........W-H-Y?

please remind me again...

why do cancers go back to their shell?
Is it bcoz he just decided he doesnt like me anymore? Why the sudden 'norm' of backtracking? does that mean b3fore this it really wasnt love at all?


if it's not love, why does he still want me to come n spend the holidays with him? meeting his family, for God's sake.


Is 'wanting to show me his everyday life there' a valid reason? I mean, come on, if he doesnt want to have anything in the first place, why bother doing this at all? I could just spend my xmas holidays elsewhere, thank you v much.

yes.am venting.i just thank God m not hurt deeply, bcoz as i prolly had mentioned, i still manage to keep a distance. regardless,it still hurt when he said

'i dont want to flirt with u [anymore] bcoz my heart feels its not right'

' i want our friendship to stay as it use to ? and if we fall inlove, and something happends, then i wud loose u
i dun wanned to experience that '


does that mean: love is not possible between us?
but you know what, i believe that when he came for a visit, he felt it. we both did.

now how is THAT a valid reason? Love DID happen. now its making him think it wont work bcoz LDR is too much a hassle? Why the pessimistic mind, why does he think he will lose me? I mean, if you love someone so much, wouldnt you do anything not to lose him/her ?

so what is this then...what am i to do? act normal? cry? laugh at this phase?

in two weeks time,I will see him and I certainly won't want to pamper him like i did back then; i mean it when i say i treat my man right, i do treat him right. It is my policy to make omeone im really into,feel special
so having him as a 'friend', oh no sir, you dont get to touch me or kiss me or any of that stuff.


yes. venting again. *takes deep breaths*


I just thank God that I havent gone into deep yet but yea it sucks still.





please wake me up

sting hun..i do not know how im suppose to take that..

I posted that at half 6 am my time and was woken up by his call at 9am.sharp, mind u. all i could think abt was: oh no, not now..

I was more or less disinterested in hearing what he has to say so most of what he said meant nothing to me haha but it went something like this:

'i was thinking abt u' - and me quietly denying it, like dude, why?
and he insisted that he was. and went on to say that he doesn't want to ruin us,something or other.

and that we will talk again abt it tonight, trust me, am not looking forward to it. to me, if its like that, lets just establish it as it is and move on.dont do the dance.

he asked do u realise how much u mean to me?
-- does he mean, the more he pushes me away, the more into me he is because he's afraid of losing me? im stumped. so where does that leave me?

and it basically ended with 'will u still come and see me?'
--- what is this? if u refuse intimacy and connection, why pursue it? i dont geddit.
I've still two weeks away. its not too late to change my flight.



last night he kept insisting that he still wants me to come to stockholm.but his heart told him to stop wadever it is that he is doing. I asked well, if i do go and for some reason ur heart tells u that it is wrong, do i haf to camp outside the house?

he laughed. so i said instead of staying w him, i should find myself a hotel and/or shorten my 3 week visit.
he said not to do that,something to dat effect.


i know for someone who hasnt gotten into deep with love with this cancer, i may seem to grudge about it. but really, i dislike feeling manipulated. i dislike confusion. for me, straightforward all the way.

am i wrong to assume that what happened when he came meant nothing to him?

I couldn't go back home,LK, it was either staying in london or going somewhere. Basically i cant see my family until next summer or next december alright?

I thought shell meant that they cancers in general shrinks away when someone opens up to them..not like dumping..im nt sure what this is really..wad we were..

its just that we were just so comfortable with anything and then he messed it up by saying things like this. what is up with that? ofc im alright with taking things slow, but to already put a halt to it bfore it even started, id say thats wrong. simply cos both he n i know that theres something worth looking into there,us.

im not like myself today.congratulations you

LK honey, we have been having conversations like this since like years ago. that we do get along well, that we have a thing.but back then i was situated so far away from him, in comparison to today.

he did mention last night that he would never be able to stand the distance.

back then i was so understanding i suppose. but when we met, sparks just flew, and not just the little ones, its like gigantuous=D no way of denying it, LK, im telling you!
the chemistry was just amazing..


so yea, it was love.then. even after one visit. its like finally admitting u loving a secret crush for years. i believe it can be love.

Well he may mean right now his heart isn't into it because you are "acting" like and portraying yourself as a "friend".

