How Do You Resist The Temptation to Spoil Your Kid?

I have 3 wonderful boisterous babies. Virgo, Aries and Scorpio (after all my prayers for a Cancer baby), and I believe I spoil them rotten. I really need the self-discipline to stand my ground and refuse them. Help!!!

Posted by 2Moon

You should tell your self and to them that it's nothing personal. No offense

Only if that would work. They'd pout, cry, wiggle and I'll crumble like a sack of potatoes.

It's making keeping track of expenses rather difficult now.

Your training future adults. Your job is to teach them the tools they need to thrive in the world later.

When you spoil you hive them unrealistic expectations of the world.

Such as something for nothing and "if I pester/bully a person enough I will get my way".

When people feel that they earned something in some way, they don't take it for granted.

Another word of advice is we are biologically wired to learn through mimicy. A lot of the time this shows up later in life with our own personal twist, however this still ring true.

Finally, Every child is different. They have different likes dislikes personality etc. So expect to have to use different variation of strategies to fit each child🙂

Posted by Lostthoughts

Your training future adults. Your job is to teach them the tools they need to thrive in the world later.

When you spoil you hive them unrealistic expectations of the world.

Such as something for nothing and "if I pester/bully a person enough I will get my way".

When people feel that they earned something in some way, they don't take it for granted.

Another word of advice is we are biologically wired to learn through mimicy. A lot of the time this shows up later in life with our own personal twist, however this still ring true.

Finally, Every child is different. They have different likes dislikes personality etc. So expect to have to use different variation of strategies to fit each child🙂

This is some solid. I have to remember this.👍

Posted by WarAngel

I don't have any kids yet but I did grow up learning one of the first words out of my mom's mouth was the word: NO.

I turned out pretty good considering and I have legendary patience and impulse control. 😎

My mom was the same! She would say No and then say why. I think it taught me realism and practicality. This new generation seem to take things for granted a lot. We didn't have Amazon when we were kids; they do. It's crazy.

Posted by WarAngel

Posted by Jynjah

Posted by WarAngel

I don't have any kids yet but I did grow up learning one of the first words out of my mom's mouth was the word: NO.

I turned out pretty good considering and I have legendary patience and impulse control. 😎

My mom was the same! She would say No and then say why. I think it taught me realism and practicality. This new generation seem to take things for granted a lot. We didn't have Amazon when we were kids; they do. It's crazy.

In that case you better reign them in right now while they're still controllable or they're going to end up in in measurable trouble later.

click to expand

This had been my worry a lot lately. My first hit a kid at school upside his head with a book. His dad congratulated him (I am still stunned by that) and I feel helpless. I wanted to take his PS5 away and he threw a tantrum the size of the continent. Sigh.

I think you can give your kids the world without them being spoiled.

What spoils a kid is when you say no, and then give in.

As long as you stick to your word, a child isn't spoiled.

Sometimes giving kids a choice is a good thing too, instead of just saying NO. It helps them develop decision making skills and they feel like they have a choice in their own lives.

Posted by saggurl88

I think you can give your kids the world without them being spoiled.

What spoils a kid is when you say no, and then give in.

As long as you stick to your word, a child isn't spoiled.

Sometimes giving kids a choice is a good thing too, instead of just saying NO. It helps them develop decision making skills and they feel like they have a choice in their own lives.

I'm taking notes. Thanks for this. I think this also fits into @Lostthoughts suggestion; different strategies for different kids.

Posted by Jynjah

Posted by saggurl88

I think you can give your kids the world without them being spoiled.

What spoils a kid is when you say no, and then give in.

As long as you stick to your word, a child isn't spoiled.

Sometimes giving kids a choice is a good thing too, instead of just saying NO. It helps them develop decision making skills and they feel like they have a choice in their own lives.

I'm taking notes. Thanks for this. I think this also fits into @Lostthoughts suggestion; different strategies for different kids.

click to expand

You're welcome 🙂

I agree with the different strategies for different kids.

Like if a kid doesn't multi-task well. Giving them a 5-10 minute "heads up" can really help with them.

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by Jynjah

Posted by saggurl88

I think you can give your kids the world without them being spoiled.

What spoils a kid is when you say no, and then give in.

As long as you stick to your word, a child isn't spoiled.

Sometimes giving kids a choice is a good thing too, instead of just saying NO. It helps them develop decision making skills and they feel like they have a choice in their own lives.

I'm taking notes. Thanks for this. I think this also fits into @Lostthoughts suggestion; different strategies for different kids.

You're welcome 🙂

I agree with the different strategies for different kids.

Like if a kid doesn't multi-task well. Giving them a 5-10 minute "heads up" can really help with them.

click to expand

Sometimes, I feel like the only mom who has to say things a 100 times before it gets done. But I understand my mom now. 😂😂

Posted by Jynjah

I have 3 wonderful boisterous babies. Virgo, Aries and Scorpio (after all my prayers for a Cancer baby), and I believe I spoil them rotten. I really need the self-discipline to stand my ground and refuse them. Help!!!

