Resentment/grudge holding

Is eating me up inside, I am deeply hurt by a friend of mine. I don't want to show how upset I am really b/c I don't want there to be anymore crap, I just like peace. I am hurting, though. It's boiling and I feel like I need to tell someone.

How do you rid yourself of this feeling? I feel it's pointless for me to express anything, I don't feel it will change anything. I mean what is done is done. Why keep going back to it but the feelings and hurt are right there for me. I am really good at blocking stuff out, until, something triggers it and makes it come right back up to the surface.

If I never spoke to this person again I wouldn't hurt but I do want them a part of my life. Feels like a double edged sword, caring/loving someone that hurts you. I hate feeling like this, I just want it to go away.

Sorry for this... I just needed to put it out somewhere to release the negativity that is making me feel like I am choking on my emotions.. I just keep reminding myself it's a temporary feeling but it's going to keep coming up every time something triggers it until I am numb to it. 😭

I would suggest voicing the hurt to the party involved. Not with intent of stirring or pointing fingers. But witu the exact intention of what you did here. To release it and move forward.

Without knowing the situation... It is crazy to expect it to go away when ignoring it will only compound into resentment for this person not being able to read you like a book.

Just go to them with an open heart. Explain that what happened hurt you but you would like to move past it and hopefully avoid it im the future. Don't forget to accept and.acknowledge any part you had in it and how they may have interpreted you and your actions. That is the key element to making this smooth.

I dunno maybe I am being too simple here?

Woah. Jenn. You lured me into the twins den! Congrats! 😛

Posted by deezie
Woah. Jenn. You lured me into the twins den! Congrats! 😛

lol Deezie, I had to look twice to see it was really you on the Gem board.

WateryGem, I'm feeling you. Going through something similar right now with my dear friend (or at least someone I THOUGHT was my dear friend). I think it will help you to express things here, and at least get out a little of that emotion. The nature of Gems, I think, is to eventually reach a place of forgiveness and peace with a hard situation, but sometimes it takes much longer than we would like.

Watery, I totally get it. You gotta let them know how their behavior affected you. Us Gems want other people to be mind readers, but they're not. If they're sorry after you talk, things will get back to normal. If not, they don't deserve your friendship, and you need to move forward with a tough life lesson under your belt.

Watery Gem,

wow, i'm going through the same thing right now. I've had a rapport with a guy for 34 years. We were close, but both married. We've kept in touch throughout the years and always been happy to see each other and write etc. He asks me to visit him and then ignores me. I was totally conflicted not knowing why or what to do.

It' been 4 long months since that day. I have not heard from him and probably never will.

I am a very forgiving person, but as you know, when you really value someone in your life and deeply care about them, it's so damn hard to let go.

I thought about pulling the ignore switch on him, but then decided he needed to know how he hurt me before I moved on. However, I made sure in
my email to him that I wasn't overly emotional or overly accusatory. I simply laid out the facts as I saw them and let him digest it how he might.

I believe when someone hurts you like this they deserve to know what they did and take some ownership of it. But after that, it's done. You can not change anyone else's behavior but only yours. It takes time, but you HAVE to forgive him/her and yourself. If you don't, it will eat you inside forever. I know. I used to allow it to eat me inside. It made me very bitter. I no longer go that route. Life is too precious to give someone else your power.

Write this person in a concise and non emotional manner. Tell them the door is always open (if you truly want that). And forgive and move on. You will never forget. that is ok and that is human. But forgiving is huge. You can not move on nor grow as a person if you can't forgive. Some people simply don't have the emotional capacity that others have. It's not YOU, It's them.