Scorp has had it w/ Cancer man! (Page 2)

My favorite part was the "sweet sour balance".

Posted by aliennation
God damn. The OP must've been the eye of the hurricane before you unleashed your Harry Potter series.

Ha ha haha ha ha

Posted by Leo1970
So true...When my cancer thinks I'm upset, he will hide away for days. When he feels things have calmed down, he'll reach out to me. Now, I've tamed my roar down to a purr and we haven't had problems in that area. However, now I'm dealing with his insecurity issues.

Yeah....that's why it's so hard for me to be patient tho, b/c I know him pulling away IS because of HIS insecurities...so why deny us the progress we BOTH want when it's so obvious...ugh! i guess in my case I could tame my sting down to a poke 😉 lol.....so nice to hear from a woman with experience with a cancer man who still has him poking out the shell! Your replies and advice are very much appreciated!

If u don't mind me asking, what kind of insecurities is he bringing forth to you? ? Has he admitted he projected the hurt past women put him through on to you? What was the time span of him 1st reaching out after u stopped making contact to him trusting u enough to bring forth those insecurity issues for the 1st time?

Posted by iwin32
Okay, so I decided to read the entire thread and here is my input!

I agree with "Leo1970", it's time for you to leave him alone and let him do the analyzing thing. It's up to you to decide if you want to wait for him or move on. If he's into you, then he will make contact, but only after he's done digesting everything. The more you put pressure on him by contacting him, the more he will pull away. That's just the way we, myself at least, operate.

Don't most, if not all, women get turned off when pushy guys do this?

So once again, it's up to you if you want to wait for him to deal with his shit or move on.

Also, do u feel a woman should have clear boundaries for us to have your respect?
Or do u feel YOU are the prize to be won and the woman has to earn your sensitivity, sweetest, nurturing that they were so familiar with at the beginning stages?

Three key words to how the woman must earn that back?

Posted by rudescorpscorp

What goes on in your mind that makes u NOT reply? I mean if u really like them u'd at least string them along right?
And I dont mean far down the line when the text are demanding and pressuring....i mean the point after u feel u are falling for u and she sends u that simple sweet text of "I've missed u, when can we next chill"

Don't u feel ignoring the girl could potentially turn off this girl u are so into? And make her move on to the next guy who would be 100% receptive of the love she's 100% ready to give? Why is stating "Hey, I appreciate and like you very much, don't mistake this space I need as me no longer being interested. I just need time to process my feelings and what I'm looking for" all of a sudden so hard?

does this mean your future texts, down the line WILL eventually get demanding and pressuring?.... I think he senses the direction you are heading in. You have a specific way in which you want to receive love and attention. He knows this... and also knows that he probably isn't the right man for the job.

Cancers don't think in future terms in emotional matters because they don't know what those emotions will be like at that time. If you sent a text saying.. "I've missed you" you are sending warmth without expectation. But when you add... "when can we next chill?" two things occur, 1) you have applied a condition to your expression of warmth and affection 2) you are presenting him with your neediness.

You will always want more.

If you know that he requires space to process his feelings... yet still demand he express this to you when YOU want to hear it.. you are not excepting him for who his is. You want him to conform to your needs.

Do not be mistaken into believing his avoiding you is based on his insecurities and inability to open up. Cancers are not stupid...

"accepting* i do see my spelling mistakes in my posts. english is not my first language and I have no Virgo in my chart... so I never really care 😛

Let it be's got it down straight. You will burn that bridge. Cancer guy does NOT take kindly to being pushed into anything he is not ready for. You think scorpio has a sting? You've met your match when he grabs your stinger with his pincer words. I'm on my 2nd one. I know.

It's all about the approach and mountains of patience. It's taken me a couple of years to learn how to communicate effectively. I'm a leo so that about sums it up.

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by rudescorpscorp

What goes on in your mind that makes u NOT reply? I mean if u really like them u'd at least string them along right?
And I dont mean far down the line when the text are demanding and pressuring....i mean the point after u feel u are falling for u and she sends u that simple sweet text of "I've missed u, when can we next chill"

Don't u feel ignoring the girl could potentially turn off this girl u are so into? And make her move on to the next guy who would be 100% receptive of the love she's 100% ready to give? Why is stating "Hey, I appreciate and like you very much, don't mistake this space I need as me no longer being interested. I just need time to process my feelings and what I'm looking for" all of a sudden so hard?

does this mean your future texts, down the line WILL eventually get demanding and pressuring?.... I think he senses the direction you are heading in. You have a specific way in which you want to receive love and attention. He knows this... and also knows that he probably isn't the right man for the job.

