Mature Cap Commitmentphobe (Page 5)

Posted by ellessque

@ oxlostxo, I have nothing against aries....LOL (*hugs*)

Hehe elle I know =) *hugs elle back*

Posted by M
lol @ REALLY potent

I've never tried mixing teas. I will have to try your vice.
Which one becomes the "edge" in the mix...I'm hoping the ginger?

M~ Ginger tea is my base for all mixes. I'm really in love with ginger tea. I have a crush on ginger in general. LOL *goosebumps*

I have to say I agree with Kay 100% that Elle should cut the connection with this man if she seriously wants a chance at developing a healthy relationship with someone who is available to be with her in a loving available reciprocal relationship yet I also feel that she has matured from this process, she's slowly evolving away from him whether she actually sees that or not right now. She prefers what she has with him, we may call it settling but to her it's enough for her right now, I believe that we should accept that fact and allow her space to grow from this experience.

When you have 2 people who have opposing wants (1 person is available the other person is not) there is no room to thrive and grow and connect and truly love, inevitably she ends up with a man that is selfish and will push for his needs only beyond the boundaries b/c it's more about power, having control over the other person so he can feel secure. Elle is dealing with a fearful insecure man that she happens to love. To her benefit she's learning to set boundaries that protect her from his need to control.

I definitely understand were Kay is coming from and everything she's communicated has been absolutely correct yet every woman has her own choices to make regarding how she wants to live her life with or without a man. I feel one day Elle will discover that he's holding her back just like he's holding himself back from experiencing LIFE she will break away from this guy out of self preservation. Most people can't live, thrive, grow in such a limited capacity such as this man has chosen to do but she has to see how she's fundamentally pushing potential love away from her just as he has done by actively associating herself with him but until then she's going to do what she wants to do.

Elle has made a conscious decision to be in his life, it's just taking her a little longer to get to a place were she can let him go, it's hard to accept that someone chooses to be alone like her Cap has done, IMO she actually has come to terms with the limitations on her relationship, full acceptance has been a process for her, there is something she has to learn about herself through this man and she's not going to let go until she's understood what that is exactly.

Available women that desire/want real relationships don't waste time on unavailable men because there is no way to thrive, grow, emotionally connect on a deep level nor move forward with someone that places limits on how much he's going to be available....Very frustrating man to deal with because he's never going to shift away from his choice to live alone. There may be a woman out there that will move him emotionally so much so that he will drop his commitment fears but it's not Elle.

I agree with TG yet I think were asking too much of Elle..

She has a past history of limiting herself with love via her past marriages and I'm sure she's played this out with other men as well before Cap showed up. Self esteem plays a huge part in this situation. If this is the best she feel she can do for herself right now then we should accept that and continue to encourage Elle to make a higher choice for herself. She herself has a history of limiting herself with love and that's no different than what she's doing with the man she's with now, she's comfortable with it.

It comes down to bad relationship patterns...

Elle has trained herself to be somewhat co-dependent by identifying herself through someone else, I think were she fails in this situation with her current beau is that she can't see she's still playing that co-dependency out with him...How? She has wants and she know that her wants will never be fulfilled by him yet she stays and that's a sign of a co-dependent behavior on her part.

IMO there is also a feeling of abandonment, shame and/or guilt for walking away from someone that can't provide the basics in a relationship. I see a pattern of selflessness that typically comes through from a co-dependent attitude/relationship pattern that's being played out with Elle, it's almost a certain type of martyrdom that's masked as acceptance.

When a person lacks confidence she forces herself to accept and it kills her self esteem, when a womans self esteem is damaged she feels love is limited for her because she lacks self love, love isn't really real for her nor meant for her and thus she sets herself up on a journey to continue to experience limitations in her relationships with men, it's a relationship habit that has to be broken and that's why it's so hard for her to get were many of us are coming from, she hear us but it's not effecting her in a way that will elicit immediate change.

Elle you deserve the kind of love you desire, the kind of of love you desire is real and it's possible....It is attainable, it's out there and you just have to be willing to be available to allow it in when it shows up and vulnerable enough to allow yourself to experience it without limitations.

And yet you are with a man that doesn't believe in love and you being with him is affirming that you don't believe in love either....You actually do fit a few of the descriptions of being co-dependent IMO, people who don't believe that they can have real love, they can have the love they desire is distrustful, I have also experienced you avoiding your real feelings off and on, one minute your okay the next your totally annoyed and frustrated with your situation with this man, people who are unavailable and maintain a relationship with an unavailable man have intimacy problems and via your own words you yourself said that you don't believe the kind of love you desire is possible, I'm not here to pick you apart but on some level you have this distorted concept of yourself. I don't want to judge b/c I have a few planks in my own eyes, I don't want to appear disrespectful, it's my opinion, you can take it or leave it.