A woman of interest to any man doesn't spend her time going to see him, she let's her man take the lead role by coming to see her. A woman of interest doesn't do anything a "girlfriend" or just a "friend" would do for the man she wants to be intimate with. A woman of interest is interested in love relationships only and if her man doesn't give her what she wants, she steps away until he finally "gets" that she is not lowering her standards to a "just friends" deal. A woman of interest will cut him off high and dry until he figures out in his mind exactly what he wants from her.

She doesn't settle for A FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS DEAL!

Funny you should mention the marriage bit. I m soo not into that yet. All i want is a man to love me for the time being and it just so happen that its him who my heart is set for.

when he rang, he was persistent abt my coming. I did think abt cancelling it, I mean, no point right? But sigh. I donno honestly what he wants but he sure does want me to go there..

LK, not that i have nada experience wadsoever w guys, I do, more than you prolly know. Its just that he, it just baffles me.

i mean, I KNOW if im being dumped, i KNOW if its cheating or wadever.I KNOW. with him, its nt certain.


wishy washy?

You're right..MOM =D

i mean, I KNOW if im being dumped, i KNOW if its cheating or wadever.I KNOW. with him, its nt certain.


wishy washy?

Right wishy washy and a woman who a man is "truly" interested in will not give her heart to a man who is wishy washy. Men know THIS and a desirable woman wouldn't allow herself to get caught up with ANY man's wishy washy attitudes about her.

What I am saying is be a love interest NOT his FRIEND if you want things to progress. No not be a his "wife" but not be his "available" friend either.

LOL, LK sounds like my Leoan bestie...and I hate it when my bestie's talking like that...hahahaha....

Scorpsting, I am not even going to stoop to your level of knowledge and I don't want or need you to take MY advice.

I am not going to bash your inconsistent stories about a so called Cancer man you are supposed to have in your life. On minute he is your best friend, the next minute you are hurt over not having your so called "soul mate" and the next minute he is your boyfriend on top of you being MARRIED to a Leo man. And the Cancer man is rushing you to the alter, you might can try that on another blog but not on DXP OK! Now I know why you changed your name.

So, don't take my advice. I myself have been friends with a Cancer man but I have noticed that friends doesn't INSPIRE him to want to commit himself to you no more than just a friend.

This guy SPECIFICALLY told Dora that she only INSPIRED a friendship with him. Any woman who can read between the lines would KNOW that Dora should KNOW here worth and not chase her feelings and let things flow. I am not bashing Dora but she doesn't have to be naive about any man either.

I agree with Leokitten, if he is saying just friends-DON'T TRAVEL. If he is talking romance, LET HIM COME TO YOU! If he is PAYING for YOU to go to see him, go!

definately think it's more an age thing

Leokitten do yourself a favor! Homegirl is MISERABLE and that is the reason why she is sitting on these posts waiting to be bashed. Bashed ONLY because she is looking for someone else to cry victim to her pit potting misery.

Well sorry if you want company, I am out. Leokitten save your breath. You are better than stooping and you are right, you caught her in SO many LIES she had no choice but to erase her posts.

I DON'T give a dayum if you take my advice or not. I have a GOOD man.

not only do i have a good man. he loves me enough to wait for me and i am sooo happy

A LA PLAYER WAITING FOR YOU? A Real woman won't even believe she is attainable to stop a player. Who cares honey, you are living a lie good luck to you and I wish you the best of luck.....

Scorpsting-get this- I DON'T GIVE A FU@@ WHAT YOU HAVE OR WHAT YOU R WEARING. Your mind is very immature. I don't care what you drive or wear and men don't ADMIRE women who demonstrate themselves as COMPETITION! A competitive woman only demonstrates she wants one thing DI@@ and once she is conquered her so called man is off to the next "victim".

Now getting back to the SUBJECT-Dora if you love this man, don't fall for the just friends deal.

PLEASE, STOP!!!

the purpose of my asking you lot is for advice and help each other, with experience, knowledge, love.

not all this bashing and thrash-talk!