Cancers don't think in future terms in emotional matters because they don't know what those emotions will be like at that time. If you sent a text saying.. "I've missed you" you are sending warmth without expectation. But when you add... "when can we next chill?" two things occur, 1) you have applied a condition to your expression of warmth and affection 2) you are presenting him with your neediness.

You will always want more.

If you know that he requires space to process his feelings... yet still demand he express this to you when YOU want to hear it.. you are not excepting him for who his is. You want him to conform to your needs.

Do not be mistaken into believing his avoiding you is based on his insecurities and inability to open up. Cancers are not stupid...

click to expand

But this wasnt at the beginning.HE did the majority of the chasing. In the beginning most of the text I initiated were checking in texts. I gave him space..... the 2nd time I ask him to see him after he initiated about 5 times is THAT scary? The 1st negative accusation he had of me was actually that I am a tease......

By checking in I mean "I enjoyed our time last night. Hope all does well for u today"

But there's a piece of the puzzle missing. I'm not sure (you may have said it) how long you two had been dating BUT at any point did you start pushing to see each other more? Or maybe he didn't follow through or was late doing something? Turned you down to see you for some reason?

Posted by OceanDeep
But there's a piece of the puzzle missing.

There's a huge piece missing...

Tons of great input here, but this one is not listening

Posted by OceanDeep
But there's a piece of the puzzle missing. I'm not sure (you may have said it) how long you two had been dating BUT at any point did you start pushing to see each other more? Or maybe he didn't follow through or was late doing something? Turned you down to see you for some reason?

It was about 2 months or so. Maybe after the 4th or so time he threw out me being a tease and wanting to see me more. This was at the end of my semester at school. I told him I definitely am feeling him, don't feel like I'm too busy where u can't contact me....my semester will be ending in about a week and he will for sure see more of me. He called me his chulita "spanish slang" for a hot girl, a girl u are really feeling, look me up and down like I was the only girl in the world and we parted ways. Immediately after dropping me home that morning he texted me "thx.....really enjoyed your company and the cuddling".....Again this was the 1st time I cuddled with him even though I have slept over a few nights at that point.....I replied with "Anytime....feel better soon (he had a cold) and can't wait to spend more time with you" In my mind things are only looking up from that point...

I didn't hear from him, but @ that point in my mind I'm saying....it's okay, he opened up and probably feels vulnerable....I'll give him time to digest his feelings for me. At the same time want to let I'm not bullshitting/teasing like I was accused of and when I haven't heard from him in a week (never been more than 3 days not hearing from him) I just wanted to send a text to see how he is. No conditions, just simply "what's up?"

IGNORED lol....1st time ever!

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by rudescorpscorp

What goes on in your mind that makes u NOT reply? I mean if u really like them u'd at least string them along right?
And I dont mean far down the line when the text are demanding and pressuring....i mean the point after u feel u are falling for u and she sends u that simple sweet text of "I've missed u, when can we next chill"

Don't u feel ignoring the girl could potentially turn off this girl u are so into? And make her move on to the next guy who would be 100% receptive of the love she's 100% ready to give? Why is stating "Hey, I appreciate and like you very much, don't mistake this space I need as me no longer being interested. I just need time to process my feelings and what I'm looking for" all of a sudden so hard?

does this mean your future texts, down the line WILL eventually get demanding and pressuring?.... I think he senses the direction you are heading in. You have a specific way in which you want to receive love and attention. He knows this... and also knows that he probably isn't the right man for the job.

Cancers don't think in future terms in emotional matters because they don't know what those emotions will be like at that time. If you sent a text saying.. "I've missed you" you are sending warmth without expectation. But when you add... "when can we next chill?" two things occur, 1) you have applied a condition to your expression of warmth and affection 2) you are presenting him with your neediness.

You will always want more.

If you know that he requires space to process his feelings... yet still demand he express this to you when YOU want to hear it.. you are not excepting him for who his is. You want him to conform to your needs.

Do not be mistaken into believing his avoiding you is based on his insecurities and inability to open up. Cancers are not stupid...

click to expand

I appreciate u explaining to me a Cancer man's logic!
Devil's advocate though..... u don't think this comes off as unfair? blocking out the one who loves you? So u can be needy of your space but cant simply communicate that in 2 sentences and see how the partner would react....just assume they'll ALWAYS be needy? U don't think that comes of as pessimistic?

What key words would u use to describe that logic above?

Pessimistic, paranoid, overly protective come to my mind....this is not to knock a Cancer man's logic..just trying to see that logic for what u guys say it is, see how the Cancer man best reacts to behavior based on that logic, and determine if it's ok for me

Also shellshocker no where have I said or implied all Cancer men are stupid....last page I said the man is an ivy league graduate and I KNOW for a fact he's not a dummy. Cancer men however are very protective of their hearts and therefore often throw their head out the window often and operate with their heart in my experience....a couple other girls experience in this thread....one even saying her Cancer man is coming forth with his insecurities now after saying she feels like shes dating MY Cancer man..........

