R1g0rM0rT1s
@R1g0rM0rT1s
13 Years1,000+ Posts
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well OMG! (Page 2)
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Couple of things I have realized from this thread:
- Men adapt to women's behaviour and mood swings a lot better than women do.
- No matter how good a relationship, at the first sign of complication women want to run away.
It's pretty cool to learn this stuff.
- Men adapt to women's behaviour and mood swings a lot better than women do.
- No matter how good a relationship, at the first sign of complication women want to run away.
It's pretty cool to learn this stuff.
yeah i think the only thing i like is the sex. that's why i'm instigating a sex ban. it's exactly what held my relationship to the aries together for over 20 years and when i withdrew it (pardon the pun), it really became clear there was nothing else good between us.
i'm going to tell him the truthful reason too and that is that i get emotions developing during the act which aren't real at all...they just endorphin fueled and leads me to make the wrong choices with men. i don't think he will get where i'm coming from at all. not one bit in fact. but we ARE only dating and so i have to think about me and my kids.
i'm going to tell him the truthful reason too and that is that i get emotions developing during the act which aren't real at all...they just endorphin fueled and leads me to make the wrong choices with men. i don't think he will get where i'm coming from at all. not one bit in fact. but we ARE only dating and so i have to think about me and my kids.
Posted by incandescentcancerPosted by seraphPosted by R1g0rM0rT1s
thing is...he said he doesn't know if i like him or if i just like fucking and i'm not sure i know the answer to that.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
he's already said he 'thinks' he loves me.
This will not end well.
I agree with you that it won't end well but not in the way you think.click to expand
LOLOLOLOLOLOL...and so it comes to pass!
no-one likes a know-it-all 😛
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
no-one likes a know-it-all 😛
I just know my scorps well...😛 You were going to do this no matter what 😉
Oh and the game is still not over, there is more to come 😉
Posted by incandescentcancer
Oh and the game is still not over, there is more to come 😉
well as i'm crap at games, perhaps you can give me an indication seeing as you appear to have the answers?
LOL!!
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1sPosted by incandescentcancer
Oh and the game is still not over, there is more to come 😉
well as i'm crap at games, perhaps you can give me an indication seeing as you appear to have the answers?click to expand
Why spoil the fun....😉
Posted by aurora Because lets be honest, this is still a man's world.
I find this statement enormously annoying when it comes from a woman in the developed world. The women who live in the developing and underdeveloped world are the two claimants to that statement. For the rest it's just incessant whining. I am sorry if I sound harsh.
true*
Posted by incandescentcancerPosted by aurora Because lets be honest, this is still a man's world.
I find this statement enormously annoying when it comes from a woman in the developed world. The women who live in the developing and underdeveloped world are the two claimants to that statement. For the rest it's just incessant whining. I am sorry if I sound harsh.click to expand
i must say i agree. women use that line cos it let's them cop out of achieving stuff. it's all bollocks.
i'll wait to see what happens then...perhaps there will be another opportunity for you to be right 😉
spoke to him earlier. just as well i didn't have time to see him with my son before he flew back to england cos he was shitfaced...the crab that is. i don't like the personality switch you get with drinkers and i also don't like how they talk bollocks and don't even remember what they've said.
i was irritated with him and he said he was 'disappointed' he didn't see me. ffs....i only bloody well saw him this morning albeit for about 20 minutes. then later tonight he started texting to say he was all alone in bed watching lock, stock on his ownsome. couldn't think of a response...just texted back 'great movie' lol. i did tell him that i would've been crap company anyway cos i hate saying goodbye to my son and need time alone when he's gone so i can sob into my pillow.
crab has to let me breathe but i'm not sure he knows how to. he says he doesn't want me thinking i can control him on the one hand while trying to control me with the other. i don't want a power game...i want a relationship.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1sPosted by incandescentcancerPosted by aurora Because lets be honest, this is still a man's world.
