I am so confused about this Leo man being nice to me after we broke up yesterday.

I am 24, Virgo. He is 29, Leo. He turned 29 last Sunday July 30. I have him celebrate his birthday, but before the celebration, i have this little intuition that i should check his phone. (We are living together for the past 5months now, we quarrel a lot because of me being jealous and not trusting in him) And so i checked his phone when he told me that he is going to the car just to get something. When i checked his phone there is a message from Mam Rachelle which is his co-worker from his previous work, and that girl message him saying that she has a friend and she wants to introduce to my Leo man. And my Leo man replied to ask the girl if the girl will be ok if my Leo man will message her. And so Mam Rachelle replied with the girl's number (the girl's name is Jane) My Leo man replied that he will be going to send message to that girl and thanked Rachelle for the number.

I told myself to keep calm, but i did confront him for what i saw. And he is denying it and told me that he never message the girl yet. And saying he is not interested. And he will give that number to one of his friend. (i am not stupid)

I was cooking for him that time because his mother and his siblings will go here at home because it's his birthday. I let him see me, doing all i can just to make sure his birthday will be ok and told him that it is our last day together. I never show his family that we are not ok and act like we're ok. His family spends 4hrs here at home and then left. And so, i act cold on him that time. He is not saying anything about that text message i read. Until i got drunk and i told to just do what he wants and i am no longer going to run after him.

And so today, he was being nice to me. Even last day, telling me he won't go home and will sleep with her mom. He even called last day but i didnt answer him, because i want him to think why am i being silent. He does not send me messages from time to time, but he says he will go home today. Messaging me like what i am doing and told me to eat. I am so confused of why he is being nice after we broke up last day.

Any Leo man there. Thank you. ?

Posted by bittercupcake
I'm going to go based on your questions and statement...

#1 You two are broken up...

If you guys are no longer together, then him seeking other women is all fair play. If he did in fact get this information while being with you, then he had intentions of breaking up with you or worse...cheat on you. So either way, being in a relationship with someone like that - will only bring you heartache.

#2 You don't trust him... you checked his phone...

If you can't be in a relationship where you don't trust your partner, then let it go. The worst mistake a woman can make is being with someone who they cannot trust... this will bring unnecessary drama into your life.

#3 You confronted...he lied

He's trying to downplay the situation by lying and making excuses... again read #2.

#4 You cooked for him...on his birthday...with family around... WTH?!

Seriously this is doormat behavior...the fact that he did all that and you still cooked for him? Only validates his behavior that he can do whatever he wants, and that you would still be at his beck and call. This is exactly why he probably is taking advantage of you...because you allow it. You might convince yourself that by doing all this is because you are a good person and that you love him. I understand that, but you also need to understand that men will walk all over doormats...no matter the sign. A Leo man needs a woman who will give and demand respect in return - this is not demanding respect. The proper thing would have been to leave that day despite being his birthday.

You using the family as leverage - is not only wrong but manipulative. That whole bit of him seeing you cooking - is that supposed to inspire remorse? ... Men don't operate like women do. What you may think may spur some emotions deep within himself, rethinking his decision - will only make him more interested in searching for a challenge.

#5 He's being nice...

It's purely a guilty conscious aspect....the moment he feels your fine - he'll revert back. Doesn't seem like he's a bad person, just a person who's seeking outside thrill because he lacks it in the relationship... classic MaleSyndrome101

Sweetie, you missed the part where they broke up because of the shit on his phone.

OP, you're a jealous, insecure tard. Snooping through his phone and being paranoid about other women is poison to a relationship.

I have a feeling you've caught similar behavior before which is why you're so paranoid about it.

Regardless, I don't know why his being "nice" to you after your break up even matters when you should be done with the guy. He's trying to fuck around with other women while with you and you're still all caught up in the feels, wondering if it means more because he's being nice.

He got caught. He's kissing your ass because he got caught and is now being held accountable for his actions. Don't read into his niceness any more than that.

Posted by bittercupcake

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by bittercupcake
I'm going to go based on your questions and statement...

#1 You two are broken up...

If you guys are no longer together, then him seeking other women is all fair play. If he did in fact get this information while being with you, then he had intentions of breaking up with you or worse...cheat on you. So either way, being in a relationship with someone like that - will only bring you heartache.

#2 You don't trust him... you checked his phone...

If you can't be in a relationship where you don't trust your partner, then let it go. The worst mistake a woman can make is being with someone who they cannot trust... this will bring unnecessary drama into your life.

#3 You confronted...he lied

He's trying to downplay the situation by lying and making excuses... again read #2.

#4 You cooked for him...on his birthday...with family around... WTH?!