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by OceanDeep
But there's a piece of the puzzle missing.

There's a huge piece missing...

Tons of great input here, but this one is not listening

click to expand

So if we have a woman here saying she feels like she's dating MY Cancer man and he's currently coming forth with insecurities now, yet you are here saying a Cancer man would NEVER throw his brain out the window due to insecurities, whose truly the one coming in with a close mind— Who's the one not listening?

I'm open to all opinions and ideas....

Posted by ninjamu
Let it be's got it down straight. You will burn that bridge. Cancer guy does NOT take kindly to being pushed into anything he is not ready for. You think scorpio has a sting? You've met your match when he grabs your stinger with his pincer words. I'm on my 2nd one. I know.

It's all about the approach and mountains of patience. It's taken me a couple of years to learn how to communicate effectively. I'm a leo so that about sums it up.

I have a moon in sag! lol water and fire....lawd jesus! lol...i appreciate your response!
Suppose he came back wanting everything again, yet I said

"You hurt me really bad by pulling away for no apparent reason and leaving me stranded. For u to pull out for no apparent reason leaves me feeling used. Like I'm there to be your fix and I'm expected to be pulled out that drawer giving u everything with ZERO in return. It doesn't feel like a relationship of any sort, it feels like u want to be worshiped as a king and u think that's ok....your way or the highway...no compromise. Do u honestly thinks that's fair? I need some time to think if I want to start over as just friends and if that does happen if I see you could be more considerate of my feelings then I would be open to building from there"

what do u think a cancer man would feel & reply to that?



iiwin....as a cancer man how do u perceive that?
oceandeep....how would a cancer man reply?
tiki (if you're still there lol) your thoughts on that reply?
leo ...... at any point did or do u think u may do this with your Cancer man? How did/do u think he would respond?

What's up with the leo/cancer hookups. LOL As Iwin32 stated, they fear rejection and will avoid perceived confrontation at all cost. Also, they do play little games. Mine openly told me that he would purposely avoid seeing me too soon after a date so I'd want him more because he thinks that's what I do to him. I work for a movie studio, so i'm always busy when he wants to meet up or see me. If they're still interested, they will return your calls/text. At least mine does....

RudeScorp, I'm sending you a huge hug. I know what you're going through.

Let go! Stop trying to say the right thing to get the outcome you want. He left 3 months ago? Is that what I read?

I am the recipent of a silent disappearance by a scorp 2 months ago, I made my attempt to reach out in first 2 weeks, DEAD SILENCE is what I received. I am moving on. My heart hurts LIKE SHIT...but to accept this kind if indifferent treatment would make me the biggest a-hole on the planet, lose my identity and my value.

Let go...if he comes back, deal with it like a self assured, confident woman who knows her value. You cannot be a door mat unless you let people walk on you.

Iwin.....1 more question:

Would u ever throw out questions like "where have u been all of my life?" and "damn, will u marry me?"
if u weren't dead serious? would u ask it non nonchalantly as a feeler or is that u swooning the girl making her feel special?

Thank u Thank u thank u EVERYONE for your advice! Blows kisses to each and every 1 of u!

@ leo.....*wraps my pincers around powerful lioness body and hugs u back✨

rudescorp.. you must be young

If any man, regardless of sign is telling you things like "where have you been all my life" and "i want to marry you" within 1-2 months of knowing you.. *RED FLAG* You should learn this now because you may hear it from men of all ages throughout your life.

I'm sure tiki could articulate this much better than I but... when a boy/man does that, he is trying to get you to feel emotions for him, and way too quickly. The sooner he gets you caught up, the more control he will have over you and the relationship.

It seems the fixed signs get taken in by this BS easier than others because they see things in black and white. Either you love me or you don't... It is, or it isn't...FIXED

Mind you, Taurus is cautious and slow so they don't get dupped so easy but Virgos dream of perfection and want to believe it so bad, they can get carried away...

Posted by shellshocker
rudescorp.. you must be young

If any man, regardless of sign is telling you things like "where have you been all my life" and "i want to marry you" within 1-2 months of knowing you.. *RED FLAG* You should learn this now because you may hear it from men of all ages throughout your life.

I'm sure tiki could articulate this much better than I but... when a boy/man does that, he is trying to get you to feel emotions for him, and way too quickly. The sooner he gets you caught up, the more control he will have over you and the relationship.