I find this statement enormously annoying when it comes from a woman in the developed world. The women who live in the developing and underdeveloped world are the two claimants to that statement. For the rest it's just incessant whining. I am sorry if I sound harsh.
i must say i agree. women use that line cos it let's them cop out of achieving stuff. it's all bollocks.
i'll wait to see what happens then...perhaps there will be another opportunity for you to be right 😉
he was shitfaced...the crab that is. i don't like the personality switch you get with drinkers and i also don't like how they talk bollocks and don't even remember what they've said.
i was irritated with him and he said he was 'disappointed' he didn't see me.
crab has to let me breathe but i'm not sure he knows how to. he says he doesn't want me thinking i can control him on the one hand while trying to control me with the other. i don't want a power game...i want a relationship.click to expand
my goodness... lighten up
you are making judgements about him already.. his drinking and how you don't like it (oh no!!! here comes the nag!)
not yet.. too soon... you're just going to show it by being pissy on the phone
you're probably not even really mad at him.. you're just pissed because your son left and you're projecting.
maybe him being 'disappointed' he didn't see you was him saying he missed you? not trying to control you, maybe
AND... you are already trying to control what and when he drinks ... because it irritates you, and you're showing him that
you Scorps... lol
I kind of have mixed feelings about this crab. On one hand, I don't think he's a bad guy. I can relate to many things that he does.
On the other hand, I don't think he's good enough for R1g.
I see potential for both developing a real relationship and for some serious trauma.
And I absolutely hate how comfortable he is.
The control thing he keeps mentioning is probably an insecurity of his, a lesson he learnt in a past relationship, or something.
On the other hand, I don't think he's good enough for R1g.
I see potential for both developing a real relationship and for some serious trauma.
And I absolutely hate how comfortable he is.
The control thing he keeps mentioning is probably an insecurity of his, a lesson he learnt in a past relationship, or something.
this guy sounds like an ass with some issues... but then again, R1g is a bit of a bitch with issues 😉
it probably won't work out too nice but it sure surprises me how many people are telling her to run and the "flags" they are seeing.
pure entertainment.. thanks R1g!
it probably won't work out too nice but it sure surprises me how many people are telling her to run and the "flags" they are seeing.
pure entertainment.. thanks R1g!
lol...happy to oblige ss.
yeah, i'm a bitch with issues for sure and one of them is excessive drinking. i had a 20 year long relationship that was riddled with drink and drug abuse on both parts. i still like a drink but i don't drink to excess often mainly cos i'm diabetic.
the english habit of drinking to get as drunk as possible is one thing i don't like but again, i don't care if the crab wants to do that...just don't drunk call me and expect me to humour you!!
i was late getting up this morning cos i said goodbye to my son last night and couldn't sleep. just as i was getting out of bed, he called. asked if i was still in bed....said i was getting up and then he launched into a lecture telling me that i've wasted half the day and just generally ranting on...i interrupted him to ask him to quit having a go at me cos when i'm just stepping out of bed aint a good time to piss me off.
it turned out he was moody too cos he'd had some work cancelled at the last minute so i listened to his rant about that and tbh, i sympathise with his situation alot in that respect cos people here do fuck you around without realising it's your livelihood they're fucking with.
anyway...the convo calmed down and i said i would see him later but this is just the thing that is upsetting my daughter....his bossiness. if i'm driving and he's in the car, it's almost unbearable with him suggesting when i change gear, when i indicate, where i park....even what shoes i wear when i'm driving. he's got something to say about everything.
todays dilemma is that obviously the crab wants to see me and my daughter doesn't want to see him. i'm gonna meet him later and hopefully we can have a talk.
yeah, i'm a bitch with issues for sure and one of them is excessive drinking. i had a 20 year long relationship that was riddled with drink and drug abuse on both parts. i still like a drink but i don't drink to excess often mainly cos i'm diabetic.
the english habit of drinking to get as drunk as possible is one thing i don't like but again, i don't care if the crab wants to do that...just don't drunk call me and expect me to humour you!!
i was late getting up this morning cos i said goodbye to my son last night and couldn't sleep. just as i was getting out of bed, he called. asked if i was still in bed....said i was getting up and then he launched into a lecture telling me that i've wasted half the day and just generally ranting on...i interrupted him to ask him to quit having a go at me cos when i'm just stepping out of bed aint a good time to piss me off.
