When will Cancer man come out his shell?

I met a cancer man 2 months ago, I am a leo woman, he is in his early 40s and i am at my late 30s.

We got different paces, he is slow and i am fast. as a leo woman, funny things is our birthday only few days different.

I just need to get to know him more and more since we are together, ( we had the talk ) but he is slow and when the issues come out he is retreat into his shell but i tend to deal with the issues and sort it out. He thinks i am bit pushy and i think he is neglected me.

I asked him, if he still wanted to be with me, and he said he likes me but he feel uncomfortable with me due to my issues. ( through text message)

He is stressed due to my issue and his new issue ( he got a thing under his private place, it could just be a skin problem, i saw it. )

He said he needs to sort things out and he needs his shell, so he suggested to be friends but not break up , he wants to take things slow down. I don't understand what he wants from me, i asked him but he didn't say....? I understand his need but for me he is neglected me by not telling me what happened before, now i understand so i am more calm.

I told him, there's nothing i can do to my conditions as i was born with it and he will be safe with me as he saw the doctor and i told him so. but his brain and his emotions just not catch up yet so he feels uncomfortable with me at the moment, and don't want to have physical relationship.
I was embarrassed by myself and wanted to end it up as i feel sad and anxious for his disappearing. it happened before, a man ran away after he committed to me and he broke my heart, due to he can't accept my issue but my ex didn't mind at all, so i was trying to protect myself to ask him to talk out the problems and wanted to end it.

After we met, i pushed to see him at his place, i was thinking to end it. After we met, we had talked a lot and we hugged and kissed. we agreed there are a lot of things are going on at the moment. he is slow and i am fast, so he asked to slow down to be friends. i asked him, so could i seeing others? he said he doesn't want to break up , he want to slow down things.
I just don't understand what he wants from me, so i said everyone makes mistakes, he doesn't need to face my problem if he is uncomfortable, plus, he didn't know my conditions before he committed to me. So i asked him do you still want to be with me ? he nodded his head and cuddle me tight.... i was crying as i didn't expect it at all. he was emotions and dropped tears as well. I said thank you to him. before i left, i told him i love him, he said he does care about me. and i told him, i know he needs some space so i won't contact him until he contacts me.
it has been a week, i don't hear from him and i am worried he might change his mind because i was there and he didn't want to hurt my feeling to say no.
i keep myself busy and it is not the end of the world.
i just want to know if anyone has similar experience to help me

Posted by SensitiveBlues
What is your condition? Do you have a penis and vagina?


And slow down means slow down


Do you have hearing problems?

and I am sure you have a heartless problem . People come here during their lowest period of time. Being nice doesn't mean sugarcoating but showing some compassion and respect with your words. If can't help,just ignore.

Posted by SensitiveBlues
What is your condition? Do you have a penis and vagina?


And slow down means slow down


Do you have hearing problems?

haha!! after read your comment, i sudden feel i am so lucky as i don't have any of those problems. 🙂

Posted by gia

Posted by SensitiveBlues
What is your condition? Do you have a penis and vagina?


And slow down means slow down


Do you have hearing problems?

and I am sure you have a heartless problem . People come here during their lowest period of time. Being nice doesn't mean sugarcoating but showing some compassion and respect with your words. If can't help,just ignore.

click to expand

Thank you for understanding my situation, I am okay with that.
One of the reason i posted my story as i was wishing to hear different comments. Here is a good place to post troubles and to hear the voices from the different people.

i just don't feel comfortable to say it and i don't need to as well. But i can describe, i got the disease through my mum, i got the virus in my blood and could make me sick if i don't have a health life routine, i got higher percentage than normal people to get cancer if i don't look after myself well. But after 80s, the vaccine has provided to babies.... so it can be protect now.

Let him contact you, you do not have to wait on him though. It would be better if he just disappears than pretends and break your heart much later. Be patient, it can only get better since he knows now.

I wouldnt even post any conditions of mine even if i was dying, Leos, so brave 🤗

Posted by Namy
Let him contact you, you do not have to wait on him though. It would be better if he just disappears than pretends and break your heart much later. Be patient, it can only get better since he knows now.

We all need to be brave especially i am oversea by myself.... otherwise nobody will. 🙂

Hope to hear from him soon..... and i have no idea how long will he take? just need to be patient.

I already have the worst situation in my mind...... if a man doesn't keep his word to return or face to his girlfriend then why would i want him.
so i will just focus on my life and be happy. 🙂

Posted by let_it_be036

Posted by Namy
Let him contact you, you do not have to wait on him though. It would be better if he just disappears than pretends and break your heart much later. Be patient, it can only get better since he knows now.