It seems the fixed signs get taken in by this BS easier than others because they see things in black and white. Either you love me or you don't... It is, or it isn't...FIXED

Mind you, Taurus is cautious and slow so they don't get dupped so easy but Virgos dream of perfection and want to believe it so bad, they can get carried away...

Thank u shellshocker for this.....and this is something I was aware of and always had at the back of my mind.
I'm glad to see u wrote "BOY/MAN" cuz this is what I've been saying....I've been getting and reading advice about how to deal with a man, but been feeling like I've been in a situation with a boy....like I've been saying I've had my faults and could learn patience, but for u to say boy/man do u see where me saying he's insecure is coming from?

Playing something like that is pretty childish would u not agree? Seeking for validation/accepantance cuz insecure.

Doing this is pretty f***ked up, and I saw those red flags, but like I said, there are signs that tell me he's a good guy behind this sillyness and trying to find someone to control cuz probably lost control and felt vulnerable elsewhere and got hurt.

Are these excuses to make this behavior seem acceptable......NO

Just @ the point deciding if I'm up for the challenge of getting to those insecurites to finally have the "power challenge" come to an end.

Thank u shellshocker for this.....and this is something I was aware of and always had at the back of my mind.
I'm glad to see u wrote "BOY/MAN" cuz this is what I've been saying....I've been getting and reading advice about how to deal with a man, but been feeling like I've been in a situation with a boy....like I've been saying I've had my faults and could learn patience, but for u to say boy/man do u see where me saying he's insecure is coming from?

Playing something like that is pretty childish would u not agree? Seeking for validation/accepantance cuz insecure.

Doing this is pretty f***ked up, and I saw those red flags, but like I said, there are signs that tell me he's a good guy behind this sillyness and trying to find someone to control cuz probably lost control and felt vulnerable elsewhere and got hurt.

Are these excuses to make this behavior seem acceptable......NO

Just @ the point deciding if I'm up for the challenge of getting to those insecurites to finally have the "power challenge" come to an end.

But trust me, those statements are NOT what have/had me around.....

IMO u dont have to be evil or an ****hole to do f***ked up butter.....baggage and heartache can make the nicest of people do some messed up some from what I've seen....

Again....i dont believe it gives him reason to do those "games/tests" ....as u can see i've grown tired of the behavior and have gotten upset with him....but I do believe there is pain that is being projected from the past onto not just me but others in his life......

like @ the 1st page.....what fully grown mature man yells @ his nephew for simply stating it's a green light....to turn around and shout "IM GOOOOOOOD!".....I dont think are theatrics for sympathy....thats just plain crazy.

and the nephew is no older than 10 @ that

Rudescorp.....he is GONE.

Meaning, not in your life. Let go...or be dragged by the memories. IF he comes back, then run back here and ask for help on what to do. Live your life...not your past.

Posted by BigGirlPanties
Rudescorp.....he is GONE.

Meaning, not in your life. Let go...or be dragged by the memories. IF he comes back, then run back here and ask for help on what to do. Live your life...not your past.

I've also wrote IF he comes back pages ago....and I AM living my life....if u do not care to further entertain this thread that is YOUR CHOICE, but u are not my mother to tell me when to ask for help. I am learning to be prepared for the next ahead of time and learning red flags from experienced women and I am currently getting responses and soaking in AMAZING advice and appreciate it....if u dont agree with that again I am not the one stopping u from living ur life and getting out of this thread.....U think its best i move on....i got that long time ago. If u feel there is nothing more u have to offer than U can be gone just like he is!

Thanks for everything tho!

Rudescorp but don't you see how you are making up "excuses" for him because you are afraid to let him go, you are the one afraid of rejection because if you truly loved yourself, cared about yourself you would never even entertain the thought of allowing this man to string you along nor would you entertain the idea of stringing your own self along trying to re-raise a man that's grown (he has a mama) and his insecurities are HIS TO OWN, you can't own his insecurities and then use your precious life making excuses for his insecurities, trying to control him by loving his insecurities away so he'll love you back, NO it doesn't work that way. You let him in and he vanished, let's be real okay, that sh*t hurts and to avoid the hurt you are now using a huge amount of your energy trying to avoid this altogether and flying into a I must save him from himself or heal his insecurities through your love. Do you sorta see how ridiculous that is? You're not ridiculous but your behavior comes across that way.

Being ready for when he comes around makes no sense really because there is nothing to be ready for, there is nothing you can say or do to make him stay, reassuring him you will be there no matter what (ride or die) will just allow him to have his cake and eat it too, to constantly come into your life and drop out of your life when he feel like it so see no matter what you will probably feel confused and frustrated by this man.