it turned out he was moody too cos he'd had some work cancelled at the last minute so i listened to his rant about that and tbh, i sympathise with his situation alot in that respect cos people here do fuck you around without realising it's your livelihood they're fucking with.
anyway...the convo calmed down and i said i would see him later but this is just the thing that is upsetting my daughter....his bossiness. if i'm driving and he's in the car, it's almost unbearable with him suggesting when i change gear, when i indicate, where i park....even what shoes i wear when i'm driving. he's got something to say about everything.
todays dilemma is that obviously the crab wants to see me and my daughter doesn't want to see him. i'm gonna meet him later and hopefully we can have a talk.
Posted by Purr
This guy has major control issues, and his behavior will only get worse with time.
Lecturing you for sleeping late? Telling you which driving shoes to wear? Who the hell does this guy think he is, your dad?
you think that's bad ?
Imagine him drunk.
You know of those relationships that we hear about every so often ? The type of relationship that both are unbelievably miserable with each other but can't figure out how to leave because they are addicted to each other ?
This is one of them.
A relationship that can go for years, between two people who don't really like each other in their natural state, a relationship that's built on a solid foundation of sex and sweet nothings.
A single mother in a foreign country, a familiar man.
A man with alcoholic tendencies, a woman with a tolerance to men with alcoholic tendencies.
A man that goes fast, a woman that doesn't know how to say stop.
A man who can only offer her sex and security, a woman that cares for sex and security.
it's the perfect set up.
He needs to change if he is serious about a serious relationship and it sounds like he's considering manipulating her to change. Every single alarm in R1g's head should be going off right now.
But she's surprisingly receptive, dangerously receptive.
I remembering making a post long ago about how horrible it is to have good sex with the wrong person and I remember elle agreeing with me and R1g's aggressively disagreeing. I think she's going to know exactly what I meant very soon.
I didn't misuse the word "trauma" when describing a possible outcome of this relationship.
This is one of them.
A relationship that can go for years, between two people who don't really like each other in their natural state, a relationship that's built on a solid foundation of sex and sweet nothings.
A single mother in a foreign country, a familiar man.
A man with alcoholic tendencies, a woman with a tolerance to men with alcoholic tendencies.
A man that goes fast, a woman that doesn't know how to say stop.
A man who can only offer her sex and security, a woman that cares for sex and security.
it's the perfect set up.
He needs to change if he is serious about a serious relationship and it sounds like he's considering manipulating her to change. Every single alarm in R1g's head should be going off right now.
But she's surprisingly receptive, dangerously receptive.
I remembering making a post long ago about how horrible it is to have good sex with the wrong person and I remember elle agreeing with me and R1g's aggressively disagreeing. I think she's going to know exactly what I meant very soon.
I didn't misuse the word "trauma" when describing a possible outcome of this relationship.
Posted by BommyKnocker
You know of those relationships that we hear about every so often ? The type of relationship that both are unbelievably miserable with each other but can't figure out how to leave because they are addicted to each other ?
This is one of them.
A relationship that can go for years, between two people who don't really like each other in their natural state, a relationship that's built on a solid foundation of sex and sweet nothings.
A single mother in a foreign country, a familiar man.
A man with alcoholic tendencies, a woman with a tolerance to men with alcoholic tendencies.
A man that goes fast, a woman that doesn't know how to say stop.
A man who can only offer her sex and security, a woman that cares for sex and security.
it's the perfect set up.
He needs to change if he is serious about a serious relationship and it sounds like he's considering manipulating her to change. Every single alarm in R1g's head should be going off right now.
But she's surprisingly receptive, dangerously receptive.
I remembering making a post long ago about how horrible it is to have good sex with the wrong person and I remember elle agreeing with me and R1g's aggressively disagreeing. I think she's going to know exactly what I meant very soon.
I didn't misuse the word "trauma" when describing a possible outcome of this relationship.
Can we get any more dramatic? You water signs are nuts...