I'm a mother and the big older sis of five.

You have to adopt the idea that spoiling your children can pose a safety issue. In a dangerous situation, first command obedience is life-saving.

Your little boy climbs onto the roof from his bedroom window... You tell him to stop... Whether he listens, whether you trained him to listen can save his life or save him from injury.

I created a detailed behavior chart with consequences. It helps you maintain consistency, sets expectations, can provide reward. This was for my water sign daughter... teaching her to control herself...tantrums, manipulative tears, outbursts, etc.

I created a chores chart for responsibility, to teach a desire for cleanliness; pride in ownership.

People at work wanted a copy of my charts, lol.

For disrepect, third offence, I had them write a two page paper with at least one reference.

Even now, my son (25) has lost the guest pass every single time he lent it to a guest and refused to make the call to get a new one...like 8 times. So, I told him, the next time will cost you $ 200. The first time, I reminded him cautiously about the $ 200 penalty. He said nevermind... I'm like wow but ok. The second time, he braved it....I had $ 200 deposited into my account last week.

Being a mother to adult children is challenging. But, I laid the groundwork by the boundaries I described above

My daughter is quite messy and when she comes home from college break, I was often left with a mess. I would spend 2.5 hours cleaning her room. I started charging her. I warned her first. She has $ 125, $ 50/hr. for cleaning her room.

My son has to take our the trash (three trash cans) and clean two litter boxes twice a week. I told him I'm tired of reminding him and having to rush the garbage out at the last minute. I charge him $ 25 per item neglected. I had $ 75 deposited a month ago. So far, no more instances.

So, one other tip... choose "penalties" that benefit you.

Misguided people still thought I spoiled my kids but it was really about my income. I guess they couldn't differentiate.

For charts, use the 11X14 size paper, get some stickers, draft excel table... Let penalty and praise be daily thing that adds uo for the week which will effect their weekend.

It's also job like, right. This is how the world works...consequences.

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Jynjah

I have 3 wonderful boisterous babies. Virgo, Aries and Scorpio (after all my prayers for a Cancer baby), and I believe I spoil them rotten. I really need the self-discipline to stand my ground and refuse them. Help!!!

I'm a mother and the big older sis of five.

You have to adopt the idea that spoiling your children can pose a safety issue. In a dangerous situation, first command obedience is life-saving.

Your little boy climbs onto the roof from his bedroom window... You tell him to stop... Whether he listens, whether you trained him to listen can save his life or save him from injury.

I created a detailed behavior chart with consequences. It helps you maintain consistency, sets expectations, can provide reward. This was for my water sign daughter... teaching her to control herself...tantrums, manipulative tears, outbursts, etc.

I created a chores chart for responsibility, to teach a desire for cleanliness; pride in ownership.

People at work wanted a copy of my charts, lol.

For disrepect, third offence, I had them write a two page paper with at least one reference.

Even now, my son (25) has lost the guest pass every single time he lent it to a guest and refused to make the call to get a new one...like 8 times. So, I told him, the next time will cost you $ 200. The first time, I reminded him cautiously about the $ 200 penalty. He said nevermind... I'm like wow but ok. The second time, he braved it....I had $ 200 deposited into my account last week.

Being a mother to adult children is challenging. But, I laid the groundwork by the boundaries I described above

My daughter is quite messy and when she comes home from college break, I was often left with a mess. I would spend 2.5 hours cleaning her room. I started charging her. I warned her first. She has $ 125, $ 50/hr. for cleaning her room.

My son has to take our the trash (three trash cans) and clean two litter boxes twice a week. I told him I'm tired of reminding him and having to rush the garbage out at the last minute. I charge him $ 25 per item neglected. I had $ 75 deposited a month ago. So far, no more instances.

So, one other tip... choose "penalties" that benefit you.

Misguided people still thought I spoiled my kids but it was really about my income. I guess they couldn't differentiate.

click to expand

Wow. This is worth noting. Thanks.

How can I get a copy of your charts? 😂😂 My kids are quite young - they don't earn allowances yet, but I do believe this can apply to screen time and other interests. My daughter is messy too, but I've always let it slide. She just turned 7 though, so I think it is time she learned to clean .

I have really warned them about many dangers. When I can, and it's not dire, I let them experience consequences so they know fire is hot and little things like that.

I can't wait for them to grow, but I don't want them to grow too fast too. It's crazy. lol.

Posted by jukey

Having "house rules" solidly in place like no shoes on the carpet, homework done before dessert or story time, no video games after a certain hour, etc., with rewards or positive reinforcement for good behavior. Whatever you do, be consistent. In my experience with kids, I knew I'd look like a jerk at some point laying down the law, but in my heart it's all about helping them grow and mature with a sense of duty and humility. Not belittling or talking down to them, but a straight, firm tone, no matter their tantrum (which they'll get over). And at a point, we'd find ways to loosen up and have fun. And right back into the grind we go.

tl;dr

Be firm, but fair.

