Someone help me figure this out.... I am mistified

my cancer and i have been broken up for quite some time. we've tried getting away from each other but somehow (usually through drunk text) we end up communicating again.

after about a month straight of him being nothing but an ass to me (texting me drunk sexual desires and memories & ignoring me) and me doing the same (ba ha i suck) including bitching him out for being the way he is (I'm admitting that WE both have been ridiculous towards each other), he finally admits to me that he's "been thinking about me lately," and he, "wants to try again," because, "he feels like we had a few things working against us when we dated." I agree that this is true. He tells me he wants to get to know me for real because he still really likes me. I told him that it feels like he doesn't like me anymore because of the way he acts towards me most of the time. He told me he isn't used to an ex still trying to talk to him because normally he shuts them out. So naturally I asked him why he didn't do the same with me and he said because he really likes me still and we had an amazing connection. He said, "I want to do dinner sometime."

So today. He texts me, but he's being incredibly short. I tried to make an effort and asked him something about us. He basically brushed it off. Out of frustration I said, "please, don't overwhelm me with your long replies" and he replies with, "fine." So I say "forget it." Annnnnnd then he tells me "thanks for being a huge bitch about it. i'm at work and don't have time to give you long replies."

Ummm okay? Can someone elaborate on what the hell is going on here?

Is someone suppose to take you seriously?

You just described how you play head games with him .....

Nevermind, I just realized you're a Gemini .....



**** toss ****

Posted by Pecheresse

Posted by PixieDust
my cancer and i have been broken up for quite some time. we've tried getting away from each other but somehow (usually through drunk text) we end up communicating again.

after about a month straight of him being nothing but an ass to me (texting me drunk sexual desires and memories & ignoring me) and me doing the same (ba ha i suck) including bitching him out for being the way he is (I'm admitting that WE both have been ridiculous towards each other), he finally admits to me that he's "been thinking about me lately," and he, "wants to try again," because, "he feels like we had a few things working against us when we dated." I agree that this is true. He tells me he wants to get to know me for real because he still really likes me. I told him that it feels like he doesn't like me anymore because of the way he acts towards me most of the time. He told me he isn't used to an ex still trying to talk to him because normally he shuts them out. So naturally I asked him why he didn't do the same with me and he said because he really likes me still and we had an amazing connection. He said, "I want to do dinner sometime."

So today. He texts me, but he's being incredibly short. I tried to make an effort and asked him something about us. He basically brushed it off. Out of frustration I said, "please, don't overwhelm me with your long replies" and he replies with, "fine." So I say "forget it." Annnnnnd then he tells me "thanks for being a huge bitch about it. i'm at work and don't have time to give you long replies."

Ummm okay? Can someone elaborate on what the hell is going on here?

Girl, I know you want to believe him, I know you want to think there's something genuine behind the emotional pouring of his cancer heart. Maybe there is, but most likely he misses the sex. Depends how much of your precious energy you want to lose over this futile issue, if I were you, I'd ignore him after telling him to fuck off. And move on. Because, in the end, if it was so damn awesome you'd be together right now.

click to expand

Agreed, it sounds like you both need to mature a bit more before you settle down into a relationship anyway. I was there once, but once I met the right man (a cancer) and realized what we had all the games went out the window. If you ever have to guess

If you ever have to guess how a man feels about you, then there's your answer.

(my last comment got cut off)

Posted by LunarLady720

Agreed, it sounds like you both need to mature a bit more before you settle down into a relationship anyway. I was there once, but once I met the right man (a cancer) and realized what we had all the games went out the window. If you ever have to guess how a man feels about you, then there's your answer.

(my last comment got cut off)

My thoughts exactly. I really gave up on us getting back together because of the imaturity and the games. It was too exhausting and it really wore me down.

It's not so much that I question how he feels about me, it's more about questioning his actions and behavior towards me. Hot, cold -- up, down... all over the place.

I agree with you, Pecheresse, that if it was so awesome that we would just simply be together. It should be that simple but it never is. We had issues when we dated (a large portion of them stemming from me) and I hid a lot of myself from him. I wasn't ready for a real relationship, and we left feeling like we didn't know one another at all. He does genuinely want to get to know mebut I feel it's so difficult now. Too much water under the bridge or something....

Posted by PixieDust
He told me he isn't used to an ex still trying to talk to him because normally he shuts them out. So naturally I asked him why he didn't do the same with me and he said because he really likes me still and we had an amazing connection. Can someone elaborate on what the hell is going on here?

As a 20ish year old Cancer, I responded to an ex whenever he'd contact me. I once called him up all missing him (the sex) and sentimental (for the sex) and we arranged to go out to a concert. Halfway through the night he started irritating me wanting to talk about "what went wrong" and "do we have a future"

I realized I made a big mistake and started ignoring him, flirting with other guys. He got so pissed he left me there with no ride home...
No worries! I hooked up with this super hot Brazilian guy and got great sex without the hassle.

Karma got me back for that one later in life but.... a horny young Cancer can be one selfish mofo

I here you, Shellshocker and I agree with you 100% on what he's most likely doing.

Strangely though, I gave up talking about "us" completely. And when I give up on something, I don't necessarily walk away and cut off contact, I just stop giving a shit what's said to me and what I say back in return. I'd at times, go along with his flirty, sexual texts and in return, on nights when I was plastered, I'd be the one to start the dirty talk. I dangled the carrot, then took it back. I know I reaped what I sowed here and I expected nothing from him in return. But then, out of the blue, without any questioning or probing on my part, he comes out with these statements about us. He didn't try to sugar coat it, he didn't try to tempt me with pet names and compliments. It seemed honest to me.

But I think you're right, Shellshocker. There are too many sexual undertones here and if he really cared about me, he wouldn't be acting so selfishly..