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
crab has to let me breathe but i'm not sure he knows how to. he says he doesn't want me thinking i can control him on the one hand while trying to control me with the other. i don't want a power game...i want a relationship.
But you do like the drama and power game my dear. Who are we kidding, you wouldn't be around for 13 seconds if you thought there was no potential for all this. Heck you wouldn't even find the man interesting if not for all this drama 😉. I am not judging, I like your style scorpy 😉.
Posted by aurora
It's my opinion based on some observation. Lets take this place for instance. The most of the members are from USA. It is very very developed country. Almost every day you can read a thread on every board that starts: I've slept with the guy, he is not calling. And the usual comments are, you slept with the guy too soon. The opposite situation is almost impossible. For me that is a clear sign that we are still far from "we are equal". Those comments are the sign, to be precise, and they usually come from women. Here the sex is usually described as a cake that man eats. Not woman. These are the facts, not something I made up.
There are women who are comfortable with the sex, but I usually see some other kind of a fear. It is so different when you talk to a guy who just started seeing someone. You are usually in the mode I like her and we shall see. Women usually seek for flaws, and then they say we shall see.
I'm not saying I'm 100% right. This is all based on some poor statistics. But my impression is that women are still more scared than men regarding the dating and relationship thing. When it comes to developed and semi developed countries, women have power as much as men do, but I don't see that they are really aware they have it. I don't see they really use it.click to expand
I disagree on all 363 counts. Your analogy is unacceptable, women come here whining because a lot of these women are using sex as a means to gain power and the ploy fails. Who are we conning here? There are very few women who had love as a product of their intimate relationship and came here to talk about it, the only thing I read in all these threads is "I made a move in the power game and I failed". Improve your strategy don't whine about inequality. Oh btw, denying sex won't help you either 😉.
@ IC, not trying to be dramatic, just trying to be sobering.
But to answer your question, fuck yes.
But to answer your question, fuck yes.
Posted by BommyKnocker
@ IC, not trying to be dramatic, just trying to be sobering.
But to answer your question, fuck yes.
But dude, this discussion is imbalanced. You only know what she is telling you about this man and figuring out flags etc. Think about it like this, every incident she mentioned so far is stuff he instigated, how about some stories from your side scorpy..😉. Do you see the pattern? She loves the drama and she is weaving a web around him, he won't be able to move in a few days. She is good 😛.
But all this isn't a dig or havin' a go at scorpy, I like her style 🙂
Posted by Crabmoon
Can we get any more dramatic? You water signs are nuts...
Lol you're one of us silly
Oh almost forgot 😛. In my defence, I only have sun and mercury in water, everything else is air or fire 😛.
Posted by aurora
You are right, some women use sex for gaining power. I can't really say that they are the majority. Because I don't know. But what's behind all power plays? Fear.
I'm just saying that in general women still feel unequal to men, and there is no reason for that. And therefore they let this world to be man's world. Sometimes it's completely obvious like in those threads, especially in comments, sometimes it's not.
I am not claiming that the majority of the women on the planet are like that, I am only saying that the majority of those who come here and post are of that sort.
What's behind all power plays? If there is fear the corollary is also lust for power 😉. Women like to dominate men because they can...A man can only dominate a woman physically whereas a woman can impose absolute mental domination over a man. Therefore with great power comes great responsibility...Women in the developed world in my opinion should step up to the plate and hold their position and stop talking about inequality.
I have lived in the underdeveloped world, even spent time in Africa, I have seen what it means to be powerless as a woman. Hence my irritation when I hear American or European women whine about all this...come on it's a form of passive aggression.
Posted by incandescentcancerPosted by BommyKnocker
@ IC, not trying to be dramatic, just trying to be sobering.
But to answer your question, fuck yes.
But dude, this discussion is imbalanced. You only know what she is telling you about this man and figuring out flags etc. Think about it like this, every incident she mentioned so far is stuff he instigated, how about some stories from your side scorpy..😉. Do you see the pattern? She loves the drama and she is weaving a web around him, he won't be able to move in a few days. She is good 😛.
