Suicidal but only when under the influence?

My childhood bff is going through some shit.

She told me this past weekend she blacked out after drinking and while she was blacked out she intentionally hurt herself.

I’m really scared for her, but I don’t know how to proceed.

My mom told me I should contact my bff’s mom, but I feel like I should first have some ideas to give her if she asks me what she should do (my bff doesn’t live with her mom, so I think her mom could feel powerless in this situation).

One thing I noticed is my friend gets emotional/depressed when she’s under the influence of substances. When she’s sober, she’s happy. So should I ask her mom to check her into rehab? My mom said I should suggest a 72 hour mental health hold but I feel like if this depression is only substance-induced, a mental hospital won’t help.

If you have experience with situations like this, how did you handle it?

Posted by Whorpio

When she’s sober, she’s happy.

Clearly she's not.

Alcohol/drugs remove inhibitions. When she's under the influence, she's showing what she's really feeling inside. She's in dire need of counselling pronto.

Demon drink 😡

Try and help her with some therapy for her drinking...

Posted by ArilovesAqu

Was it a suicide attempt or is she self harming?

All she said is she hurt herself and they were going to take her to the hospital but decided against it because of the COVID-19 going around.

Posted by Phantum

Why do you think you're better able to come up with solutions than her mom? Is her mom problematic?

Yeah her mom is very full of herself (my friend agrees, this isn’t me just talking trash) and is going through her own shit right now (separation/divorce). My bff said her mom was ignoring her and her bf when they visited her this weekend, not sure if it was before or after the black out.

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by Whorpio

When she’s sober, she’s happy.

Clearly she's not.

Alcohol/drugs remove inhibitions. When she's under the influence, she's showing what she's really feeling inside. She's in dire need of counselling pronto.

click to expand

A few months ago she told me she was going to start therapy. Then a couple weeks ago she called me and I asked if she’s been going to therapy and she said she never went and instead decided she’s just going to practice more self care. In my mind I knew it wouldn’t work but what came out of my mouth was just words of support because I didn’t want her to feel attacked or like she can’t tell me things.

Is this the Taurus?

Posted by HearttofTopazz

Tell her mom ASAP.. it’s not your problem to solve. She needs professional help.

Okay I just talked to her mom. She said she’s going to try to get her in therapy.

Posted by Ram416

Is this the Taurus?

Libra 😬😬 I know I said I never wanted to be friends with her again, but we’ve both grown up so I let her back in my life 🎢

Posted by Phantum I went through a phase like this myself. I scared myself out of it by getting so drunk one night I got alcohol poisoning. I was going through a breakup and moving away from my family, and I was too proud to tell anyone how lonely I was.

Now that you mention it, I wonder if she ever has had alcohol poisoning.

I know she quit drinking a few years ago to lose weight and to be happier, but she continued doing other drugs at work (she was a dancer too) so she was only happy at work and her mood would crash when she got home.

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by Whorpio

When she’s sober, she’s happy.

Clearly she's not.

Alcohol/drugs remove inhibitions. When she's under the influence, she's showing what she's really feeling inside. She's in dire need of counselling pronto.

A few months ago she told me she was going to start therapy. Then a couple weeks ago she called me and I asked if she’s been going to therapy and she said she never went and instead decided she’s just going to practice more self care. In my mind I knew it wouldn’t work but what came out of my mouth was just words of support because I didn’t want her to feel attacked or like she can’t tell me things.

click to expand

Self care is far easier said than done. Even when you think you've identified all the possible triggers, there's always something more lurking in the background.

I thought I had a pretty good grasp on MY shit, until my suicidal tendencies returned with a vengeance at the end of last year. I ended up ghosting everyone who expected me to celebrate the new year with them, almost gave my Lion a heart attack. I went back to my own home and tried to drink myself to sleep, until an Aqua acquaintance of mine showed up who needed to escape as much as I did. We ended up emotionally leeching off each other and I came this close to cheating for the first time in my life.

Did I get help for it? No. I'm too stubborn. Talking about shit I can't change pisses me the hell off and only aggravates me further. I blame my Aries stellium. I instead decided to literally punch the source of my suicidal tendencies in the face - my Lion, and then we worked past it.

