Caps, is it nice or obnoxious

When a romantic fling from the past tries to keep in touch?

It's cool as long as I am not building a new relationship. Once that starts, I'll ask you to leave me alone- don't want you fucking up things with the new love.

You would tell them though, right? Or would you just ignore them 85% of the time and hope they got the hint?

Yeah , i would tell them. But if they keep trying I would ignore them. If they still keep trying them, then i block.

Well damn. That makes me even more confused.

My heart (or is it my delusion?) tells me he thinks about me often and cares for me a great deal.

But his actions (or lack thereof) and my ego are telling me differently.

Yes, I know I'm a dumb for being this old and still being this confused/oblivious.

I'm in a similar situation wondering the same about a Taurus.

I reached out to him yesterday out of the blue. He's ignored my last texts, which the last was about two months ago, so I haven't talked to him since and said I wasn't going to contact him again, but I've been thinking about him more than usual lately and just texted last night that I hope he's alright. Still, silence of course. If he's annoyed he hasn't said anything, but like you, I feel he's been thinking about me too. Unfortunately, I don't always put a ton of thought into my actions so the text last night was a spur of the moment thing, but I don't regret it.

Not sure if I'd rather a "leave me alone" text or the silence. It would be a trip if he changed his number smh.

So this is the weird part. If I am thinking about an ex, I'll reach out eventually. But we had to have had a really strong connection for me to still be thinking of her. If I'm not responding or reaching out then its done. No feelings,no thoughts no nothing. I would say 99% of the women I have been with fall in to this category. So the one or two I think of are really damn special to me. I barely remember the rest.

@-elle- I would love to get your perspective on some recent interactions I have had with my ex. Should I send you a pm?

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by daron76
@-elle- I would love to get your perspective on some recent interactions I have had with my ex. Should I send you a pm?

You may have to quote her. I don't get notifications when people tag me, I think it's due to the hyphen.

click to expand

Thanks for tip!

Posted by -elle-
The get over yourself comment is for all the people on the other end of our communication whose hair is on fire because an ex says hello.

@-elle- I would love to get your perspective on some recent interactions I have had with my ex. Should I send you a pm?

Most caps dont mind staying in touch, as long as nothing major went wrong in the relationship

It didn't end terribly or anything like that. We dated briefly; he wasn't ready for anything more at that point.. couldn't give me the communication and consistency that I needed, so he bowed out so I wouldn't get hurt.

I ran into a mutual friend awhile ago that casually mentioned that he (the Cap) "thinks the world of me", but my interactions with the Cap himself have been little to none.

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by Andalusia
It didn't end terribly or anything like that. We dated briefly; he wasn't ready for anything more at that point.. couldn't give me the communication and consistency that I needed, so he bowed out so I wouldn't get hurt.

I ran into a mutual friend awhile ago that casually mentioned that he (the Cap) "thinks the world of me", but my interactions with the Cap himself have been little to none.

So based on your 1st paragraph, if that were me, I would be thinking either

A) You're a nice person and we didn't click (for lack of a better word)

Or

B) I wasn't in a place (mentally, emotionally, financially, or physically) to be in a relationship at that time.

Either way, I would have no problem keeping in touch, as long as you aren't making romantic passes at me (this would make me feel bad and not want to hurt you as previously mentioned so I would shut back down). If you choose to contact him, keep it friendly and leave anything else up to him (as far as if he wants to take the friendship future)

Hope that makes senses

click to expand

He made it sound more like option B when we discussed it. But it could have been option A and he was trying to spare my feelings. Idk.

I keep it friendly when I reach out. No mention of anything romantic or sexual in nature. I dont want to over step boundaries.. I just wasn't sure if reaching out at all would be considered over stepping or not.

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by Andalusia

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by Andalusia
It didn't end terribly or anything like that. We dated briefly; he wasn't ready for anything more at that point.. couldn't give me the communication and consistency that I needed, so he bowed out so I wouldn't get hurt.

I ran into a mutual friend awhile ago that casually mentioned that he (the Cap) "thinks the world of me", but my interactions with the Cap himself have been little to none.

So based on your 1st paragraph, if that were me, I would be thinking either

A) You're a nice person and we didn't click (for lack of a better word)

Or

B) I wasn't in a place (mentally, emotionally, financially, or physically) to be in a relationship at that time.