But all this isn't a dig or havin' a go at scorpy, I like her style 🙂click to expand
I know what you mean, but our role isn't to be fair, equal or balanced, our role is to be supportive. That's what I hope i'm doing, supporting someone using my own perspective, knowledge, skill and experience. I'm not really finding any of this entertaining, in fact, i'm finding it very cringe worthy.
Anyway, scorpy is a scorp. She can take care of herself, with or without us.
+ not really picking a fight with you, IC. Just blabberin'.
Posted by BommyKnocker
I know what you mean, but our role isn't to be fair, equal or balanced, our role is to be supportive. That's what I hope i'm doing, supporting someone using my own perspective, knowledge, skill and experience. I'm not really finding any of this entertaining, in fact, i'm finding it very cringe worthy.
Anyway, scorpy is a scorp. She can take care of herself, with or without us.
+ not really picking a fight with you, IC. Just blabberin'.
I am supportive of the one who isn't here and is therefore voiceless 😉. Libra ascendant and massive Libra stellium, can't help myself 😛.
Why would I think you're picking a fight with me...lol. My threshold for getting offended is way higher than this 😛. Keep it coming mate...
NO ITS FOR ME! IM TAKING IT!
sorry, feeling silly.
sorry, feeling silly.
Posted by incandescentcancerPosted by BommyKnocker
I know what you mean, but our role isn't to be fair, equal or balanced, our role is to be supportive. That's what I hope i'm doing, supporting someone using my own perspective, knowledge, skill and experience. I'm not really finding any of this entertaining, in fact, i'm finding it very cringe worthy.
Anyway, scorpy is a scorp. She can take care of herself, with or without us.
+ not really picking a fight with you, IC. Just blabberin'.
I am supportive of the one who isn't here and is therefore voiceless 😉. Libra ascendant and massive Libra stellium, can't help myself 😛.
Why would I think you're picking a fight with me...lol. My threshold for getting offended is way higher than this 😛. Keep it coming mate...click to expand
glad you're not easily offended. Was't testing you either, just plenty of sensitive people in this board and I have to watch how/what I say quiet often.
Posted by BommyKnocker
glad you're not easily offended. Was't testing you either, just plenty of sensitive people in this board and I have to watch how/what I say quiet often.
hahahaha...that's cool. I am usually quite relaxed and stable, I like your comments. Written any scripts recently?
Posted by Crabmoon
^^^^^ yes I have to agree with you IC, I'm a South American woman living in North America, and I have to say; American woman have no idea how powerful they are comparing to other Countries.
Hear, hear! absolutely right.
Posted by incandescentcancerPosted by BommyKnocker
glad you're not easily offended. Was't testing you either, just plenty of sensitive people in this board and I have to watch how/what I say quiet often.
hahahaha...that's cool. I am usually quite relaxed and stable, I like your comments. Written any scripts recently?click to expand
I think I did. I'm usually incriminately intoxicated when I write, I will probably find it a couple of months from now and surprise myself.
Vut evidence ?
I want to hug you, aurora. You take things way to seriously.
which reminds me, where is jynja's comedy thread ?
and we need a dancing thread, stat!
which reminds me, where is jynja's comedy thread ?
and we need a dancing thread, stat!
wow...it's busy here.
i think all you guys are right to be honest. i have a stack of libra in my chart and it makes me a bit of a sap in many respects. i find it hard to put across my point of view if i know it's different to who's hearing it and i hate upsetting people and so i know i people-please my way through life...usually with the opposite effect, lol. i'll learn one day.
he just called again to see where i was at. i told him i was gonna do some grocery shopping and then i listened to him telling me which store to go to and even suggesting a few items to get. i've lived in spain 10 years...he's only been here 4 and i don't even eat english food like he does cos i'm not actually english despite sounding it.
the way he talks doesn't give me room to speak. i'm seeing him later with a view to have a proper discussion about stuff but he's already in the bar....and yeah, when he gets drunk he's UNBELIEVABLY INSULTING...not to me but to others.
