Need advice with Cappy male !! (Page 2)

As for the fear of losing a man being unattractive...isn't it ironic that when he and I were in the throes of dating, he said to me, "I am afraid of losing you"....I didn't find it unattractive at all. I was flattered.
You are all twisted.

LK denial is strong in these situations, all women want to hear I can't live without you from a man (most of us do and most of us feel it's romantic) most men hear I can't live without you and begin to choke, dismiss and fall in and out of the relationship, again women trigger these commitment phobic feelings not even realizing it.

After much thought LK is dosing heavy wake up medicine and women don't respond fondly to it because they simply can't see the forest from the trees, they are stuck in that thick forest with no way out

These men are emotionally unavailable assclowns, they simply need a heavy heavy dose of rejection and apathy with some serious no contact on the side, I know it seems like they don't because of the plentiful excuses these men give are endless and women are so staunch on holding onto the man HE WAS instead of seeing hom for the man he is today-right now, her idea's are literally holding her hostage by the potential of the man and the effects of love through his words, through his sex, through that feeling he made her feel in the beginning of the relationship and she just can't let him go and these very men capitolize off of her low self esteem because men know that any woman with a singe of self esteem would kick his emotionally dead dull ass to the curb a long time ago, the women that feel they need to conquer his phobia, need to convince him she's right and he's wrong, need to be accepted, the validation seekers, the women that can't accept full out rejection from a man stick around much longer than they should.

99% of these men will not want an emotionally available woman, the woman he chooses to be his girlfriend/wife will be someone who mirrors his behavior, if he's selfish, he will choose the exact same kind of woman to love.

Emotionally unavailable men will use your availability to gain ego gratification, sex, money, a feeling, but they won't love you nor respect you, they are like emotional stones inside, most are simply incapable of going deeply into his emotions, they don't want to go deep, they don't care to and this is the hardest thing to grasp because most women have no problem looking inside of themselves but these men do have an issue with it, this is why they can ignore you for days/weeks/months and then they come back around to make sure he can always slip back in, to ensure his ego stroker hasn't left him for good because he has to have someone to make him feel good about himself when other women are kicking him in his teeth and rejecting him....he comes back to ensure you keep chasing him which puts you on the ass end of the relationshp and keeps you feeling needy and clingy

This is a mutual exchange between 2 people that more than likely both have issues with commitment and self esteem issues...if the woman CEASES all contact, stop doing the occassional date, stop hoping he's changed, stop falling for the whole reconnection because I miss you so much crap, just stop needing him in any way whatsoever you will see who he really is, you will see how weak he is, how much of a manipulating, lying, cheating no good character of a man you have on your hands and you will see once you stop participating in the madness, he will panic, he will chase you until the cow comes home and once you give in and say okay he must really wanna be with me, it feels so real, he has said HA! She's back int the game, I can ignore her and do what I want once again, she's hooked, the reconnecting with you after days/weeks/months you will learn quickly it means everything to you but it means NOTHING to him, its just his way of keeping his thing in his life for his own selfish gratification

Women just have to wake up and stop nurturing, understanding, wishful hoping with these kind of men

"is there a book out there "how to recognize when you are dating an assclown" —"

I don't think there is LK but we sure need one, maybe that will be my next venture, to help women see through these assclowns during the dating process oh there are some evil eveil assclowns out here, they just suck in every sense of the way and they LOVE there life, they simply love not feeling and being connected to anyone/anything and women live for connection and thus its a breeding ground for men that don't want to give a woman anything but his terms, boundaries and his needs

especially women with low self esteem, abandonment issues please stop and get yourself some help to love yourself FIRST, you are opening the door to hell with these kind of men

hmmmm....i wonder if anyone is going to understand that?

The women who have been in it deep know what it means, women in denial will not accept it and will continue to reject anything but her own ideas

Its hard to understand these men and there behaviors, its hard to accept that some men really are emotionally unavailable immature scary assclowns that mean no good to any woman

I know that the women who are sick of these men dogging them out, doing as they please within the toxic relationship will find a way to get out and do whatever it takes to understand me, grasp it and seek further help and information...then there are those who won't and think they can fix and love a man into changing, it rarely narely happens

Speaking of a**holes....
What is wrong with you all. I do not have low self esteem.
Isn't it bullies who have that?
C'mon you know men do the cave thing..men are from mars women from venus
I heard my son do it on the phone with his gf the other nite... he completely shut her off cause she was overdoing the female thing..he wasn't up for it, he wanted some chill time...and by the way at 51 I still don't know what I want either. marriage/single? Not sure....
There is nothing about giving men space that reeks low self esteem.

like I said denial, men don't NEED space unless YOU are not what he wants, if he takes more than 3 days then there is and never were a relationship

I'm not saying that women can't love these men but if she really looks deep down inside, she will find that she's more in love with the IDEA in her own HEAD then with who he really is.