Seriously this is doormat behavior...the fact that he did all that and you still cooked for him? Only validates his behavior that he can do whatever he wants, and that you would still be at his beck and call. This is exactly why he probably is taking advantage of you...because you allow it. You might convince yourself that by doing all this is because you are a good person and that you love him. I understand that, but you also need to understand that men will walk all over doormats...no matter the sign. A Leo man needs a woman who will give and demand respect in return - this is not demanding respect. The proper thing would have been to leave that day despite being his birthday.

You using the family as leverage - is not only wrong but manipulative. That whole bit of him seeing you cooking - is that supposed to inspire remorse? ... Men don't operate like women do. What you may think may spur some emotions deep within himself, rethinking his decision - will only make him more interested in searching for a challenge.

#5 He's being nice...

It's purely a guilty conscious aspect....the moment he feels your fine - he'll revert back. Doesn't seem like he's a bad person, just a person who's seeking outside thrill because he lacks it in the relationship... classic MaleSyndrome101

Sweetie, you missed the part where they broke up because of the shit on his phone.

I mentioned it on number #1 ... maybe I wasn't specific enough... but regardless, I still think that he would have cheated/broken up eventually... I wouldn't trust him going forward.

click to expand

No, you still made it sound like he's getting info from women after the break up. That was while they were together. The break up was because he was getting info about other women. Her question has nothing to do with him seeking women after the relationship.

Same goes with your point 4- She wasn't doing it to be a doormat, she was doing it considering she was trying to keep the peace for the family and didn't want to make a scene in front of them. So she saved face and waited til all that was done to unleash her actual feelings. But I do agree she should have just said fuck it and be on her way and not bother to continue doing the birthday stuff for him after what she found. BUT they do live together, so it would be kind of difficult to just say fuck it if she didn't want to have the family there or avoid being at the house the entire time they were there and decided to leave.

But we do agree on the same concept which is obvious in the OP- she's working through feelings and still considering the guy as someone to keep around when it's clear that he's just a cheater and is trying to kiss her ass so she'll take him back.

Posted by bittercupcake

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by bittercupcake

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by bittercupcake
I'm going to go based on your questions and statement...

#1 You two are broken up...

If you guys are no longer together, then him seeking other women is all fair play. If he did in fact get this information while being with you, then he had intentions of breaking up with you or worse...cheat on you. So either way, being in a relationship with someone like that - will only bring you heartache.

#2 You don't trust him... you checked his phone...

If you can't be in a relationship where you don't trust your partner, then let it go. The worst mistake a woman can make is being with someone who they cannot trust... this will bring unnecessary drama into your life.

#3 You confronted...he lied

He's trying to downplay the situation by lying and making excuses... again read #2.

#4 You cooked for him...on his birthday...with family around... WTH?!

Seriously this is doormat behavior...the fact that he did all that and you still cooked for him? Only validates his behavior that he can do whatever he wants, and that you would still be at his beck and call. This is exactly why he probably is taking advantage of you...because you allow it. You might convince yourself that by doing all this is because you are a good person and that you love him. I understand that, but you also need to understand that men will walk all over doormats...no matter the sign. A Leo man needs a woman who will give and demand respect in return - this is not demanding respect. The proper thing would have been to leave that day despite being his birthday.

You using the family as leverage - is not only wrong but manipulative. That whole bit of him seeing you cooking - is that supposed to inspire remorse? ... Men don't operate like women do. What you may think may spur some emotions deep within himself, rethinking his decision - will only make him more interested in searching for a challenge.

#5 He's being nice...

It's purely a guilty conscious aspect....the moment he feels your fine - he'll revert back. Doesn't seem like he's a bad person, just a person who's seeking outside thrill because he lacks it in the relationship... classic MaleSyndrome101

Sweetie, you missed the part where they broke up because of the shit on his phone.

I mentioned it on number #1 ... maybe I wasn't specific enough... but regardless, I still think that he would have cheated/broken up eventually... I wouldn't trust him going forward.

No, you still made it sound like he's getting info from women after the break up. That was while they were together. The break up was because he was getting info about other women. Her question has nothing to do with him seeking women after the relationship.

Same goes with your point 4- She wasn't doing it to be a doormat, she was doing it considering she was trying to keep the peace for the family and didn't want to make a scene in front of them. So she saved face and waited til all that was done to unleash her actual feelings. But I do agree she should have just said fuck it and be on her way and not bother to continue doing the birthday stuff for him after what she found. BUT they do live together, so it would be kind of difficult to just say fuck it if she didn't want to have the family there or avoid being at the house the entire time they were there and decided to leave.

But we do agree on the same concept which is obvious in the OP- she's working through feelings and still considering the guy as someone to keep around when it's clear that he's just a cheater and is trying to kiss her ass so she'll take him back.