the thing is that i can see us being really good friends cos in a friendship, whether someone is bossy or not you can take or leave but in a relationship, it's not really what you want...or not what i need really cos despite being a successful businesswoman i tend to get into relationships with guys who tell me to jump and i ask 'how high?'.
even my ex-husband is still controlling towards me and i recognise that it's BECAUSE I ALLOW IT....but i just don't seem to have the DNA that tells someone to go fuck themselves or even just to simply state my case.
i know this 'thing' with the crab is 6 of one, half a dozen of the other and i know that i'm evoking this behaviour in him cos of my nature.
as far as the sex ban is concerned...that's for my benefit really cos i get too caught up in it all emotionally and i don't want to be in another relationship where sex is the glue that keeps it all together.
i think all you guys are right to be honest. i have a stack of libra in my chart and it makes me a bit of a sap in many respects. i find it hard to put across my point of view if i know it's different to who's hearing it and i hate upsetting people and so i know i people-please my way through life...usually with the opposite effect, lol. i'll learn one day.
he just called again to see where i was at. i told him i was gonna do some grocery shopping and then i listened to him telling me which store to go to and even suggesting a few items to get. i've lived in spain 10 years...he's only been here 4 and i don't even eat english food like he does cos i'm not actually english despite sounding it.
the way he talks doesn't give me room to speak. i'm seeing him later with a view to have a proper discussion about stuff but he's already in the bar....and yeah, when he gets drunk he's UNBELIEVABLY INSULTING...not to me but to others.
the thing is that i can see us being really good friends cos in a friendship, whether someone is bossy or not you can take or leave but in a relationship, it's not really what you want...or not what i need really cos despite being a successful businesswoman i tend to get into relationships with guys who tell me to jump and i ask 'how high?'.
even my ex-husband is still controlling towards me and i recognise that it's BECAUSE I ALLOW IT....but i just don't seem to have the DNA that tells someone to go fuck themselves or even just to simply state my case.
i know this 'thing' with the crab is 6 of one, half a dozen of the other and i know that i'm evoking this behaviour in him cos of my nature.
as far as the sex ban is concerned...that's for my benefit really cos i get too caught up in it all emotionally and i don't want to be in another relationship where sex is the glue that keeps it all together.
Posted by aurora
I wasn't clear enough, and it's my mistake. I'm talking about what women think about themselves, and about their actions. I still see some fear and those fears have their roots in time when society was different. It's not so obvious, but imo it's still there. I'm not judging, I'm not blaming anyone, I'm not whining. I'm just trying to understand.
Fear is a natural emotion, there is nothing wrong with it, fear keeps us alive and it's in direct correlation with our self preserving instinct. But not all of them are useful. A lust for power is, imo, well dressed fear of lacking control, fear of loosing. The thing for drama is, again imo, craving for attention, love. I just tend to believe that the roots of every behavior are simple and they always have connection with basic, primal, emotions.
But you're defining problems which are not unique to women. Men have all these fears, inadequacies etc as well. However I understand your overall point about women carrying fears from a time long gone.
It's pleasant debating with you on this topic 🙂
Posted by seraph
R1g,
This is turning out to be an interesting experiment. But that's all it's ever going to be: an interesting experiment. With sex as a bonus.
Do yourself a favour and spend time with yourself and your kids and your friends (with whom you DO NOT have such a personal emotional and sexual stake.) Leave the whole man issue on the curb. It isn't all that important, you don't need to put up with anyone else's issues (but your own), and you don't need what is really a massive variable (at this point in your life) that you can't really control, spilling over into everything else and effecting your overall peace of mind.
At this point it doesn't make a difference whether you're fickle or suspicious or whether he's a nagging bucket of needy. Often the very best thing to do is to just walk, and get re-centred in yourself, and work on *accepting yourself*. And then, when you're ready, start enjoying time and space with others who are like-minded.
