How the fuck am i gonna make this work?

I have a baby with a Cap. I'm a Libra. I'm still very much inlove with him but he betrayed my trust . 9-months later he's back and wants to be in the child's life. I had accepted that it was done for good and that he was out and I had healed and was trying to move on and see other guys. I thought I was over him but clearly I'm not, now I have to take 100 steps back and deal with him. He was the first man I ever truly loved. I still want him so I don't know how on earth I'm gonna do this!!! Just venting... any advice is welcome.

Make him work for it.

Sorry is nice and all but doesn’t do much to build trust.

What do you mean by 'he wants to be in the child's life?'

Does it mean he wants to stay together, share a place with you? or does it mean he just wants to come and visit the child once in a while?

Whatever you do, do not let him fully come into your life. Explain to him you've been heartbroken (be open about it); and tell him you are only ready to take it one step at a time and he cannot just come be with you like nothing ever happened.

Posted by Gobby

Posted by ubuntu888

I had accepted that it was done for good and that he was out and I had healed and was trying to move on and see other guys.

Seeing other guys is the last thing you should be concerned about...

jfc

click to expand

Shut the fuck up!

Posted by ubuntu888

I have a baby with a Cap. I'm a Libra. I'm still very much inlove with him but he betrayed my trust . 9-months later he's back and wants to be in the child's life. I had accepted that it was done for good and that he was out and I had healed and was trying to move on and see other guys. I thought I was over him but clearly I'm not, now I have to take 100 steps back and deal with him. He was the first man I ever truly loved. I still want him so I don't know how on earth I'm gonna do this!!! Just venting... any advice is welcome.

just keep it about the baby until you figure it out

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by ubuntu888

Posted by Gobby

Posted by ubuntu888

I had accepted that it was done for good and that he was out and I had healed and was trying to move on and see other guys.

Seeing other guys is the last thing you should be concerned about...

jfc

Shut the fuck up!

What a wonderful mother figure you are. jfc..

My first thought was the same as his..

click to expand

So because I'm a mother I should sit back and not have a life of my own? I definitely take very good care of my own and my baby definitely comes first but that doesn't mean I can't date just because I have a baby... which world are you two living in? That is actually very sexist !!!

Posted by MissKrabs

it's good for your kid to have 2 parents if possible. but i wouldn't let it just like that, call a lawyer and include social workers as well - not really their fan but both can make you more rational, to make some rules that would both follow. as for the feelings, put that aside for now.

Thanks

Posted by MissKrabs

it's good for your kid to have 2 parents if possible. but i wouldn't let it just like that, call a lawyer and include social workers as well - not really their fan but both can make you more rational, to make some rules that would both follow. as for the feelings, put that aside for now.

Thanks for your logical advice

Posted by c0mrade

What do you mean by 'he wants to be in the child's life?'

Does it mean he wants to stay together, share a place with you? or does it mean he just wants to come and visit the child once in a while?

Whatever you do, do not let him fully come into your life. Explain to him you've been heartbroken (be open about it); and tell him you are only ready to take it one step at a time and he cannot just come be with you like nothing ever happened.

How do Caps take it when you open up and share your emotions and vulnerabilities with them? I'm scared of doing that

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by ubuntu888

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by ubuntu888

Posted by Gobby

Posted by ubuntu888

I had accepted that it was done for good and that he was out and I had healed and was trying to move on and see other guys.

Seeing other guys is the last thing you should be concerned about...

jfc

Shut the fuck up!

What a wonderful mother figure you are. jfc..

My first thought was the same as his..

So because I'm a mother I should sit back and not have a life of my own? I definitely take very good care of my own and my baby definitely comes first but that doesn't mean I can't date just because I have a baby... which world are you two living in? That is actually very sexist !!!

Not sexist at all.. I'd think the same of a single man trying to raise a child, that his focus should be on raising a decent human being instead of bringing home random dates. But whatever floats your boat.. Just realise that everything you do now reflects on how your child blossoms into an adult.. So keeping a shitty man that you don't trust around isn't likely the best idea either..

click to expand

Who said I bring them around my kid? Get your facts straight before you jump into unwarranted conclusions! So you're saying I should keep a kid away from her own father? Really?! Just because I have issues with him doesn't mean I should impose that on my daughter. They can still have a good relationship regardless of what shitty boyfriend he was to me... I am not so selfish and self-centered to do such a thing.