If you feel taking months and years is reasonable for you then its reasonable, yes men step away a day or so to gather there thoughts and feelings if he's an introspective kind of guy, if men are disappearing for months then he's most likely involved with another woman or string several women along and doesn't really have a place in his life for you yet continues to come back just in case

Its hard with this kinda men, I know women who have spent over 6 years with men like this and finally had to wake up but again denial is strong and if a woman wants to wait then so be it, its her life, she only has one life to live and if she deems he's worthy of having it then let him have it

"hmmmm....i wonder if anyone is going to understand that?

The women who have been in it deep know what it means, women in denial will not accept it and will continue to reject anything but her own ideas

Its hard to understand these men and there behaviors, its hard to accept that some men really are emotionally unavailable immature scary assclowns that mean no good to any woman"

tiki33 is so right. I'm an Aries female and was married to a Cap male for 22 years. The relationship was everything tiki33 described, including lying to, ignoring (myself and our children), putting himself and his career first. Walk away. Do not go down the path I did. It took me about 4 years to regain the emotional strength and confidence in myself (I believed genuinely it was all my fault)to enable me to turn my back on him and leave. And it hasn't bothered him one iota. He still believes in his warped mind that I can't live without him.

I'm with a Libra now, and in comparison, it's absolute heaven.

Ok I am not in denial, you all have this mixed up. What I am looking for is an answer to why someone acts like this...because in my head it doesn't make sense and I am trying to make sense of it. If I was in denial I wouldn't be questioning it. I see what is going on. I have never had anyone treat me like this before and it is confusion because like I said, no one ever treated me so mysteriously. Part of my closure to put it to rest is saying, "ok so this is why....... now I get it" I believe what he said when we dated in the 90's when he wrote me a letter, but now I realize it took some time to see it.
And I know what you all are saying is true....but initially we did have this chemistry like I never felt with anyone, so that is what's causing the difficult part of letting go. Make sense—?
I think this is why so many of them are single and have trouble with women.
And tiki and the rest of you, you only show your immaturity when you make fun of advice from books....it does help to read for insight.
I am not rejecting my own ideas, breakups are hard.....it takes time

The sarcasm on this board is just as bad as the way some of these men act...think about it. Immature....

But Renee its not about books, everyone including myself (most everyone) has been were you are, thats how we KNOW, some of these men are straight up psychopaths-sociopaths, they don't care, they just don't, they are so disconnected from there emotions they are literally just 10% away from being hypnotically insane, this is why they do it...they do it out of FEAR, fear of being found out for the fearful no good cowards assclowns they are, fear of being locked down in any relationship even when they have kids and a wife they aren't loved they are used as PROPERTY/POSSESSIONS to control everyone in the relationship, even the relationships they had and currently have are just ponds in his grandiose world,

they are difficult difficult in some cases charming, mad genius maniacs and lets not even go into narcissm with mental illness, women literally almost have to check into the insane asylum with these guys, they lie and cheat in your face and say no I didn't, I didn't do or say that, they disappear for weeks and months not because they are in there cave, just because they can, they know some unsuspecting woman is WAITING on him, they do foul things like say beautiful words and just poof, gone and he's gone partially because he has no intentions of following through with those words or actions so in order to tame down the womans expecations of him and her expectations having that dream relationship that seems to always be one step away he disappears and slides back into her life when he feels the coast is clear and the cycle begins and some men do this with multiple women for years and years and guess what, he pulls your number and he just pops back in, thats how it is, it has nothing to do with anything but his own emotionally warped disconnected ideas, he just can't seem to smudge up the empathy to care about anyone but himself, he's on his HIM PLANET and there is no room for anyone