Take care of yourself and you do that by not allowing anyone to disrupt your life in such a way that you are NOT ALLOWING ANYONE to come into your life and hurt you intentionally or not.

If he's a man/boy well that's his problem not yours, if he's a good guy that has bad behavior well that's his problem not yours because you can't try to fix a man without him feeling you are being controlling, pushy, needy, desperate and obnoxious, so you see you won't be TURNING HIM ON but rather you'll be TURNING HIM OFF so at some point you have to make the right choice. I can tell you what I feel the right choice is but I'm not you and so you'll have to at some point stop all the excuse making and tell the truth...He's gone, he may or may not come back and even if he comes back he'll be gone again and the reality is he'll hurt you with his behavior and you can't trust a man that comes in and out of your life with your heart, you can't trust a man that behaves this way with you.

Let him go so you can BE FREE to pursue a relationship with someone that actually want to be in your life, if you entangle your heart up with a man that has no interest in BEING IN YOUR LIFE then you are losing yourself, losing your self esteem, losing YOU, a man may leave you but YOU will never leave you so that makes you way more important than him.

Letting him go doesn't mean you lose all your feelings for him it just means you are not allowing him to be more relevant than you, you are placing higher value on yourself and moving on to someone who will place high value on you as well, when men value you they don't leave, they don't drop off the face of the earth but when a man places low value on you it's because he doesn't deem you as someone he'll drop everything for to be with, he won't show up when you need him and he's not available for emotional support, maybe he'll show up for sex depending on what's going on in his life but that's probably the most he may or may not show up for.

Thank you so much for your non bossy, insightful reply Tiki....really needed this.

Okay, I've read this and I am once again putting in my two cents. For what that's worth haha

Rude, there are a couple of things that struck me from your most recent posts.

First, I want you to just think about something. Clear out your mind, and read my words and just answer to yourself. My bestie is a Scorp, love her to death. When she gets stuck on something she refuses to listen all the while she says she is. But she isn't. She's too concentrated on what she thinks and what she wants that she cannot open her mind to other possibilities or that someone else may be right. She cannot handle for anyone to point out when she is not listening, being rude, out of line, hard to handle, judgmental, anything. She feels she can say and do whatever she wants to whomever and if you don't like it, it's your problem not hers. She's hurtful to people, and laughs at them. Even when they tell her that, she'll tell them to toughen up or make excuses for herself.

Second, this guy is being a guy. There is nothing you can do to change him. Men do not want to be changed, they want to be accepted for who they . Accepted and loved. Oh, and appreciated 🙂 That's it. They will change if THEY want to, no matter how much begging, crabbing, or crying us women do. And generally they will do the opposite if they think we're telling them what to do.

Third, as a Cancer you really have no idea how hard you are coming across. Controlling. Pushy. I'd be ignoring you too, I would 😢 I told you that in my first post, what his answer to you was: YOU ARE TOO INTENSE. Way too intense. He told you himself. He doesn't want to deal with you, because you are probably in his face about things...whether it's he doesn't text enough, call enough, open up enough, or whatever. Cool down. YOU CANNOT CONTROL HIM. The more you TRY to CONTROL him the more he is going to tell you to take a lloooooonnnnnnnngggggggggg walk off a very short dock.

Fourth, his insecurities do not make him a boy. They are true and real. I can about guarantee you that your saying that here was picked up by him in your conversations with him. I would take great offense, and I'm sure he did. You don't need to tell him that, he picked up on that you don't take it seriously. I can tell you I deal with the very same thing from your sign. The very same thing. As pissed off as I get at the one Scorp? Never once did I call him a boy because of his insecurities. Never once.

Posted by rudescorpscorp

Posted by BigGirlPanties
Rudescorp.....he is GONE.

Meaning, not in your life. Let go...or be dragged by the memories. IF he comes back, then run back here and ask for help on what to do. Live your life...not your past.

I've also wrote IF he comes back pages ago....and I AM living my life....if u do not care to further entertain this thread that is YOUR CHOICE, but u are not my mother to tell me when to ask for help. I am learning to be prepared for the next ahead of time and learning red flags from experienced women and I am currently getting responses and soaking in AMAZING advice and appreciate it....if u dont agree with that again I am not the one stopping u from living ur life and getting out of this thread.....U think its best i move on....i got that long time ago. If u feel there is nothing more u have to offer than U can be gone just like he is!

Thanks for everything tho!

click to expand

Denial always gets defensive.

Thank u for ur insight Tiki........i respect ur feeling but jumping from tease/not caring enough to see him to too intense is just polar opposite accusations....if u have your thoughts on that I'm open to hear, but hearing from him.....i dont think I care to hear. He has it in his mind he can pop in when he feels like with no explanation as to why he left and that just doesn't work for me.