We all need to be brave especially i am oversea by myself.... otherwise nobody will. 🙂

Hope to hear from him soon..... and i have no idea how long will he take? just need to be patient.

I already have the worst situation in my mind...... if a man doesn't keep his word to return or face to his girlfriend then why would i want him.
so i will just focus on my life and be happy. 🙂

click to expand

You've made the best choice - upgrading yourself!! If you work on your personality and he doesn't come back - at leat you haven't wasted time agonising and self-chastising over the person who is not yours 😉

So, basically, you have an incurable std, and didnt' inform him of it, until you got some sort of confirmation from him that he will commit to you.

Now, that he knows about it .. .he wants to back off ... but, you won't let him. Probably because you're just an insecure bitch. Because women who are secure with themselves wouldn't mind a guy to have a need to pull back a little, once drastic news was laid on him.

so, your response to him is to talk to him about you seeing other men ... which translates to: you play mind games when you don't get your way.



Seriously ..... I would think any/all men would run away from you and never give you another time of day, since you tell guys that you would go out with other men, if they don't give you what you want.


So, the obvious conclusion is that you're getting that tricksy/manipulative energy right back at you ... and you can't handle it, so you cry foul

Posted by let_it_be036

I just don't understand what he wants from me, so i said everyone makes mistakes, he doesn't need to face my problem if he is uncomfortable, plus, he didn't know my conditions before he committed to me.

What the hell does the above mean?

You made the implication to him that it is his mistake that you failed to inform him of a serious condition you have before he commited to you?

You understand perfectly well what is going on and what he wants ... because you are able of writing words and forming sentences, which means you understand full what a person means when they say they want to slow down.

So, instead of having any integrity and self accountability ..... you decided to act stupid, and pretend that it's his fault that you're such a coward that you refuse to be honest with the man from the beginning.

This is all your fault, and I refuse to pat you on the back for being this fucked up.


If you want to be treated with respect, then you have to act like you have some decency. Such as: telling the man the truth BEFORE snaring him.

Posted by let_it_be036

We all need to be brave especially i am oversea by myself.... otherwise nobody will.

So, what? .... you're on a desserted island in the middle of the sea? ... in where there is nobody there except you?

So, then who is this "we" you speak of?

You make it sound like people are suppose to feel sorry for you ... when in reality, this whole fuck up is yours for not being honest with the man.

Posted by P-Angel

So, basically, you have an incurable std, and didnt' inform him of it, until you got some sort of confirmation from him that he will commit to you.

Now, that he knows about it .. .he wants to back off ... but, you won't let him. Probably because you're just an insecure bitch. Because women who are secure with themselves wouldn't mind a guy to have a need to pull back a little, once drastic news was laid on him.

so, your response to him is to talk to him about you seeing other men ... which translates to: you play mind games when you don't get your way.



Seriously ..... I would think any/all men would run away from you and never give you another time of day, since you tell guys that you would go out with other men, if they don't give you what you want.


So, the obvious conclusion is that you're getting that tricksy/manipulative energy right back at you ... and you can't handle it, so you cry foul

Didn't read all that. I stopped at incurable std.. because you obviously didn't read, or have comprehension issues. She got whatever it is from her mom.

Posted by ragingfirelove

Posted by P-Angel

So, basically, you have an incurable std, and didnt' inform him of it, until you got some sort of confirmation from him that he will commit to you.

Now, that he knows about it .. .he wants to back off ... but, you won't let him. Probably because you're just an insecure bitch. Because women who are secure with themselves wouldn't mind a guy to have a need to pull back a little, once drastic news was laid on him.

so, your response to him is to talk to him about you seeing other men ... which translates to: you play mind games when you don't get your way.



Seriously ..... I would think any/all men would run away from you and never give you another time of day, since you tell guys that you would go out with other men, if they don't give you what you want.


So, the obvious conclusion is that you're getting that tricksy/manipulative energy right back at you ... and you can't handle it, so you cry foul

Didn't read all that. I stopped at incurable std.. because you obviously didn't read, or have comprehension issues. She got whatever it is from her mom.

click to expand

Which could still be an incurable std, so don't try it. But not like you're implying

Posted by gia

Posted by SensitiveBlues
What is your condition? Do you have a penis and vagina?