Women with low self esteem typically stay with unavailable men, gravitate towards unavailable men and attempt to either fix him or fix herself to cope, adjust and maintain a connection with an unavailable man. Yes I feel that you have found some inner peace regarding your situation but because you tried to change him you inevitably ended up realizing that no matter how you bend he wasn't going to be forced to bend with you so you had no wiggle room to bend anymore so what happens is a woman will adjust, she will adjust herself to the current situation by forcing herself to accept his unavailable nature.

As long as you associate yourself with men that don't believe in love you too will be effected by association, you accepting his inability to love is reaffirming to him that how he feels is okay and it's true and through the affirmation he won't ever change his views and the more you remain around him the more you are saying to him your right, love is impossible and your self esteem will decline and you will carry the same fears and doubts about love that he carries around, that's also a part of co-dependent behavior.

Posted by ellessque

Posted by tiki33
Elle you deserve the kind of love you desire, the kind of of love you desire is real and it's possible....It is attainable, it's out there and you just have to be willing to be available to allow it in when it shows up and vulnerable enough to allow yourself to experience it without limitations.

but my definition of love and yours may vary.

i believed in the stupid fairy tale crap. I could have came in here 4 years ago and talked up how wonderful my husband was. He spoke it, breathed it, acted on it, gave me the world.....until it mattered the most.

You know, that ONE pivitol point in a relationship that makes or breaks everything?

...and it wasn't your normal marriage bullshit with infedelity or finances. It was much more serious than either of those.

Yeah, so to think that there is a "fairy tale perfect" love out there is selling all of us short and I would forever be chasing a ghost.

It's about getting your hands dirty, doing you, taking care of yourself....so when that important moment comes, you are ready to deal with it head on. Both of you, not just one person.

The reason I say that doesn't exist is because I don't believe ANYONE can go the distance I can go. period. That may sound arrogant and self-centered. But I truly believe that. So, in the interim I will have to lower my expectations a bit to even allow someone to become close to me so I can determine if they are worthy.

click to expand

No your not arrogant, your just a little lost like your Cap and that's why your with him....You both have the same limited view about love so you both cling to one another and settle. There is a man that can love you as equally as you love him but you for whatever reason are determined not to see that happen, determined to believe it's not possible, you set the standard so high that you know you will have to look down to find love and that's really sad IMO. There is no la la land fairy tale but there is a man that will give back to you but I don't believe you would want that kind of man or recognize him if he showed up, your too busy hugging yourself and loving men that don't want nor need nor desire nor require your love and maybe that's exactly how you want it to be...sure seems that way.

"He is not holding me back as much as I'm holding myself back."

Fear and lack of confidence plays a huge part in that. Take a chance

"I just choose to love him and accept him for who he is. There is such a love, you know."

I know there is....

"He has no hold on me."

If he doesn't have a hold on you...Prove it to yourself, shift past your fears and put up that picture and go out on a date, several dates for that matter...Get on with your life

Posted by ellessque
apparantly I've got some baggage to clean out. 🙂

We all do (:

Posted by TG
I can tell you what it is.. you need to learn to let go and take a chance on love, just like k-starks said. You deserve better. A man will keep you hanging, like a pig, he??ll keep you in his basement, torture you, and com in every now and then to give you some food and water, and your little piggy face will light up every time he comes. Then one day by accident, you??ll discover a little window in the basement and your curiosity will make your littly piggy body swag over there to take a look and what do you see? He's cuddling with another piggy who is completely free !! And that's when you??ll know, it's time to cut yourself of the rope and jump out the window even if what awaits you is death.

happened right here to this piggy.


and as Kay wrote that you will need to LEAVE and if he is true capricorn, that MOTHA will find you. Well I LEFT! That MOTHA continues calling me. What does that proof though? How does one know he is there for good?

Diamond explained her brother wanting the Cancer woman. He doesn't even know she is dating someone else, which means.... HE IS NOT IN CONTACT WITH HER!

I'm confused.

Posted by ellessque
"I don't believe you would want that kind of man"

If Mr. Perfect showed up at my door right this second, I would destroy him. Or try my hardest to, just to prove that he would run away. No lie.

LOL... I tend to do the same.