Posted by BigGirlPanties

Posted by rudescorpscorp

Posted by BigGirlPanties
Rudescorp.....he is GONE.

Meaning, not in your life. Let go...or be dragged by the memories. IF he comes back, then run back here and ask for help on what to do. Live your life...not your past.

I've also wrote IF he comes back pages ago....and I AM living my life....if u do not care to further entertain this thread that is YOUR CHOICE, but u are not my mother to tell me when to ask for help. I am learning to be prepared for the next ahead of time and learning red flags from experienced women and I am currently getting responses and soaking in AMAZING advice and appreciate it....if u dont agree with that again I am not the one stopping u from living ur life and getting out of this thread.....U think its best i move on....i got that long time ago. If u feel there is nothing more u have to offer than U can be gone just like he is!

Thanks for everything tho!

Denial always gets defensive.

click to expand

Bitter scorned tainted women on the road to being straight up being pessimistic & nasty cuz they've been hurt by men and think most men always be that way and want other girls to be single along with them simply BOSS the girl to move on w/ bare minimum or zero insight.

Posted by rudescorpscorp
Thank u for ur insight Tiki........i respect ur feeling but jumping from tease/not caring enough to see him to too intense is just polar opposite accusations....if u have your thoughts on that I'm open to hear, but hearing from him.....i dont think I care to hear. He has it in his mind he can pop in when he feels like with no explanation as to why he left and that just doesn't work for me.

Okay, not sure if you meant me or tiki.

So let's look at it like this. Right now you're at the turning point, then make the turn. Be done. Put him out of your mind, and tuck him away in that corner of your heart. Because he's not popping into your life and hasn't been. For three months now. Whether he will again or not is not known, but I certainly would not tell him anything more of what you are doing. Just do it. Don't send a text, email, mind waves, nothing. You do not owe him anything, plus in a sense it's like it's one last attempt. The fear of letting go is what has you. .... If you let go, then here he'll come. Right? Maybe he will and if he does......... Well, he's had three months. It's his doings, ya know? He chose this. So let go, don't feel guilty, and you now have some great ideas and insight if and when he does come back. But if you're not cool with the possibility of him coming back, or it is of no worry to you, then the purpose of your post was what—— lol

Posted by OceanDeep

Posted by rudescorpscorp
Thank u for ur insight Tiki........i respect ur feeling but jumping from tease/not caring enough to see him to too intense is just polar opposite accusations....if u have your thoughts on that I'm open to hear, but hearing from him.....i dont think I care to hear. He has it in his mind he can pop in when he feels like with no explanation as to why he left and that just doesn't work for me.

Okay, not sure if you meant me or tiki.

So let's look at it like this. Right now you're at the turning point, then make the turn. Be done. Put him out of your mind, and tuck him away in that corner of your heart. Because he's not popping into your life and hasn't been. For three months now. Whether he will again or not is not known, but I certainly would not tell him anything more of what you are doing. Just do it. Don't send a text, email, mind waves, nothing. You do not owe him anything, plus in a sense it's like it's one last attempt. The fear of letting go is what has you. .... If you let go, then here he'll come. Right? Maybe he will and if he does......... Well, he's had three months. It's his doings, ya know? He chose this. So let go, don't feel guilty, and you now have some great ideas and insight if and when he does come back. But if you're not cool with the possibility of him coming back, or it is of no worry to you, then the purpose of your post was what—— lol

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Yeah I meant u Oceans Deep. LOL.........the purpose was to understand what in the hell is going on in his mind and see if I could deal with the potential relationship according to that psychology, how to learn patience, know the red flags, what I could do better next time SHOULD he come back. I didnt come in here knowing I don't wanna see him anymore! lol I would not waste anyones time like that! lol....

It may seem rash of me to say I may not answer, but thats just me at the moment being my intense self looking @ the situation and him for what they could really be! still learning to calm and access. Ignoring his initial text if it comes doesnt mean I'm over the situation. it just mean mentally its a lot to take in and wont jump into the situation.

Oh believe me, I get what you mean. You're mentally preparing yourself. And quite honestly, it's a good thing. Always. I too did the same thing with Scorp/Scorp. Had to, because it does leave you bewildered. For me though, it didnt take me long to figure out what I did and said..by the end of the day, but he still ignored. Only about six months later did all the puzzle pieces fit together when he actually had a text convo with me..well his encrypted codes and meanings when he can't come out and directly say it. (I had heard from him about 3 weeks earlier thanking me for giving him a lead on a business opportunity here).