Additionally, I really don't think Water signs are appropriate for you to begin with. Something to consider for the future.
you've made me feel like a test tube sample 😢
i only have one kid remaining in my care and unfortunately most of my 'real' friends live quite a distance..some not even in the same country. that's kinda putting the crab in the position of being my only 'friend' where i live and he's so damn USEFUL and ready to help. he rescued our dog ffs!! in terms of 'being there' he can't be faulted only perhaps by being there too much.
but you're right. it's me time time...or me and my daughter's 'our' time. i've booked us into a yoga class on tuesday which i think will be great cos we've not done that together for a while now and on my birthday this friday, just me and my daughter will go for a meal together.
on the one hand, i need to pull away from the crab and on the other, i need to regroup with my daughter who isn't comfortable with the whole crab deal and i think its unsettled her. the way i see it is that i'm her mother for the rest of my life whereas men come and go (literally sometimes, lol).
seraph: it is a plan and i just hope i can express myself when i see him tonight without getting brutal cos i have a tendency when being talked over to just shout what i want to say like i've got tourettes or something. i don't think he's a bad man...just probably not the man for me.
it's just this ridiculous inability to say anything that might hurt or offend. i was asked by my swedish neighbour if i wanted to buy a sofa he was replacing. i took a look. it was utterly disgusting. it's being delivered next week, lol. THAT'S what i'm talking about here. i will always compromise what i want so as not to upset someone else. same with my kids...if they're unhappy about something or even if they just WANT something...i will run around like a headless chicken trying to meet those needs.
i kinda remind myself of my cancerian mother in that respect. she STILL waits on my dad hand and foot and puts his happiness before hers.
I MUST BREAK THIS PATTERN!!!
it's just this ridiculous inability to say anything that might hurt or offend. i was asked by my swedish neighbour if i wanted to buy a sofa he was replacing. i took a look. it was utterly disgusting. it's being delivered next week, lol. THAT'S what i'm talking about here. i will always compromise what i want so as not to upset someone else. same with my kids...if they're unhappy about something or even if they just WANT something...i will run around like a headless chicken trying to meet those needs.
i kinda remind myself of my cancerian mother in that respect. she STILL waits on my dad hand and foot and puts his happiness before hers.
I MUST BREAK THIS PATTERN!!!
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
I MUST BREAK THIS PATTERN!!!
Simple, stop seeking drama. I think deep inside it helps you thrive and that's the real pattern to break. You must find satisfaction within yourself..
i don't actively seek drama as such. i think i just attract it. i do sometimes worry that nothing 'normal' ever happens to me, lol but it's not cos i deliberately place myself somewhere where there is a drama about to unfold...more that i seem to naturally gravitate towards it.
so to avoid drama altogether i have to find out what it is in me that 'needs' it to the extent that i get so much of it.
it's more deep rooted cos i'm not a drama queen who actively looks to shake things up just so i can be the centre of things. i just seem to meet normal everyday people and then BAM!!! the drama begins.
*shrugs*
so to avoid drama altogether i have to find out what it is in me that 'needs' it to the extent that i get so much of it.
it's more deep rooted cos i'm not a drama queen who actively looks to shake things up just so i can be the centre of things. i just seem to meet normal everyday people and then BAM!!! the drama begins.
*shrugs*
yeah i get migraines (rarely fortunately) and so i know what you mean....i always feel fabulous when it's shifted!!
to update, i saw the crab tonight and we did indeed have a talk. i won't bore you with it all but basically i told him to ease up tiger and that i wasn't ready for a full-blown relationship just yet. he didn't take it well at first...said i just didn't want to be with him.....but i explained that we have fun hanging out and stuff and we're still getting to know each other and that there simply wasn't a need to define it.
he disagreed and said his interpretation of my 'woman code' was that i just wanted to be fuck buddies. i said i wasn't into that idea at all and that if he listened, i was suggesting that we take time to get to know each other better cos there's potential for something nice but only if we move at a slower pace. he seems to think i move at a snail's pace compared to what he's used to so i told him i am nothing close to what he was used to and if he wants something meaningful as he says, it won't happen overnight.
so his solution to this is that he won't call me any more. he said that he likes me alot (said love first but retracted it) but that from now on, i have to call him if i want to see him. if he's busy, he's busy and if not, great. i don't think he expected me to think that was a great solution but it's actually perfect from my point of view cos it's switched the 'control' back to me....not in a bad sense but just in terms of setting the pace.