Capricorns are extremely intuitive whether we realize it or not. He knows the fear in you is there, but even beyond that he probably feel that you are using him, and not in a bad way, but to rise from your past and current situations stronger than before. He knows that once that happen you won't even look at him in the same light you have, and that's probably the hesitation..

Really, he probably doesn't know this or has been able to verbalize the hesitation, but deep deep down in his core its what he feels. He probably don't know it yet.

When you read jenny mccartney talk about jim carey and their breakup she described him as her teacher.

It always feel safe to express love to someone that will never love back nor express love back, it's a safety net of some sort for the women who don't believe in love, believe she deserves love, know how to get the love she wants thus she ties herself up with a man that reflects that back to her and it's a good way to remain emotionally lazy, emotionally stuck, stagnant and stalled, the real living and growth comes when you can be vulnerable and exposed to someone that can actually reciprocate and until you can do that you will continue to draw in men with emotional limitations, emotional baggage.

There is no Mr.Perfect IMO, but there is a man that will match a woman emotionally, not every man is emotionally crippled but as it stands your not open to anyone that's available because you didn't use good judgement when you picked this guy and now your tied up emotionally with an unavailable man that will never meet your emotional needs and you can only exist in that kind of space for so long before you stunt your own emotional growth, it's hard to cut that connection and start over again with someone that is willing to be equally as vulnerable as your willing to be but it's necessary, you just need to meet a man that can out match Caps thunder to release that hold he has over you.

Women are meeting good men every day, I have helped a few, I was given good news that one of the women I helped is on her way down the isle so I know there are men out there that want love just as much as we women want it, these men are out there, it's just a willingness to change, change in attitude, change your life.

Elle I know this is a process for you, I'm not pushing you to do something drastic...I just hope you take what we give and bit by bit incorporate it in your life as you continue to develop a new attitude

hid prior post...too many typo's

And please do yourself a huge favor....Whatever pedestal you got him on, kick him off.

Posted by ellessque
The trine of composite Jupiter and Ascendant is an excellent aspect for any kind of relationship.

With this aspect in your composite chart, the two of you recognize that the petty irritations and upsets that exist in any relationship are not important enough to warrant upsetting what is otherwise a very good situation. You are positive about each other and about being together, and each of you tries to make the other feel better about himself or herself.

You are concerned with each other's growth, and as a consequence the relationship is characterized by growth. No matter what happens between you in the long run, you will recognize that this has been a good experience for both of you.

New experiences and opportunities will be opened up by your being together. This aspect can also manifest itself on the material level, in that the positive energies it signifies will attract good things, both material and spiritual, as you need them.

ok, I'm done. but you get the jist.

Elle~ If you just discovered this now after all the time you and Cap have spent negotiating your involvement with one another, I imagine your head is spinning a little right now. Maybe not. Either way, I can see that you've given much thought to the role Cap plays and can play in you present and future. There's nothing wrong with not being certain all the time. That's life. Like the stock market, we all experience our various peaks and valleys. Do what makes sense to you...and know that there will always be varying degrees of wisdom on this board to be your e-psychiatrist. I say that just as much to me as to you. 🙂

Posted by ellessque
actually we are both squeezing our behinds on the same pedestal. If I get too uncomfortable, I'll be sure to shove him off 😛

LOL Okay, fair enough (:

Posted by ellessque
actually we are both squeezing our behinds on the same pedestal. If I get too uncomfortable, I'll be sure to shove him off 😛

Cute!!

Posted by amethyst2002
Sometimes, I think people take astrology a bit too far on these boards.

Bullshit is bullshit, regardless of what sign. To allow oneself to put up with so much shit and to keep coming back to it says a lot about you, really. Everyone's been guilty of putting up with more than they should, especially when emotions are involved, but seriously? I think some people's bullshit tolerance meters are permanently broken. There's understanding and tolerance, and then there's just downright doormat status, which I see far too often on these boards. Some of you silly bitches aren't being understanding or tolerant, you're just disrespecting yourself and that's sad.

Damn Ameth tell us how you really feel LOL

So I just noticed that Purple hid every comment after the remark about her/him claiming Aries Female. To funny... *slaps a knee*

Amethyst, to be honest, you seemed to put up more than your fair share with your Cap. You should probably make sure the memories of your story is gone before calling out others. Just because you've "moved on" doesn't mean you are over him, clearly.

What I admire about some signs, mostly mutable, is that they will put up with waaayyy too much, but when they are done then there is no drop of emotion left for that person, and they don't become bitter about it.

Posted by lnana04
What I admire about some signs, mostly mutable, is that they will put up with waaayyy too much, but when they are done then there is no drop of emotion left for that person, and they don't become bitter about it.