All of you...😢

LOL!@antibling

3 weeks is a very long time, I'm not going to discourage you not to go but it seems he's throwing in a wrench and making things akward, I have been in this kind of situation and it didn't turn out that well due to the looming gloom over the trip, so make sure that if you decide to go that you have zero expectations, that your friendly but not too friendly and you allow him to lead the pace, that is a very long time to be around a guy AND HIS FAMILY so maybe you 2 need to discuss some boundaries before you get there so you won't get confused even moreso, just know he could very well behave like the good boyfriend and then turn around and dump you again when you get home only to come back again, he just seems to be holding most of the power in this situation and that sucks for you....talk about bi-polar rollercoaster ride *shakes head*

It sounds like this guy is attempting to soften the blow if things don't work out during that 3 week period. Not a very mature way to be but its obvious thats all he's really capable of, I personally don't care for when a man says things to create confusion and obstacles but thats something you have to decide if you can live with becuase he won't stop being this way no matter how deep in you get with him

My instincts say alter plans, his change of mind calls for it, either postpone or choose a shorter time frame to meet his family, you still have time to alter your ticket NOW, you can very well shorten the Xmas trip, instead of 3 weeks, go for a couple days and head it back home, don't put yourself in an akward position, I have done that and it sucks, friends visit for less than a week 3 to 5 days tops, GIRLFRIENDS go over a guys house for 3 weeks and It seems you may have booked the trip when things were much clearer for you but now he's pulled the fog over your eyes with these confusing mixed messages its time to look out for yourself, put you first and follow your heart, don't do anything based on him and his wants, do it based on you and your wants, do what is going to make you feel good about the situation

Dora I will stop! I can't even believe I bashed your board.

From experience I wouldn't settle for being a man's friend if I wanted more from him. Why don't you ask him what he wants in a non threatening way. The easiest way to find out is to ask him what qualities does he love about his mom.

Now..back to matters at hand. Im sorry for the late reply. I love being a capricorn - I just buried myself in tons of work for hours! because clearly fresh air isnt doing it for me.

KROBE03 - Thank you for your insightful posts. we live so far away from each other, it is impossible for me to do things like 'acting as his gf' etc but when he was here, the way I see it, I gave him a taste of whats it like to be my boo. period. AND i DO have self-respect for myself=D hence the questions. I didnt only inspire friendship withhim. I inspired love.

LEOKITTEN - I havent gotten him anything yet. haha thankfully. as much as I dislike whatevr u posted, I do believe they might be some truth in them. LK, you are my pessimist voice and I love u for that.

He didnt say his heart isnt innit. He just said his heart told him that flirting was wrong. but whatdo i know? i cant function well with this problem =D I see it as harmless but also as a babystep towards...something. If there's ever gonna b a something. which we cant find out anyway bcause we crashed into a halt.dammit

'men are far too honest with themselves abt feelings..' -- i'd say they are just scared..because WE actually have the power to hurt them...if we truly love them




SCORPSTING & FIREFLY19 - thank you for being positive for me=D u mentioned that cancers go into their shells when affected deeply & cant cope? affected how? positively or otherwise? abt doing whatever i like, thats wad I always do and hence ppl see me as happy-go-lucky=D

speaking of this keeping-a-distance thing, would he realise what he lost if i just stop whatever im doing w him? eg not chatting everynight, calls, emails etc. wont that just divert him to another girl, at a closer proximity?

'after months of separation, more to convince himself' - oh hell no. more of that whining thing?again? why not just stop talking abt it bcos hasnt it been made clear what they 'want us to think'?


and going there for xmas..meeting his family....im all set to say : im a friend.just that.




I remember after he left...he was devastated.seriously. he was whiny and clingy abt my being so far away from him. he told me that almost everyday.and that he misses me and wish I was there with him.he'd call and text everyday saying im always on his mind..and get this, i didnt even reply them, i rarely called him coz he always did them. and he was v excited when i bought my ticket. dont those count for something, LK, Krobe03?

blingy you luv it! I luv it! We ALL love it! Pure entertainment I must say.