Either way, I would have no problem keeping in touch, as long as you aren't making romantic passes at me (this would make me feel bad and not want to hurt you as previously mentioned so I would shut back down). If you choose to contact him, keep it friendly and leave anything else up to him (as far as if he wants to take the friendship future)

Hope that makes senses

He made it sound more like option B when we discussed it. But it could have been option A and he was trying to spare my feelings. Idk.

I keep it friendly when I reach out. No mention of anything romantic or sexual in nature. I dont want to over step boundaries.. I just wasn't sure if reaching out at all would be considered over stepping or not.

Has he been receptive/responsive when you contact him?

click to expand

Sometimes yes, most of the time no. I'd say it's about a 10/90 or 15/85 split.

:/

Posted by Andalusia

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by Andalusia

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by Andalusia
It didn't end terribly or anything like that. We dated briefly; he wasn't ready for anything more at that point.. couldn't give me the communication and consistency that I needed, so he bowed out so I wouldn't get hurt.

I ran into a mutual friend awhile ago that casually mentioned that he (the Cap) "thinks the world of me", but my interactions with the Cap himself have been little to none.

So based on your 1st paragraph, if that were me, I would be thinking either

A) You're a nice person and we didn't click (for lack of a better word)

Or

B) I wasn't in a place (mentally, emotionally, financially, or physically) to be in a relationship at that time.

Either way, I would have no problem keeping in touch, as long as you aren't making romantic passes at me (this would make me feel bad and not want to hurt you as previously mentioned so I would shut back down). If you choose to contact him, keep it friendly and leave anything else up to him (as far as if he wants to take the friendship future)

Hope that makes senses

He made it sound more like option B when we discussed it. But it could have been option A and he was trying to spare my feelings. Idk.

I keep it friendly when I reach out. No mention of anything romantic or sexual in nature. I dont want to over step boundaries.. I just wasn't sure if reaching out at all would be considered over stepping or not.

Has he been receptive/responsive when you contact him?

Sometimes yes, most of the time no. I'd say it's about a 10/90 or 15/85 split.

click to expand

Queen Capri is right again (from my perspective as a Cap male). That ratio of response you listed is the key. That would typify my behavior in option A. He likes you, thinks your nice and doesn't want to be a totally mean ass but also doesn't want to get your hopes up. Since there is no nice way to say "never gonna happen" he is being deliberately inconsistent and infrequent in communication in the hopes that you get the hint. He won't come right out and say " no chance" until he feels he has no other option because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings- he believes you're a nice person. Why do I think this is the case?- Cause this would be my plan in this situation.

Posted by Andalusia
It didn't end terribly or anything like that. We dated briefly; he wasn't ready for anything more at that point.. couldn't give me the communication and consistency that I needed, so he bowed out so I wouldn't get hurt.

I ran into a mutual friend awhile ago that casually mentioned that he (the Cap) "thinks the world of me", but my interactions with the Cap himself have been little to none.

just go on with your life and be the best you can be but take that as the compliment it is - he may not be communicative a lot because of the very same reasons you broke off with each other - if he's not ready yet - at least he's not making a mess of your life too ...

stay friends or whatever - we never know what will happen in a few years - you may have both found someone but will still respect each other ... at least you always know there is someone out there that thinks you are "special" ...

Well damn :/

We'd dated before previously but he was very young so nothing much came of it. He resurfaced in my life last year after about a year and a half of no contact.. got a job next to where I was working and would come in all the time to talk to me. We started somewhat seeing each other on and off again last year, until earlier this year when we had the aforementioned conversation about how "he doesnt want to hurt me, but he can't give me what I need right now"..

since then it's been 10/90 radio silence.

Why come back at all just to leave again so soon? I don't understand that 😢

I was fine the first time, but i figured he wouldnt have come back and asked me out again unless he was serious, so I let my guard down. And now that's he's in there, he's in there for good.

Idk.. probably not? But we haven't talked about it so I don't know for sure.

Posted by cheekyfaerie
At the end of the day, for whatever reason, he ended it. He could have chosen to work together with you, but he didn't. That he left your life, only to come back and leave it again, says that he thinks of you as an option. And I don't mean that in a flattering way. He thought you expendable. You deserve more than that.

Yeah, I have to agree with this. Well said.