Thanks for everyone's opinions..wow..so many replies !! Well, my "friend" still calls and texts me (the longest he's ever not had contact is maybe 3 days) which I'm fine with. He always contacts me wherever he is: on the way to the store, airport, political rally, etc. When I leave his place to fly home..there is always a voicemail or text waiting for me. Spoke with him on the phone a few days ago and he sounded really down. I was on the fwy and it was totally backed up so I called and left a msg to see if he could get on the comp to see if there were any accidents, etc. He called me back 3 minutes later to tell me there was an accident on the freeway..he sounded tired and really down. So, I'm just leaving him alone to be. I'm doing my own thing (he said he's always respected me for my independence) and I'll hear from him when I hear from him! BIG mistake I did in the beginning and middle of our relationship is: I smothered him and didn't give him his space. When I would call and he didn't answer or call me back right away I'd get a bit ticked. I would also pin him down for specifics, meaning if we were going to get together say in the next few weeks I would want to know exactly when. He used to get really mad and told me he needed space and I he felt smothered...however, when I didn't contact him he'd text or call me to see if I was ok and how I was. That was about a year ago. Since then we seem to be ok and I'm not taking his moods personally. He's getting his space and if the tables were turned I wouldn't want to be smothered as I also NEED my space. When he was calling and texting me all the time it was beginning to drive me a bit nuts.

Renee: One thing my guy said to me, which I believe looking back on: He hadn't contacted me in about 3 days and he said it was a test to see if I was cool with us not talking everyday...and he also wanted to see if I was secure enough in our relationship to not have to talk EVERYDAY...so we could each have our space.
If you're still interested in your guy/want closure...have a face to face talk with him and put everything on the table. That's what I did. I didn't like everything he said, but I also know that what he'd said isn't in stone..it's how he was feeling at that time and things could change. I did a lot of things I shouldn't have and he will react to how I act in the future. No, I'm not taking all the blame for him wanting us to take our break, however, I did something in March (will post that later) which

Really messed us up (will post more later). It really made him think and evaluate our relationship. I know he doesn't trust me (no I didn't cheat, it was more mind games)but I hae to live with the decision. I know you think a lot of the posters are harsh, immature, etc, however, they are just stating their opinions on the facts they have been given. Maybe there are facts you have left out—? I had a previous post in which I thought some responses were rather harsh,however when I added some additional information they really understood where I was coming from.

"What I am looking for is an answer to why someone acts like this...because in my head it doesn't make sense and I am trying to make sense of it."

I did this too. Try the mental disorder route. Read about Alexythmia, or the symptoms of someone who is Schizoid. This is most definitely the wrong thread for this, and I apologise to the Cappy males on here - no offence intended :-)

I also spoke to professionals about it who made it very clear that a mental disorder is the worst kind of disorder to deal with and understand. You won't be able to change him, nor understand why he ticks the way he does, but you might learn to accept it and move on.

Good luck.

Ariesbabe

I will send you an email

Renee

Ariesbabe

You are right..I have left out a lot of details, but still no excuse for not calling since Oct 7.
I will tell you more in the email.

Renee

What did you say arpim?

READ about alexythmia/scizoid? I thought we weren't supposed to read about these difficult people

You do not know all the details about what was in the original email I sent when we returned from the weekend. The one where I said I was fed up. How do you know that I didn't say something in the email that indicated/hinted I was thru? So butt out.
And where did you see that he called, emailed or told me in a letter that it was over?
Why did he say it won't be a goodbye letter? More lies and stalls? Did you ever think for once there may be more to this story than you know about? He told me at least 20 times I am afraid you are going to dump me like you did back in
Oh I know....he just did the disappearing thing, or he is doing the jerk thing you talk about where he just calls months later and I'm there ready to jump back in!
That would be like me judging a situation in your romantic life without knowing everything. If you told me that you had a 5 hr long distance relationship and it was
hard to maintain with that much distance and he didn't call for a while I would not assume he was "dumping" you without knowing everything first. And I am not in denial.
Just because a couple has up and downs (I am not referring to just me, it could be any couple, it doesn't always mean the kiss of death)
Try to be more objective. You do not know what went on between the two of us. And at this point you don't know whether I have moved on or not. All I am doing is trying to "sort out" So leave me alone, you are the meanest person I have ever met and you owe me an apology. Pick on someone else that has dated one of these guys. There are just as many other ones out there going thru the same situations with them. Try googling capricorn men...they are out there.
Oh and by the way it took this person 1 to 2 years after he met me to call me in the first place, he said he couldn't get the nerve to call me and he was shy...so how do you know that his shy/backwardness doesn't factor into this? And he didn't have another person because I was around him at times and there was no one else around. There were times he had things to say to me and he could hardly get the words out.
This is the last thing I am going to say and then I am leaving this board, because I have had enough of it....I do agree he is wrong for not calling....even after my nasty email, but this is the way this guy has been from the beginning. And that is not an excuse, it may just be his way. That could be why his relationships were short lived and he was unmarried at almost 40.