But the difference between your friend and me is that I'm more experienced in recognizing the onset of suicidal episodes, and I normally don't drink unless it's a special occasion. First time I drank more than I should have, I got raped, so me and alcohol don't really mix in an every-day setting.

Based on what you said, your friend clearly drinks far more often than I do. So she also has THAT to work on, on top of what's buried inside that's bringing out those urges to hurt herself when her inhibitions drop. Do you have any idea what's causing it? You said "childhood bff". Are you not close these days?

Not sure if involving her mom is the best idea, because they clearly have issues between them, so she might end up adding to your friend's load. Unless of course they're both the kind of people who are capable of putting crap behind them at the snap of a finger.

If I were to arrange a little intervention, I'd only include people who are on good terms with her. This way she'd be more receptive to hearing them out, as opposed to instantly getting defensive because this person said/did this or that or because they don't have a good relationship.

Posted by Whorpio

My childhood bff is going through some shit.

She told me this past weekend she blacked out after drinking and while she was blacked out she intentionally hurt herself.

I’m really scared for her, but I don’t know how to proceed.

My mom told me I should contact my bff’s mom, but I feel like I should first have some ideas to give her if she asks me what she should do (my bff doesn’t live with her mom, so I think her mom could feel powerless in this situation).

One thing I noticed is my friend gets emotional/depressed when she’s under the influence of substances. When she’s sober, she’s happy. So should I ask her mom to check her into rehab? My mom said I should suggest a 72 hour mental health hold but I feel like if this depression is only substance-induced, a mental hospital won’t help.

If you have experience with situations like this, how did you handle it?

In my teens i had a friend like that. First, you need to understand the cause of the depression. If you don't know, you need to create enough rapport to get that info.

Depending on the motives, there are a lot of ways on how to proceed. What i can tell you is, don't try to handle it yourself PLEASE, there are professionals for this type of situations.

I made the mistake of taking it upon myself to get her out of that abyss and it backfired on me badly.

I haven't had any suicidal ideations since I've gotten sober.

Take that for what you will.

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow Self care is far easier said than done. Even when you think you've identified all the possible triggers, there's always something more lurking in the background.

I thought I had a pretty good grasp on MY shit, until my suicidal tendencies returned with a vengeance at the end of last year. I ended up ghosting everyone who expected me to celebrate the new year with them, almost gave my Lion a heart attack. I went back to my own home and tried to drink myself to sleep, until an Aqua acquaintance of mine showed up who needed to escape as much as I did. We ended up emotionally leeching off each other and I came this close to cheating for the first time in my life.

Did I get help for it? No. I'm too stubborn. Talking about shit I can't change pisses me the hell off and only aggravates me further. I blame my Aries stellium. I instead decided to literally punch the source of my suicidal tendencies in the face - my Lion, and then we worked past it.

But the difference between your friend and me is that I'm more experienced in recognizing the onset of suicidal episodes, and I normally don't drink unless it's a special occasion. First time I drank more than I should have, I got raped, so me and alcohol don't really mix in an every-day setting.

Based on what you said, your friend clearly drinks far more often than I do. So she also has THAT to work on, on top of what's buried inside that's bringing out those urges to hurt herself when her inhibitions drop. Do you have any idea what's causing it? You said "childhood bff". Are you not close these days?

Not sure if involving her mom is the best idea, because they clearly have issues between them, so she might end up adding to your friend's load. Unless of course they're both the kind of people who are capable of putting crap behind them at the snap of a finger.

If I were to arrange a little intervention, I'd only include people who are on good terms with her. This way she'd be more receptive to hearing them out, as opposed to instantly getting defensive because this person said/did this or that or because they don't have a good relationship.

Yeah I feel like self care only works when you love yourself, but she has a long journey to reach self-love and I’m 99% sure she can’t trek that journey without professional help.

I mentioned she’s my childhood BFF because maybe that makes contacting her mom more appropriate than, say, a bff who I’ve only known for a couple years whose mom I don’t have much rapport with. But we are definitely close and I’m pretty confident I know the sources of her pain.

She says her mom is her best friend, so I feel like her mom could handle it. I was just worried because her mom is going through some depressive episodes and I didn’t want to add that to her burden.