oh yeah and i told him that my daughter staying over with me at his was a loooooooooooooong way off.
in general he's pretty understanding about my situation. said he wasn't looking for someone with baggage but shit happens. he's not had any kids but despite that, he's sensitive to the fact that i do and told me he would always respect my relationship with them and knows that sometimes that will mean him being lower on the priority list.
i dunno if it's all bullshit though, lol.....i guess the next few days will tell me that cos i am CRAP at calling people no matter how much i want to. shocking phone phobia.
to update, i saw the crab tonight and we did indeed have a talk. i won't bore you with it all but basically i told him to ease up tiger and that i wasn't ready for a full-blown relationship just yet. he didn't take it well at first...said i just didn't want to be with him.....but i explained that we have fun hanging out and stuff and we're still getting to know each other and that there simply wasn't a need to define it.
he disagreed and said his interpretation of my 'woman code' was that i just wanted to be fuck buddies. i said i wasn't into that idea at all and that if he listened, i was suggesting that we take time to get to know each other better cos there's potential for something nice but only if we move at a slower pace. he seems to think i move at a snail's pace compared to what he's used to so i told him i am nothing close to what he was used to and if he wants something meaningful as he says, it won't happen overnight.
so his solution to this is that he won't call me any more. he said that he likes me alot (said love first but retracted it) but that from now on, i have to call him if i want to see him. if he's busy, he's busy and if not, great. i don't think he expected me to think that was a great solution but it's actually perfect from my point of view cos it's switched the 'control' back to me....not in a bad sense but just in terms of setting the pace.
oh yeah and i told him that my daughter staying over with me at his was a loooooooooooooong way off.
in general he's pretty understanding about my situation. said he wasn't looking for someone with baggage but shit happens. he's not had any kids but despite that, he's sensitive to the fact that i do and told me he would always respect my relationship with them and knows that sometimes that will mean him being lower on the priority list.
i dunno if it's all bullshit though, lol.....i guess the next few days will tell me that cos i am CRAP at calling people no matter how much i want to. shocking phone phobia.
LOL....he told me that he was at a bar last night where 'everyone' was and that alot of them asked him about the new woman he is seeing (cos it's the latest gossip apparently)..he said someone asked if i was 'nice'!?!? he said he told them i was completely grotesque and had a hunchback but that it's not all about looks, lol!! i do like his sense of humour.
Can people stop talking about him as if he's a bad guy, because he isn't.
Glad R1g and crab guy found mutual grounds.
Glad R1g and crab guy found mutual grounds.
yeah...he's not a bad guy at all although not averse to a little manipulation but i don't think it's manipulation with malicious intent. we all tend to do what we can if we think we might lose someone.
It's awesome that you see that.
either way, all the best!
either way, all the best!
Posted by incandescentcancer
Couple of things I have realized from this thread:
- Men adapt to women's behaviour and mood swings a lot better than women do.
- No matter how good a relationship, at the first sign of complication women want to run away.
It's pretty cool to learn this stuff.
+1
That's pretty much all I've learned from this thread too, lol. So much drama and I've already forgotten over what...
^^^^LOL....so have i!!
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what's in the past stays in the past imo and it's a loooooooooong time ago now.
an example of the crab with my daughter: we were in the local supermarket and for some reason, my daughter's chewing gum 'fell' out of her mouth, lol. she was making like she was gonna walk away and leave someone to step on it and so i suggested that she just kick it to the edge where that couldn't happen. i was mid sentence and he was picking it up and putting it back in her hand and telling her to go and find a bin outside. i didn't like him talking to her like that AT ALL...that kinda thing was always an issue with her dad too...don't talk badly to my kids or it makes me angry and you wouldn't like me when i'm angry although i don't turn green and bust out of my clothing.
he talks to me like it too on occasion and i know it's probably just his manner but that's quite a big red flag. well, mahoosive as far as my daughter's concerned. she sooooo wants her brother to hate him although she doesn't say it.