So true...

Posted by PurpleDiamond

Posted by Museigal
So I just noticed that Purple hid every comment after the remark about her/him claiming Aries Female. To funny... *slaps a knee*

Because this thread isn't about me, carry on...

click to expand

Have a glass of wine! No need to get touchy - just an observation. 😛

Posted by amethyst2002

Posted by lnana04
Amethyst, to be honest, you seemed to put up more than your fair share with your Cap. You should probably make sure the memories of your story is gone before calling out others. Just because you've "moved on" doesn't mean you are over him, clearly.

What I admire about some signs, mostly mutable, is that they will put up with waaayyy too much, but when they are done then there is no drop of emotion left for that person, and they don't become bitter about it.

...WHY do I have to keep doing this?

Posted by amethyst2002
Everyone's been guilty of putting up with more than they should, especially when emotions are involved

Do I need to start using smaller words to clarify myself or what?

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But you are insulting people calling them silly and saying what they need to do and need to have when you are barely off the boat yourself.

I feel Elle is doing the best she can right now, we all got a few planks dangling from our own eyes so it's best to not judge...I been in Elle's shoes, I know how difficult it can be on an emotional level, I remember when I first came to DXP leokitten called me a doormat LOL OMG I was denying it to no end because I sincerely thought I was doing what was right for me at the time, she was right though, I was being a doormat, accepting shitty half ass behavior and calling it love, my self esteem was horrible at the time but I wasn't going to admit that to her but as I matured, got real deep and honest with myself and got some help I kicked that assclown to the curb, a few more phobes crossed my path after him but inevitably I was able to kick my unavailable man habit and allowed myself to experience being loved by a man and it's been good ever since.

Posted by amethyst2002
What the hell with all the confusion and misinterpretation lately on the Cap boards? Fucking driving me nuts, people. Gawd.

Posted by lnana04
But you are insulting people calling them silly and saying what they need to do and need to have when you are barely off the boat yourself.

You see that video I posted there? Did you watch it? THAT is the context of the term, "silly bitch." That's kinda why I posted it (aside from the fact that it rocks).

Also, based on your logic, if ANYONE who's, "barely off the boat," isn't allowed to give advice, half this forum would be dead 24/7.

Who the hell are you to tell me I have no place giving such advice when I've actually followed through with it? When it's something I've always believed in? Sweetheart, you know NOTHING about me. Just because you've read a few of my posts about some shit that went down in my life, you have NO idea what's going through my head and if I have or haven't followed my own advice.

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You can give advice. Now one is telling you not to, but I think it's silly to insult a person or their situation if you are hardly above it. Also, it seems your situation has made you a bit bitter, which is why I go at you. Anytime you post something here, it's always that a woman should have self esteem, and why are putting up with this or that, and blah blah blah blah blahhhh. That's good advice, but I think you show a little bias because they are dealing with Capricorn men, when your dealings with them seem to go sour. Either way, whether you've followed your own advice or not, I still personally think you have some things you need to deal with to really move on and not be hurt in any way about your previous situation with your Cap. Since you still have things to deal with yourself, imo, I think if anything you should be more understanding of everyones situation.

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
elle, arent you gonna ask her what her Lilth is? *rolls eyes*

😛

LOL! yeah, she gets a boner at certain aspects

Posted by CappyyLuv30

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom

CL in police outfit scared the hell out of me, so be careful capguy 😄

Stop stalking my facebook LOL 😛

My friends like me when I'm drunk. I have an alter ego and she's similar to our resident rockstar K. 😉

I get tourettes and my friends scream, "Bartender, beer this woman at once!"

LOL fun times. Smh. Been a while too since "she's" come out to play. I won't say her name hahaha

click to expand

(random click on page and post)

Cappy women turn a bit slutty when drunk don't they?

Posted by ellessque
get so bored that you couldn't make it off the second page? 😛

omg yeah how did you know?

fuck me how do you guys do it— Dear god i tried lord i really did but i just couldn't every chunky ass post on every page it's just too painful. I admire your stamina ellessque i really do but doesn't your eyes, body, back and ass hurt after reading and typing so much relationship stuff? And to no effect? AMAZING!

i mean jesus i don't mean to harp on but it's just page after page of just pure shit that i could not give two shits about.

i might be just really shallow but the best thing i could finding quoting was the fact cappyluv30 turns a bit slutty after a few drinks THAT'S IT!.

But i must keep digging! There could be something really juicy worth reading here ...