Patience is very hard for me too. It has taught me some, but certainly not enough. I told him that last Fall too...I don't have the patience for his MIA. He knows this, it's the one thing he CAN control is going MIA and all the while knowing it kills me. But too, I must have some sort of special patience for this man, after this long...anyone else wouldve been gone at about month one...oh how I wish I couldve just kept my heart pretending it didnt care, but alas it finally said OCEAN QUIT LYING TO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE DINGY!! And I text him at Christmas. Sigh. Fool I am, BUT I'm so used to it that my impatience lasts less and less, and my anger is gone. And full acceptance of him is now in my heart. The stubborn, ox, mule, hairpulling, crazymaker he is 🙂 LOL

So I don't know what else to tell you except keep preparing yourself, to learn patience, and moving along in life like you have been. I would tell you to send one last text, a decent one, nothing like I'm moving on MOFO or along those lines (even though you soooooooooooo want to! lmao)...BUT, I don't want to be responsible for a set back if he doesn't respond. I can tell you, I've a long time not texting Scorp, and I'll hear from him eventually..or in the past had. Who knows about the future. And I have told him I'm moving on too, just to get under his skin and piss him off..paybacks ya know! LOL Anyway, he senses when I'm serious and when I'm not. BUT he too keeps tabs on me, so there probably isn't too much he doesn't know......except when he cant find anything on me or about me through mutual friends and/or sightings. That's when he panics, and when he hasn't heard from me.

I totally get what you're going through. Neither one of you are right or wrong, it's just a matter of learning how to read each other better, and practicing better patience wi

And yes, the fear of letting go is what has me. 😢

*with each other. And not being a doormat though either, giving a loving BUT firm hand 🙂

OKAY! Call me delusional & having a crazy ass view (I choose the word optimistic) LOL, but in a way I feel like i'm special to him which is why he dedicates time "playing games/conditioning me to stick around" and be patient, and down the road when he gets that trust he'll just give me everything...oh how the waterbabies can make u look @ everything so different.

Honey I know about that irresistible urge to get @ the phone. @ this point his # is in a safe place, but it and its threads have been deleted out my phone! LOL....and if he comes back it will stay that way lol! Will go on through life not knowing this man's number!

I so greatly appreciate these talks w/ u Oceans Deep 🙂

Posted by rudescorpscorp
And yes, the fear of letting go is what has me. 😢

I know (((HUGS))) This is what I did. It's not giving up, and it's not letting go. It's still loving him, but continuing on with your life. It doesn't mean that he doesn't mean anything to you, nor is it saying that you couldnt have meant anything to him. It's saying I need to keep moving along because I love myself, I love him, I want a life, I want a life with someone who loves me more than I could dream, and I can't live life if I'm sitting still.

Just keep telling yourself that, it doesn't mean you dont care about him. Now if this was three days, or even three weeks? Id be wondering how serious you couldve been moving on TOO quickly. But, it's three months. And it's okay, it is. And you don't have to go full boar into dating, etc. either. In fact, I wouldn't recommend it because youre NOT over this guy. And that's okay too. That doesn't make you bad, or craaazzzeee lady. It means you fell hard, and you allowed your heart to be opened by someone you thought worthy. It's hard for us waterbabies to let go when we love someone, let alone when we're being forced to not love them or forced to let them go? Makes us want to hold on tighter. No one really gets that. But it's hard for us, our feelings run soooooo deep and in so many directions, from so many depths of so many areas. Everyone says it's hype, well we waterbabies know it isn't. Don't beat yourself up over it, we beat ourselves up enough. And you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Anyone who knows you, will get you and why. Don't forget that.

Trust me Scorp...let go. If he cares, he will reach out. I know it's scary, but that's the only way you'll know for sure and you'll save yourself unnecessary heartache.

In BGP's defense she is not scorned or bitter, she's saying what we're all pretty much saying but in her own way.

Rudescorp you are probably a young scorp and have a lot of growing to do in understanding how to tame down your scorp energy but realize not every man wants to be pushed and controlled because men are men they are able bodied and can take care of themselves, they don't need a woman nagging at them about how they behave and what they should and shouldn't be doing to make YOU happy, he's not responsible for your happiness, you pulling and pushing lets him know you are not happy, you are trying to GET him to be what you need for him to be so you can feel happy and a man will DISAPPEAR on you for doing that, he's not your daddy thus he's not responsible for your happiness. If he come back and you hit him with all the heavy thoughts you were talking about earlier, basically bombarding him with your thoughts and feelings, he'll most likely disappear for another 3 months.