It depends on how bad the breakup was, how bad the relationship was and how long it lasted, Caps are analytical. These are important factors I consider. Had a Taurus ex of three years I never talked to again after they admitted over a phone WHILE making out with me talking to an infatuation that they didn't care how they got laid. That was the straw that broke the camels back. But it was her flirting with other guys and in the last year together it was more her using me. But another ex - Pisces - one of the best relationships, even had compatible rising signs of Gemini to my Libra, we were like inseparable, but turned out I was more of a means of revenge sex for a troubled marriage as her Leo husband cheated on her right off the bat. That was a tough breakup, cried her eyes out not wanting to move back home but missed her family and my life was where her and the cheating Leo moved to. Remained her friend for years but political differences caused her to unfriend me, haven't talked to her since - that was about a year ago. Another ex - ironically was a Leo, ex before the Pisces. But she cheated on me...in our apartment...while I was sleeping...in the living room! Ignored her for like ten years, hung out after she found me walking - offered a ride, was stubbornly insistent on giving in to her 'missing me' - but ended up making out after a LONG going through the motions kind of period. She apologized perfusely and I even ignored texts for quite some time. But ironically, after a couple of makeout sessions, she went on her merry way! Haven't heard from her since! Still didn't want to be with her, she's a Pisces moon with Libra rising, so emotional, short tempered yet a bit of a charmer. I think maybe it was a guilt thing and she wanted to part on a better note. But currently infatuated with this drop dead gorgeous Scorpio with Cap rising whom already open to living together or at least get together in coming months.

Posted by cheekyfaerie
At the end of the day, for whatever reason, he ended it. He could have chosen to work together with you, but he didn't. That he left your life, only to come back and leave it again, says that he thinks of you as an option. And I don't mean that in a flattering way. He thought you expendable. You deserve more than that.

Well.. damn.

Posted by cheekyfaerie
At the end of the day, for whatever reason, he ended it. He could have chosen to work together with you, but he didn't. That he left your life, only to come back and leave it again, says that he thinks of you as an option. And I don't mean that in a flattering way. He thought you expendable. You deserve more than that.

Well.. damn.

Sometimes yes, most of the time no. I'd say it's about a 10/90 or 15/85 split.

Hmm...my personal opinion is try your best to forget about him and stop contact. I think that is for your best interest because you're a sweetheart and he doesn't sound like he has your best interest at heart.



I agree. I met a Cappy. He's the one pursuing me. The communication is low key as he works, I work, I have a 10 year old son (homework, etc), I work out four days a week, and the Cappy knows this as he doesn't text me, call me, 24/7. I love this about him! He lives an hour and a half from my city and is attending school at night to be a certified a/c technician. As I'm learning from this site, Cappy men, if they are interested, you will know it. He is. If a Cappy man is NOT interested, he will give you "hints". I believe your "Cappy" interest, is not interested in you. Sorry.

PS: Cappy texted me yesterday (he couldn't come over to watch the Dallas Cowboys game at my home because he worked 10 hrs on Sunday and I understood that), "I believe I miss you. Don't give up on me". I texted back and said, "I won't give up on you". After informing me he was too tired to come over let alone drive/ride back home after the "late game" he texted, "I will work something out later". Well, he's off on Mondays/Tuesdays (but attends tech school, of course) and Mondays are MANIC for me. I LOVE that this Cappy man comprehends my hectic work schedule and vice versa.

I'm continuing to have this Cappy man "steal kisses" from me at our last date that I know he's interested and mentioned how "soft my skin is" and how "shiny my hair is". LOL, I might say he said two times, "You have nice feet" 😄 Also, he stated, "When I graduate in May I 'may come back to' (so and so; my city)". Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 😄 #2

🤗 cyber hugs (Winnie the Pooh).

Love,

Eva

Yeah, I know. It just sucks is all.

Wow, your situation is nearly identical to mine. Minding my business and guy returns after a year of silence only to leave again once I let him in.

Gosh, I know it sucks.

I dated a cap. Our breakup wasn't bad. We decided to be friends. It is hard for me because I still have feelings for him so I told him how I felt. He didn't say how he felt. But now we talked more now than ever. I think he is being nice, not obnoxious or selfish. Maybe you should tell him how you feel.

Posted by lnana04
Wow, your situation is nearly identical to mine. Minding my business and guy returns after a year of silence only to leave again once I let him in.