Her mom told me she’ll try to take care of it. In the meantime I’m going to keep contacting my friend often to see if she has started therapy. If not, I might stage an intervention once air travel is safer. But at the same time I’m not sure if it’s my place to stage an intervention, because if someone doesn’t want to change or doesn’t think they have a problem, who am I too force it on them?

Posted by -Damous

Hint hint in case no one’s told you this. She’s not suicidal only while drinking.

All I know is a few years ago she quit drinking because of the negative mood changes it would cause. She may still be depressed sober, but I don’t think she would commit suicide sober. Alcohol intensifies what we feel.

Posted by -Damous

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by -Damous

Hint hint in case no one’s told you this. She’s not suicidal only while drinking.

All I know is a few years ago she quit drinking because of the negative mood changes it would cause. She may still be depressed sober, but I don’t think she would commit suicide sober. Alcohol intensifies what we feel.

What I’m saying is she has suicidal ideation or tendencies while sober that she’s dealing with

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And I’m saying I don’t think you’re correct. But even if she was sober, I’d still think she needs therapy to help her unpack some of her baggage.

Posted by _Dazed

I haven't had any suicidal ideations since I've gotten sober.

Take that for what you will.

I'm also on a heavy SSRI dose..

So yeah.

Posted by -Damous

I’ve never known a person to just be like Hey I’m gonna kill myself because I’ve drank but I don’t know every person ever 🤷🏻‍♂️

I’d just be very surprised

Other people in this thread have had personal experiences of suicidal ideations while drunk, but not sober. I know my friend pretty well, and I feel she falls into their bandwagon.

Posted by _Dazed

Posted by _Dazed

I haven't had any suicidal ideations since I've gotten sober.

Take that for what you will.

I'm also on a heavy SSRI dose..

So yeah.

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Was that before or after becoming sober?

Posted by GirlygirlNadia

I'm not a Libra so I'm not sure if it's Astro related I used to blackout drink until I was incoherent and right now I'm still recovering from being like that so far I think was my mom calling me saved me ultimately also waking up and seeing blood everywhere it's actually sobering my last episode took me 7-8 days to get myself back normal and upright I hope you can get through to her 💓💓💓

Congratulations on working towards recovery. Even if you aren’t all the way where you want to be on your journey, progress is progress 🙌

Are you in a recovery program? Or just winging it?

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by _Dazed

Posted by _Dazed

I haven't had any suicidal ideations since I've gotten sober.

Take that for what you will.

I'm also on a heavy SSRI dose..

So yeah.

Was that before or after becoming sober?

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I've been on an SSRI since 2015 or so. Alcohol diminishes the effects of SSRIs.

Now that I'm not drinking, my SSRI is working properly. Without it, suicidal/homicidal ideations would be likely for me.

Posted by _Dazed

I've been on an SSRI since 2015 or so. Alcohol diminishes the effects of SSRIs.

Now that I'm not drinking, my SSRI is working properly. Without it, suicidal/homicidal ideations would be likely for me.

So my friend says she doesn’t know what she was thinking when she hurt herself, that she wasn’t herself and even her bf said that, and she doesn’t have a history of suicide attempts.

I will say she has once told me that in the past she hoped she wouldn’t wake up, but she talked about it in past tense and acted like it was super out of the ordinary so I didn’t think it was a current/ongoing problem.

Do you think it’s possible to just randomly have a self-harm thought when you’re black out drunk?

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by _Dazed

I've been on an SSRI since 2015 or so. Alcohol diminishes the effects of SSRIs.

Now that I'm not drinking, my SSRI is working properly. Without it, suicidal/homicidal ideations would be likely for me.

Do you think it’s possible to just randomly have a self-harm thought when you’re black out drunk?

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Is it possible to have those thoughts and/or act on them while black out drunk? Yes.

Do I think they are random thoughts? No.

They are most likely underlying and self medicated with alcohol.

Posted by _Dazed

Is it possible to have those thoughts and/or act on them while black out drunk? Yes.

Do I think they are random thoughts? No.

They are most likely underlying and self medicated with alcohol.

She definitely does have a history of using substances to numb out the pain. I don’t doubt there’s an underlying problem.

How do you go about convincing these types to get help? I live 900 miles away from her but as soon as the corona scare is over I’m flying to see her.