Funny thing is, I think he does want to like me and I think it may be based purely on the sexual nature of our relationship and the intense chemistry/connection that we had. It's almost like he's trying to convince himself in one way or another that maybe he could like me again, that if we got to know each other again and started over that maybe it would work out but at the same time he can't get himself to feel the same way he used to about me.... I don't knowwww...

It's funny that you say that. The first time me and my crab dated I had just left another guy and was still incredibly emotional about it. Crab left me after a few weeks of my shit, but alas! He came back, and he was STILL the very same sweet guy I had met. He told me he never gives second chances. And voila! The way he sees it, I blew the second chance too. And now I see what you mean, he doesn't express his care for me in the same way he used to and I fear he never will again.

Then he texts me last night to apologize for being such an asshole to me. He explained he was having a terrible day and was in a really bad mood and that he shouldn't have taken it out on me. Then he tells me that he did mean every word of what he said to me the other day about us....

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I know H, but still I question it's sincerity.

Cancers are moody and no they dont like to feel betrayed (

I'm really at a loss when it comes to me and him. I don't understand the nature of this silly little relationship we have with each other, I can't comprehend fully why he does the things he does and why even bother with any of it. I don't know where it's going and I'm not sure that I even like him as a person right now. Mostly, I find him rude, selfish, and immature. I don't even want to know what he thinks of me. So why do we even bother? I don't know...

It's funny, I recently got in a stupid tiff with a pisces (male) friend of mine and he reacted quite similarly to the way my crab has done to me in the past. He responded to me in a way that I found to be completely absurd and a huge overreaction to the situation. He would not bend, would not consider my thoughts/feelings, he basically shut down and acted like a selfish jerk. No apologies and still hasn't talked to me since.

Perplexing is an understatement to me. I don't hold grudges and I forgive people for their mistakes even if it does hurt me. We're all human, no?

I've read on here numerous occations that if a cancer is actually direct with you about what they're saying, it's because they mean it in full truth.

Is this not the case?

If you have 2 completely different men treating you and responding to you the exact same way well that says a lot about your personality....The problem is you

do you want to get back with him?

if you don't, he's picking up on that and going along with the game playing because he doesn't know how to communicate with you without them.

if you do, you have to make sure you're being straightforward and open. otherwise he'll keep mirroring your behaviour and both of you will get nowhere.

@Tiki

who said anything about 2 different men??

@nimbue

we both don't know if we want to get back together or not. it's more or less that we agreed we want to start over and get to know each other again. i don't know who is mirroring who's behavior but you're right, someone needs to start being more straightforward because the times that I have been, I've gotten a lot further with him than when I played his games.

i think tiki meant your pisces friend...

it's worth keeping it simple. i think it's good you're agreeing to start over, with no expectations. and if you take the lead by making sure your end is clear cut, he might even respond in the same way.

Oh, I get it. The fight with the pisces? I was in the presence of like, 7 other friends of ours and they all agreed that I really had done nothing to permit that kind of a response from him and that he was being completely irrational. So no, I don't think the problem here is me.

@numbue

it's definitely worth a shot being more clear with him and just wait and see where it goes i guess.

Treat people how you want to be treated. If they dont, then move on.....

Posted by CrabbyTwins
Treat people how you want to be treated. If they dont, then move on.....

Or learn how to combat it in the right way.... 😄

you cant force someone to do anything that they dont want.....

Posted by PixieDust
The fight with the pisces? I was in the presence of like, 7 other friends of ours and they all agreed that I really had done nothing to permit that kind of a response from him and that he was being completely irrational. So no, I don't think the problem here is me.

You're kinda flippant about how this guy felt and equally self-righteous about your role in it. Doesn't matter if 100 people agreed with you... you made him feel a certain way and I bet you often rubbed your ex-cancer in the same manner.

Would you rather be right... or in a relationship?

I shouldn't have even brought it up. You'd have to hear the whole story to really get a good idea of what was really going on. He was really being a huge jerk to everyone on the whole trip, not just me. He picked and started several fights with different people and tried to control the direction of the entire trip. He was aleady in a bad mood when he chose to get upset with me for something that was between me and one of his friends, not him. I attempted to be sensitive towards his feelings and try to talk it out with him and he wouldn't have it. I tried CALMLY talking to him again a few days later and he snapped at me some more. I didn't do anything wrong.

And I didn't MAKE him feel anything.

I could tell there was an underlying reason why he was so angry with me but he wouldn't tell me. The more I tried to probe the more pissed off he got so I quit trying.

If I should've handled it differently someone tell me...

Posted by PixieDust

I could tell there was an underlying reason why he was so angry with me but he wouldn't tell me.

^^ this is what I'm talking about... you rub water the wrong way... I'm just saying.
Do you have any water in your chart at all? I know you don't do things out of malice, it's just how you operate.

If you keep messing with water men you're going to drive yourself insane! 🙂 I don't know... if it worth it?

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by PixieDust

I could tell there was an underlying reason why he was so angry with me but he wouldn't tell me.

^^ this is what I'm talking about... you rub water the wrong way... I'm just saying.
Do you have any water in your chart at all? I know you don't do things out of malice, it's just how you operate.

If you keep messing with water men you're going to drive yourself insane! 🙂 I don't know... if it worth it?

click to expand

All of his friends were later telling me that he's always had feelings for me. This was very much so news to me, and also another reason I tried to be so sensitive about the whole situation.

Ummm... I have cancer in jupiter and pisces in mars, scorp in pluto and lilith but besides that I'm mainly all earth (cap and taurus).

I dated a scorp once that was crazy about me. Even now, we've been able to remain friends and we get along pretty well considering. Hmmm...