. When he feels things have calmed down, he'll reach out to me. Now, I've tamed my roar down to a purr and we haven't had problems in that area. However, now I'm dealing with his insecurity issues.

Moon Man, you're a cool dude on DXP. How about you give us some insight on the cancer bye bye dance. Why DO you hunks grun away?

Have you ever disappeared? Please share with the women who need your wisdome 😉

Posted by BigGirlPanties

Posted by OceanDeep
I can say though, if the last communication with him was bad? Or she said anything that was hurtful, or where he would feel rejected? Three months isn't anything, at least not to me. It's a drop in the bucket. Not if it's out of fear that A) she hates him or B) she's still upset with him. Then no, he won't reach out for those reasons alone. Face the possibility of rejection? Never. Again, cut off the nose to spite the face: live never knowing the outcome, rather than take a risk of reaching out and being ignored and/or rejected.

Just what *I* needed to hear today, doll face. Thanks, love all your insight in this thread. Maybe she doesnt get it, but *I* do. 😉

click to expand

You're welcome, and I know you get it. Sigh, ugh, and blah huh. ((HUGS))

I sent my lovingly see you in the next round text this morning 🙂 Feel good too! Of course crickets kept chirping, and still are. LOL He didn't respond... and of course there won't be any response ... there never is UNLESS he thinks I may get one up on him then he'll send a text...a cryptic one LOL I respond and that's it. Nothing back. For months. You're left to wonder if you REALLY got what he meant, or not. Damn that man for getting into my psyche so much haha

Ima keep moving right along with 2012, and hoping with heart and arms wide open I will meet the man of all men LOL

Posted by rudescorpscorp
Ocean Deep:

The scorpio man u say u wanted to hug n slug at the same time.....how did the exclusiveness of that relationship come about?

Did he throw signs? Straight up ask you?

No there wasn't any set exclusiveness set. In fact, he had told me over and over that he never took me out to dinner, a real date, therefore we weren't dating. Now mind you, he said it so many times I took it at face value.

A year later from our falling out, I went to his vacation home to give him a few "what fors", and then he said it. I referred to 'whatever we were, fuck buddies' and it stopped him dead in his tracks. He looked at me and said, "How can you say that, like it meant nothing. Can't you at least say we were seeing each other." The look in his eyes, he was searching mine and my face...anything to see if I was serious or not. Of course I was, I had no reason not to be. I told him to blame himself, he drilled it in my head enough he finally succeeded in convincing me we never dated, nor were we seeing each other. I told him of course it meant something to me, but repeated again what he had said about never going on an official date. He smiled that I remembered that LOL God he's such a stubborn fool, makes me laugh if I'm not cussing him out under my breath. haha

Posted by iwin32
Okay, so I decided to read the entire thread and here is my input!

I agree with "Leo1970", it's time for you to leave him alone and let him do the analyzing thing. It's up to you to decide if you want to wait for him or move on. If he's into you, then he will make contact, but only after he's done digesting everything. The more you put pressure on him by contacting him, the more he will pull away. That's just the way we, myself at least, operate.

Don't most, if not all, women get turned off when pushy guys do this?

So once again, it's up to you if you want to wait for him to deal with his shit or move on.

Thank u so much for your advice!
Being a Cancer man can u pleeeaaase answer this....

From the moments between falling for this girl to be overwhelmed with your feelings....what is going on in your head?
If you've pulled away and are really into this girl and need time to digest....why does writing a couple sentences become sooooo hard to do?

What goes on in your mind that makes u NOT reply? I mean if u really like them u'd at least string them along right?
And I dont mean far down the line when the text are demanding and pressuring....i mean the point after u feel u are falling for u and she sends u that simple sweet text of "I've missed u, when can we next chill"

Don't u feel ignoring the girl could potentially turn off this girl u are so into? And make her move on to the next guy who would be 100% receptive of the love she's 100% ready to give? Why is stating "Hey, I appreciate and like you very much, don't mistake this space I need as me no longer being interested. I just need time to process my feelings and what I'm looking for" all of a sudden so hard?



Basically, are u even considering the woman u admire as a queen's feelings at the point u get scared and what is your thought process as to how she's feeling? Are u aware of how u could be perceived as a selfish jerk for not writing a simple two, three sentences? Do u want to be perceived as a jerk to push this girl away?


U have no idea how much I receive an honest answer from a cancer mans perspective on this!

And thats not to be rude thats just how I perceive it.

I think there is so much similarity between scorpio and cancer emotional reaction. BOTH have their selfish, stubborn, me me me tendencies.

The scorpios me me me attitude comes and can be perceived in a demanding bossy overbearing form where as the cancer's comes in a more childish, pouty, woe is me form......

This is probably why the Scorpio male, Cancer woman combo works best....controlling attitude is more of a man trait while sensitivity would be more acceptable from a woman.