AA - we all go through times and typing helps. Everyone their own. I like reading Elle's posts. They help me and many others on here.

haha you should see my highlighted pages lol! fucking what a state! hold on...

not sure what you are getting at.

ooh! story delopment (this happnes a lot) page 19 the op according to other dxp posters "apparantly" turns vile and resorts to insults! The other dxpers (inevitably) turn against her! And tell her she's STUPID!!! ... shock


What started out as a sweet innocent cry for help on relationship with a capricorn has turned into a mockery of her self respect and dignity. BRILLIANT! didn't expect that one. Must keep reading. God i feel like Sarah Jessica Parker

Posted by FUMRedFairy_tales
not sure what you are getting at.

well the page numbers highlighted purple are the pages clicked and so on...

I'm just playin', i don't mean any disrespect to anyone or mean to be horrible or anything, i'm just be grateful for the pounding headache i now have

Posted by ellessque

Posted by CapGal
Elle, you may be right in saying we don't hear the announcements, but who needs that when the evidence is there infornt your eyes? I've watched the guys I've been seroiusly involved with make that leap from being involved with others to being committed, without my asking. Its a guys way of saying I'm ready for more

reread this. you are not saying anything that capguy hasn't said. you are just saying it in a different way from a feminine point of view.

Women! *smh*

Why the hell was I not born a man. Sometimes it sucks being a girl.

click to expand

if i had a penny for every scorpio who said that..

Here's when i quote totally random and pointless pieces of text totally out of context that spark an interest and get me excited, ... or horny

Posted by FUMRedFairy_tales
oh.. thanks for the 'hi' 😄 I still believe the younger guy has more courage than the mid-age guy.

😄

LOL. i just had i thought, this particular episode in Museigal's life is the one soul reason why she's here, to find out information on her partner, a Capricorn. This is what drives most of us here, we resort to solving our personal relationship problems (or theirs) by looking into star signs and astrology. A story she will tell to future dxpers in years to come,... "I came here (now single) "I came here to dxp because of a capricorn i was once dating" And the rest is history. No normal hard working person would consider this method in society? How odd...

Posted by ellessque
it's the venus in libra.

Here we go... (at least it's not lilith she's banging on about)

Ignorance is bliss isn't it?

Cappyluv30 you just admitted to being a bit of a filthy slut after a drop of Martin AND you like watching Sex And The City, you said your favourite character is Samantha, what am i suppose to think?

On a side note 30 pages and shits kicking off! Kstarks loves that she's a big hit over here in the ever so popular Capricorn board and that she's a big time playa and bad a ass rockstar in this crazy joint. But it's kinda sad really when you think about it. She's proud of being popular and bad ass on an internet forum and it's not even the whole forum, just the Capricorn board lol. GREAT!

I think bellathebull hit the nail on the head somewhere.

I mean great, talk shit and stuff and make your point, but don't go saying how much of a bad ass you are and be proud of how popular you are on an internet forum.

There's only so much reputation and respect you can gain from an internet forum

But hey who am i to say what you can and can't enjoy in life, if this is your biggest high in life then go ahead and enjoy it, make the most of it i say!

I talk shit on here all the time but i'm not proud of it like this crazy bitch Kstarks is. I guess that's the difference to Capricorn and Aries, they take everything so seriously and we just do it for shits and giggles

Posted by AA
LOL. i just had i thought, this particular episode in Museigal's life is the one soul reason why she's here, to find out information on her partner, a Capricorn. This is what drives most of us here, we resort to solving our personal relationship problems (or theirs) by looking into star signs and astrology. A story she will tell to future dxpers in years to come,... "I came here (now single) "I came here to dxp because of a capricorn i was once dating" And the rest is history. No normal hard working person would consider this method in society? How odd...

Thanks for chiming in Alcoholics Anonymous...have another glass or two and one for me as well. What a tool..."no normal hard working person would consider this method in society?"

But I know you were just joking and you're not really out here on this board with the rest of us. 🙂

Posted by AA
But hey who am i to say what you can and can't enjoy in life, if this is your biggest high in life then go ahead and enjoy it, make the most of it i say!

I talk shit on here all the time but i'm not proud of it like this crazy bitch Kstarks is. I guess that's the difference to Capricorn and Aries, they take everything so seriously and we just do it for shits and giggles

Yeah, you'll end up giggling yourself into a mental institution if your not careful. This may be a little off-topic but passive aggressive types are starting to really irritate me these days. Just because a person laugh behind a comment or remark doesn't mean they aren't serious. That type of behavior end up doing someone more harm than good in the long-run.