Gosh, I know it sucks.

😢 im sorry you're having to go through that. Judging from your posts on here, you're too intuitive and intelligent to have to put up with dumb dumbs😢

Posted by pinkbird03
I dated a cap. Our breakup wasn't bad. We decided to be friends. It is hard for me because I still have feelings for him so I told him how I felt. He didn't say how he felt. But now we talked more now than ever. I think he is being nice, not obnoxious or selfish. Maybe you should tell him how you feel.

I told him earlier this year, so I'm pretty sure he knows. No point in bringing it up again, especially if he's not responding.

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by Capri-sun
I know it sucks 😢

I am still a female so maybe I'm more responsive in general.

@pinkbird03

Is friends with a cappie after ending things. She might have more (or better) insight.

Being responsive means nothing

The person I was on off for years was always responsive !

Never ignored always responded .would agreed or ask to meet, no sex most of the time. N then he'd reach out.

I wish he would have ignored completely ! It was worse to go along with it.

Till this day not sure why he did it. Either cruel man or confused as heck ! Maybe just ego stroke for him.

Learned best never to respond to make it clear cut

click to expand

Are you still talking to him? If not, how did things finally end?

Posted by Andalusia

Posted by pinkbird03
I dated a cap. Our breakup wasn't bad. We decided to be friends. It is hard for me because I still have feelings for him so I told him how I felt. He didn't say how he felt. But now we talked more now than ever. I think he is being nice, not obnoxious or selfish. Maybe you should tell him how you feel.

I told him earlier this year, so I'm pretty sure he knows. No point in bringing it up again, especially if he's not responding.

click to expand

Well maybe he sincerely wants to be friends with you and not date.

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by Capri-sun
I know it sucks 😢

I am still a female so maybe I'm more responsive in general.

@pinkbird03

Is friends with a cappie after ending things. She might have more (or better) insight.

Being responsive means nothing

The person I was on off for years was always responsive !

Never ignored always responded .would agreed or ask to meet, no sex most of the time. N then he'd reach out.

I wish he would have ignored completely ! It was worse to go along with it.

Till this day not sure why he did it. Either cruel man or confused as heck ! Maybe just ego stroke for him.

Learned best never to respond to make it clear cut

I agree with you. That's why I'm asking her questions because people view things differently.

click to expand

Being responsive means something. Just not always what we want it to mean. I.e they like us. What else can responsive mean?

Ruhroh. I don't want to come across like that

I hate how emotional I can be. If anyone has some good grounding/shielding techniques, feel free to throw them my way.

Posted by cheekyfaerie

Posted by littleboxwitharedbow

Posted by cheekyfaerie

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by littleboxwitharedbow

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by pinkbird03

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by Capri-sun
I know it sucks 😢

I am still a female so maybe I'm more responsive in general.

@pinkbird03

Is friends with a cappie after ending things. She might have more (or better) insight.

Being responsive means nothing

The person I was on off for years was always responsive !

Never ignored always responded .would agreed or ask to meet, no sex most of the time. N then he'd reach out.

I wish he would have ignored completely ! It was worse to go along with it.

Till this day not sure why he did it. Either cruel man or confused as heck ! Maybe just ego stroke for him.

Learned best never to respond to make it clear cut

I agree with you. That's why I'm asking her questions because people view things differently.

Being responsive means something. Just not always what we want it to mean. I.e they like us. What else can responsive mean?

Responsiveness means you're a nice person. I was agree with Impulsv that ignoring is best sometimes to prevent mixed signals, stringing a person along.

Be a person that is responsive or to not respond to someone does not mean they are a nice person.

Ignoring just means your head could just be messed up in bad ways because you can not deal with the problems you personally have in your own life.

Someone that ignores has a lot of irresponsibility with in their ownself. They cant not and can never own up to their own pit falls of life. So reality is they will look back and say, wow that KitKat was good, what do I do now?

trick or treat? i would always treat.

No I was answering from a standpoint of if I'm reaponsive, yet not pursuing means you are a nice person and I don't want to hurt you or I enjoy your company, conversation, or something about you, without seeing anything more developing.

Ignoring means I've told you more than once that I'm ot interested and you're still trying and not getting the message or you approached me wrong from the beginning and I feel I owe you no explanation.