And slow down means slow down


Do you have hearing problems?

and I am sure you have a heartless problem . People come here during their lowest period of time. Being nice doesn't mean sugarcoating but showing some compassion and respect with your words. If can't help,just ignore.

click to expand

Don't mind them! Very heartless of their part indeed 😢 I hope your Cancer will reach out to you soon 🙂
Im in a reversed situation! lol all fire on my part and all distance and coldness from his! go figure lol

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by let_it_be036

I just don't understand what he wants from me, so i said everyone makes mistakes, he doesn't need to face my problem if he is uncomfortable, plus, he didn't know my conditions before he committed to me.

What the hell does the above mean?

You made the implication to him that it is his mistake that you failed to inform him of a serious condition you have before he commited to you?

You understand perfectly well what is going on and what he wants ... because you are able of writing words and forming sentences, which means you understand full what a person means when they say they want to slow down.

So, instead of having any integrity and self accountability ..... you decided to act stupid, and pretend that it's his fault that you're such a coward that you refuse to be honest with the man from the beginning.

This is all your fault, and I refuse to pat you on the back for being this fucked up.


If you want to be treated with respect, then you have to act like you have some decency. Such as: telling the man the truth BEFORE snaring him.

click to expand

First of all, thank you for spending time to read and reply thoughts to my story. It is hard to describe the whole story on this site and no one is perfect but I've tried to be fair to myself and be nice to him. Depend on what you have criticised that was reasonable to assume as well. ( for me, it is no reason to tell my privacy to someone i don't even sure he cares for me or not... why would i want to hurt myself again if i had that bad experience already! I am not a perfect person and i won't be as well. everyone has different issue in life and i had tried my best although it could have been done better and i wish i have your confident to face self issue, i am working onto it.)

When i said everyone makes mistakes, it was more like to talk to myself. I also was being coward to confront my condition to him in the beginning but i was honest to him when he asked, I was insisted to use protection before we intimated, he didn't want to use protection and said he is healthy .... so i told him my condition. that was my fault and i feel bad, that was also why i wanted to see him and make sure if he is okay with me. He has never said anything.... and i can feel he act distanced but he was nice to respond to me every time when i messaged him.
Therefore, i thought i would be fair to provide a second chance for him to make up his mind toward to me. I was thinking if we got different personality, maybe we are not that suitable, and i am not sure about it, so i wanted to see him more often and figure out is he the one for me, ( we see each other once a week or few weeks a w

( we see each other once a week or few weeks a week, he got busy life) ... therefore, after our second date, it was just hard to arrange a date but he was texting me everyday. i was confused so i was going to give up and told him that if he doesn't have time for me then we should stop seeing each other or try to make things better. he wanted to make things better with me and came to see me at that night and we had the talk, he wanted to be with me. so we are together. I was so happy that he wanted to be with me but i also worried that my healthy condition so i was trying to work out how to tell him and when ... we didn't see each other often and i didn't want to spoil the good moment with this stressful issue .... i just don't know how and i like him. I was struggling but eventually he knew it ( on 5th times dating) and continuing to contact with me so i thought he accepted it. Until he was acting cold and put out distance and those actions made me upset. I kept guessing what is in his mind ( that wasn't very good so i wanted to end this whole thing or to speak out what bother him or each other, if we are not suitable then we should break up.) So I asked to see him but he didn't want to , but i just wanted to end it. i had enough. I was upset and anxious. i wanted to open to him that he can leave me if he is not comfortable with me. He said he likes me but he feel uncomfortable at the moment. I said we should slow down and he confirmed with me and asked if that is okay for me to be friends. I asked him, so being friends meant that i can see other people? ( I don't want to see other people as i really like him. For me, it was more mean that are you going to see others?? anyway, i thought it would be better to asked the way i had asked. Then he said he doesn't want to break up but to take things slow...... I agree with him but i couldn't get the friend things... so i asked him, let's make things easier... you can have your shell time but i need to know that you need space otherwise all i feel is that you acting cold and ignore me plus i already guessed that i could be the reason you retreat. so i asked him do you still want to be with me and can we face things together and communicate things better. he nodded his head and hug me tight... before i left his place i told him that i will give him space and won't contact him till he is ready. I am insecure and i am trying to find out why i am as well.


Since P-Angel has already spent time to read and reply to my story so i thought i can explain a little more and relationship is hard to work out sometimes, and emotions is hard to dealing. I respect your opinion and appreciate it. I am sad is true and my boyfriend is stressed but i can only make myself happy ( it's not easy at the moment) and give him as much as time he needs. If he come back I am willing to make life better together, if it doesn't at least i tried.

peace out 🙂