You are so caught up on him that you are not able to SEE or FEEL when you are being ignored which means you aren't clearly understanding what his leaving means. You have developed this Imaginary relationship, an imaginary relationship is much different than a real relationship. In an imaginary relationship we feel —hurt?? because we are EXPECTING a man to behave like he's in a Real Relationship with us, when really, he's only in an Imaginary Relationship. To him, he's in NO relationship at all with you so he feels perfectly OKAY with disappearing on you for 3 months.

I think somewhere along the way you felt you had a real relationship with him so you feel justified in calling him scared but the reality is, it wasn't real YET so he has nothing to be scared about, he most likely figured if it's this bad now with you it will only get worse later so he's gone and he may or may not come back but I can assure you if you come off too heavy again he'll disappear again.

You said he was your soul mate and yet you also said you were pulling for his strength, pulling for him to reveal the man you know he could easily be once he trust you which is sooooooo emotionally draining for you and it's supposed to be draining b/c it's not your job to make a man trust you nor to make him BE what YOU want him to be, nor does he have to reveal to you the man you want to see him be, HE'S WHO HE IS not who you want him to be, he's revealing HIMSELF as he is and if you don't like it then too bad HE'LL LEAVE before he change himself into someone else's IDEA, no man will RISK losing himself for a woman.

If he was your soul mate you would never have to pull for anything, it would come naturally so the mere fact that you are pulling is CONTROLLING, you are being pushy and controlling and trying to MAKE HIM BE something he's not and b/c he's not what YOU envision him to be then you resort to name calling, calling him scared when in reality you are the one that's scared or you wouldn't feel the need to pull and bully him into being your dream man, you don't have to do that with a soul mate.

tiki33:

Well I don't appreciate her way nor her telling me to not mentally prepare myself for a situation and post. I'm not making her come in here. And the thing is NOTHING was bad when he pulled away. We were closer than ever. I won't give u my opinion but I'll tell u the facts of what happened. I went over to his place, we were laying and he accused me of being a tease and wanting to see me more (not 1 lick of intensity from me or intensity accusation) I told about my schedule being more free due to schooling ending and he'll be seeing more of me. I cuddled with him stroking his face for the 1st time. He dropped me home, immediately text me saying he appreciated the company and cuddling, I replied with anytime, feel better soon."

Could he have confused the cuddling with me wanting more/gaining feelings from him? Which is why he pulled away and re-assessed the situation? But he said he appreciated it?

Those may come off as shady and gearing towards the outcome I want to hear, but the cuddling/him accusing me of being a tease is the only thing difference between everything being good and him pulling away, which yes did scare me.


And i am coming to grips with the fact that we not may be soulmates. I want him to be more expressive, but it is also words that come out his own mouth that "he needs to learn to be more trusting, keep options open, and has a f***ked up attitude"

self admittedly could improve his attitude and trust more....yes
from reading this advice do i understand how aggresive I come off, could tame my sting to a poke, or no action at all in order to get the result i want instead of bullying and manipulating....YES.....my 1st post isnt even an option any more lol

and i shouldnt say confuse cuz it is what was happening....i guess i should ask did he sense from cuddling my feelings growing and him pulling away was a passive aggresive way of saying.....DONT GET ATTACHED TO ME?!

and from that cuddling thinking/convincing himself "I may not be ready/able or just don't want something so heavy so soon"

Is this what u mean or even a possibility in your head Tiki?

You were in an IMAGINARY RELATIONSHIP. Meaning you gave the connection too much value. You cuddled and it's done, he decided to move on and it's something you can't let go of, you're the scared one, people that are scared won't let go and stick around way beyond the expiration of date of the connection she share with a man. It doesn't matter what his pulling away is saying to you, stop looking for an excuse! He pulled away, he's gone, that's your ANSWER. If he pulled away and he's gone then OF COURSE he doesn't want you attached to him.

You "wanting" him to be more expressive is what you want, you can't expect him to feel safe with his feelings with you, he doesn't even know you, you are not someone that's significant in his life so there is no need to be more expressive and that's probably one of the reasons why he chose to leave, you put too much pressure on him to be with you in a way that he wasn't comfortable with. He doesn't owe you expression and he doesn't want to be pushed nor pulled into being expressive with you and that can be pretty much said for any man you choose to date.

And even if hes' the one saying he needs to be more trusting, expressive well that doesn't mean he's going to change those things for you, it doesn't mean he's going to change his fucked up attitude for you. He just talked about himself to let you know he's conscious of his flaws but that doesn't mean he's going to do anything about.

What aren't you understanding?

So listen if you want to hold onto something imaginary, continue discussing him as if he's still in your life then fine but don't try not to get it twisted, he's gone so as it stands you are not involved with him and there is no real relationship and whatever reason why he chose to leave is really insignificant at this point because it all comes back to REALITY...3 months no contact or very little contact, he's gone, doesn't matter why.