Posted by Gobby

Posted by ubuntu888

Posted by c0mrade

What do you mean by 'he wants to be in the child's life?'

Does it mean he wants to stay together, share a place with you? or does it mean he just wants to come and visit the child once in a while?

Whatever you do, do not let him fully come into your life. Explain to him you've been heartbroken (be open about it); and tell him you are only ready to take it one step at a time and he cannot just come be with you like nothing ever happened.

How do Caps take it when you open up and share your emotions and vulnerabilities with them? I'm scared of doing that

Like admitting that you didn't 'accidentally' get pregnant?

click to expand

He already knows that sweetheart!

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by ubuntu888

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by ubuntu888

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by ubuntu888

Posted by Gobby

Posted by ubuntu888

I had accepted that it was done for good and that he was out and I had healed and was trying to move on and see other guys.

Seeing other guys is the last thing you should be concerned about...

jfc

Shut the fuck up!

What a wonderful mother figure you are. jfc..

My first thought was the same as his..

So because I'm a mother I should sit back and not have a life of my own? I definitely take very good care of my own and my baby definitely comes first but that doesn't mean I can't date just because I have a baby... which world are you two living in? That is actually very sexist !!!

Not sexist at all.. I'd think the same of a single man trying to raise a child, that his focus should be on raising a decent human being instead of bringing home random dates. But whatever floats your boat.. Just realise that everything you do now reflects on how your child blossoms into an adult.. So keeping a shitty man that you don't trust around isn't likely the best idea either..

Who said I bring them around my kid? Get your facts straight before you jump into unwarranted conclusions! So you're saying I should keep a kid away from her own father? Really?! Just because I have issues with him doesn't mean I should impose that on my daughter. They can still have a good relationship regardless of what shitty boyfriend he was to me... I am not so selfish and self-centered to do such a thing.

Talk about unwarranted conclusions.. Never said your child shouldn't be able to see it's father.. I said you shouldn't be with someone that you don't trust because you are considering it and asking us what to do. A relationship without trust leads to dramatic arguments that a child doesn't need to be exposed to.. But if you wanna play it like I said your child should be kept from it's father, go right ahead, don't care.

click to expand

K

Posted by ScorpioTruth

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by ubuntu888

Posted by Gobby

Posted by ubuntu888

I had accepted that it was done for good and that he was out and I had healed and was trying to move on and see other guys.

Seeing other guys is the last thing you should be concerned about...

jfc

Shut the fuck up!

What a wonderful mother figure you are. jfc..

My first thought was the same as his..

Oh stop with the mom shaming. The fact that she cursed at a grown man on dxp hardly makes her a bad mom. The fact that she is a woman who had her heart broken and is seeking comfort in other men hardly makes her a bad mom. Before becoming a mother she is a woman first, and she’s certainly not the first woman to try to distract herself with other men.

While I agree that seeking comfort in the arms of other men is NOT the answer, I don’t think your desperate attempt to hurt or insult her is warranted.

click to expand

Is @Gobby a man or a woman? I'm confused.. Not that it matters anyway. If you're old enough to be my father then I sincerely apologize for cursing @you... I was taught to respect my elders. But I do feel that you should have rather kept your mouth shut than coming from a place of judgement and that holier than thou mentality.

I dont understand what him being in the childs life has to do with getting back with you?

Why would you take someone back who left their child in first place lol

Ur priorities are a $ $ backwards

Goodluck

Posted by ubuntu888

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by ubuntu888

Posted by Gobby

Posted by ubuntu888

I had accepted that it was done for good and that he was out and I had healed and was trying to move on and see other guys.

Seeing other guys is the last thing you should be concerned about...

jfc

Shut the fuck up!

What a wonderful mother figure you are. jfc..

My first thought was the same as his..

So because I'm a mother I should sit back and not have a life of my own? I definitely take very good care of my own and my baby definitely comes first but that doesn't mean I can't date just because I have a baby... which world are you two living in? That is actually very sexist !!!

click to expand

No it‘s not

Buy a vibrator and keep drama out of your life and your babys life as long as possible. You don‘t want to cause emotional issues for your kid as it grows up and has to deal with „mommy‘s ever changing boyfriends“

Give them another chance . Be cautious, but give it a go.