I doubt he'd b DAT excited if all he wants is TO GET LAID...i mean, common sense would say he could get laid there without me anyway...

try not to be too pessimistic this time, LK, Krobe

LOL bling. Hugs

I personally back pedal on men that go from romantic feelings to I just want to be friends because it really creates this imbalance feeling surrounding the whole situation, he then GAINS all of the control were as things were probably more balanced at some point, I know per my own experience nothing ever really comes good of it when a man begins to become shifty with his emotions over a woman, he either feels it or he doesn't, love is risky, just know that if he's saying friendship and acting like a boyfriend while your visiting this could prose a problem down the line, if things get too intimate for him to handle you risk him back pedal'n on you and he will always RELY on the friendship card, meaning you could very well go down there and he's behaving in a way that says boyfriend but when you question his actions etc he will pull out his friendship trump card....as long as your willing to see it through without putting to much stock in it then you will be fine

I honestly wanna say don't go, let him come visit you a couple more times so he can feel secure with how how feels for you, if he visits you more and you both determine that its only friendship and/or he may begin to INVEST and REGAIN those loving feelings and begin to build a stronger bond with you if there is something truly there other friendship it should be solidified away from his family

I have been in your exact same situation and I know you will do what you feel rather than whats more effective.

Tiki..my head is spinning..pls simplify, summarise what ur saying=D

I am saying you shouldn't go....

3 weeks is a very long time to be around a guy that has already said he shouldn't be flirting with you and that he's feeling friendship, this wouldn't be a problem if you didn't have any romantic feelings beyond friendship, I am saying if you 2 can't come to some kind of boundaries before you get there it's going to be very very frustrating bumpy ride for you

If this guy had never intimated friendship being part of the equation then I would say go and have fun but now he's on the let's be friends kick after you 2 clearly felt love for one another and it seems he was feeling more at some point but now its different, either don't go or shorten the trip to less than a couple of days, if you must be around for 3 weeks, get a hotel so you can have some breathing space away from him and the fam.

"LOL@Ms.Pisces....

Stop acting like men are these fucking gods. Live your life, stop over analyzing everything he says and does.

And Tiki, why don't you write a book? Seriously. Get paid for all the advice, instead of letting it fall upon deaf ears...for free.

There are millions of desperate women out there who would spend money on a book about how to keep a man."

This is so true, I actually have been approached by someone to get something going, writing a chapter in her book, dunno if I will do it but it's tempting, I guess I care too much, I try not to but I can't help it but yeah I'm going to lean back on these females and let them learn like I learned...the hard way

I was thinking abt shortening my visit.

furthermore i think wad i shall do now is.. to keep doing the same thing ive been doing years ago. secretly love him but expect only friendship. i know i can do it again..

but now what i have in mind is dis: will he appreciate having me as a friend? will he be able to feel the same feelings that made him fall for me again by being his friend?


i disagree when ppl say guys will see you only as a friend. Cos isnt that a starting point for relationships too? as friends?


wish me luck.

write the damn book and ull be a millionaire lol

"I was thinking abt shortening my visit.

furthermore i think wad i shall do now is.. to keep doing the same thing ive been doing years ago. secretly love him but expect only friendship. i know i can do it again..

but now what i have in mind is dis: will he appreciate having me as a friend? will he be able to feel the same feelings that made him fall for me again by being his friend?


i disagree when ppl say guys will see you only as a friend. Cos isnt that a starting point for relationships too? as friends?


wish me luck."

The only problem I have with this is YOU MANAGING DOWN your feelings for someone you clearly have strong feelings for, when men not all but when some men use the friendship card, its to manage a woman's emotions, meaning he's not really ready nor equipped to deal with love so he throws the ole friendship card to manage down your expectations, if you spend years loving someone that hasn't tried to truly love you back in return well that's pretty futile and it says a lot about you as well, women that have issues with intimacy allow men to manage down there love expectations. If you really want more from this guy, sever ties and move on to someone who really is available to give you what you really desire. So I guess what I'm trying to say is be really honest with yourself about this situation, it really boils down to are you capable of having a more intimate relationship because being with this guy says your not.

Secretly loving a guy sounds romantic but that has to be the most miserable state of affairs, I wouldn't even go there, life is too short and you only have one life to live, why give it to someone who clearly can't give you what you secretly desire, let your secrets out of the closet and get you a man that wants what you want and is willing to give it to you UNLESS you too have intimacy issues and feel comfortable playing it safe with emotionally unavailable men which is a hard hard habit to break

I know women will say he can feel romantic feelings but NO he won't, he will not fall in love with a friend, a friend is like a sister or brother, we don't feel love and romance for family members well most of us don't d:

If you want more then step away until he's willing to be consistent with his feelings for you, this is really hard to do but it works, the less he has of you the more he thinks about you and when men think about a woman they can't have they begin to yearn for her and yearning for a man feels

If you want more then step away until he's willing to be consistent with his feelings for you, this is really hard to do but it works, the less he has of you the more he thinks about you and when men think about a woman they can't have they begin to yearn for her and yearning for a man feels like love

alright tiki. i'll do it. im a ppl-pleaser, particularly to someone i love.

yeah it hurts, i cry but i know i will move on. it happened b4, with him as well.


gdnyte

dont those count for something, LK, Krobe03?