Oh I think I'm gonna cry......
Aries babe gave hers with class....leokitten knows nothing of the details of what went on between the two of us, and showed no understanding of what someone might be going thru. I am assuming she is a leo the most all about me sign there is. At least as an Aries I am not as self centered (like we are supposed to be)and can look at all points of view.
Irritating? How irritated do you think I am being so misunderstood?
Just for once in your sorry lives...look at how someone might be feeling
F*ck off...

Renee don't allow anyone to make you leave, why give someone you have never met so much power, just keep posting until you get tired of it, ignore the people that you aren't connecting with.

I find not all but I find Aries women are hard pressed on not giving up, I have an Aries friend and its like she's a pain freak or something, just can't let go and move on and its been almost 2 years of torture and heartbreak

There may be a mental illness involved or some kind of personality disorder with this man but it doesn't EXEMPT him from taking responsibility for his actions towards you and if there really is issues with mental health jus know you will never have a CLEAR answer and you will forever be making excuses be it real or not real for this man and stuck in this VOID with no emotional outlet

He's running you and he's not even in a relationship with you, stop looking at who he was when you first met him, holding on to that elusive dream and look at who is TODAY right now, is he calling you? is he trying to find some kind of way to connect and be with you? Because if he isn't then you have to move on, its hard ok, moving on doesn't mean you ignore how much you care and love him, moving and letting go means you taking control of your emotional health, you are loving you FIRST before anyone else and you are taking control of the things you can control and letting the rest go...you only have 1 life to live and if you choose to love him despite his poor behavior and give your life over to him and his issues, choose to give your waking and sleeping hours figuring him out then stop complaining

Renee: So is your issue that you still don't understand why he's doing what he's doing or you don't understand why you just can't accept him for who he is and move on?

Renee: "Ok I am not in denial, you all have this mixed up. What I am looking for is an answer to why someone acts like this..."

usually because that someone has moved on and found someone else.

Renee: It totally are with Tiki33's last posting. YOU ARE TOO WORRIED ABOUT HIM AND NOT TAKING CARE OF YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL HEALTH. YOU ARE GIVING HIM TOO MUCH POWER. IF HE CARED ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH/BEING HE WOULD AT LEAST CALL YOU ON A FRIENDLY BASIS TO SEE HOW YOU ARE DOING.Believe me...I've been there before, not too extremes but very devastated when a relationship broke up. I went through a stage where I didn't care about myself, was soo worried about what he was doing (I was in my teens then). Everyone on this board is talking from experience and if they didn't care, they wouldn't have answered your posting.My guy and I are taking a break and he does call me (last night as a matter of fact and texted me four times today)..we are on a friendly basis right now because we are trying to put the negative aspect of our relationship behind us and start over (not from where we left off, but start over if it happens to turns serious again..who knows). There were never any periods where he ignored me (that would have been it).Things were getting too intense and both of us had made some mistakes. We had a great foundation before we dated..we were great friends.During our relationship there were some things happening in both of our families which put some stress out there (illnesses, deaths, etc). I don't want to offend you in any way so please don't take it as such, but I notice how you let some of the posters advice really irritate you and you went off on them...when your guy did things..how did you react? Cap men or any men (and vice versa) for that matter don't like women when they go off on them for the small shit.They like woman who can handle things on a mature level. I've learned with my Cap not to sweat the small things. The best thing with us if there was a small disagreement was to let it rest for a few days, give ourselves a break and then talk about it or not..meaning that after a few days if the issue wasn't brought back up he said he would just let it roll off.If I was you, call the guy, find out what's up and put everything on the table. Maybe there is something you did which really pissed him off. If he blows you off, then write his ass off and move on. Don't leave the board because of what people say...they are simply stating their opinion. You know everyone will have different opinions. If you want some other opinions you might also want to try yahoo answers..they have an area which deals with astrological signs and I've gotten some advic

Just wondering if Renee was for real? Too trippy..almost sounds like someone made the whole issue up!!!

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