still on the crab.... (Page 3)

I think in the beginning we were both scared of getting into any type of commitment..we would always meet up and spend hours together talking, getting to truly know eachother..I think in the beginning I was even more scared..I put him off for awhile before I arred to see him even though it felt soooo right, I didn't feel ready. We talked about everything and the sparks were out of this world...he was always so respectful, he told me how when people just jump into things they never last he wanted to take his time in getting to know me & he did..he is the one who one day caught me off gaurd with "the talk" about what I'm looking for in a relationship and told me what he was looking for..he took it to that next level..he was the one that got serious on me? And then he would disappear & confuse the hell out of me but when we're together..its undeniable. I reitterated the fact that I wasn't lookin to be in a serious relationship out of fear...I wasn't looking to fall in love with the possibility of getting hurt..but he already had me...he just didn't know it then...

*reiterate*

The first time he disappeared and came back he was pushing your boundaries, more like testing your boundaries and this is were so many women fail, she ALLOW him to come back in and continue on as if he never disappeared, just pick back up again instead of cutting his ass off, without a consequence she's just giving him the green light to continue on doing it, I know how hard it is for a woman to set a healthy boundary around the whole disappearing act b/c it's so damn confusing but if she doesn't she's basically enabling his poor behavior and saying it's okay, yes it's confusing but the moment it happens it has to be addressed or he'll figure he can come and go as he chooses with no real consequences, too many women are bucking her standards and allowing this nonsense to go on, I'm glad you found the inner strength to stop the madness, now sticking to it will be just as hard, it does get better though, give it time.

Its after about a year I started putting the pressure on and he told me just o with the flow if it meant to happen it will...go with the flow..he told me he wasn't into the casual and if he didn't think we had something he would not be around...everytime he starts getting closer he pulls away to come back a little closer and run away...I'm just done with the roller coaster ride....I can't do it anymore...its too fn confusing already

Also I noticed you told him you were not looking to get into a serious relationship (matter the reasons why) you basically let him know not to take you seriously despite your reasons for not wanting a serious relationship and you got hurt anyway.

It's important you know what you want and establish your own personal boundaries around that or you'll most likely for yourself in this position again with another man.

Don't tell men you don't want anything serious b/c he'll take that to damn grave, literally taking you serious and he'll use it as an advantage to have you and have his freedom too. Be careful about what you reveal to a man and how that's going to translate over to him, it can easily come back to bite you in the ass. And although he discussed things with you notice he didn't take it to the next level, he just sort of picked you apart to figure you out.

"I wasn't looking to fall in love with the possibility of getting hurt"

No such thing...You fall in love you get hurt so next time just go ahead and give yourself permission to fall in love, the end result is you got hurt anyway.

Watch what you say b/c that statement can easily be translated into I don't want to fall in love, I don't want love, so can you really blame him for not wanting a relationship and opting for something casual.

I'm not playing devils advocate but we are all responsible for our relationships working or not working out....I'm the type of person that try and understand the part I played so I won't do it with the next guy, inevitably it worked for me.

Chkin into that in a few....but today!!! Thx wineaux

Taking it slow translates into I'll date you casually for the next 3 to 5 maybe even 10 years...Be careful what you say and think about it how it translates into man language...Slow to you translated into one year so maybe you should start to think about what slow is to you and what slow is to a man and the next guy you date you'll be sure to help understand what slow means to you, as you can see from your own experience it's completely 2 different things.

Slow can be like dog years to men, literally years...lol

Oh and go with the flow is CASUAL...Don't do the go with flow thing unless you are prepared to be casual with a man

@tiki...screw that already! But your soo right! Honestly I've learned some very valuable lessons in the dating world....I've really never been single....only in 4:13:49 PM relationships (2) so the whole game people fkn play I was not prepared for it..and even now..I'm not into games but at least I know now and can fully armor myself for the next lil boy that thinks he can play me...cause this time around I was played like a fiddle!

I agree! Or referred to as "the one that got away" cause you let them dumbass! Hahaha