Noted!

The fear is that I might be too harsh, and the world out is too harsh, so I want to give them a soft place to land after dealing with the world. But I'm also learning that they have to learn to deal with the world first.

Thanks for the advice.

Posted by Wizardz

It's the same theme as the thread about your ex 🤔 Not being able to say no, stand firm, whatever you want to call it... feeling helpless/powerless in some way?

If you really want to change things then you need to look into the underlying root cause and where it stems from rather than fix the issues that it causes

I need a therapist. I am too much of a softie.

Posted by Jynjah

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Jynjah

I have 3 wonderful boisterous babies. Virgo, Aries and Scorpio (after all my prayers for a Cancer baby), and I believe I spoil them rotten. I really need the self-discipline to stand my ground and refuse them. Help!!!

I'm a mother and the big older sis of five.

You have to adopt the idea that spoiling your children can pose a safety issue. In a dangerous situation, first command obedience is life-saving.

Your little boy climbs onto the roof from his bedroom window... You tell him to stop... Whether he listens, whether you trained him to listen can save his life or save him from injury.

I created a detailed behavior chart with consequences. It helps you maintain consistency, sets expectations, can provide reward. This was for my water sign daughter... teaching her to control herself...tantrums, manipulative tears, outbursts, etc.

I created a chores chart for responsibility, to teach a desire for cleanliness; pride in ownership.

People at work wanted a copy of my charts, lol.

For disrepect, third offence, I had them write a two page paper with at least one reference.

Even now, my son (25) has lost the guest pass every single time he lent it to a guest and refused to make the call to get a new one...like 8 times. So, I told him, the next time will cost you $ 200. The first time, I reminded him cautiously about the $ 200 penalty. He said nevermind... I'm like wow but ok. The second time, he braved it....I had $ 200 deposited into my account last week.

Being a mother to adult children is challenging. But, I laid the groundwork by the boundaries I described above

My daughter is quite messy and when she comes home from college break, I was often left with a mess. I would spend 2.5 hours cleaning her room. I started charging her. I warned her first. She has $ 125, $ 50/hr. for cleaning her room.

My son has to take our the trash (three trash cans) and clean two litter boxes twice a week. I told him I'm tired of reminding him and having to rush the garbage out at the last minute. I charge him $ 25 per item neglected. I had $ 75 deposited a month ago. So far, no more instances.

So, one other tip... choose "penalties" that benefit you.

Misguided people still thought I spoiled my kids but it was really about my income. I guess they couldn't differentiate.

Wow. This is worth noting. Thanks.

How can I get a copy of your charts? 😂😂 My kids are quite young - they don't earn allowances yet, but I do believe this can apply to screen time and other interests. My daughter is messy too, but I've always let it slide. She just turned 7 though, so I think it is time she learned to clean .

I have really warned them about many dangers. When I can, and it's not dire, I let them experience consequences so they know fire is hot and little things like that.

I can't wait for them to grow, but I don't want them to grow too fast too. It's crazy. lol.

click to expand

My charts were when my children were young. My daughter was 6 and my son was 13. It lasted for about 4 years. I never gave my children "allowances." My daughter has one today, for the first time, as a college student to cover incidentals. That $ 125 dollars I took from that allowance. She's a poor college student so I am deduction $ 25 from her bi-weekly allowance until the debt is paid. My son is a has a full-time job and we only charge him $ 200 a month for rent. So, it's quite offensive when he doesn't do his share or causes issued. So, that's why I charged him $ 200, lol.

I saw my behavior charts about a year or two ago when looking at old family pictures on my external hard drive and giggled. I would be pressed to find it now. But, it was really tailored to my children, especially my daughter. If I find it, I'll tag you, if you are still around. I make charts for all kinds of stuff. I posted my weight loss chart with measurements and dates on here and people like that too, lol. I have a sign-off chart for cat feeding. With everyone feeding the cats, one particular cat is manipulative in that she will approach different members of the household as though she had not been fed. With this chart, we can clearly see that the cats were fed, what time, date, by whom. It is funny to watch this cat continue that manipulation not knowing this human has posted a chart, LOL.

I think I had a point system for bad behavior. It was a 10 point system and certain behaviors had various point deductions. So, I had a point deduction key with penalties. I planned it out mathematically based on a really bad week. But, there was always an opportunity to even the score by the end of the week. My babysitters loved the chart too.

Posted by Jynjah

Posted by Wizardz

It's the same theme as the thread about your ex 🤔 Not being able to say no, stand firm, whatever you want to call it... feeling helpless/powerless in some way?

If you really want to change things then you need to look into the underlying root cause and where it stems from rather than fix the issues that it causes

I need a therapist. I am too much of a softie.

click to expand

I don't like being told no. So, my answer is a default "yes" unless there was a specific reason not to.