I haven't finished reading but go with Tikki on this long distance thing and I LOVE CAPS Dora. You are a strong woman and YOU know what is best for you. I know you are a Cap and CAP women don't play. They KNOW what they want. Period.

Thank u for the love yall=D I am strong..I've been in horrible situations before and this little thing they call love, should be peanuts=D

*hugs everybody*

I wonder where is kris with that chocolate cake of his

In the end no one is going to judge you if you go DC, just be true to yourself, don't ignore what you really feel for what you really wish out of this. I'm sure he's a great guy but he seems to only want you when your not really interested, I read were you said he was texting and professing his feelings yet when you reciprocate he seems to back pedal which is classic for commitment phobic man.

Be logical about this situation, your young and will bounce back easily if things don't work out, the older we get it's not so easy but you being 20 well you have a few years to make all the mistakes you want...in the end just think it over, look at all your options because you do have choices, you can choose to accept friendship, go on the trip and continue on as you have been, you can choose to shorten the trip to 3 days, look super good to bait him back in and then leave, or you can choose not to go at all and allow him to pursue and invest more of his time and energy, the more he invest the better for you.

So you do have options, USE THEM, put your emotions aside, stop thinking about it, tell him you need a few days with no contact, find something else to focus on and the answer, YOUR answer the answer that suits you will flow and you will know what to do

LK,we didnt talk at all. i was pretty much not online tonight. i did email him though. abt what tiki said. like whether he has feelings for me or not, tell me or let me go. but id say it was diplomatic. i will still spend xmas w his family but i might shorten the visit or travel somewhere else from there.

all in all, im not going to be a fool.

i'll just be friends and keep my distance.

i'll just be friends and keep my distance.

Good for you. If I was 20 I would just go with the flow. Life isn't guaranteed tommorrow but in my persoanl experience living and learning is GOOD for your growth.

nope, scorps, he's nt in a difficult place. how could he be?

im just gonna go w the flow but not let my guard down. ever.again.

LK, prolly he was scared that id be mad at him or something. i dont know how to make an email sound less drab haha let him be. im sure he knows im perfect for him.but that hes a commitment phobe. let him be.

will keep myself busy while he ponders

thank u for the reminder krobe, ive always known that, forgot for awhile=)

i do love my life

hehe thanks for looking out for me LK. i didnt wait.i just didnt care. didnt really matter though, he emailed me b4 i emailed him telling the stuff i assume he'd want to talk abt anyway.

i know i may sound like im making excuses for him..but im a neo-realist(for now hahah) hes a male for god's sake..he'd need time to think of his stupidity, is all. nt all of them are quick like us=D i dont want to nurture hate either, mind.

Thans FF, SS,Moon E - I feel a bit better now and not so scared of xmas anymore. im just lowering my expectations and to just live my life.. go to stockholm, meet his mom for a weekend then go flying off again...and will come back for xmas w his family...and see if he misses me=D



=D Hugs to you lot

FALLSTAR - i asked after your cake haha

LK, pls stop it..everybody has a right to express their own opinion..regardless of the person, even if not all agree with their opinions.

Let's give LK a chance to be nice..-er =)

Kris - true true haha heard abt the stereotype: cook like a brit? LOL which IS a joke cos stereotype is that they cant but they are a lotta great cookss here~~

moon eyes, can i have some lovey rainbows too? *batting teary-wet eyelashes*

i can cook u pad thai *Grins*

i love your messages scorpsting=D

ff - im a little porcellino on a diet!!! i wish to go to sicily one day=D join me?

moon eyes, is that you in the pink, girl?? dad asked me last week if i have dyed my hair a weird colour yet? apparently he's been expecting it haha I LOVE My SCORPIO Dad!!! im thinking pure white but with my yellow asian skin, je pas sure if i can pull it off haha myb dark purple or deep mahogany yea?