Are you a people pleaser?

I mentioned to a friend the other day that I hate people being unhappy with me.
"I'm a people pleaser" I said.
"I know," he said. "That's your biggest heel". Weakness whatever. It just seems natural in me. I wonder if it's a Gemini trait.

I'd prefer to learn to please myself than others, but pleases others comes more naturally to me.

Don't really see where that holds any value .... a person cannot determine what is pleasing to another. A giver can only determine what is pleasing from their own perspective.

I mentioned to a friend the other day that I hate people being unhappy with me..."

I'm like that too...

but if you did something wrong, and you apologized, then what more can you do?

if you didn't do anything wrong, then to hell with them...

"but if you did something wrong, and you apologized, then what more can you do?"


And in there lies why it's illogical ... if the aim is to please another person, in which something you did to please them may be wrong, then how exactly pleasing them?

If to give to another is left at their discretion as to whether it's acceptable or not .. then you run the risk of actually not pleasing them and faulting in their eyes .. which leads to an apology.

Think about that ... if the aim is to please somebody, then what is there to apologize for? "I'm sorry for being nice to you".


Illogical ....


To be a people pleaser is really to please the self .. so the self can feel good about itself for being nice ... and really has nothing to do with the other person, if being nice runs the risk of fault.

"To be a people pleaser is really to please the self .. so the self can feel good about itself for being nice ... and really has nothing to do with the other person, if being nice runs the risk of fault."

so would that be the same as saying that you are just pleasing that person only for the sake of saying "I did something right"?

Decided to hide that ...

Right/wrong, good/bad .... is individual perspective .. how can one person determine this for another?


If you do something you feel is right ..
The other person decides it's wrong for them ..

Then did you do something right or wrong?

EM .. you can imagine inside my head, then ... a perpetuate game of twister.

Would be interested to read the hidden comment.
Thanks for your feedback. I posted this on another forum and got some excellent advice.

As for 'how would you know if you're people pleasing?' I guess it's like this - a friend asks for something ( to borrow the car, to have a party organised or whatever) and I say yes. But I am a neuterer and am considered the caring person in my circle of friends. I just wonder how to stop without looking like a bitch.

I feel you gemini16. I have a problem with that. And it ends with me not being happy a lot of the times. I'll sacrifice something for someone else, just to see them happy... and then I'll pretend as if it was no big deal or that it meant nothing for me to do whatever when at the end of the day nobody pleases me.

My ex told me it's a trait that I have that can easily be taken advantage of. Which is why he got away with lying to me for a substantial amount of time. He said I always want everyone else to be happy, and when I'm not happy I won't speak up the way everyone does to me. So when he wasn't showing up when he should have, I would just accept the fact that he showed up eventually (an hour later, three hours later, etc.) when he said I should have been questioning him. It's a eff'd up world when a man tells you, you need to be questioning him lol.

I don't know if it's a Gemini thing, and for me it doesn't work like that for everyone. But with people that I care about, I'll do anything to make sure they're happy even if it means I get the short end of the stick. I wouldn't say I'm a 'people pleaser' per se, because that makes it seem like I care about EVERYONE'S happiness or happiness with me at least, and I really don't. But for the people who matter, I hate to be on bad terms and I'll cut myself short on a lot of things just so everyone else is smiling. Stupid, stupid.

That sounds like it's bordering on Doormat syndrome.

It's one thing to want to do things for another person ... but, to allow yourself to be taken advantage of and then make an excuse to say, "I just want them to be happy" ..... is laying yourself down as a rug to be walked on.

Don't do that ... stop it.

I know P-Angel. It's something that has gotten progressively worse. I only used to be this way with my immediate family (mom, sis) because I was very slow with trusting people in high school. But when I got to college the list expanded.

I have being pulling the reins on it lately, which ended in a couple people being pissed at me. But when people try to abuse me financially, I snap back to reality and let go of the whole 'I want you to be happy' thing, because I know gold diggers come in all shapes, sizes, and genders.

But you're right P-Angel. It's like I'm giving everyone the ok to try and walk over me, then I get pissed when they test me lol. Just a stupid thing.

I'm working on it though. The only person I'll currently do just about ANYthing for, no matter what it does to me, is my mom. Everyone else gets thorough inspection before I come to the rescue, now I just have to work on not trying to be everyone's superwoman (and many people have called me this.)

I can dig where u comin from gemini16 we can be like that cause we are a human sign so we have that (humanitarian) thing with us i dont kno if i spelled it rite but anyway we like 2 help people because we deal with Yang/Yin the essence of a Gemini especially. but one thing though if they don't appreicate it then tell them 2 f*!k off

A year and a half later.

But, what you said .. has my head spinning.


To be a humanitarian, it means to give without expecting anything back .. if a person didn't present the expected response, in this case appreciation, which would lead to telling the person to fuck off .. then this negates being a humanitarian, and only equals trying to buy a person to get the expected response.


To be a humanitarian means you have to give without asking, or expecting anything in return .. it means it has to be unconditional.