Hmm... that does make more sense - I suppose I needed more specificity.... I had no idea they were living together. If that's the case then that is a lot harder to overcome... maybe that's why he's kissing ass - because he feels like he's tied to her for now (living arrangements).

...did you read the post? I know her English is broken, but...

Posted by VirgoFemale24
(We are living together for the past 5months now, we quarrel a lot because of me being jealous and not trusting in him)

click to expand

If I understood correctly, he's staying at his mom's in the meantime, seeing as he likely got kicked out.

This is just another case of an asshole who's used to kiss assing his way back into a woman's good graces. You can thank his mom for that shit ass behavior. She needs to stand her ground on this. Leo dudes have a tendency to think they're never accountable for their behavior, no matter how obvious they were in the wrong. That fucking ego is atrocious when paired with a shitty person.

@bittercupcake and @rockyroadicecream hit it on the nose, you need to dump this guy and move on immediately for several reasons.

First, you shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone who makes you paranoid. If you can't trust the person you're with, you can't have a healthy relationship. Trust is paramount. It's that simple.

Second, if the Leo gave you no reason to feel insecure, then the issue is with your own insecurities. Until you work on your own self esteem, you don't need to be dating anyone. Paranoia and mistrust can easily ruin any relationship. Be good with yourself being single first, before trying to add anyone to your life. Otherwise you'll be doomed to have one co-dependent relationship after another.

Third, now that the Leo has been caught talking to other women he is trying to save face. More than likely he KNOWS how well you've treated him. He also realizes that you went out of your way throw him a nice birthday for him and his family. Even though he doesn't respect you, he isn't completely oblivious to the fact that you were good to him. Unfortunately he doesn't value you the way you value him.

One issue I will point out though is that you're being passive agressive, which isn't the best maneuver. If you want to go silent, that's fine. Just be sure to make it PERMANENT. You'll weaken your position by reopening friendly communication. The Leo will know you were just playing a game and won't take you seriously. Right now he is being nice because he expects you to come back.

Otherwise, if you choose to talk to him, don't sugarcoat anything. Let him know that the two of you are DONE and that there is no way you will tolerate infidelity. If there were problems in the relationship, he should have manned up and communicated his concerns with you. Instead he went behind your back like a scared little boy. Let him know that you hope it works out with "Jane" because you're going to find a real man who can remain faithful. Once the Leo knows you're not playing games, his tone will change.

The Leo is currently being nice because he doesn't perceive any real consequences to his actions. He probably views you a doormat. Once he knows things won't go his way, the nice guy act will drop (unless he's a sociopath and doesn't care either way).

Just know that you can't trust a person like this. He was either planning to cheat on you (possibly toying with the idea) OR he was planning on setting up a new prospect before leaving you. A lot of people are afraid to be alone and will find someone new before getting rid of their current partner. Until they play nice and pretend everything is ok. The Leo guy doesn't want to lose you (yet), so he's trying to keep things status quo. Don't fall for it.

Posted by bittercupcake
Got a few Qs Mr. Chuckeroni

In this case, what would be the best approach?... you said not to re-open communication and remain permanent. Wouldn't ignoring be detriment as well?

At this point because this guy was being unfaithful, there's nothing to really discuss. I personally would not advise anyone to initially respond with silence, but OP made that decision already. Now she has to stick to her guns.

Seeing that she's chosen to give this guy the silent treatment, the strongest message she can send is permanent silence. If she were to go back and reopen friendly communication, she's only proving that she's weak and passive aggressive. The Leo will know that she lost at her own game.

Granted permanent silence isn't always logistically possible, so if she does reopen communication, it should be to rectify the terms of the break up (moving out any of his leftover property and bidding him farewell in this case).

Posted by bittercupcake
Do list the things that you would view doormat behavior...

- Being too nice while being disrepected.

- Not standing up for oneself or principles.

- Being overly helpful and doing too much for the other person.

- Receiving and tolerating no gratitude from the other person.

- Not setting person boundaries and not sayin "No" when appropriate.

- Not enforcing those boundaries with words and/or consequences.

- Being too agreeable to the point of suppressing one's own identity and interests.

- Basically not standing up for oneself.

Would you say that young immature Leos are prone to jump from relationship to relationship?.... I've seen this commonly in my BFF who is Cancer moon - she's always looking for the next person to sink her claws into.... but she's picky too - so it's not just anyone.

click to expand

Immature Leos have a lot fo faults, including impatience and extreme pickiness. Leos for the most part all have high standards, but all standards need to be rooted in reality. Setting standards too high will only result in failure. Likewise if a Leo is constantly jumping form partner to partner, the issue is with the Leo themselves. The Leo clearly hasn't figured out what he/she is looking for and is too selfish to consider the emotions of those they are hurting.