The difference between Responsiveness and ignoring being the person on the receiving end is a nice person in general

I'm friendly with every ex that didn't completely screw me over. Even if they didn't end great, but I knew it ended for the best and they're not bad people. The thing is, we're *just* friendly. Good acquaintances. We wouldn't still be in contact if there were romantic feelings on either side.

If someone repeatedly tried to hint at more than I was willing to give, I'd distance myself. I'd try to politely or humorously convey my disinterest. Depending on how they took that, I'd either keep them at arm's reach or cut them off completely.

If someone kept it up, I'd find them desperate or needy. I might feel bad for them at first, but I'd ultimately become annoyed and lash out or ghost.

So are you saying that you actually tell the person your not interested no more instead of being a bad girl?

That's what breaking up is.

click to expand

I have the complete opposite situation. We are friends and we talk almost every day now. He knows how I feel about him and he's okay with it. Of course he didn't say how he felt. I didn't ask him either. So I don't know what to make out of it. I'm just going with the flow no expectations.

Posted by Andalusia
I hate how emotional I can be. If anyone has some good grounding/shielding techniques, feel free to throw them my way.

I am also very emotional and it's hard. Distract yourself with a hobby, friends, tv, a new guy, etc.

Posted by cheekyfaerie

Posted by pinkbird03

Posted by cheekyfaerie

Posted by littleboxwitharedbow

Posted by cheekyfaerie

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by littleboxwitharedbow

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by pinkbird03

Posted by Capri-sun

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by Capri-sun
I know it sucks 😢

I am still a female so maybe I'm more responsive in general.

@pinkbird03

Is friends with a cappie after ending things. She might have more (or better) insight.

Being responsive means nothing

The person I was on off for years was always responsive !

Never ignored always responded .would agreed or ask to meet, no sex most of the time. N then he'd reach out.

I wish he would have ignored completely ! It was worse to go along with it.

Till this day not sure why he did it. Either cruel man or confused as heck ! Maybe just ego stroke for him.

Learned best never to respond to make it clear cut

I agree with you. That's why I'm asking her questions because people view things differently.

Being responsive means something. Just not always what we want it to mean. I.e they like us. What else can responsive mean?

Responsiveness means you're a nice person. I was agree with Impulsv that ignoring is best sometimes to prevent mixed signals, stringing a person along.

Be a person that is responsive or to not respond to someone does not mean they are a nice person.

Ignoring just means your head could just be messed up in bad ways because you can not deal with the problems you personally have in your own life.

Someone that ignores has a lot of irresponsibility with in their ownself. They cant not and can never own up to their own pit falls of life. So reality is they will look back and say, wow that KitKat was good, what do I do now?

trick or treat? i would always treat.

No I was answering from a standpoint of if I'm reaponsive, yet not pursuing means you are a nice person and I don't want to hurt you or I enjoy your company, conversation, or something about you, without seeing anything more developing.

Ignoring means I've told you more than once that I'm ot interested and you're still trying and not getting the message or you approached me wrong from the beginning and I feel I owe you no explanation.

The difference between Responsiveness and ignoring being the person on the receiving end is a nice person in general

I'm friendly with every ex that didn't completely screw me over. Even if they didn't end great, but I knew it ended for the best and they're not bad people. The thing is, we're *just* friendly. Good acquaintances. We wouldn't still be in contact if there were romantic feelings on either side.

If someone repeatedly tried to hint at more than I was willing to give, I'd distance myself. I'd try to politely or humorously convey my disinterest. Depending on how they took that, I'd either keep them at arm's reach or cut them off completely.

If someone kept it up, I'd find them desperate or needy. I might feel bad for them at first, but I'd ultimately become annoyed and lash out or ghost.

So are you saying that you actually tell the person your not interested no more instead of being a bad girl?

That's what breaking up is.

I have the complete opposite situation. We are friends and we talk almost every day now. He knows how I feel about him and he's okay with it. Of course he didn't say how he felt. I didn't ask him either. So I don't know what to make out of it. I'm just going with the flow no expectations.

Sorry. I can't keep everybody straight. Are you the one that broke up with her Cap because she wasn't sure where she stood with him, but since realized he cared for her a great deal? Cause if that's you, that's totally different.

click to expand

Yes, but I don't know how much he cares. I originally thought this post was about actually being friends with a cap guy, but it wasn't really. I don't think I'm much help!